Taking action is one thing, but it is another thing altogether as to whether or not the action someone takes is coming from their true essence or their need for approval. One of the best ways for someone to find out is to take the time to reflect on why they are doing something.
What this then means is that instead of doing something because the urge is there, one can take a step back and tune into themselves. If they are used to getting an urge to do something and then doing it, this might be a challenge. Two Worlds When it comes to their true essence, this is the part of them that doesn’t need acceptance, approval or attention. The urge will come up for them to express themselves in a certain way or to experience something. Yet, when it comes to an urge that is coming from their ego, this part of them does need acceptance, approval and attention. The urge to do something will then be the result of their need to gain something from someone else. A Different Energy When it comes to the former, the urge within them can be fairly quiet, and this is why they will need to have a good connection with their body. If they don’t, it won’t be possible for them to hear their inner guidance. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, the urge within them can be very loud. In this case, this is something that can be coming from their mind as opposed to their body. The Norm One of the reasons why it can be far easier for someone to listen to their head than their body is due to what took place during the beginning of their life. For one thing, early trauma and/or neglect may have caused them to disconnect from their body and to live in their head. And, even if something like this didn’t take place, they would have most likely spent years in an education system that trained them to look outside for answers. Experiencing one of these things is enough, but experiencing both will have most likely stopped one from forming a strong connection with themselves. Externally Focused When someone doesn’t have a strong connection with their body and is caught up in their head, a lot of their attention will be directed towards the external world. They will need to be aware of what will allow them to receive attention, approval and acceptance; otherwise they won’t be able to take care of other egos needs. By spending so much time on what is taking place externally, it won’t leave them with much time to focus on what is taking place deep within them. So, instead of acting like an individual, they will be acting as though they are an extension of others human beings. A Poor Replacement The guidance from the universe that is available to them via the connection they have with own their body is then going to be overlooked. Their life is then not going to be an express of this guidance, it will be an expression of what will please others (or what they think will enable them to please others). One way of looking at this would be to say that they will see other people as parental figures, thereby stopping them from realising that these people are also children of the universe. Some of these people will be in tune with themselves and some of them wont, but none of them are going to be all-knowing gods. A Clear Sign If someone feels the need to do something and they end up noticing that it is being driven by the need to look good, to be respected, to be seen or anything else that relies on the approval of others, it is likely to show that it is coming from their ego. This doesn’t mean that one should end up judging themselves for having these desires. They can simply become aware of them and see how behaving in this way is not going to be as fulfilling as it would be for them to listen to the guidance that is within them. What can cause someone to take a step back and to look into why they do what they do is if they have experienced a number of setbacks. Inner Strength What can also play a part in this is if someone’s appearance has started to change and it is no longer as easy for them to gain approval for others. This will have been painful but, on the plus side, it will have given them the opportunity to embrace who they are. Yet, regardless of how old someone is, it will be a lot easier for them to listen to themselves and then to express who they are when they feel safe enough to do so. And what can stop them from feeling safe is trauma. Awareness This can relate to the moments they have had in their adult life when they felt overwhelmed, and it can go back to what took place when they were younger. These moments would have taken away their inner stability and security – or, if this was how they felt on a regular basis when they were younger, it would have stopped them from being able to develop inner stability and security to begin with. Along with this, it would have made it harder for them to feel rooted in their body, making it difficult for them to tune into themselves. If someone can relate to this, they may need to reach out for the support of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When I was l watching one of the live video calls that I did with Errol Campbell, there was something that he said at the end that stood out. He basically said that the people who were watching the video were free to share it with those who were ready, not those who simply needed it.
