If someone is in a position where they are unable to handle life, it could be said that it will be a good idea for them to reach out support. What this could show is that one feels depressed, or they might suffer from fear and anxiety, for instance.
A Number of Things Or, there is the chance that both of these things are stopping them from being able to function. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to carry on as normal and to act as though everything is fine. However, even if one only had one problem, it could still have a big effect on their life. Therefore, it is not a case of the more problems that someone has the worse off their life will be, as it is not this black and white. The Other Side In addition to what is taking place internally, there will also be what is going on externally. Due to what is going in within them, it might be a challenge to perform at work, or they might not even be able to have a job. If they find it hard to be around others, they might not have many people in their life. And even if they do have people in their life, they might not even reach out to them; preferring to spend time by themselves. One Option But even though it will be in their best interest to reach out for external support, it doesn’t mean that they will do so. What this will then show is that they are experiencing inner conflict. Part of them can have the desire to get the help that they need and another part of them can be against this. The thought of reaching out for assistance could be something that fills them with shame. The Priority If this was to take place, there are going to be a number of things that they can do to take the next step. Firstly, one can think about what will happen if they continue to experience life in this way. Secondly, it is not going to be as if they are the only ones on the planet who have mental and emotional problems. There are going to be plenty of people who are in the same position, or similar position. Not a Big Deal So, if they were to reach out and to speak to a therapist, for instance, it would be no different to them telling a mechanic that they have a problem with their car. There is the chance that the person they talk to has worked with hundreds of people who have had the same challenges as they have. Through focusing on these two things, it might give one the motivation that they need to find someone to assist them. And while they could look for a therapist, they might look for a healer instead. The First Step When they find someone to work with, they will probably talk about what is going on for them. This will give the therapist/healer the opportunity to see what kind of approach needs to be taken. At the same time, if one has decided to work with someone who is trained in a certain type of therapy or technique, this might not take place. In this case, the therapist/healer is likely to have a clear idea about what needs to be done. The Mind For example, if one was to work with a behavioural therapist, they are likely to focus on their thinking and behaviour. What is taking place in their mind will be seen as the reason as to why they are experiencing life as they are. Through taking this approach, one may find that their life begins to change, and it will then be clear that it was all in their mind. Then again, this might not work, or if it does, it might only last for a short period of time. The Emotional Body Another thing that one could do is work with someone who believes that their problems are being caused by what is taking place at an emotional level. One could also end up going down this route if their life hasn’t changed through fusing on their mind. One could find that they have an emotional build-up, and they could then be told that these emotions will need to be released in order for them to change their life. This might work, or they may find that their life doesn’t really improve. Another Area If this doesn’t work, one could take a deeper look into what is going on. What this will then do is give them the chance to see if there is a part of their body that they haven’t paid attention to. Through doing their own research, what they could find is that they are carrying trauma, and that this is primarily held in their lower body. Therefore, simply focusing on their mind or even on their emotions is not going to cut it. Awareness What this shows is how important it to have an open mind when it comes to dealing with mental and emotional challenges. If a therapist/healer believes that there is only one way, it can cause them to hold people back. And if someone who has mental and emotional problems believes that there is only one way, they can end up holding themselves back. One may find that they start at the top and gradually work their way down.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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It could be said that there are going to be times when it is possible to please others and times when it isn’t. But while this is just part of life, it doesn’t mean that everyone is able to accept this.
