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The other night, I watched a video of a brown bear that kept walking around in circles. This bear was not in a cage, though, it was outside and was thus, free to go anywhere that it wanted.
Apparently, it wasn’t that long ago that this bear was in a cage and didn’t have the freedom that it does now. This bear’s environment had then changed but its behaviour had stayed the same. A Crazy Scenario It would be easy to reflect on this and to think “wow, this bear is not very clever” and “if it was more intelligent, it would be able to see what is going on and to change its behaviour.” Now, as easy as it is to do this, what is not as easy is for someone to recognise when they are doing the same thing, or to change their behaviour when they are aware of this. This is not to say that they will have lived in a small area and now they are free to go just about wherever they want. No, it is likely to be far more subtle than that and this is why it can go under the radar, so to speak. Another Element Furthermore, if they have behaved in a certain way for more or less their whole life, they might not even notice this behaviour. This is going to mean that it will be normal; thereby preventing them from questioning what is going on. What can also play a part in this is that they can live in a society where what they are doing is a common occurrence. Therefore, if they are not aware of what is going on, it is unlikely that anyone around them will say anything. One More To top it all off, this could be someone who is extremely ‘intelligent’ and have numerous qualifications. This can make it hard to accept that they would behave in a way that is not serving them. At this point, it would be easy to wonder: how could someone like this behave in this way if they actually are intelligent? The question that could also arise at this point is: is there more than one kind of intelligence? The Same Pattern When it comes to what someone can do that doesn’t serve them, there are numerous examples. If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they could see that they are continually attracted to people who are not available and, even when they know that someone is not available, they keep going back to them. And/or, they may have people in their life who don’t treat them very well. Some of these people may have been in their life for years and they could find more people who are like this as time passes. Drawing the Line So, whether someone can relate to one of the behaviours above, or if it is another behaviour or behaviours that are undermining them, they may be in a position where they are ready to change their life. If one does see themselves as ‘intelligent’, they may wonder how they could have been so ‘stupid’ for so long. Yet, if they do respond in this way, it will be important for them to keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that they are stupid or that there is something inherently wrong with them. What it will simply show is that they have a mind that is very good at deceiving them and precluding them from developing self-awareness in the process. The Right Education Additionally, there is a strong chance that they didn’t learn about how their mind works whilst they were in the education system. When it comes to what they learned, this would have probably been what would benefit ‘the system’, not what would allow them to gain a deeper understanding of themselves, to develop self-awareness and to heal their inner wounds. Without a doubt, if the education taught these three things, it wouldn’t take long until there was a massive shift on this earth. With these understandings, more and more people would be able to be the change that they want to see in the world as opposed to trying to change the world, whilst being in a complete a mess themselves. Going Deeper Anyway, for one to understand why they would behave in ways that don’t serve them, it will be necessary for them to understand that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind. When it comes to the latter, this part of them is not only hidden, but it is also far more powerful than the former and it can want different things. With this in mind, the way for them to understand why they would behave in a destructive manner is to connect to this part of them and to find out what it is trying to achieve. This part of them will reveal what is going on but that doesn’t mean that any of it will make sense to their conscious mind, at least in the beginning. Back In Time If one can see that they have the inclination to be drawn to people who are unavailable and, once they know someone is like this, they go back to them, it is likely to illustrate that part of them is trying to resolve a situation from their past. During their younger years, they may have had at least one caregiver who wasn’t available. Many years will have passed since that time but their emotional/child self has no sense of time and will still be trying to receive what it didn’t receive all those years ago. This part of them won’t give up until it receives what it missed out on. A Compulsion This part is not concerned about how much pain this behaviour is causing them; it is possessed by its need to finally receive what it missed out on. All the suffering that this behaviour has caused will show them that this is the case. Another part of this is that even though this part of them will want to receive what it missed out on, it will also fear receiving it. What this comes down to is that as painful as their early years were, it would have been associated as what is familiar, and what is familiar is classed as what is safe to their ego-mind. A New Beginning Thus, as crazy as it is to endlessly behave in a way that does no good whatsoever, what makes it even crazier is that this part also fears the very thing that it is trying to receive. Having said that, it is through this process of repeating the past that it is possible for one to become aware of what it is that they need to heal so that they can become more integrated and whole. The trouble is, of course, is that if one is not aware of what is going on they won’t be able to make use of the information that their external world is providing them. Instead of being able to see what is going on and to resolve what is showing up, they will continually do something that will either greatly undermine them at best and slowly, or instantly, kill them at worst. Awareness On one level, there is the behavioural pattern that is not serving them, and, at a deeper level, there is the emotional pain that is keeping this pattern in place. For their life to change, they will need to get in touch with this pain and to work through it. By working through this pain, their need to behave in a certain way will gradually subside. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on their own behaviour, they may see that they have the inclination to hide their own needs. They may see that, in general, this is something that just happens.
