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Before the alternative media came along, the mainstream media pretty much had complete control. What this meant was that it was normal for most people to believe just about everything this source came out with.
Nowadays, thanks to the alternative media, this source doesn’t have the same amount of control as it used to have in the past. But, while their influence over people has waned in recent years, it would be a mistake to believe that his source is on the way out. Old Habits Die Hard People of all ages pay attention to the mainstream media, just as there are people of all ages who don’t. What has undoubtedly given the mainstream a life line is the ease at which someone can consume what they sell due to modern-day technology. As long as someone has some kind of device, they can download what this source has to say no matter where they are. There is then no need for someone to watch TV or to listen to the radio, as they would have had to have done in the past to take in information from this source. Another Factor What has also played a part here is that is appears as though a lot of people are conditioned to believe things during their time in the education system that are in alignment with what the mainstream media comes out with. Said another way, the narrative that they are encouraged to buy into at this time is no different to the narrative that the mainstream media promotes. Therefore, it is as if this is a time when the foundations are laid, enabling them to accept what comes after. The all-knowing authority figures that they have at this time of their life (teachers) will then be replaced by another set of authority figures (news readers and ‘journalists’). Breaking Away However, even though there are people who won’t be able to think for themselves after spending a number of years in the education system, there will be plenty of people who will. Somehow, the indoctrination that they were exposed to at this time in their life won’t have completely lobotomized their brain. They will have managed to have developed critical thinking skills, the very thing that the education system will have most likely tried to condition out of them. Through having the ability to think critically, someone like this won’t be able to simply accept everything this source comes out with. Resistance The mainstream media is only too aware of the fact that there are people who are looking towards other sources and that more people will follow suit as time goes by. Ergo, like a gangster that has controlled a town for a number of years only for another gangster to appear, they are not taking this lying down. They have a number of tools to try to keep people in line, with one of these tools being to do what they can to destroy someone’s image. At other times, they will do what they can to destroy a websites image. Keeping It Simple This source of information will be aware of the fact that most human beings have a fear of being ostracised, which is why they will use the power of association to destroy anyone or anything that goes against their narrative. So, once a person or a website is seen as being bad, it will cause a lot of people to keep their distance. It will then be very similar to how a child won’t touch something after its parents have told them not to. Due to what the child has been told and has ended up internalising, it would experience guilt and shame, along with the fear of being rejected and abandoned, if they were to go against their parents demands. Operant Conditioning Let’s say that someone says something that goes against the accepted narrative, the mainstream media probably won’t even bother to disapprove what has been said; instead, they will label this person. This person will then end up being dehumanised, which will cause a lot of people to stay well away. It then won’t matter if what this person says is accurate and something that people need to hear, as the mainstream media will have tarnished their image. Through absorbing this conditioning, someone can end up experiencing guilt and shame, along with the fear or being ostracised, if they were to look into what this person has to say. Self-Control The mainstream is then not going to have to worry about someone like this thinking for themselves and finding out about what is really going on. Due to how this source has portrayed the people who go against the accepted narrative, one will do everything they can to keep themselves inline. When someone keeps themselves in line and doesn’t need anyone else to do it, they are surely the perfect slave. Someone like this won’t even realise that they are being controlled, which will stop them for rebelling. Conclusion The fact that the mainstream media uses this approach is just more evidence that their sole purpose is not to inform people. Ultimately, they main purpose it to define how people think and to lead them down a certain path. And, if anyone gets in the way of their mission, they will do everything in their power to destroy them in one way of another. This doesn’t always work, of course, and this shows how the world is changing.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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There are people in today’s world who have trouble with their anger, with this being something that has taken over their life. But, while there are people like this who reach out for support, there are others who don’t.