One Experience When someone can accept this, it doesn’t mean that they won’t try to please others; it just means that it will be easier for them to handle the moments when it doesn’t take place. Behind just about everything that they do could be the desire to gain other peoples approval. As a result of this, it is going to be a challenge for them to focus on their own needs, and this is going to create inner conflict. Still, the pain that they experience through neglecting themselves is likely to be kept in check. Positive Feedback The reason for is that through doing what they can to fulfil other people needs, it will allow them to receive approval. What happens externally is generally going to keep what is taking place within them at bay. When this doesn’t happen, one could end up feeling down and depressed. If they are aware of the fact that they are living in an inauthentic manner, they will be able to understand why they feel this way. The Solution One could then look into what they can do to change their life, and to live in a way that will allow them to fulfil their own needs. Alternatively, they might not believe that their mood has got anything to do with their behaviour. What may allow them to change their mood is to look into what they can do for someone else. The positive feedback that they receive from them might enable one to rise up once more. Another Experience On the other hand, when someone is unable to accept that it is not always possible to please others, they can end up experiencing even more pain. Their whole life can end up being completely taken over by their need to do what other people want. Their needs will be replaced by other people needs, and one is going to be nothing more than an extension of others. As they are estranged from their true-self, there will be a false-self in its place. The Same Outlook Therefore, regardless of whether one is able to accept that they can’t always please others, they are still going to suffer. Also, by trying to please one person, it is going to cause them to displease someone else. Ultimately, one is going to be playing a game that they can’t win and, until they realise this, they are going to be creating unnecessary problems for themselves. Their life would be far more fulfilling if they were able to pay attention to their own needs. Self-Worth Yet, while paying attention to their own needs is going to allow them to live a life that is worth living, there is going to be a reason why they behave in this way. What one could find is that pleasing others allows them to feel good about themselves. So, if they were to take a step back and to focus on their own needs, they would end up feeling worthless. It is then not that they truly want to please others; it is that they don’t want to feel bad about themselves. An Unconscious Process In general, this is likely to be something that just happens, and not something that they even think about. Their need to feel good about themselves will be what drives their behaviour, and it could be said that this is perfectly normal. It is then going to be vital for one to change what is taking place within them; if they don’t, their behaviour will stay the same. Taking a step back and no longer trying to please others might be hard in the short-term, but will be worth it in the long-term. Closer Look What one is likely to find is that their value is attached to pleasing others, meaning that they are a human doing. Whereas if their value was based on who they are as opposed to what they do, they would be a human being. This shows that one is out of touch with their own inherent value, and this could be how their life has always been. If this is the case, it is likely to be due to what took place when they were younger. A Lack of Love Their caregiver/s may have seen one as nothing more than an extension of themselves. This would have stopped them from being able to accept that fact that one had their own needs and feelings. If one did what their caregiver/s wanted, they would have approved of them; which would have allowed them to feel good about themselves. But if one didn’t do what they wanted, they may have been harmed and/or neglected. Awareness The kind of care that they needed in order to develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided. One is going to be disconnected from their inherent value and they are likely to be carrying trauma. It might be a good idea for one to reach out for external support if they can relate to this. This is something that a therapist or a healer can provide.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone is in a situation that doesn’t serve them, it is going to be in their best interests to move on. Nevertheless, it might not be possible for them to walk away and to put this all behind them.
The Next Step The reason for this is that one could be in a job that is paying them the money that they need to survive. Therefore, if they were to just walk away, there life could end up getting even worse. In order for them to get away, they will need to find somewhere else to work. Once they have found another job, they will finally be able to walk away from somewhere that has run its course. Another Area Alternatively, one could be in a relationship with someone that is no longer working, or perhaps it has become abusive, for instance. They may even have tried to make it work, but it could be clear that this is not going to happen. So, even though it might be hard for them to end the relationship, they will know that this is what they need to do. If they were to carry on and to pretend that everything is ok, it is only going to get worse. Moving On And the longer they stay with them, the harder it is likely to be for them to walk away. One could end up feeling extremely low, that is they don’t feel that way already, and they won’t have the energy to do what is necessary. They might just be able to walk away, or there could be a number of things that they need to think about. For example, if they have children or are unable to support themselves financially, they will need to think about their children or how the will support themselves. Caught Up If one does have children, they could have moments when they think about how they need to stay with their partner for the sake of their children. Yet, while this can sound like the right thing to do, it could end up doing more harm than good. This is certainly going to be the case if they are in an abusive relationship; their child/ children will end up having to live in a dysfunctional environment. And no matter how old they are, this is not going to be good for their development. Short-Term Pain, Long-Term Gain On the other hand, if one is in a position where they depend on their partner for money, it is going to be no different. Staying with them for this reason is not going having a positive effect on their wellbeing. It will be vital for them to believe that this can change, and then to look for a way for make this happen. What could give them the motivation that they need is if they focus on how they will feel if they continue to experience life in this way. Another Factor There is also going to be the part that one’s mental and emotional health will play in all this, as it is going to be a lot easier for them to walk away if they are able to handle their own emotions. If they can do this, they are not going to be emotionally dependent on the other person. So, regardless of whether they need their partner’s financial support, they will know that they don’t need to be with them in order to experience