Hearing this made me think about how there is a huge difference between needing assistance and being ready for assistance. The difference is almost as big as the disparity between needing it and not needing it. Looking Back I ended up thinking about how I didn’t know the difference between someone who needed help and someone who was ready for it during the beginning of my journey. If I came across someone who was not in a good way, I just assumed that they would be more than happy for me to share what I had learnt with them. I wasted a lot of time doing this, it had a negative effect on my wellbeing, and I often felt as though I was doing something wrong. This was partly because what I shared was often rejected and partly because I received a lot of negative responses. A Big Lesson After having experience after experience of being knocked back, I started to act with more restraint when I came cross someone who needed assistance. This became easier when I started writing articles and books. Instead of diving in there and talking about different things, I could just talk about what I did and leave it up to someone to decide for themselves if they wanted to go any further. I had given them a candle and it was then up to them if they wanted to go into the cave, so to speak. A Time and a Place I also came to see that even though I believed that a certain person should do something, I could only see part of the picture. Ultimately, I might have had something to share, but it didn’t mean that this person needed to hear it. And, if I had tried to force something onto them, not only would I be acting in a controlling manner but I might prevent them from going through something that they needed to go through in order to grow and develop. I didn’t know everything and I wasn’t wasn’t the ultimate authority. The Other Part By stepping back and no longer trying to fix/rescue/save others, I came to see that I was trying to avoid myself. What I really needed to do was to deal with the parts of myself that were not in a good way. I was unable to see what was going on initially as I was unaware of why I was behaving in this manner. But, when behaving in this way become too frustrating, I had to step back and to look within myself. Final Thoughts What can make it hard to realise when someone is not ready to be assisted is when they act as though they are. They could be in a really bad way and even talk about what has been going on for them, but, when an option is put forward, they may say that they are too busy, for instance. For one reason or another, they are not willing to go to the next step and to change their circumstances. Still, if someone like this knows that help is there if they need it, they might end up reaching out when they are actually ready.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When I used to go to different bars and clubs on a regular basis many, many years ago, there were often men who would talk about how they hoped to ‘get lucky’. Sometimes I knew the people who would say this and, at other times, this was something that I would overhear.
To these men, it was as though they didn’t have any control over whether or not they would attract a woman. It was something that was completely out of their hands, which was why they had to get lucky. Another Example What came to my mind recently that reminded me of this time in my life was when I heard about someone who didn’t have trouble pulling, but had trouble taking things further. As a result of this, it wasn’t that they needed to get lucky to pull; it was that they needed to get lucky to have a relationship. They believed that once they found the right person everything would change. It then not about them doing anything else, it was just a case of doing the same thing, with the hope that their luck would change. An Image When I thought about the second example, I ended up seeing an American roulette wheel. It was as if the person above had chosen a number and was hoping that the ball would land on the number they had chosen. There was then nothing deliberate about what they were doing, it was simply left to chance. Now, there are undoubtedly people on this earth who have ended up in good relationship, even though they were looking to ‘get lucky’ before this took place. A Big Difference However, although this does take place, someone like this is likely to be in a different place emotionally, to have different beliefs, and to behave differently. Ultimately, their inner world will be very different, and this means that they will also be coming from a very different place energetically. What this comes down to is that what is going on within someone has a big effect on how they experience life. In other words, it is not possible for someone to simply observe the world. Certain Areas Even so, it can be normal for someone to believe that they have control over how well they do in their career, for instance, but to have a different outlook when it comes to their relationships. What can play a part in this is that someone can end up coming into contact with the same type of person over and over again, and they might even spend time with people who have the same experiences as they do. This can then be a sign that everyone is the same and their friends can validate this viewpoint. The trouble with this is that one is not going to look at what is taking place within them; thereby overlooking the part that they are playing in what is taking place in their life. Final Thoughts In order for someone to experiencing something, it is going to essential for them to feel safe enough to experience it. Along with this, they will need to feel as though they deserve to experience to. So, when it comes to having a fulfilling relationship, for instance, one is going to need to feel safe with getting close to another person and as though they deserve it. The trouble is that if someone is not aware of what is taking place within them and is, therefore, unaware of how what is taking place within them is influencing how they are experiencing life, they can end up feeling powerless and believe that something out there is holding them back.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
After a conversation I had with someone the other day, it made me think about how different it is to live in the body compared with the mind. In a way, living in the mind is similar to being on a bouncy castle, while living in the body is similar to being a tree.