It is then not going to be something that they always think about doing; it will often take place automatically. Naturally, this is going to mean that a lot of their needs are rarely, if ever, met. Not Their Own Island As they are an interdependent human being, they are going to need other people to meet certain needs. There are then going to be the needs that they can take care of and the needs that they can’t take care of. Through keeping certain needs to themselves, then, they are likely to spend a lot of time ‘running on empty’. They will be like a vehicle that desperately needs attention but does its best to keep going. Two Parts The other part of this is that one could have the tendency to hide their needs from themselves. Ergo not only are other people going to struggle to understand what it is that they need, they will also be in the same position. If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have often come across as though they are needless. Nonetheless, this won’t have always been something that they did to deceive others; it will have often been a consequence of them being out of touch with their own needs. Their Focus Whenever this has taken place, they may have been focused on another person’s needs. Their own needs will have been put to one side and the other person’s needs will have taken centre stage. By behaving in this way, it may have allowed them to receive a fair amount of approval and to have even met some of their needs indirectly. There is the chance that most of the people in their life see them as being ‘selfless’ and only too happy to be there for them. A Build-Up But, even if one has often behaved in this way around others, their inner experience will have been very different. If they have done their best to keep their true feelings at bay, they could find that they often feel frustrated and depressed. The pain of not being there for themselves will have compounded over the years, having a negative impact on them in the process. Still, whenever it has come to their attention, they may have done their best to push it out of their conscious mind. Self-Neglect So, what is going to be normal for someone like this is to overlook their own needs, which means that they are overlooking themselves. Their needs are important, just as important as anyone else’s needs. With this in mind, it shows that something isn’t right. What they should feel comfortable with is paying attention to their needs and doing what they can to meet them. A Closer Look If one does what they can to hide their needs from others and themselves, it is likely to be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when their needs were seldom met. Instead of having caregivers who provided ‘good enough care’, these people may have often left them and, even when they were around, they might not have been emotionally available. The outcome of this is that they wouldn’t have received the care or the level of attunement that they needed to be able to grow and develop. The Fall Out As they were egocentric at this stage of their life, how they were being treated would have been taken personally. It was then not that they were left because their caregivers had their own issues; no, it was because they themselves were bad and worthless. These experiences would have caused them to develop a shame-based identity and the expression of their needs would have been associated as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned. Consequently, disconnecting from this part of them would have been seen as the only way for them to keep their caregivers around and thus, to survive. Replaying The Past Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but at a deeper level, being connected to their true-self and expressing their needs will still be seen as a threat to their very survival. Expressing their needs will be seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned all over again, and for their life to come to an end. The truth is that not only is what took place is over but that they survived what happened. However, as their body is still carrying the pain of what took place and their mind still has the associations that were formed all those years ago, it won’t be possible for them to know that it’s over. Awareness For them to know, at the core of their being, that what happened is over and to express their needs, they will need to work through this pain and to change these associations. This will partly take place by grieving their unmet childhood needs. To do this, they may need to reach out for the assistance of a therapist or healer. With their presence and support, one will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves and to process their pain and to change their associations.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In most, if not all, societies around the world, it is normal for a large part of the citizenry to look towards others for answers and to guide them. In a lot of cases, these people don’t just look towards anyone, though; they look towards the experts and the authorities.