inner stability. Through having this ability, it can give them the strength to be able to listen to themselves. A Choice As a result of this, it is likely to mean that one ended up with this person because they wanted to be with them. And if this is the reason why they ended up together, there is going to be no reason for one to stay with them if they no longer want to be with them. Now, this is not to say that one won’t feel sad or down, for instance, after the relationship has ended; what it is likely mean is that they won’t emotionally collapse. This comes down to the fact that one will be an interdependent an adult, as opposed to a dependent adult. A Different Experience There is then going to be others who are unable to handle their own emotions, and this is going to make it a lot harder for them to end a relationship that is no longer working. If one can relate to this, they may find that this played a big part in why they got together in the first place. One might have just been looking for someone to settle them down or to ‘complete them’, and this may have caused them to rush into a relationship. Consequently, one wouldn’t have taken the time to find out if they were suitable for them. Red Flags There may then have been clear signs that this person wasn’t right for them and their friends may also have told them to find someone else, but it wouldn’t have had an effect on them. Their emotions would have been in control, and this would have stopped them from being able to think clearly. If they were to think about leaving the person they are with, they could end up being overwhelmed with fear. It can then seem as though they only have two options: either they stay in a relationship that is having a negative effect on them, or they walk away and end up being even worse off. A Deeper Look What is clear is that is that one’s life would be radically different if they had the ability to handle their own emotions. There is likely to be a reason why they are experiencing life in this way, and it can be due to what took place when they were younger. During this time they may have been abused and/or neglected by their caregivers, and this would have stopped them for being able to develop in the right way. Not only won’t they be able to regulate their emotions, they will also be carrying a lot of trauma. Awareness And if one is carrying a lot of trauma, it is going to be more of less impossible for them to sooth themselves. If one is experiencing life in this way, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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There are a number of reasons as to why someone would want to have a relationship, and they might be aware of what all of these reasons are. If they are, it will give them the chance to see if they are being driven by the right needs.
For Example One could find that they are at the stage of their life when they want to settle down and to start a family. What this will then show is that they have a number of good reasons to have a relationship. This could be something that one has wanted for a number of months, or it could have been on their mind for a few years. And as they know what they are looking for, it is likely to mean that they won’t just settle for anyone. The Right Person If they don’t have clear idea about the kind of person who they want to be with, they might have a clear idea of the kind of person who they don’t want to be with. The reason for this is that they may have been with a number of people who were not right for them. Therefore, their past experiences will have given them the ability to realise when someone is not a good match for them. Still, this is not to say that they just came to a point in their life when they were no longer attracted to a certain type of person. Inner Work If this is what has happened, it will show that one was able to learn from their experiences and to move on. Alternatively, they may have looked into what was taking place within them and dealt with their issues. What this comes down to is that one doesn’t just randomly end up with another person; there are a number of factors that are involved. So, when one is in the right place internally, it is going to be a lot easier for them to find the right person to be with. Clear Thinking When one’s inner world is not all over the place, so to speak, they will have the ability to think clearly. Yet, if their emotions were out of control, it would be a lot harder for them to do so. But even if one wasn’t looking to start a family and they just wanted to have a relationship, it is not going to be any different. The fact that they are mentally and emotionally stable is going to give them a better chance of finding someone who is right for them. One Step at a Time Through being this way, one won’t feel the need to rush into a relationship even if they do like someone. One can then get to know someone and to make sure that they are who they say they are. And if they continue to get on as time goes by, there will be no need for them to hold back. Now, there is no guarantee that this approach will allow them to have a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship, but it will certainly increase their chances. A Completely Different Experience However, while someone could be aware of why they want to be in a relationship, they could also be out of touch with the reasons why they want to be in one. When this happens, one could say that they just want to be with someone. Even so, if they were to take a deeper look within themselves, they may find that this is not the complete truth. On one level, they will have the need to be with someone, but at another level, it could be because they find it hard to handle their own emotions. A Half-Truth It would then be more accurate for one to say that it is not that they want to be in a relationship; it is that they need to be in one. As if they are not with another person, it is going to be a challenge for them to handle life. One is going to look like an adult, buy they will feel more like a dependent child. Consequently, they may have the tendency to end up with who whoever shows them affection, and this is may have caused them to experience a lot of pain. Looking Back There is always the chance that they have only been with people who treated them with respect. These people will have realised that one was needy, but they won’t have taken advantage of them. On the other hand, one may have only been with people who have treated them badly. As one depended on them emotionally, they would have known that it was highly unlikely that one would ever leave them. Just One Having said that, one may have only been in one relationship, and this might have been someone who was extremely abusive. One has then been able to cut their ties with this person, but they are no different to how they were before they met them. It might only be a matter of time before they end up with someone who is just the same as the last person. What one could also find is that in addition to the fact that they are unable to handle their own emotions, they don’t value themselves either. The Reason When one is unable to do this and they don’t value themselves, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected. The care that they needed wouldn’t have been there, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that there are certain things that are part of life, and this means that it is not possible to avoid them. Still, this is not to say that some people won’t try to make sure that they don’t experience something.