The reason for this is that the mind is unstable and is unable to live in the now; it doesn’t have the ability to experience stability or to be present. On the other hand, the body is stable and in the now, and is not thrown around by anything or caught up in what may or may not happen. A Big Difference However, although it is far more nourishing to live in the body, it can be normal for someone to believe that the only option they have is to live in their mind. Living in their mind can just be how it is. Due to the minds dual nature, it is not possible for the mind to be content and to see things without attaching meaning to what it sees. Thus, when someone’s attention is in their mind, there is always going to be something that is not right about their life and what they experience can either be good or bad, or right or wrong. Divided So, as what is taking place in their own mind is not harmonious and together, they will see the world as being disharmonious and fractured. As far as their mind is concerned, they will simply be observing what is taking place externally as opposed to projecting an inner split out onto the world. To the mind, happiness is something that exists in the future, or something that existed in the past – with the past and present simply being the minds creation. The minds incessant need for something else, something more and its inability to simply be in the now makes it impossible for someone to be content and at peace when they have fully indentified with this part of themselves. A Huge Relief If someone was to have a massage, a guided relaxation session or even a yoga session, they may be able to get out of their mind and to fall back into their body for a little while. When this happens, it can be as if they have fallen from hell into heaven. Being in their body is likely to be pleasurable and it will most likely allow them to feel connected and supported. And, if this is how they feel in their own body, it shows that they don’t need anything from the external world to feel this way. Emotional Baggage If it was simply a case of falling out of the mind and into the body it would be easy, but if it was this easy there would be no reason for someone to live in their mind to begin with. Their body can be loaded with emotional pain and this can be what stops them from being able to stay in their body. Living in their head is then going to be painful, yet it can be even more painful for them to live in their body thanks to the amount of pain they have in there. Living in their head is then going to be the lesser of two evils. Final Thoughts When someone comes into the world they would have most likely had a strong connection with their body; which means that it would have been clear that they were emotional beings. But, through experiencing trauma at different stages of their life, they would have ended up becoming indentified with their mind and come to see themselves as mental beings. So, if someone finds it hard to get out of their mind and to be in their body, something like yoga or Qi Gong may help to get them in their body. Even so, dealing with the trauma that is within them will probably be what will allow them to stay there.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Is It Harder For Someone To Settle Down If They Have Been With A Lot Of People?27/9/2018
In the past, it was the norm for people to wait until they were married before they had sex, and they would have most likely stayed with the same person until their time on this earth came to an end. Thanks, in part, due to the ‘sexual liberation’ of the 60s and 80s, this has all changed.
Having sex outside of marriage was no longer seen as something that was wrong, at least not to the same degree as before. Naturally, there were people who were not on board with what was taking place. A New Era The world has come a long way since that time and it is not longer a big deal for someone to have sex outside of marriage. Nowadays, it is a bigger deal for someone to get married than it is for them to have sex outside of it. Marriage is often seen as something that is old and outdated, or simply as something that will allow a couple to receive certain benefits. Having casual sex, on the other hand, is as normal as going out and buying a chocolate bar (or a fruit bar for those who are healthy), for instance – it is not seen as a big deal. Freedom One way of looking at this would be to say that although people were restricted in the past; this is no longer the case. If someone wants to express themselves sexually without committing to another person, they can, and they can do this without feeling ashamed. If they were alive a number of decades ago, they may have had to repress this urge and to wait until they had found someone to commit their life to. Looking at this based on how things are today, it can seem incredibly restrictive to live in this way. A Prison If someone who - regularly expresses their sexual side with different people - was sent back in time, they would most likely find it incredibly difficult to handle. They would be able to express themselves in other ways, but it might feel as though they are in a cage. This part of their nature would have to be overlooked, that is unless they were to channel it into something creative. Fortunately, then, someone can express this side of themselves directly in today’s world, along with being creative in other ways. The Outcome So, as it is no longer necessary for someone to be married in order for them to fulfil their sexual needs, it has meant that there are plenty of people who are not interested in having a relationship. Due to how easy for them to fulfil their sexual needs, there is no need for them to commit to anyone. What also play a part in this is if someone is at the beginning of their life and is physically attractive, which can make it easy for them to attract people. The desire to only fulfil their sexual needs and to overlook the rest of their needs can also be a sign that they have a fear of intimacy. One Outlook With that aside, it could be said when someone has the ability to express themselves in this way, it will enable them to have a fulfilling relationship if they so choose. For a start, getting close to different people will allow them to find out what kind of person would be suitable for them. Whereas, if they were