Nonetheless, this approach won’t be something that has just started with them; it will most likely be something that their parents and even grandparents did to a certain degree. Therefore, this is not going to be a new way of being. For Example If someone like this feels unwell and is not at their best, they are likely to reach out to their Dr. It might not matter if they have a physical or a mental and emotional problem, as the same thing could occur. There is the chance that one won’t know why they are the way that they are which is why they will need someone ‘out there’ to tell them. It might not even cross their mind that they could develop a deep understanding of themselves. The Current Paradigm Looking towards others will just be what happens, and there are likely to be plenty of people in their life who do the same thing, As a result of this, there will be no reason for them to question their behaviour. And, even if they were to try a different approach, it might not be long until they start to experience a fair amount of inner pressure. Part of them could tell them that they are doing the wrong thing and need to get the all-clear from the right people. Resistance It could be said that this will be the conditioned part of them; the part that has absorbed a lot of messages from different authority figures over the years. A lot of these messages will have entered their mind during their childhood years, with this being a time when they were unable to think for themselves. The conditioned part of them, then, will kick in if they go off the beaten track and activate their true-self. Thus, even if they were not encouraged to look outside of themselves for answers, there would still be the voice inside their head that keeps them in line. Another Area Along with looking outside for answers, it is also normal for a large part of the citizenry to look towards others to provide safety and security. This need is likely to be taken care of by the government. This entity will position itself as being in place to look after them, and there will be a number of different ways that this entity does this. This entity is going to be like an all-knowing, all-powerful god. Out of Balance Thanks to the experts and the government, it will be as if the citizenry is in an adult version of a day care centre. Like a child who is in this position, a citizen won’t have to worry about too much as there will be people there who will do their best to make sure that they are looked after and that nothing bad happens to them. Still, in a real day care centre, there will be moments when things go wrong and the same will apply to the day care centre that has been created in large parts of the earth. With this in mind, even though what is taking place on the earth is just seen as how life is by a lot of people, it could be said that it is a sign that something is amiss. A Closer Look One way of looking at this would be to say that what is currently taking place on this earth is a sign that a large part of humanity is living on the surface of themselves. Through being in a disembodied state, it is to be expected that they would have outsourced so much and be dependent on people ‘out there’ to provide them with things that they would otherwise provide for themselves. When someone lives on the surface of themselves, it is going to mean that they have a weak to nonexistent connection with their own body. Consequently, it will be a challenge for them to access their body’s wisdom and their ability to be aware of what is taking place inside them will be greatly undermined, making it hard for them to see how their outer world mirrors back their inner world. What’s going on? What this illustrates is that human beings are not born as blank slates or that their mind is the only part of them that knows anything; they are born with an inherent wisdom and their body has an intelligence of its own. The big question is: why would someone be estranged from their own body and spend most of their time in their head? If someone lives in this way, what it is likely to show is that they have experienced trauma and are now in a traumatised state. In order to stop them from being overwhelmed, and their life coming to an end in the process, they would have disconnected from their body – the part of them where they feel things – and gone into their head. Stepping Back Not only would this trauma have separated them from their body, losing touch with their inner wisdom and guidance in the process, it would have also destroyed their sense of safety and security. Being in a traumatised state can then be seen as what will cause someone to outsource things to people ‘out there’. Therefore, by being in a traumatised state, someone will be a shadow of the person who they would be if they were in an embodied state. Naturally, this inner disconnection will cause them to have a very different experience on this earth to the one that they would have if they were connected to themselves. Final Thoughts When a large part of the humanity is estranged from themselves, due to being in a traumatised state, there is going to be a strong need for people ‘out there’ to guide and to look after them. This trauma will keep them in an undeveloped state, prevent them from stepping in their power and make them dependent on outside authorities. If someone experiences life in this way, and they are ready to change their life, it will be imperative for them to work through their trauma so that they can reconnect to themselves. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
A number of years ago, the mainstream media spent a lot of time talking about “fake news”. This was seen as something that was “undermining democracy” and had led to a “post-truth world.”
As time passed, different social media platforms cracked down on the “fake news” and fact-checking sites were introduced to make it easier for people discern what is or isn’t true, among other things. A big part of their message has been that the mainstream media can be trusted, whilst alternative media can’t. A Black and White Issue Therefore, in order for someone to know what is actually going on in the world, they will need to pay attention to the mainstream media. This will stop them from being deceived by other sources. These sources are then going to exist to send them down the garden path and to undermine their countries democracy. If one wants to do the right thing then, they will shun these other sources. Another Outlook Now, if someone pays attention to other new sources, they could believe that it is not this black and white. If anything, they could believe that the mainstream media has been pumping out “fake news” for decades. But, as this news source was the only one for so many years, it made it a lot harder to realise this. It is then not so much that this source has a problem with “fake news”; it’s that it doesn’t like competition. Masters of Deception Furthermore, it wants to have complete control over what people believe and how they see the world. If this is so, it would also mean that this source is engaging in something called projection. When this takes place, someone or an entity will project their own motivations and/or issues into another person or entity. Ergo, perhaps the reason why this source reacted in the way that they did was primarily that they were exposed to