If someone in this position was to reach out for assistance and ended up changing their behaviour, it would make their life a lot easier. Through doing this, it would also mean that the people in their life would no longer need to experience this behaviour. A Force for Good It will then be a lot easier for the people in their life to settle down and to relax in their presence. In the past, some of the people in their life may have been on edge, in preparation for their next outburst. If there were people in their life who have kept their distance, some of these people might be more receptive to them. Ones health is also likely to benefit from them being able to keep their cool, as opposed to getting worked up so often. Business as Usual If someone in this position doesn’t reach out for support, their life will continue to go down the same trajectory. The people in their life will also continue to be on the receiving end up their outbursts. Yet, although some of these people will stay around, they may find that as time goes by, a number of people cut their ties with them. This will be a way for these people to look after their own wellbeing, and it can be a way for them to encourage one to change their behaviour. How So? Some of the people can believe that if one notices what is taking place, it might finally become clear to them how destructive their behaviour is. Telling this person directly won’t have worked, so maybe an indirect approach will work. It then won’t be direct, but there is the chance that it will have more of an effect on one than simple staying around them, hoping that they will change. Another person could believe that staying around them is just validating their behaviour; whereas cutting their ties will send them a clear message. A Mountain Out of Mole Hill During the moments when one gets angry, it could be something that takes place when something doesn’t go as expected or if someone tells them that they haven’t done something right. Straight after this, or shortly after, they could become consumed with anger. Their ability to behave in a rational manner is then going to disappear, with them coming across as though they have absolutely no-self control. One minute they can be clam and then next minute they can explode. One Angle One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they are somewhat of a perfectionist. Out of their need to get everything right and to do their best, it is a real shock to their system when something isn’t in alignment with their high standards. Not meeting their high standards then causes them to feel angry about how they have fallen short. If this is the case, it will be vital for them to realise that it is not possible for them to get everything right. Anger Management But, regardless of whether one can relate to this or not, they may be told that they need to learn how to manage their anger. Thus, in the same way that someone who is overweight will need to manage their hunger pangs, one will need to regain control of their anger. One could then end up going down the behavioural therapy route, focusing on the thoughts that they have before they get angry. By no longer getting caught up in these thoughts and breathing deeply, for instance, their behaviour may gradually change. A Band-Aid However, while this person’s anger could be seen as the real problem, it could be said that their anger is just a defence. What they may find, that’s if they were to put their anger to one side, is that they feel worthless and helpless, amongst other things. Therefore, if they no longer felt worthless deep down, they would no longer need to use this defence. With this in mind, focusing purely on their anger is not going to resolve the real issue – the only thing it will do is manage a symptom. A Closer Look When one is out of touch with how they feel at a deeper level, and is only aware of how they feel at a surface level, they can create the impression that they don’t want to feel worthless. This is then why they are getting angry when something doesn’t go as expected or when they do something wrong, for instance. Even so, although they are consciously trying to resist how they feel deep down by getting angry, they are unconsciously attached to feeling worthless. So, if one is only aware of what is going on at the first level, they can deceive themselves into believing that they are not attached to what is taking place deep down. A Big Part of Them At a deeper level, feeling worthless and helpless, amongst other things, will be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Feeling this way will be a big part of their identity. If they were not emotionally attached to feeling this way, they would have no reason to get so worked up. Getting angry can be seen as a sign that they don’t want to feel bad, when in reality; it is a sign that this is what feels comfortable. Self-Knowledge What this illustrates is that there is what is taking place consciously and what is taking place at a deeper level (or unconsciously), and, without this understanding, it can create all kinds of difficulties. There is a strong chance that they felt worthless and helpless during their early years, and that this gradually become what felt comfortable as time went by. But as the years passed, they would have ended up losing touch with what took place. Different defences would have built up over the years, disconnecting them from themselves in the process. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Is someone hated themselves, and they were to embrace how they feel, it would undoubtedly have a negative effect on their wellbeing. In the same way that filling a boat up with water would cause it to sink, embracing their self-hate would most likely cause them to sink.
It would end up being more or less impossible for them to feel good about themselves, causing them to feel down and even depressed. This would end up becoming an experience that they are accustomed to. Two Sides The abuse that they experience on the inside, as a result of how their inner critic talks to them, is likely to be coupled with the abuse that they experience on the outside. And, when someone does treat them badly, they can have the tendency to just tolerate it. If another person was to witness them being treated badly, they might have a strong need to tell them that they don’t deserve to be treated in this way. But, one is going to believe that being treated in this way is just what they deserve. Less-Than As they believe that they have no value, it will be as though there is no reason for them to be treated well by others. Being treated well by others is bound to feel strange and not something that sits well with them. So, unlike other human beings, it will be as if there is something that is inherently wrong with them. This could mean that there are even moments in their life when they think about ending their life. A Relief Doing this might be seen as something that would finally bring an end to the pain that they are experiencing. They may also believe that the world would be far better off without them, with their existence being a stain on the world. Then again, this might not cross their mind and they could just end up killing themselves slowly, with this being an expression of the death instinct. This can take place by not eating enough or eating too much, being around people who are dangerous, and/or abusing alcohol or drugs, for instance. A Miserable Life Unless someone like this reaches out for support, they are going to continue to live a life that is not worth living. And, even if they don’t end their life, they will punish themselves as much as they can while they are alive. One way of looking at this would be to say that they need to wake up or to snap out of the state that they are in, to see that they are not worthless. Breaking out of this state and no longer supporting the identity that they have formed will be vital, as this will allow them to gradually understand that they are valuable and that they are on this planet because they deserve to be. Another Scenario On the other side of this will be what happens when someone disconnects from their own self-hate. While the person above will be in a very low place, this person can end up going to a very high