Rejection For example, there are going to be moments in everyone’s life when they are knocked back, and this will stop them from being able to take the next step. This is not going to be the end of the world though, as there is a strong chance that they will be able to find someone else or another opportunity. So, when one believes that this is just part of life, it is going to be a lot easier for them to fulfil their needs. The fact that some people won’t say yes to them is not going to be enough to stop them in their tracks. Looking Back If one was to look back on their life, they are likely to remember some of the moments when they were not accepted. But even though this took place, it wouldn’t have meant that they simply gave up. There may have been times when this had a negative effect on them, but it wouldn’t have kept them down for long. And through being able to get back on their feet, so to speak, it would have allowed them to fulfil their needs. Perspective This shows how much of an effect someone’s outlook has on how they behave; if they had a different outlook their behaviour would be different. One could believe that there are a number of reasons as to why another person wouldn’t say yes. Therefore, it is not that people reject them because there is something inherently wrong with them. For one thing, not everyone they come into contact with is going to want what they have to offer. A Different Approach One could also be aware of the fact that if someone does reject them, they may have only been responding to how they behaved in that moment. As a result of this, they can look into what they can do differently next time. Instead of feeling like a victim, one will know that there are certain things that they can do to experience life differently. It might take them a little while to change their behaviour, but at least they will realise that they have this option. Both Ways What could also play a part here is that one might realise that there are going to be moments when they are unable to accept someone. Consequently, other people are going to reject them and they are going to reject others. There is then going to be no reason for them to believe that this is something that only happens to them. Ultimately, one will see that this is just part of the human experience, and having this perspective will save them a lot of pain. The Ideal Experiencing life in this way it going to enable one to fulfil their needs, and this will allow them to achieve their goals. There will be the effect this has on their career and on their relationships. What this is likely to show is that one is emotionally strong; which is why being rejected by others is not something that has the tendency to overwhelm them. This could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. A Different Reality There are then going to be other people who have a radically different experience, and this is likely to mean that it will be a lot harder for them to handle life. Due to how they feel when someone says no, they could do everything they can to avoid being rejected. For that reason, one might no longer even reach out to other people; or if they do, this could be something that rarely takes place. This is then going to have a negative effect on every area of their life. Reaching Out If they do feel the urge to reach out to another person, they could be in for a surprise. One could start talking to someone who they are attracted to or apply for a job, for instance, and they could receive a positive response. It might end up taking them a while to accept the fact that they haven’t been rejected; one might believe that their luck has changed. But even if this does take place, it will only be a matter of time before they end up having a different experience. Emotional Collapse When this does happen, one could find that they end up feeling completely different. If they are around other people, they may feel the need to hide; whereas if they are by themselves, they might just feel extremely low. What this can show is that one believes that their value is defined by how other people respond to them. The truth is that one’s value does not depend on whether other people accept them or not. A Closer Look When someone experiences life in this way it can be a sign that they experienced a lot of rejection when they were growing up. At this age, they wouldn’t have been able to see that the reason they were being rejected was due to the fact that their parents/s had issues. As a result, they would have come to believe that the reason this took place was because there was something inherently wrong with them. And through believing that they were the problem it would have caused them to believe that they could change their parent’s behaviour. Awareness However, as their parent/s behaviour had nothing to do with them, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything. It would have been too much for them to face the truth at this age, as this would have caused them to feel hopeless and as though there was nothing that they could do. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one stays up to date with what is taking place in the world, they may have heard about people who blame others for what is taking place in their life. Along with this, they may have heard about certain groups that blame other groups for the challenges in their life.