something that they themselves do but simply can’t acknowledge. Two Options If someone does pay attention to other news sources, they could spend a fair amount of time-consuming what the alternative media has to say. They could believe that this source is there to actually inform others, or they could question a lot of what they hear. Maybe, they just like to think for themselves and, as a result of this, are not happy to just swallow everything that one news source tells them. This means that they will be only too aware of the fact that not everything they hear will be accurate; some of it will be false and some of it will have been taken completely out of context. A Bystander When someone looks into what is taking place, regardless of what source they are paying attention to, they will be finding out about what is supposedly taking place ‘out there’. In other words, one will be separate from what is going on, an observer. Like a spectator at a sports game, they will be on the sidelines and won’t be playing a part in what is going on. Thus, certain things ‘out there’ will be real and certain things will be false, and differentiating between the two will be the key. Another Angle However, what if one, along with their fellow human beings, is not just an observer of what is going on ‘out there? What if they are both the observers and the co-creators of what is taking place in the world? If this is the case, it would mean that while some news will be real and other news false, what is going on ‘out there’ is simply a manifestation of consciousness. Deep down, then, beyond the physical reality that is experienced through the five senses, it is all an illusion and, consequently, not real. A Different Focus Taking this into account, someone can spend a lot of time and effort trying to work out what is ‘real’ or what is ‘false’, or they can realise that, at a deeper level, it’s all false. Through having this understanding, it can stop them from being totally caught up in what is going on ‘out there’ and to co-create a different world. This can take place by not feeding into the dramas that are going on externally and being the very thing that they want to see more of externally. As they change their own consciousness, the collective consciousness will also change. Connected To change their own consciousness, they will most likely need to heal their inner wounds. These inner wounds will be the result of what they have experienced as an adult, what took place during their early years, and what their ancestors passed down to them. The reason why cleaning their own consciousness will change the collective consciousness is that they are not separate from anyone or anything. Their sense of separation will be something that their ego-mind, along with their eyes, creates. Final Thoughts When it comes to dealing with their inner wounds and trauma, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. As more people no longer feed into the dramas that are ‘out there’ and become aware of how they are co-creating their world and the planet as a whole, the world will change. Thanks to this shift, the effect that the inner world has on the outer world will become something that is widely known.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The mainstream media routinely gives exposure to stories where one person, or a group of people, is the victim and another person, or a group of people, is the perpetrator. One person will then have been randomly harmed in some way by another person.
The former will have been powerless to do anything about what was going on, while the latter will have had all the power. In other words, there will have been a power imbalance. The Solution As a result of what has happened, another person or entity will have needed to step in and to rescue this person. Not only this, they will have needed to deal with the person who was in the wrong and to make sure that they faced the consequences of their actions. If it wasn’t for the person or entity that rescued the victim, then, they may still be in the same position. The perpetrator would then be able to continue to cause them harm and make their life a misery. A Local Level One doesn’t need to pay attention to this source of information, though, in order to hear about a story like this. A friend or family member could have recently been in the same position. In this scenario, this person would have been the victim and another person would have been the perpetrator. As for the rescuer, this may have been one of their friends or a family member, or someone from the outside. Closer to Home If one was to reflect on their own life, they might see that they have been a victim on a number of occasions. Someone who they were in a relationship with or someone at work may have been the perpetrator. As for the rescuer, this may have been one of their friends or family members when it came to their relationships, or, if it was at work, it could have been someone who was higher up. What each of these examples illustrates is that this scenario takes place on every level and is not limited to what happens on the world stage or at an individual level. A Permanent Experience Along with the aforementioned experiences, there are also people who are unable to go from being a victim to being a victor after they have been rescued. For someone like this, they can stay in this position and continue to need another person or entity to take care of them. The perpetrator will then have been dealt with, but they won’t be in a position where they are able to take care of themselves. The rescuer, in whatever form this takes, will continue to have their back. Stepping Back Now, although this scenario is played out on all levels and there are people who, in addition to being victimised, see themselves as victims, what if there is more to what is going on than meets the eye? What if someone like this is not inherently a victim and actually has control over how they experience life and what does or doesn’t happen to them? Nevertheless, if someone who sees themselves as a victim was to hear this, they could say that this is an example of ‘victim-blaming’. Here, the person who is being mistreated and even harmed is being held accountable for something that they are not playing a part in. Two Levels To gain an understanding of how someone like this would be playing a part in their experience, what needs to be acknowledged is that they, along with every other person on the planet, don’t just have a conscious mind. In addition to this part of them, they have what is classed as an unconscious mind. Their unconscious mind will have a far greater effect on their life than their conscious mind. This part of them will contain parts of themselves that they have rejected and emotional pain, among other things. Emotionally Attached At this deeper level of their being, they can feel helpless, powerless and violated. Moreover, feeling this way is likely to be what is familiar and therefore, what is classed as what is safe to their ego-mind. What this means is that a big part of them is going to feel comfortable experiencing these feelings. The feelings that they carry are also going to cause them to vibrate at a certain frequency; a frequency that will cause them to be drawn to situations where they will be ‘victimised’, allowing them to re-experience the feelings