not able to ‘experiment’ in this way, they wouldn’t get the opportunity to understand who would be a good match for them. It is then similar to trying out different cars, as opposed to buying the first car that appears, or trying out different jobs, before finding the right career path. A Life of Misery If one was to end up in a relationship with the first person who they felt attracted to and got married shortly after, and this could be someone they have met at school, for instance, they may end up realizing that they are not compatible within a few years. The time that they spent with this person could then have been used to understand themselves better and to develop their career. What may play a big part in someone’s decision to ‘experiment’ could be what their parent’s relationship was like when they were growing up. Perhaps their parents got married at the beginning of their life and ended up staying together even though they were a complete mismatch. Another Outlook However, while someone may find that ‘experimenting’ with lots of people different will allow them to find someone who is right for them and then to have a long-term relationship, it might not work out this way. For one thing, they may find that being in a relationship is not stimulating enough, and that they crave the stimulation that they receive by hooking up with different people each week/month. It can similar to how difficult it can be for someone to go from eating fast food to eating healthy food. Fast food will be quick and easy, just as getting casual sexual will be quick and easy; healthy food will take a while to prepare and provide a different level of satisfaction, just as a committed relationship will take a while to develop and it won’t necessarily be full of the same highs and lows. A Loss of Willpower What one my find is that through having so many casual encounters, it has created a low tolerance for frustration and eroded their self-control. Said another way, they won’t know how to handle the moments when there is conflict and they won’t know how to control their urges. Therefore, as soon as there is tension between them and their partner, they might feel the pull to find someone else, and, if they find someone else attractive, they might not be able to acknowledge this urge without needing to act upon it. It will be as if they have devolved into a child who is completely controlled by their urges. The Grass Is Greener In the back of their mind, they can believe that there is someone out there who is better than the person they are with, taking away the need to work through any challenges that arise. These challenges can be seen as a sign that their relationship is not working, instead of a normal part of a relationship and as something that will bring them closer. Being with so many people won’t have allowed them to get a clearer idea about the kind of person who is right for them; what it will have done is made it more or less impossible for them to decide who is right for them. One will have trained themselves to run short distances, and, to stay with someone, they will need to undertake the training that will allow them to run long distances. Conclusion Taking all this into account, it shows that problems can arise when someone exerts too much control over their sexual nature/urges and when they don’t exercise enough control over this part of themselves. Ultimately, it is up to someone to weigh up the pros and cons when it comes to making a decision, and then to go with what they believe is the right decision.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
I recently heard something that made me think about how destructive positive thinking can be. Thanks, in part, due to the self-development world, so many people believe that they need to have positive thoughts all the time.
And, if they don’t, something bad will happen; with negative thoughts being seen as the reason why bad things have happened in their life. It is then not going to be much of a surprise for someone like this to become obsessed with what is taking place in their head. One Focus Instead of being able to be in the moment, they will be caught up with whether or not they are having the right thoughts. This can not only create a lot of anxiety, it can also cause them to feel guilty whenever they slip up. Through having the need to be positive all the time, one can end up experiencing more negativity than they have before. I have written a number of articles over the years that go into the ‘negative’ side of positive thinking. The Main Point But, although what I heard did make me think about how negative positive thinking can be, this wasn’t the main thing that crossed my mind. What crossed my mind was how positive thinking was one of the things that can stop someone from falling right down. This can sound like as good thing though, as falling right down and hitting rock bottom can appear to be something that needs to be avoided at all coasts. After all, life is all about feeling good and rising to the top, right!? An Analogy One way to understand how falling down can be positive is to think about how trees often need to be cut back in order to grow in the right way. If certain braches were allowed to grow and were not dealt with, it would stop a tree from being able to grow big and strong. The reason for this is that the nutrients would end up being sent to so many different braches instead of the main trunk. In the same way, if someone is not knocked down to the ground and they try to carry on as they are, it too can stop them from being able to reach their potential. Different Branches When it comes to a human being, it won’t be that the nutrients are being directed to the wrong body parts; it will be that energy is being directed to parts of their life and even an identity that no longer serve them. Yet, thanks to their need to stay positive and/or taking things that will stop them from falling right down emotionally, it will keep the inauthentic life that they are living alive. In the same way that scaffolding will stop a rotten building from falling down, trying to stay positive, running from one empty relationship to another, drinking, taking drugs, having casual sex and/or a host of other things will stop them from crashing down. However, although their mind will do everything it can to stop this from