The Norm When this takes place, one group can believe that anyone who has a certain skin colour is at fault. So, it is then not that a few people will be seen as the problem; it will relate to a whole race. Still, this could be something that one has been aware of for so long that it no longer has much of an effect on them. What they could believe is that this is just part of the modern day world and that there is not a lot that they can do. A Closer Look Alternatively, they could wonder why an individual or a group of people would behave in this way. One might believe that regardless of whether it relates to one person or a group, there are likely to be a number of similarities. And in addition to what they hear about in the mainstream media, there is going to be what they have experienced in their own life. In fact, they may even know people who behave in this way. Lopsided There is the chance that one used to behave in this way, and this may mean that they will have a deeper understanding of what is taking place. Either way, what is likely to stand out is that these people are not willing to take responsibility for their own life. When someone has the tendency to blame others, everything that happens to them is going to be seen as being out of their control. They are then going to be nothing more than an observer of their life. The Evidence While an outsider might be able to see what part this person is playing when it comes to what is taking place in their life, it is not going to be possible for them to do the same. One is likely to have a clear idea as to why they are nothing more than a victim. They might start to think about all the reasons why they have ended up in this position, and how there was nothing that they could do about it. It will be as if the odds have always been stacked against them and this can be seen as something that is unlikely to change. Support Yet, even though there will be people who don’t validate how they perceive life, there are going to be others who do. What they believe is then going to be backed up by these people. One could believe that this shows that they are right, and that these people actually care about them. The approval that they receive is then going to have a positive effect on how they feel. A Hidden Agenda However, even though someone will act as though they care about them, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. What it can show is that they see them as a means to an end, and what the end is can all depend on what position they hold in society. If, for example, a politician shows their support to an individual or a group, it can show that they are using them to gain power. After all, the last thing that most politicians want is for people to stand on their own two feet. Two Sides When one blames someone else for what is taking place in their life, they are likely to feel good. Along with feeling strong and powerful, they can feel as though they have the moral high ground. The downside to this is that even though they can feel better, it might not be long until their mood changes; if they are able to go of their anger that is. When this happens, they can end up falling right down. A Flawed Approach With the help of their anger, they will probably end up rising up again, and then the whole process will play out once again. Therefore, there will be ups and there will be plenty of downs, too. But no matter what kind of ups they get through behaving in this way, their life would be far better if they stopped blaming others and took responsibility. The trouble is that if they were to longer blame others, they would have to face their true feelings. Rock Bottom If they were to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, they may find that they feel completely powerless. Thus, the reason why they blame other people for what is taking place in their life is because they truly believe that they are responsible for what happens to them. One is then going to have two options: to feel powerless, or to blame others and to experience a sense of control. What this can show is that there was a time in their life when they were powerless. A Deeper Look This might relate to what took place when they were younger; perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected. As a result of this, they would have experienced a lot of pain and trauma. Physically one will look like an adult but, at an emotional level, they are going to feel like a powerless child. And until what is taking place within them changes, it is going to be a challenge for them to realise that they are not a victim. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one says something to someone, it doesn’t mean that they will listen to what they have to say. What they could do is focus on what they have to say and wait until one has finished talking.