that feel comfortable at a deeper level. A Natural Outcome Considering this, if someone is not aware of the fact that they have an unconscious mind, let alone that it is having a bigger effect of their life than their conscious mind, or that this part of the is carrying a lot of ‘negative’ material, it is to be expected that they will end up coming into contact with perpetrators. When this takes place, they will need someone ‘out there’ to save them. For them to step into their power and to no longer play out this victim/perpetrator/rescuer dynamic, they will need to see that they are unconsciously victimising themselves and to put this to an end by rescuing themselves. A key part of this will be for them to realise that they are not merely an observer of their reality and that they are co-creating their life. Awareness Through healing their own ‘darkness’ and raising their own consciousness, they will be raising the consciousness of the planet in the process. When it comes to healing their own inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer. If someone is a very bad way and is around people who are victimising them, they are likely to need a lot of support at this point in time. But, by getting this support, they will be able to draw the line and to start a new chapter in their life. Ergo, even though someone will be being victimised by their unconscious mind, it doesn’t mean that they won’t need to be ‘rescued’ at this stage of their life.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Has A Large Part Of Humanity Outsourced Their Perception Of Reality To The Media?13/1/2021
In today’s world, there are a lot of people who looks towards the mainstream media to inform them about what is taking place in the world. In fact, this will be the main source that they look towards to keep them up to date about what is happening ‘out there’.
When someone is in this position, there is the chance they will have been this way for most, if not all of their time on this earth. In general, looking towards this source is going to be something that just happens, as opposed to something that they consciously choose to do. All in the same Boat The people in their life could also look towards the same source to keep them up to date. Through being surrounded by people who are the same, there will be no reason for them to question their behaviour. Both one and the people in their life are likely to view the world in the same way. How they see the world will merely be seen as what the world is like, not just how they perceive it to be. The Truth This is because this source of information will create the impression that they are simply covering what is taking place in the world. In other words, not only will there be one world, there will also be one experience or reality. So, like a photographer who just captures what is going on around them; this source will just capture what is going on in the world. Thus, to stay up to date with this experience, it will be essential for someone to stay plugged into this source of information. False Information If one was to come across the alternative media or another source of information that had a different view of what is taking place in the world, they could come to the conclusion that this news is not the truth. They could say that what this source says is ‘fake news’ and this could be backed up by the mainstream media, their trusted source of information. Like a parental figure, this source, and different fact-checkers, will have their best interests at heart and will be there to make sure that they don’t end up believing lies. The key will be for them to stay away from these sources and to only look towards ‘trusted news sources’. Stepping Back Without even going into whether or not this sources main intention is to inform people at this point, what stands out is that someone like this will have given one external source the power to define their view of the world. But, even though this is the case, this could be something that hasn’t even occurred to them. If this was pointed out to them, they could say that this source only talks about what is actually going on so it doesn’t matter. Yet, even if the view that the mainstream has a hidden agenda and is there to control how people view reality is one big lie, the fact is that this source of information is compiled and presented by human beings. A Cloudy Lens What this means is that even if these people are coming from a good place, they don’t have the ability to see reality as it is; they can only see reality as they are. Said another way, what is taking place within them is defining how they view the external world. What is taking place internally will define what they believe is or isn’t important and what they will and won’t notice. Another part of this is that human beings are not just observers of their reality; they are the observers of their own creation. The Big illusion Nonetheless, although someone is not a passive observer of what is going on externally and is co-creating their experience, their ego-mind, along with their eyes, will tell them otherwise. Consequently, the mainstream media is presenting what is taking place externally; nothing more, nothing less. And, when one goes along with this source's view and gives it their attention, they will be supporting the very reality that this source has created as holds as the truth. With their attention and the attention of everyone else who is also plugged into this source, the media’s version of reality will be sustained. Two Things What this emphasises is how important it is for someone to be careful of what they focus on. If they continue to behave in this way, they will continue to support the world that this source presents – a world that is full of problems and drama – and they won’t be able to co-create a world that is harmonious and kind. No longer giving this source the ability to define their view of the world will mean that they will have to look towards others sources and to come to their own conclusions, exerting more effort in the process, but this is likely to give them a more accurate understanding of some of the things that are taking place ‘out there’. The key will be for them to keep in mind that it is not possible for them to just observe reality as are always playing a part in their experience. Final Thoughts When it comes to what they experience ‘out there’, there will the effect that both their conscious and unconscious mind has. Even if their conscious mind is full of positivity, it doesn’t mean that their unconscious mind will be. This part of them can be loaded up with ‘negativity’; ‘negativity’ that will shape their reality and feed into the collective consciousness, shaping what happens on the planet as a whole. Through dealing with their own baggage, they will change their life and the planet.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Emotional Pain: Can Someone Carry A Lot Of Emotional Pain If They Experienced Childhood Trauma?12/1/2021
Although experiencing emotional pain from time to time is simply part of being human, it doesn’t mean that everything can relate to this experience. For some people, this is something that they will experience after a breakup, a loss, the end of a job, or when something doesn’t go as they had planned, there are others who will more or less always be in pain.