place. This is then not going to be a boat that sinks to the bottom of the ocean; it will be a boat that floats up to the sky. One is not going to see themselves as being less-than others; they will see themselves as being more-than others. A Superior Being Regardless of what position they hold in society, they can come across as though they are better than others. Other people could often describe them as being self-righteous and even deluded. Perhaps they belong to a religion or social causes play a big part in their life, with this being something that reinforces their belief that they are different to others. If they are very much into social justice, they can have the inclination to put people down who have different views to them. The Main Priority In their eyes, what they believe will be right and the people who have other views will be wrong. Being into social justice, and even politics, will allow them to constantly show how virtuous they are. They will need to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others each day in order to keep their true feelings at bay. Through having such a strong need for positive feedback, they can end up supporting just about any cause. A Release Criticising the people who are seen as bad will not only allow them to receive positive feedback, it will also allow them to let go of some of the hate that is within them. In the same way that someone can hit a punch bag to let off steam, this person will verbally abuse others to let off steam. Through projecting their own hate onto others, certain people will remind them of what they have lost touch with within themselves. Their need to destroy these people, or simply to destroy their reputation, will be a futile attempt at trying to destroy the part of themselves that they hate. A Destructive Force The amount of damage that someone like this can do, can all depend on what position they hold in society. If someone is the leader of a country, they could project their self-hatred onto another country, seeing this country as the problem. Alternatively, someone like this could project their hate onto the person they are in a relationship with or onto the opposite gender. No matter who they project it into, it is likely to create more drama in the world. Awareness When someone projects their self-hate onto others as a defence against experiencing their own self-hate, it is unlikely that they will be open to working with a therapist. Through being completely out of touch with themselves, other people will be seen as the problem, not them. But, if this defence was to come crashing down and they were to come face-to-face with their own pain, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone holds themselves back in life, there are at least two things that can take place. If one is not aware of the fact that they are holding themselves back, they can come to see themselves as a victim.
On the other hand, if one is aware of the fact that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they will be able to take a deeper look into why this is. By taking this approach, they will be able to liberate themselves over time. The First Outcome If someone is not aware of why they are holding themselves back, and is only aware of what they have been doing to move forward in life, they could believe that there is no way that they are playing a part in all this. One could reflect on some of the things that they have done over the years, seeing how hard they have worked. Perhaps they get up in the early hours most days and only go to bed once they have ticked off everything that they needed to do. There will then be absolutely no doubt about how committed they are to their own growth. Plenty of Evidence Along with what they generally do on each day of their life, there can be all the courses that they have been on. They may go on a few courses a year, or maybe they go on at least one course a month. In addition to this, there can be all the books that they have read on success and achievement. As far as they are concerned, every part of them will want to move forward and to go to the next level. An Indivisible Barrier But, no matter what they do to move forward, they will find that they can only get so far. Now, there may be times when they are able to make a breakthrough, but before long, they may soon return to where they were. It is then going to be a case of one or two steps forward and one or two steps back. When this happens, one could come to believe that a certain person or a certain group of people are holding them back. More Force Their mental and emotional state could radically change after one of these moments, only for them to rise up again shortly after; this will then prove how resilient they are. This is also likely to show that one will be using a lot of willpower. Living in this way is most likely going to cause them to experience a fair amount of pressure, pressure that could knock them down from time to time. If another person was to suggest that they may be the ones who are holding themselves back, one may end up being consumed by anger or find what has been said amusing. One Direction One could believe that this person doesn’t know what they are talking about, seeing them as someone who just wants to pull them down or hasn’t got a clue what they are talking about. One will be out there working hard, not waiting for anything to fall into their lap. What could make it ever harder for them to handle what is going on is if they come across someone who is making clear progress, even though they don’t appear to be working very hard. It may seem as though someone like this has something that they themselves don’t have. One Solution During times like these, one may believe that this shows that they need to try another approach. Nonetheless, what they may find is that changing their approach doesn’t really do anything. One of the things that they may have learned at one point in time was that they were being held back by low self-esteem. Yet, even after they had worked on this, their life still didn’t change. A Closer Look Due to how they experience life, there are likely to be a number of negative feelings that they are used to experiencing - that is, of course, if they don’t have the tendency to repress these feelings. They can feel powerless, helpless, hopeless, trapped, and worthless during the moments when they reflect on how they life is or if they experience a setback. One way of looking at this would be to say that they only experience these feelings because of what in taking place in their life. Thus, if their life was to change, they would no longer experience these feelings. Emotionally Attached Another way of looking at this would be to say that feelings these feelings is what feels comfortable. And, only does it feel comfortable, these feelings are a big part of their identity. Clearly, feeling this way is not what feels comfortable at a conscious level; yet, unconsciously, feeling this way can be familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Taking this into account, their conscious mind will want something that is seen as threat to their unconscious mind, which is why it is so hard for them to change their life. One Need The reason why feeling this way feels comfortable can be the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, for instance. Feeling this way would have gradually become what felt comfortable and these feelings have become part of their identity. The trouble is that as the years passed, different defences would have been put in place, causing one to gradually lose touch with the information that would allow them to realise why they sabotage their own life. Awareness What this emphasises is how important self-awareness and self-knowledge is when it comes to being able to grow and develop. When one doesn’t have self-awareness and self-knowledge, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel like a victim. If one can see that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Naturally, someone’s life is going to be far more fulfilling if the people in their life are able to respect their boundaries. Having friends, family members and even a partner who can do this is going to make it easier for them to express themselves.