In One Ear and Out the Other As a result of this, one may as well have been talking to themselves; the person in front of them is not interested in what they have to say. This person’s priority will be to express what is on their mind. Once this has taken place it might be possible for them to listen to what one has to say. Then again, there is also the chance that their behaviour won’t change, and that they will continue to behave in the same way. One Focus It could then be said that they will be focused on their own need and this is then why they are unable to think about ones needs. One person’s needs are going to be met but the other person’s needs are going to be overlooked. If one doesn’t know this person or rarely spends time with them, this might not have much of an effect on their life. However, if they spend a lot of time around someone like this, it might be a lot harder for them to tolerate it. Part of Life Still, there are likely to be moments in everyone’s life when they are more concerned with speaking than they are with listening. This can happen when someone is going through a challenging time or if they have just had a powerful experience, for instance. But this is not going to be the same as when someone has the tendency to ignore what other people have to say and even talks over them. What is clear is that this person is out of balance. A Means to an End In general, they are only going to listen to what another person has to say so that they can talk. And even when this takes place, there are going to be moments when they cut people off. The trouble is that if they are completely caught up with their own needs, it is going to stop them from being able see the effect that their behaviour is having on others. Their relationships can end up getting worse, and they can push a lot of people away. One Direction What they could find is that people don’t stay in their life for very long, and that most of the people in their life don’t talk much. At the same time, what they could also find is that they know people who talk over them. Yet, unless they are aware of the fact that they do this, they might believe that these people are the ones with the problem. When in reality, one is simply getting a taste of their own medicine, so to speak. Overpowered During the moments when they are the ones who are being walked over, they may find that they feel overwhelmed. The other person is just going to take over and it can be as if there is nothing they can do. If this is how they feel, it will give them an idea of what someone can go through when they don’t listen. In order for this to take place, one will need to take a step back and to reflect on their own behaviour. Overlooked When one doesn’t listen to what another person has to say, it is not going to have a positive effect on them. They could come to believe that one doesn’t value what they have to say and that they don’t value them as a person. Ultimately, they are likely to feel invalidated, and this is going to have a negative effect on their wellbeing. And as they are being treated in this way, there is going to be no reason for them to care about what one has to say either. A Build Up If something like this happens every now and then, it might cause someone to feel frustrated and angry. Even so, how they feel should pass and it shouldn’t have a negative effect on their relationship. On the other hand, if this was to happen on a regular basis, this might not take place. Instead, they could start to resent the other person, and this can end up destroying their relationship. The Fall Out There is the chance that they will be aware of how they feel, or they could up disconnecting from it. This might then cause them to seek revenge without even being aware of what they are doing. They might no longer make contact with them, or they could simply ignore the other person when they try to contact them. Another way to look at this would be to say that one will be behaving in a passive aggressive manner. Awareness This shows how important it is for someone to listen to what other people have to say; that is if they want to have fulfilling relationships. When this happens, their body language is likely to be different and they will actually pay attention to what is being said, which will allow them to ask questions and to offer feedback.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: What Can Happen When Two People Put On An Act During The Start Of A Relationship?23/8/2017
When two people get together for the first time, it will give them the chance to see how they get on. This will also give them the opportunity to find out about each other, to see what their values are, and what they hope to achieve it the future, for instance.
The First Step What happens during this time is likely to be what determines if they will get together again. Therefore, if this stage goes well, there is a strong chance that they will spend more time together. And after they have met each on a number of occasions, at least one of them could tell others that they are now in a relationship. If this was to happen, and the other person was to hear about it, they might be only too happy to go along with it. Time Goes By As the weeks and months go by, this could be a relationship that ends up going from strength to strength. They could believe that they were made for each other, and this could be what other people say. Through having this kind of connection, it might only be a matter of time before they get married and have children. The kind of connection they have is likely to make it easier for them to deal with any conflict that arises. At Odds Perhaps one of them won’t like a habit that the other has, or maybe they believe that they work too much, for instance. Even so, they may be able to talk about things like this in way that brings them closer. Each person could take responsibility for how they feel, which will enable them to express what is taking place within them without pointing the finger, so to speak. By taking this approach, it will be a lot easier for them to resolve conflict. Part of Life Still, regardless of how well two people get on when they first come into contact with each other, it is not going to be possible for them to always get on in this way. This partly comes down to the fact that they will have different challenges to face together. Also, each person will end up seeing sides of the other person that they haven’t seen before. Therefore, even if both of them didn’t put on an act when they first got together, it is not going to mean that they will know everything about each other. A Solid Platform At the same time, as they didn’t put on an act during this time, they are less likely to be in for a big surprise as time goes by. How they came across in the beginning will have had a lot to do with who they are. And as they behaved in this way at this stage, it is likely to show that these two people accept themselves. They were not looking for the other person to accept them, and this is then the reason why they could be themselves. Another Factor There is also the chance that they were not desperate to be in a relationship. They may have wanted to be with someone, but it wouldn’t have been something that consumed their whole life. If they were needy, it might not have mattered if they accepted