happening; this could be exactly what they need to transform their life – to go from an average existence, to a great existence and to fully embrace who they are. The Phoenix When someone completely falls down it can feel as though they are going through hell, and they might wonder if they will ever rise up again. This is likely to show that they are in a lot of emotional pain, pain that has probably been locked within them since their early years. The good thing is that when they are down and are no longer resisting how they feel, it will give them the opportunity to gradually create a life and an identity that reflect who they are. But, before this takes place, they will most likely have a lot of baggage to deal with. A Number of Years Ago This is something that I went through in the beginning of 2013, after I have tried to keep it all together for so long. My mother had a stroke in 2010 and my father passed away in 2011, and both of these things gave me a big knock but I did everything I could to keep my emotions at bay, allowing me to keep myself together. The following year I lost my grandfather and this gave me another knock, and it became even harder to keep myself together. It was when a relationship came to an end in the beginning of 2013 that I ended up falling apart. Rock Bottom The work that I had done up until that point had simply decorated the false-self that I had formed; it hadn’t allowed me to get in touch with my true essence. Still, I was ready to go deeper at that stage and what I had learnt prepared me for what I had to go through. There were moments when I wondered if I would ever be able to function again, let alone rise up. The false-self that had been in place since I was a child had cracked open and I was no longer willing to play the same roles. Patience and Persistence It was clear that I had to hang in there and to keep going no matter what - there was no alternative. I believed that there had to be a way for me to get myself out of the hole that I was in. There were ups and there were downs but I kept going, and this meant that I gradually came across the information and support that I needed. This time in my life did supply me with a lot of insights, but that doesn’t mean that I would want to go through it all again. Final Thoughts I want to be clear, though, that this doesn’t mean that I am now living the perfect life. But what it does mean is that I have come a long way and I now know what it feels like to experience inner peace. So, if you have hit rock bottom, take a moment to consider that you have what it takes to rise up. The important thing is that you do what you can to surrender to what is going on and to reach out for support if you need it.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone shares something online, they can end up receiving a fair amount of attention, and this can allow them to feel good about themselves. Even so, what happens online might only be a small part of their life.
Therefore, they won’t be completely dependent on this attention, meaning it won’t be the end of the world if they don’t always get it or if they don’t receive a certain amount. What this can then show is that they have relationships with people in the real word that are deeply fulfilling. Two Ways When it comes to the attention they receive online, it will be a one way process; however, when it comes to their real relationships, it will be a two way process. One will be there for a friend, for instance, and their friend will be there for them. The kind of attention that they receive from a real person is likely to be far more fulfilling than the attention they receive from one or even a hundred people online. This is, ultimately, because they will have real human contact. No Substitute In the same way that real food can’t be replaced by basic supplements; real relationships can’t be replaced by online relationships. Being around real people will help in the regulation of their nervous system, allowing their whole being to feel more at peace. What this will then do is have a positive effect on their immune system, which will have a positive effect on their health and wellbeing. There will be what takes place when they are in another person’s presence, and, there will be how they feel for a little while once they have parted ways. A Number of Needs If one only had the need for attention and didn’t need anything else, they wouldn’t need to have real relationships. This comes down to the fact that they are an interdependent human being, whose sense of themselves depends on the interactions that they have with others. So, in the same way that their body needs food in order to exist, their sense of self needs other people in order to exist. In their real relationships, they will be able to talk about what they have been doing, how they feel, and even share physical touch. Another Part And, one of the main reasons why they are able to have these kinds of relationships will be due to the fact that this is what feels comfortable. Being emotionally vulnerable and opening up to real people is not going to be a problem. What is also going to help is that while they will believe that their needs are important, they are not going to be totally consumed by them. This is what will allow them to reach out to others. Another Scenario There are then going to be others that have traded in most of their two-way relationships for the one-way relationships that they have online. That is, of course, if they can really be called relationships. They may have a few people in their life that they experience real intimacy with, relationships that are based on both give and take. Where it won’t just be about giving each other attention – it will also be about fully showing up and being present. An Empty Existence Then again, they might not, and someone like this might only have relationships with others that are very shallow. Ergo, they might talk about surface level things, and even share their body with certain people, but that might be as far as it goes. It will be as if they are living on food that has very little, if any, nutritional value, and this is going to cause a number of their needs to go unmet. But, the pain that they experience through living in this way could generally be kept at bay by all the attention that they receive online. Out of Touch There is