When this takes place, these people will probably realise that one, along with every other human being on the planet, is not an extension of them. It is then not going to be right for them to tell one how they should live their life or what they should be doing in each moment of it. Freedom Due to how these people come across, one will know that it is safe for them to be themselves. This will stop them from needing to have their guard up and having to put on an act. And, if they need their advice or guidance, they will know that they will be able to reach out without needing to worry about being walked over. These people will then offer their advice, but they won’t end up trying to take over. One Area If one is in an intimate relationship with someone who is not controlling, they won’t have lost their ability to act like an individual. Said another way, there will be what one chooses to do with their partner and there will be what they choose to do by themselves. This will stop them from losing touch with their own needs and feelings, allowing them to express their true-self. One is going realise that the same will apply to their partner, accepting that they are also an ivnoddual who has their own needs and feelings to take care of. Two Adults One of them is not going to treat the other as though they are an incapable child who needs to be saved. What this will show is that both of them are able to see where they begin and end and where the other person begins and ends. At the same time, there could be moments when one of them regresses and is unable to realise that the other is not their parent, but this won’t be the norm. If it was, it would most likely end up having a negative effect on their relationship. Looking Back Someone like this could look back on their life and find that they haven’t been with anyone who is controlling. Or if they have, it may have been a relationship that soon came to an end. This will show that, regardless of how much they liked the other person; they were not willing to tolerate this type of behaviour. Then again, they may have been with a number of people who really overstepped the mark. A New Beginning Even so, they will have been able to put these experiences behind them and to finally be with someone who has boundaries. Perhaps they worked with a therapist for a little while, in order to change this area of their life. If so, the work that they put into this area of their will have paid off in a big way. They will have been able to grow by working with a therapist and now, they will be able to grow by being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t inhibit them. A Different Reality But, while there will be people in the world who are not with people who try to control them, this is not going to apply to everyone. For a lot of people in the world, being with someone who is not controlling will be nothing more than a pipe dream. When someone is in this position, they may currently be in a relationship with someone who is controlling. Alternatively, they may have recently finished with someone like this, with this being a time when they are doing what they can to build themselves back up. A Pattern Either way, if they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have been with a number of people who are like this. They are then going to have a strong need to be with someone who doesn’t try to control them, yet this is something that doesn’t take place. If they are currently with someone who is controlling, they may find that they are used to feeling angry, frustrated and even powerless, and they may spend a fair amount of time complaining about their partner to their friends and family. Two Levels It will be clear that one doesn’t want to be with someone like this; this will be the last thing that they want. It would then be accurate to say that one just happened to end up with someone like this, along with every other controlling person who they have been with. At a deeper level, however, there is the chance that one is emotionally attached to feeling controlled and dominated by others. Consciously, this will cause them to experience pain but, unconsciously, this can be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Identification As this is what feels comfortable at a deeper level, not feeling this way would cause them to feel uncomfortable. Putting an end to these feelings and the controlling behaviour that they experience is going to be in their best interest, but their unconscious mind would see it as a threat to their survival. What this comes down to is that this part of them can form an attachment to, and an identity around, positive or negative feelings. When this is understood, one will be able to see why they are experiencing life in this way; when this isn’t, they will most likely feel like a victim Awareness During their early years, they may have had at least one controlling caregiver, and this would have played a big part in why being controlled feels comfortable at a deeper level. What they resisted at this stage of their life will be what they are unconsciously drawn to as an adult. Fortunately, with this understanding in place, one will be able to realise that they can put an end to what is taking place. To change what is taking place at a deeper level, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, it is easier than ever before for someone to find out about what is taking place in the world. They no longer need to turn on a TV or a radio, for instance; the only thing that they need to do is to use their Smartphone.