themselves, as this may have stopped them from being able to be themselves. Their unmet need would have taken over, and this would have caused them to put on an act. A Different Experience When two people don’t accept themselves, it is going to be normal for them to put on an act when they meet each other for the first time. They can end up trying to do whatever they can to please the other person. Their need to be accepted will override just about every other need that they have, and there is also the chance that they are extremely needy too. It could then be irrelevant as to whether the other person is actually suitable for them. The Perfect Match Yet, even though they are both putting on act, they are likely to be caught up in how they feel. Due to what is taking place within them, there is going to be no reason for them to think about if the other person is right for them. It could be a number of months before they start to see the other person for who they are and to let go of the idealised image that they have created. After a while, one of them could think about how the other person has completely changed. Another Response This could then mean that they will try to do everything they can to change the other person. Who they have become is not going to be the person they want to be with; they will want to be with the person they were with before One of them is then going to try to control the other, and this can show that they feel powerless. The other person could also remind them of the parts of themselves that they don’t want to face. Awareness What this emphasises is how important it is for someone to accept themselves before they get into a relationship with another person. This will allow them to show up and to find out if another person is actually right for them. In order to do this, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one reads the paper or watches the news on TV, they may come to the conclusion that racism is getting worse. When it comes to what has played a part in this, it can be the result of what has taken place in their own country, as well as what has taken place abroad.
One Thing after Another Perhaps one has heard about something recently, or they might have heard about something that took place a few weeks ago. But regardless of when this was, there is a strong chance that a number of examples would come to mind if they were to think about what they have heard about over the years. There is likely to be what has happened to the people who are not in the public eye, as well as those who are. And while what happens to the people in the eye often receives more attention, it doesn’t mean that these people are more important. No Different Thus, if one is treated badly because of the colour of their skin, it doesn’t matter what their social status is. They are being treated badly and this means that something needs to be done about it. However, when someone treats another person badly because of the colour of their skin, it is going to be clear that they don’t care about what they are like as a person. As far as they are concerned, they are all going to be the same. Less-Than Someone is then going to believe that their race is superior, meaning that every other race is inferior. Alternatively, they could just have this outlook when it comes to a certain race. It is then not going to be possible for this person to accept the fact these people are their fellow human beings; neither better nor worse than they are. One way of looking at this would be to say that they are deluded. One Outlook Strangely enough, some people have said that it is only possible for white people to be racist, and it could then be said that these people are also deluded. When someone is racist, they believe that they are superior to another race, and clearly people of all races can have this belief. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if they are not white as they can still believe that their race is superior. If the people who are not white are treated differently, it could then be said that this is another form of racism. Out of Balance Otherwise one race is being treated in a way that every other race is not, and this is not going to solve the problem. What it is saying is that racism is bad, unless it involves white people; but if something is bad, it is bad no matter who it relates to. If someone doesn’t agree with this, then it could be said that they are nothing more than a hypocrite. They are then no different to someone who judges another person for doing something that they also do. One Experience And in addition to what one has heard about in the paper and on TV, for instance, there can be what they have experienced themselves. One may have heard other people talk about how another race is inferior. Or, they may have heard people verbally abuse others due to the colour of their skin. On a number of occasions, they may have called another person a racist, and this is going to be justified. Another Reason At the same time, there is also the chance that one has said this even when another person is not a racist. What this can show is that they wanted to silence them, and this word will have allowed them to do so. It might be hard for someone to understand why they would do this, but this is a common occurrence in today’s world. When one is unable to prove that what another person is saying is wrong, slander becomes the weapon of choice. The Power of Words There are, of course, a number of other words that one can use when they are unable to back up what they are saying. In fact, one could have a number ists, isms and phobias that will allow them to come out on top without actually having to behave like an adult and to use their brain. It could be said that this is one of the things that takes place when one has been taught what to think as opposed to how to think. What can also cause one to behave in this way is when they find it hard to regulate their own emotions. One More Reason If one has the tendency to say that other people are racist, even when there is no evidence to support what they are saying, it can show that they are projecting what is taking place within them onto others. The real racist is then going to be the person who they see when they look in the mirror. Yet, as they are out of touch with what is taking place within them, it causes them to assign to other people the feelings that they don’t want to face. It is then not going to be a surprise for them to accuse other people of being racist, as the feelings within them are not just going to disappear. Conclusion What this shows is how much of an effect one’s inner world has on how they experience the outer world. Without this understanding, one is going to believe that they are nothing more than an observer of their reality. With this in mind, it is going to be a good idea for one to look into the effect that they are having on the world. If they don’t take a step back and deal with their own issues, they could end up doing more harm than good.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are, of course, a number of ways to find out about what is taking place in the world, and this is why it is no longer necessary to look towards the mainstream media. Someone can now find out about what is taking place by looking towards the alternative media.