When someone is in this position, something challenging won’t have needed to occur externally for them to be in a bad way. Being in pain will just be a normal part of their day-to-day life. Another Outcome However, if they are not experiencing a lot of emotional pain, it could be because they have been able to disconnect from how they feel. As a result of this, they generally won’t have to experience the pain that they are in. But, while this will give them a much-needed break, it will alienate them from an important part of themselves. The reason for this is that their emotional self won’t just be the part of them that allows them to feel things; it will also be the part of them that provides them with valuable information. Another Form of Intelligence When it comes to whether or not something is in their best interests, their emotional self will be there to guide them. This part of them will also be where their intuition is found; another part of them that will direct them in the right direction. Their ability to know what is right for them and what they need to do is then going to be greatly undermined. With this part of them offline, so to speak, they will be reliant on their intellect and the advice of others. One More Consequence Another thing that this part of them will do is allow them to feel connected to others and to life itself. Thus, through being out of touch with their emotional self, they are likely to feel disconnected and alone. It won’t matter how close they get to another person, as they won’t be able to truly connect to them. One may believe that sharing their body with another person will allow them to experience a deeper connection but this is unlikely to have much of an effect. The Lesser Of Two Evils Now, as numb as they will be through not being connected to their emotional self, this can be seen as being far better than the alternative. And, if they want to artificially bring themselves to life, they most likely won’t be short of options. Yet, as much as they will do their best to keep their emotional pain at bay, there could come a point in time when it will end up being triggered. They could experience some kind of loss and the floodgates will open. Totally Overwhelmed The defences that they had in place will have been cast aside and some of their emotional pain will have come to the surface. Said another way, some of what was locked in their unconscious mind/body will have entered their conscious mind. They will most likely be on solid ground at this pint but it could be as though they are all at sea. Their inner world will be all over the place and it might even seem as though they are going to die. Business as Usual They are going to be emotionally raw and, if there are moments when don’t feel overwhelmed, they could feel very low. A big part of them might want their life to go back to how it was, irrespective of how dead they felt. To go back to how they were before might take even more force to keep their pain at bay. Thanks to how much pain they are in, they are in the perfect position to become addicted to something that is destructive; that is, of course, if they are not already in this position. A Desperate Place The addiction can then be seen as the problem yet this will just be a consequence of the pain that they are in. They won’t be able to soothe themselves, so they will need something external to soothe them. It is then not that they are trying to get high; it is that they don’t want to be in pain. If someone was to believe that this person is weak or lacks willpower, it may show that they lack empathy and haven’t the faintest idea about what is going on for them. A Deeper Look When it comes to why someone would be carrying so much emotional pain, it could be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Throughout this stage of their life, they would have experienced a lot of pain, and this pain wouldn’t have been dealt with. Instead, they would have had to disconnect from this pain, which would have involved disconnecting from their body, and to live on the surface of themselves. The Past Is Present Many years will have passed since that point in time but the emotional pain that they experienced will still be in their body. Most likely, they will carry many layers of pain inside them. This pain won’t be removed by using positive thinking or by changing their thoughts and behaviour; it will need to be worked through. If one tries to use the same approach on their emotional body as they would on their mental body, they are unlikely to get very far. Awareness When it comes to the mental body, change takes place through using force; whereas when it comes to the emotional body, change takes place through surrendering to what is. Through feeling their feelings, they will be able to let them go. Nonetheless, as they are going to lack the inner strength to do this, they will most likely need to work with a therapist or healer. With their support, one will gradually be able to let go of their emotional baggage.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There can be a number of reasons as to why someone would be in a bad way and unable to simply ‘get on with life’ or to ‘put the past behind them.’ Perhaps their early years were very abusive or maybe they experienced a lot of neglect during this time.