Through having a device like this, they will be able to connect to just about every news organisation in the world. One option will be for them to click on an app; another option will be for them to go directly to a news website. No Limit In the same way that one would be able to eat as much as they want if they were to go to a buffet, one will be able to consume as much news as they want. From morning until night, they can read article after article, or watch video after video. And, by taking all this information in, it can be normal for someone to believe that they are aware of what is going on. It will be as though one is drinking from the fountain of truth. Filtered News But, although one may believe that they are drinking pure water, so to speak, this is unlikely to be the case. It is highly likely that what they are consuming has gone through a number of different filters. So, like water that has had a number of things added to it; what they hear about won’t be pure. Not only this, there will be a reason why they hear about certain things but not others. A Big Illusion It would be easy to say that this is because some things are more important than others, and this is true, yet there is more to it. Therefore, while someone can believe that they are ‘informed’ about the world; there is the chance that they only know what certain people want them to know. Fortunately for these people, if someone believes that they are being informed, they are less likely to question what they are told. The narrative that the mainstream media presents will be seen as the truth, as opposed to a story that has been created. The Perfect Scenario If someone believes that they are informed as a result of what the mainstream media tells them, they could be seen as the perfect citizen. Someone like this can also criticise anyone whose views are different to what this source comes out with, seeing them someone who buys into ‘fake news’. Unlike this person, they will only pay attention to credible news sources – mainstream news sources. Undoubtedly, it is better if someone doesn’t realise that they are being conditioned to perceive the world in a certain way; that way, they won’t put up any resistance. An Analogy This is then tantamount to how someone is more likely to eat everything on a plate if they have been told that it is good food. If they were aware that it wasn’t, they would no longer put it in their mouth. The view that someone like this has of the mainstream media will stop them from taking a more critical view. If they were to do this, they would no longer be willing to swallow just abut everything this source comes out with. Too Much However, irrespective of whether someone accepts everything that this source comes out with or not, they may find that they end up feeling weighed down by all this information. Thanks to the fact that the mainstream media typically focuses on what is not working in the world, it can cause someone to feel pretty helpless. In addition to what is not working in the world, there will also be what is not working in their own life. The fact is they are only going to be able to do so much, and, by focusing on what they can’t change, it can make it hard for them to be aware of what they can change. Overextended If they feel responsible for things that are out of their control and overlook what they are responsible for, it is not going to make the world better. The only thing it will do is cause them to feel burdened by life and to experience unnecessary stress. What this comes down to is that they, along with every other human being on the planet, are not designed to worry about so many things. Being aware of so much just overwhelms them, which is why consuming so much news is not good for their mental and emotional wellbeing. Worn Down One could find that not only does their mental and emotional health suffer, but that their physical health is also affected. It will then be a challenge for them to solve the problems in their own life, let alone the problems of the world. Without a strong sense of personal power, it will be a lot harder for them to have a positive effect on the world. One way of looking at this would be to say that the mainstream media has taken their power away; another way of looking at it would be to say that one unknowingly gave it to them. Conclusion It might be hard for someone to comprehend why the mainstream media would want them to feel powerless; after all, how would it serve them? Yet, if the mainstream media is simply an arm of something else, it might make more sense. This arm, along with the other arms, is then there to make sure that the citizenry don’t rock the boat. Clearly, it is far easier to control people who feel completely helpless than it is to control people who are empowered.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One of the ways that someone can change their behaviour, what is taking place within them, and their relationships, is to heal their inner child. Or to be more precise; to heal the inner children that are within them.