the chance that they don’t have a strong connection with their emotional needs, and this may mean that they have objectified themselves. They are then not in integrated human being, but a divided human being who is using themselves to fulfil their basic needs. These needs could be seen as the needs of their ego, as opposed to the needs of their heart. And while social media does allow them to receive attention, in the form of ‘likes’ and comments, the main thing it does is allow them to take care of their dopamine addiction. A Closer Look While there can be people who have traded in real relationships for attention, there can be others who have never had real relationships to begin with. When it comes to the former, someone may have been through a bad break up, causing them to shut down emotionally and to settle for hits of dopamine instead of connecting deeply with real human beings. On the other hand, when it comes to the people who have never experienced deeper connections with others, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they had to disconnect from themselves to survive. Protection Receiving attention from a distance and not getting too close to anyone is then going to be what feels safe. Deep down, they can believe that they are inherently flawed and that they would be rejected if they revealed their true-self. The image that they present to the world can be of someone who is confident, and they might even be aesthetically pleasing, but this will mask what is really going on for them. Their happy face or perfect complexion will be there to make sure that people don’t realise what is actually going on, as this would probably trigger what is taking place deep within them and cause them to be overwhelmed. Conclusion It could be said that just about every human being on the planet has the need to experience a deep connection with their fellow human beings and the earth, and this is because they are part of everything - separation is simply a product of the mind. Thus, if this connection is broken, it is naturally going to lead to pain and suffering. If someone finds it hard to connect to their fellow human beings and nature, it is likely to show that they find it hard to connect with themselves. The reason for this is that the relationship that someone has with themselves is what typically defines the relationship they will have with everything else. What will most likely make it hard for them to connect with their body is trauma, and this can be the result of what they have been through as an adult and what took place during their early years, along with what has been passed down to them from their ancestors. If someone wants to develop a deeper connection to themselves and life, they may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the book, ‘When The past is Present’, David Richo goes into how our past can still influence what is taking place in our present This was a book I read in 2012, so I can’t remember any specific details about it.
However, I had an experience recently that clearly demonstrated how what took place in the past can impact the present. I often spend a certain amount of time in an environment where, at times, I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells. Unstable As to whether or not I can relax depends on if a certain person is there or not; if they are, I feel as though I have to be on alert and, if they are not, I can settle down. When I crossed paths with this person a little while ago, my inner world soon changed. And what added to this experience was when this person ended up making a big deal over something that hadn’t been done. I already felt tense, and I ended feeling emotionally overwhelmed. The Outcome Afterwards, part of me became angry and I thought about getting my own back. I could have felt like a victim and seen this person as a perpetrator, which would have meant that I played no part in what took place. One way of looking at this would be to say that there was absolutely no reason for me to feel this way as my life was not under threat. But, when this situation is looked at from a deeper place, it is possible to see the bigger picture. A Mirror There are two parts here: what happened between me and the other person, and what caused me to spend time in this environment to begin with. How I feel when I’m around this person is similar to how I used to feel around my mother as a child – she was emotionally unstable, to say the least. Many years have passed since that time but, the trauma of those years had stayed within me. How I felt, along with the beliefs I created during this time, is then what played a big part in me having this experience and being drawn to this environment. Self-Awareness Now, it wasn’t pleasant for me to have this experience, and if I hadn’t been aware of what was going on, I would have believed that I played no part in what took place. This doesn’t mean that I’m ‘special’ or have a special ability; it’s simply the result of all the work I have put in to understand myself since 2003. The experiences that I had as a child set me up to feel comfortable with being around people who were emotionally unstable. This became what was familiar, and what is familiar is what is safe to the ego mind. Final Thoughts Before this incident took place I was aware of how an early wound was being played out with this person, yet my awareness increased after this took place. Up until this point, it was as though I was looking though a window that wasn’t completely clear. Due to the work I had done on myself, I was able to observe what was taking place within me. If, on the other hand, I had been identified with it, it would have stopped me from being able to see how my external world was mirroring back what was taking place within me. If you can see that there are certain patterns that continually play out in your life, and you want to embrace your inherent power, it might be a good idea for you to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Over the years, I have written a number of articles that go into the affect that social media is having on the world, and one of the affects that came to my mind again recently was how easy it was for someone to deceive their so-called ‘friends’. This can take place by only uploading certain pictures and by editing the pictures that they do upload.