It could go back even further than this as their birth or their time in their mother’s womb could have been traumatic. Then again, they might be able to relate to all of these experiences. One Focus Either way, they will do what they can to find the answers that they need, so that they can live a life that is worth living. They may have been looking for answers for a few months or they could have been for a number of years. If they have been this way for a quite some time, they could realise that not everything is going to fall into place on a weekend course or a week-long retreat. It could be clear that they are on a healing journey, which means that they are never going to be completely healed. Another Part Still, this doesn’t mean that they will always be in a bad way; what it means is that they will always have issues to work through or clear. Through having this outlook, they might be able to settle down and to trust that they are going in the right direction. Whereas if they believed that they were heading to a destination where they would be totally healed, it would be a lot harder for them to take their foot off the gas and to let go. Naturally, they would need to get to this destination as fast as possible, so that they are no longer by their inner wounds. Two keys This is why it is so important for them to be patient and persistent. Having the need for instant gratification may help with certain things but it is something that will create unnecessary problems on this journey. This part of them, a part that can be seen as a child part, will need to be kept in check. As for being persistent, this will allow them to keep going when they appear to hit a dead-end or when things don’t go as their mind thinks they should go. An Important Understanding It will also be helpful for them to realise is that although they are on a ‘healing journey’ it doesn’t mean that they will progress in a linear fashion. For example, a deep wound can be unlocked and this can cause them to feel worse than they did before. In fact, their whole life could end up going south after this has taken place. At this point, they could believe that they are going backwards, not forwards, and end up feeling hopeless as a result. Letting Go However, as time passes, it might gradually become clear that there is more to what is going on than meets the eye. They might soon see that before they and their life fell part, they were not truly in touch with themselves or going in the right direction. Therefore, while it seemed as though everything was getting worse, it was actually a time when the ground was being cleared so that they could develop a strong connection to themselves and go in the right direction. Stepping back from their feelings and seeing the big picture, along with experiencing and seeing positive changes, will allow them to know that this is the case. Faulty Thinking What this also illustrates is how important it is for them to be aware of when their mind sees something as being either black or white. When something ‘negative’ happens such as a setback, then, their mind can say that their life is getting worse. This part of them won’t be able to see that life is not one-dimensional or that there is information that they are not currently aware of. It will strip away the nuance or the grey, leaving them with a lopsided view of reality and they may feel helpless. Another Example Black and white thinking could also make an appearance when they have changed one area of their life only for it to go back to how it was. They may have moved somewhere else and ended up going back to where they were before or spent a lot of time around others and now they might spend more time by themselves. In a situation like this, their mind might kick in and say that they going backwards or are even a failure. In reality, they will have proven that they can do something and stepping back could very well be the best thing for their own evolution. Final Thoughts Taking this into account, if one is able to take a step back when their mind goes into black and white thinking mode, they will be able to be a lot kinder to themselves and it will be a lot easier for them to accurately assess their life. One can just acknowledge when this takes place, without needing to change or resist what is happening.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although someone may want to form deeper connections with others and to even have an intimate relationship, this might not have been possible. When it comes to the former, they may have only been able to get so close to people, and, when it comes to the latter, it might not be any better.
If they were to think about what is going on, they could end up feeling helpless and hopeless. What is taking place can then be seen as something that is totally out of their control, which can mean that they will end up feeling down and even depressed. The Right Things This is not to say that, up until this point, they will have simply sat around and hoped that their life would change, though. For a number of years, they may have put in a lot of effort to change this area of their life. However, while they will have done a lot, they won’t have been able to get very far. In fact, what they may see is that all this effort has just caused them to feel even more frustrated and angry. Another Scenario Conversely, one may have found that they have been able to get close to others but, when this happens, they don’t feel comfortable. Instead of feeling happy about being closer to another, they feel the need to back away. This could be something that baffles them and will have most likely prevented them from being able to move forward in this area of their life. They could believe that there is no reason why they should feel this way around others. The Same Position If someone is tying to get close to others and they haven’t had the aforementioned experience, it might only be a matter of time until they do. It could just be that they haven’t got to this point yet. Before long, then, they could find that they also feel uncomfortable experiencing the very thing that they desire. Therefore, as opposed to saying that these are two experiences, it might be more accurate to say that they are simply two different stages that one will go through. A Cold Existence When someone doesn’t feel comfortable getting close to others, they are likely to spend a fair amount of time feeling lonely. This can be a time when they will feel disconnected from everyone and everything. If they don’t feel this way, it could show that they have simply disconnected from their feelings/body. They can feel numb during this time but, before long, they could consume something, for instance, artificially changing their mood and temporarily bringing themselves to life in the process. Something Isn’t Right Now, as they are an interdependent human being and need others, it could be said that it is strange that they have the need to keep people at a distance. What should