What this comes down to is that although many, many years may have passed since they were a child, it doesn’t mean that what happened all those years ago is actually in the past. There is the chance that a lot of the painful feelings that they experienced throughout their childhood years are still within them. Inner Experience If someone is carrying a lot of pain, and they were to connect with the feelings that are within them, they may find that they start to regress. Then again, they may find that it is generally a challenge for them to stay connected to their adult self. It will then be clear that the emotional pain that is within them is making it hard for them to feel like an empowered human being. One way of looking at this would be to say that they will spend a lot of time being merged with one of their inner children Different Ages, Different Places There may be times when they connect with one of their inner children and they will be around six, while at another time they might be even younger. In addition to this, they may see that they are not always in the same environment. Still, if someone feels overwhelmed by how they feel, it might not be possible for them to become aware of how old they are or where they are. They may find that their primary concern is to simply feel better. One Need This could then be a time when they will feel the need to try to remove how they feel, seeing this as the way to feel better. However, the way for them to heal their inner children is not going to be to remove anything, it will be to allow this part of them to speak out. Ultimately, the different parts that are within them will want to be heard and acknowledged. It is highly likely that the reason why they have these parts within them is because they didn’t receive the presence that they needed as a child. Two Experiences Perhaps their caregivers were rarely there and, even if they were physically there, they might not rarely been emotionally there. For whatever reason, they wouldn’t have been able to provide the presence that they needed to grow and develop. At the same time, it might not have been this black and white, meaning that they may have just been a few moments in their early years that had a big effect on them. At this point in their life, it is likely that what happened is not as important to them as what they can do to move forward. A Gradual Process Getting in touch with the parts that are within them and allowing them to speak out will be essential. At times they may just need to be with these split-off parts of themselves and at others, they might end up crying. It will be important that they don’t try to stop themselves form crying, as crying will be a big part of the healing process. And, as these parts are able to express what wasn’t expressed all those years ago, they will gradually begin to lose their emotional charge and to even integrate with the rest of them. External Support During the early stages of this process, one may need to reach out for external support, with this being something that they only need from time to time after a little while. A therapist or a healer, for instance, will provide the strength that they haven’t yet developed internally, along with the presence that they have yet to embody. In the same way that scaffolding on a building will keep an unstable wall in place; their support will stop one from being too overwhelmed to make progress and to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. Needing this support doesn’t mean that they are weak or incapable, though; it simply means that they didn’t get what they needed as a child and are now doing the sensible thing by reaching out for what they need to transform their life. The Other Side Giving these parts what they didn’t get all those years ago, and allowing them to express themselves, will have a big effect on just about every area of their life. Thus, the time and energy that one puts into being with these parts will end up paying off in the long run. Their behaviour will change, they will experience different feelings and they will have different thoughts, which will influence their relationships. They may even get to the point where connecting to their inner child is no longer painful and it actually empowers them. A Positive Influence For example, this part of them will be able to see them in a more objective light, allowing it to shine the light on how far they have come. So, while one might not believe that they have made much progress, this part of them will be able to see a clear difference. A child part of them will be looking at the adult part of them, with their being no doubt to this part of them that a lot has changed. This part of them can then serve as their inner cheerleader, giving them support, love and a sense of perspective when they need it. Awareness When this happens, one is receiving good things from within and not having to take in good things from without. In other words, it will be an upload instead of a download. This illustrates how powerful inner child work can be.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Are Some Men Too Emotionally Underdeveloped To Have A Relationship With A Woman?14/11/2018
It is not uncommon for a woman to complain about how she keeps ending up with men who are emotionally unavailable, and it would be easy to say that a woman like this is incredibly unlucky. Time after time, she ends up experiencing the same outcome - it can then seem as though men need to get it together.
Yet, to place the onus on men in general and to overlook the part that the woman is playing in particular would be to say that this woman has no effect on this area of her life. This area of her life is then going to be completely out of her control. Two Parts Ultimately, whenever two people are drawn together, there is always what is going on for one person and what is going on for the other. Still, unless both people are aware of what part they have played in being drawn to the other (or at the very least willing to look into why this is), it will be normal for them to feel powerless or taken advantage of. If a woman can see that she continually attracts a certain type of man, this will give her the ability to see that it is not just a case of being unlucky. Likewise, if she was to continually hit the bullseye of a target or to get one promotion after another, she probably wouldn’t say that she is just lucky. An Easy Decision If, after attracting one man after another who is the same, she is ready to look into why this is, it will allow her to gradually transform her life. It won’t be easy to do this, though; the easy option will be to continue to feel like a victim. Through going within and seeing how she feels at a deeper level, she may find that she has some emotional wounds to deal with. These are most likely the result of what took place during her early years. The Other Side When it comes to a man who is emotionally unavailable, there could be a number of reasons as to why this is. For one thing, he may have just broken up with his ex and still be emotionally attached to her. Alternatively, it could show that the man just doesn’t feel the need to take things further with the woman. Therefore, if he was to meet a woman who is different, he might be only too happy to take things further. It’s Not an Option Then again, the man may be this way due to what took place during the beginning