There is then going to be what is actually taking place in their life and then, there is going to be how they come across to others. And while there may be times when the difference is pretty insignificant; there could be times when it is similar to the difference between night and day. A Cover Up Only uploading certain pictures and heavily editing the pictures they do share is likely to be a way for them to not only create a certain image but to receive approval from their ‘friends’. They may believe that if they were to share pictures were they were doing normal things and where they didn’t look perfect, this wouldn’t happen. Or it they did receive ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ from others, they wouldn’t receive the same amount. And, by being caught up in how they come across and their need for approval, they might not be aware of the impact that their behaviour is having on others. It’s Normal There are likely to be people who see the life that they appear to be living and end up feeling down and even envious. This is not to say that someone should play small in life so that they don’t have negative effect on others; however, there is clearly a difference between living a fulfilling life and creating the impression that this is so. Still, even if someone does live a fulfilling life, it doesn’t mean that they will do something exciting everyday or always take pictures where they look like a celebrity from an airbrushed photo shoot. Additionally, if someone is living a fulfilling life, they may be too busy living life to spend so much time managing their social media identity. Two Parts Interestingly, not only can other people buy into the illusion that they have created; they can also buy into the illusions that other people create. The people who view their profile can feel the need to create an even bigger illusion to keep up with them, and they can have the same need after they have seen the illusions that other people have created. And the more time that someone spends trying to create the perfect life online, the less time they will have to create a fulfilling life offline. Their focus will be on pleasing others as opposed to pleasing themselves. Final Thoughts It is easy to fall into this social media trap and to lose sight of what truly matters in life, such as: connecting to others and making a difference. When someone creates the impression that they live the perfect life, they can create more space between them and others, and they can become totally consumed with themselves, making it harder for them to extend themselves to others.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When I was reading the book, ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’, there was a chapter that went into how important it was to have many different areas of interest in life, and not to put all our eggs in one basket, so to speak. The author, Susan Jeffers, pointed out that a lot of people make their partner the centre of their life.
Hearing this made me think about how I had made a number of women the centre of my world in the past, and I was only too aware that this wasn’t a good idea. This was something that took place during the time in my life when I hadn’t started writing and when I had just started to write. The Main Focus I had other interests in my life at this time but, whenever I was with a woman, all these other areas faded into the background. It was as if the woman was in full colour yet the other areas of my life were in black and white. Consequently, I ended up acting needy and sending too much energy towards her, which would often cause her to pull away. So, instead of acting like an individual, I acted as though I was just an extension of her. An Imbalance She may have wanted to be with someone who she could share her life with, but what she got was someone who behaved more like her child. Needless to say, this was not an area of my life that was very fulfilling. Still, the women I ended up with had their own corresponding issues or we wouldn’t have crossed paths. And, as I had made these women the centre of my world, it was incredibly painful when our time together came to an end. An Inner Emptiness Over time, I came to see that the reason I made a woman the centre of my world was because I hadn’t emotionally separated from my own mother and developed a strong sense of self. Thus, I felt empty and like a neglected child deep down, and this was wounded part of me was looking for its mother. Connecting to a woman would then cause me to regress and to project my unhealed parts onto her, thereby making it impossible for me to see her as just another human being. A human being who has their own needs, challenges, and wounds, for instance. Self-Reflection I ended up thinking about if I would want to be with a woman who acted more like my child than my equal, and it became clear how off-putting this would be. I thought that I would want to be with a woman who has plenty going on in her life, and doesn’t see me as her caregiver either, so that she doesn’t expect me to fulfil all her needs. There were needs that I would be able to meet and needs that I would be able to meet, and the same would apply when it came to my needs. It was also clear that I needed other interests in life so that I didn’t make another person the sole focus of my life. Final Thoughts If we are not happy with our own life and we expect someone else to make us happy, we are going to be putting a lot of pressure on another person and this will make us less appealing. On the other hand, if we are living a fulfilling life, we are going to be far more attractive to another person. And, through being enriched by the life that we lead and by having a number of different interests, we won’t need to make another person more important than they are. We will value them, but we won’t elevate them into the position of a supreme being. Naturally, it is going to be a lot easier to live in this way when we feel emotionally whole and are in touch with our own needs. If you feel empty and find it hard to connect to your needs, you may need to reach out for the support of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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