Old Habits Die Hard But even though one no longer needs to rely on the MSM, it doesn’t mean that they will change their behaviour. Yet, if they have looked towards this source of information for most of their life, it is not going to be much of a surprise. And as far as they are concerned, this could be where they are going to hear about what is actually taking place. They might not even be aware of the alternative media and, if they are, it could be seen as something that is no better. Lies, Lies, and More Lies One could believe that the only people who pay attention to the alternative media are the ones who are into conspiracy theories. These are then going to be the kind of people who will believe just about anything they are told. They could also believe that these people have a meaningless life, and this is then why they are drawn to these kinds of things. What these people read about is going to fill their inner emptiness. The Truth So as one only pays attention to the MSM, they are not going to end up believing things that have very little basis in reality. Along with this, one could see themselves as being more level headed than these people. Therefore, unlike these people, one will have a good understanding of what is taking place in the world. It is then highly unlikely that one will turn their back on this source of information. Biased However, to say that one is only interested in the truth might be an oversight, as they might only be interested in hearing about what matches up with their own outlook. The papers or websites that they go onto online are then going to give them exactly what they want. Still, it could be said that it is part of human nature and that everyone on this planet has a mind that filters things out. Based on this, the people who are open minded are likely to be the ones who are aware of how their mind works. Stepping Back This doesn’t mean that they will always have an open mind but what it does mean is that they will have the ability to detach from what is taking place within them. Without this ability, one would be nothing more than a slave to their own mind. If one did develop this ability, they might end up coming to the conclusion that the MSM is biased. In the past this wouldn’t have stood out as the information this source gave them would have generally been in alignment with their own views. An Analogy At one point in time they would have been convinced that what they heard was the truth, and this would have stopped them from taking a closer look. This is similar to how a child can believe everything their parent tells them. As this is someone who is there to look after them, why would they feel the need to question what they tell them? The trouble is that parents, like the MSM, don’t always have their children’s best interests at heart. Perfectly Clear Now that they don’t just accept everything they hear, it will be easier for them to realise when they are being lied to. What is likely to play a part here is that one will look also look towards the alternative media. This source of information will allow them to hear about things that they won’t hear from the MSM. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will believe everything this source comes out with. A Purpose One of the reasons they have a brain is to think, and this not going to take place if they accept everything the alternative media tells them. If they were to behave in this way they might be more informed than the people who looks towards the MSM, but they are still going to be an easy target. After one has become aware of how often the MSM lies and that it doesn’t exist to inform people, they might believe that this source of information didn’t used to be like this. Or if it was, it wasn’t as deceitful in the past. No Evidence One could remember some of the things that they have covered in the past and say that this shows how things have changed. The question is: has the MSM changed, or is it just easier to find out when they are lying? If it wasn’t for the alternative media, for instance, there is a strong chance that they would still believe that the MSM is there to inform them about the world. Ultimately, the new information that is available is what has made the difference. Conclusion Perhaps the MSM is far worse than it used to be, and there is then all the more reason to question what this source of information comes out with. Through taking this approach, one might use more energy and it may even cause them to have a different outlook to the people in their life, but at least they will have a greater understanding of what is taking place in the world.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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