of his life, meaning that it won’t simply be due to what happened with an ex. The only thing that the man will be able to offer will be his mind and his body, with this heart being offline. If a woman was to expect anything more from the man, it would cause her to suffer unnecessarily. Deep down, this man could be carrying a lot of pain, pain that will have caused his heart to close up. A False-Self But, while he can be carrying a lot of emotional baggage, it doesn’t mean that this will be clear to see. There is the chance that the man will have developed a strong exterior, allowing him to come across as confident, capable and as though he has it all together. The image that they present to the world will then belie what is really taking place within them. Nonetheless, the mask that he wears will stop him from being able to emotionally connect to other human beings. Two Needs Consequently, this will leave him with the need to share his body and to fulfil his minds needs. There can also be the need to gain approval from others and to be seen in a certain way. What this will illustrate is that a big part of him is going to be focused on what he can get from others, not on what he can give. Behind the image that he presents to the world, could be someone who feels more like a boy than a man. Not Ready If this is the case, he is not going to be looking for a woman to be with; what he will be looking for is a mother. By feeling like a boy deep down and needing a mother, it is not going to be possible for him to see a woman as a human being. In addition to seeing women as mother figures, he may also have the tendency to see men as father figures. The wounded boy that is within him can be looking for the nurturance that he didn’t get from his own mother and the support and guidance that he didn’t get from his own father. Awareness In order for him to no longer feel like a boy and to be able to relate differently to women, it will be vital for him to work through the emotional wounds that are within him. This will allow him to gradually reveal his true-self and to fully show up. If a man can relate to this, and wants to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Is It Harder For Someone To Leave An Abusive Relationship If They Feel Worthless?13/11/2018
If someone was to end up in a relationship that is abusive, there are at least two things that they can do. They can end up cutting their ties and moving on, or they can put up with what is taking place.
If they end up drawing the line and decide to move on, it will be clear that they are not willing to tolerate this kind of behaviour. It might have been as if something within them came to life and caused them to assert themselves. An Analogy One way of looking at this would be to say that being with someone like this had a similar effect to what a flame would have on their hand. If a flame was under their hand, they would instantly feel the need to pull it away. In the same way, being around someone who treats them badly will have also given them the need to move themselves out of harm’s way. This will show that one is working with themselves. Taking a Break Once they have ended the relationship, they may not want to speak to their ex again. In the same way that they would have no interest in putting food in their mouth that they didn’t like the last time they eat it – they will have no interest in talking to someone who caused them to feel uncomfortable last time they were with them. They may decide to stay single for a while and to focus on another area of their life. Taking this approach will give them the chance to cleanse themselves of all the negativity that they picked up from their ex. Another Experience On the other hand, if someone doesn’t move on, it is going to be as if they are willing to tolerate this kind of behaviour. Unlike the person above, there is not something within them that has come to life, allowing them to get away from this person. Nonetheless, even though their body won’t be going anywhere, it doesn’t mean that their mind will be on board with what is taking place. Their mind may be filled with thoughts that relate to how they would love to leave the person they are with. No Choice Additionally, they may also experience a number of different feelings that prove how dissatisfied they are with what is taking place. Due to the thoughts and feelings that they experience, one could see themselves a victim. They are going to be in a situation that they don’t want to be in, yet they will believe that there is nothing they can do about it. The person they are with is then going to be in control of their life. Something Is Not Right This persons hand is then going to be above a flame, but for some reason, they are not going to move it. So, just like an autoimmune disease, one is not going to be working with themselves. Another way of looking at it would be to say that one will be in a car that won’t start, resulting in them being stranded in a very dangerous area. Let’s say that they have gone on safari and their car is surrounded by lions. The Reason What this can show is that deep down, how they feel when they are in an abusive relationship, is what feels comfortable. This can be a time when they feel powerless, fearful, helpless, hopeless and worthless, for instance. These feelings could be a big part of their identity, which means that they wouldn’t know who they were if they didn’t feel this way. To their ego mind, feeling this way can be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Two Levels The trouble is that if one is not aware of what is taking place at a deeper level and is only aware of what is taking place in their head, they won’t be able to see why they would experience life in this way. It will then be normal for them to believe that they are being victimised by another person, as opposed to being victimised by their own wounds. The reason why they feel comfortable experiencing these feelings is most likely due to what took place during the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they felt powerless, fearful and worthless on a regular basis. A Match Being in a relationship with someone who allows them to re-experience how they felt as a child is then going to be exactly what their unconscious mind wants. It is then not that they randomly ended up with someone like this; it was by design. The aggressive part of their nature - the part that would allow them to get away from someone like this and to protect themselves - is not going to be on their side. This part of them will most likely be directed against them, causing them to verbally abuse themselves. Awareness Once ones identity is no longer dependent upon them feeling powerless, worthless and helpless, for instance, and they are able to integrate their aggression, they will no longer feel comfortable experiencing life in this way. What this illustrates is that their ego mind can get attached to and feel comfortable with anything; it doesn’t matter if it is empowering or life affirming. If someone can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Relationships: Why Do Some Men Put Up With Bad Behaviour When They Are In A Relationship?12/11/2018
Although some men will have certain standards when they are in a relationship, there are going to be others who don’t. As a result of this, not every man is going to have same experience when they are with a woman.