feel comfortable if being close to the right people - people who they feel safe with, have similar values and value, for example. As a result of this, one could believe that there must be something inherently wrong with them or they wouldn’t have this problem. What could come to mind at this point is that they have a ‘fear of intimacy’ and even a fear of people Diving Down If they do come to this conclusion, their conditioned mind could believe that both of these fears are irrational and that they just need to push themselves. These labels may fit but, at the end of the day, they are simply labels – labels that can be a starting point to looking deeper and gaining more self-knowledge or something that can prevent this from taking place. What needs to be looked into is why one wouldn’t feel comfortable with being close to others; something that is a vital part of their ability to survive and thrive. There is a strong chance that something happened to them at the beginning of their life and their conscious mind has forgotten all about this. Way Back During their formative years, they may have been abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Said another way, this would have a period of their life when they were routinely violated. As they were boundary-less and unable to defend themselves, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. The only thing that they could do was to disconnect from themselves and, thereby, to no longer be aware of what was taking place. The Foundations Were Laid In addition to this, their mind would have formed a number of associations to keep them alive. One can be that other people are a threat to their survival and another can be that they need to keep them at a distance to survive. The years would have passed but their whole being will be loaded up with trauma and it won’t want them to get close to anyone. It won’t matter that this stage of their life is over or that not everyone is the same as a big part of them will be stuck in the past and, consequently, will perceive life in the same way. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Negative Feelings: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Be Attached To ‘Negative’ Feelings?10/1/2021
If someone was to take the time to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that they rarely feel good. Along with how they feel, there is going to be what takes place.
At this point in time, they could believe that what takes place causes them to feel as they do. Therefore, their life is only going to change if they have different experiences - experiences that are life-affirming. A Closer Look If they were to make a list of how some of the situations in their life make them feel, they could end up with a number of ‘negative’ feelings. They could list some, if not all, of the following feelings: powerless, helpless, hopeless, worthless, rejected, abandoned, angry, enraged, fearful, overwhelmed and violated. This is not to say that they will always experience the same feelings; what it can mean is that when they experience something ‘negative’, they will experience some of the aforementioned feelings. Considering this, they are likely to have a lot of experiences that are ’bad’ and even deeply traumatic. For Example They could be used to spending time with people who treat them badly, and some of them might even physically harm them. Their friends and family could be this way, and they could work with people who are the same. There is the chance that they could live somewhere that isn’t very safe either, with this being somewhere where there is often violence and loud noises. Instead of being able to relax at home, they will need to be on guard. Out of Their Hands If they were to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it has been this way for a very long time. In fact, it may have more or less always been this way. It is then not going to be a surprise if they believe that they are powerless to do anything about what is going on. Consequently, they may believe that they need someone or something ‘out there’ to change their life. A Bystander They are then going to just happen to end up in these situations and won’t be playing a part. What will add weight to this view is that they will be fed up with what is going on and will desperately want their life to change. To say that they are playing a part in what is going on could be seen as an example of what is often described as ‘victim-blaming’. This is the term that will be used when a victim is seen as playing a part in what they experience. Diving Right Down Now, what is perfectly clear is that one is not consciously choosing to experience life in this way. If they were, they wouldn’t want their life to change and there would be no resistance to what is going on, and they would be incredibly masochistic. However, what needs to be taken into consideration here is that one doesn’t just have one mind, they have two minds. So, in addition to their conscious mind, they also have an unconscious mind. Two Needs As a result of this, although their conscious mind can want one thing, their unconscious mind can want somewhere else entirely. Due to this, they can end up in situations and experience feelings that don’t serve them. Yet, if this understanding is not in place, it will be normal for them to see themselves as a victim of circumstances. In reality, they will be being victimised by a part of them that they are not aware of. The First Part If they were to go deeper inside themselves, what they are likely to find is that they are emotionally attached to a lot of ‘negative’ feelings. Ergo, as painful as these feelings are, they will be what feel comfortable at a deeper level. This will mean that external circumstances don’t make them experience ‘negative’ feelings; they simply trigger how they already feel. Moreover, how they feel will cause them to co-create situations that allow them to experience these feelings. What’s going on? When it comes to why they would be attached to these ‘negative’ feelings, it can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Experiencing these feelings would have been painful but they would have ended up being associated by their ego-mind as what is familiar and therefore, what is safe. The years would then have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten all about what took place, and the outcome of this is that it would have seemed as though the external world made them feel a certain way. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. With this support, one will be able to work through their inner wounds and to let go of their attachment to ‘negative’ feelings in the process. As this pain is worked through and they start to feel different, their outer world will also change.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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Self-Love - How To Develop Self-Love And Self-Worth
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