When it comes to the former, a man like this is not going to get carried away, allowing him to be true to himself. So, no matter how strongly he is attracted to the woman, this is not going to cause him to put up with bad behaviour. A Different Story This is not going to be the case when it seems to the latter, though; a man like this is going to end up ignoring himself. Consequently, the attraction that he feels for the woman will cause him to overlook any bad behaviour that arises. The woman he is with will then have free rein to do practically anything she wants and the man will simply tolerate it. One way of looking at it would be to say that he will basically be a doormat. A Destructive path Not only will this make it hard for the man to respect himself, it will also make it hard for the woman to respect him. She will know that he will rarely, if ever, push back, seeing him as someone who lacks backbone. This is then likely to be a relationship that won’t last for very long and if it does, it is not going to be a very fulfilling relationship for either of them. If it does last, it will probably show that both of them have their own issues. Two Experiences From the outside, it may seem as though the woman enjoys treating the man badly and the man enjoys being treated badly by the woman. One of them is then sadistic and the other is masochistic. The average person, after looking at this dynamic, could wonder why these two people don’t just cut their ties and put an end up their unhealthy relationship. However, even though it is unhealthy, it is serving both of them. A Different Outcome Alternatively, a woman could end up with a man like this and end up walking away as soon as it becomes clear that he is unable to stand his ground. After a certain period of time, his behaviour would have caused her attraction to him to disappear. But, while this would have stopped the man from being with someone who treated him like dirt, it doesn’t mean that he will be pleased with what has taken place. Instead, he can end up being negatively affected by it. Self-Harm What is relatively clear is that a man doesn’t value himself if he puts up with bad behaviour in a relationship. If he did, he would have clear idea about what he will accept and what he won’t accept. Through being this way, it may have meant that he didn’t take the time to get to know the woman in the beginning. The fact that this woman was attracted to him may have been enough. A Big Factor Perhaps the woman he is with is fairly attractive, with this being something that pulled him in from the outset. Her appearance would then have consumed him and defined the view that he formed of her. Being with a woman like this would have made him feel good about himself and it would have been seen as something that made him look good in the eyes of others. In other words, this would allow him to receive a fair amount of approval. The Priority In addition to the fact that he doesn’t value himself, there is the chance that he has a strong fear of being rejected and/or abandoned. Thus, once he has got emotionally attached to a woman, the last thing he will want is for her to leave him. If this was to take place, it would trigger a strong feeling of being rejected and/or abandoned. In a way, it will be as though this woman serves a similar function to that of a cork in a bottle; her presence will help to keep his pain at bay. A Small Price To pay Being treated badly, and even humiliated from time to time, will be bad, but it won’t be as bad as how it would be if she was to leave him. So, if she was to walk away, he would have to come into contact with all the pain that is within him. This could result in him hitting rock bottom, and he may even end up feeling suicidal, which will be the last thing that he wants to experience. With this in mind, regardless of if a man like this is in a relationship or not, his inner world will need to change in order for him to change his behaviour. When the past is Present If a man like this was to reflect on what took place during the beginning of his life, he may find that this was a time when he was neglected. This would have caused him to experience a lot of pain and it would have set him up to believe that he was worthless. Also, he may have had a least one caregiver who treated him as if he had no value. The view that this person had, as well as others, would then have been internalised and formed part of his view of himself. Awareness For him to change his behaviour, it will be necessary for him to gradually detach from the view that he has of himself and to embrace his inherent worth. Dealing with the trauma that is within him will be a big part of this. If a man can relate to any of this, and he wants to change his behaviour, he may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperTeacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 1,712,000 Article Views Online. My Books...
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
Trapped Emotions
Childhood
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
Toxic Shame
Abandonment
Child Abuse
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Trapped Grief
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?
Boundaries
Inner Child
Childhood Trauma
People Pleasing
Loyalty
Trauma
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