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For some people, it will be hard to understand why a man would be overly focused on his mother’s life and overlook his own life in the process. This will mean that he will do what he can to take care of her needs and spend very little time taking care of his own needs.
Now, this is not to say that he won’t take care of his basic needs but that can generally be about as far as it will. If he only had a few needs, how he is behaving would make complete sense. A Strange Scenario But, as he will have a number of different needs, how he is behaving is not going to make sense. Ultimately, he will be neglecting himself and this is going to have a detrimental effect on him and others. He will pay a price for overlooking the needs that he needs to fulfil to be at his best and by not meeting his needs; he won’t be able to truly be there for others. What this illustrates is that he needs to be selfish to be selfless. One Big Cover Up However, although he will be paying a price for living in this way, he is likely to do what he can to obscure this fact. Not only can he hide this from others but he can also hide this from himself. Therefore, he will be neglecting himself but he won’t realise that this is taking place. This is not to say that there won’t be things, both externally and internally, that will shed light on what is actually taking place. One Need So, the messages from others and the thoughts, feelings and sensations from within him can typically be blocked out. His main priority will be to be there for his mother, not to be there for himself. As time passes, it is likely to get harder and harder for him to behave in this way, and there could come a point in time when he simply can’t function anymore. This could mean that he will end up having a breakdown. Drawing the Line If he was able to take a step back and reflect on what is going on, he could wonder why he is behaving in this way. Even so, if he was to stop behaving in this way, he could end up feeling extremely uncomfortable. As a result, he could soon go back to how he was before and continue to neglect himself. This will show that being there for his mother is a way for him to avoid how he feels as opposed to something that he truly wants to do. Going Deeper Most likely, his survival will be attached to his mother, which is why he will need to stay close to her. If he was to draw the line and start living his own life, he can feel as though his very survival is at risk. This need, while it will be the main need that is defining how he behaves, can just be one of many needs that he looks towards his mother to fulfil. He is then going to be a man but his primary needs will be the same needs that a child has. Developmentally Stunted As these needs are so powerful, it is to be expected that the rest of his needs, his adult needs, end up being cast aside. For him to be able to connect to these needs and to fulfil them, he will need to let go of his childhood needs. What this will illustrate is that physically he is a man but emotionally he is a boy. For his life to change, he will need to feel like a man too; once this happens, there will be no reason for him to abandon himself. What’s going on? To understand why he is this way, it will be necessary to take a closer look at what probably took place during his early years. Most likely, this was a stage of his life when his mother used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. He would have been forced to disconnect from his own needs and to focus on his mothers needs. If he didn’t do this, he is likely to have been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned, and this is likely to have taken place anyway. The Outcome This would have stopped him from receiving the nutrients that he needed to be able to grow and develop. The years would have passed and his physical and mental self would have gown but his emotional self wouldn’t have. Along with staying in an emotionally stunted state, he would have also experienced a lot of pain. This pain, pain that relates to his unmet childhood needs, will be behind his desire to focus on his mother. Avoidance This stage of his life will be over and his unmet childhood needs will need to be faced and grieved. But, a big part of him won’t want to accept this and will be giving him the need to try to receive what he missed out on all those years ago. This will show that he is carrying a lot of pain; if this pain wasn’t as strong as it was, he wouldn’t have such a strong need to behave in the same way. With this in mind, this pain will gradually need to be worked through. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Due to what has been taking place on the planet for almost two years, a lot of people are thinking about what the future holds. If some of these people were asked a number of years ago about what they thought would completely disrupt the world, they would have probably mentioned climate change or terrorism.
This is, of course, partly thanks to how much exposure the mainstream media gives to each of these things. For a select few, perhaps, it was likely that it be a virus that would do this. A Number of Concerns Some people are primarily worried about their own health, the health of their family and friends. For others, their main worry is how they are going to be able to support their family as time goes by. The amount of restrictions that have been put in place and may be put in place in the future is another issue that is on so many people’s minds. For others, each of these points, as well as others, will be on their mind. One Approach Now, if someone is deeply concerned about what is going on, they could end up looking towards the mainstream media. This source can be seen as being there to serve one purpose and one purpose only – to keep humanity informed. By tuning into this source, then, they will be able to find out about what is happening in the world and what is likely to happen in the future. Most likely, they will believe that they, along with most of their fellow human beings, are just passive observers of what is taking place. Out of Their Hands A small group of individuals, those with power and money, will be the ones who have the ability to change the world. This will be a view that the mainstream media continually validates, with this source portraying the average person as just a victim of circumstances. Therefore, regardless of whether it relates to the contagion or anything else for that matter, it will simply be another scenario where humanity is being victimised by an external source. In this case, a vaccine is largely seen as the saviour; or to be more accurate, a number of them. Another Approach Alternatively, someone could look towards alternative news sources, and this can be a time when they will look into different prophecies. By doing this, they can come across information that says that what is taking place was destined to happen, as is what will take place as time passes. Some of the things that are destined to happen can be “good” and some can be “bad”. Being exposed to this information can allow their mind to settle down and/or it can unsettle them even more. Totally Powerless But, if something that is destined to happen is “bad”, it is to be expected that they would be even more troubled than they were before. They will have access to information and will be “in the know” as a result but they won’t be able to do anything about it. To use an analogy: it will be as though one is pinned to the ground and has been told that a car is driving towards them. They will be informed but they won’t be able to do anything about what will happen. A Burden Thus, they would probably be better off if they didn’t know about what will supposedly happen in the future. They might still suffer if this prediction comes true but at least they would be able to experience life differently before this point arrives. This could be seen as the problem with a lot of the information that relates to what is supposedly taking place behind the scenes, so to speak; it typically leads someone feeling informed but hopeless. It’s almost as if this is the purpose of this information – to trap as many people as possible, thereby immobilising them in the process. Another Angle Anyway, while someone may believe that they, along with most of their fellow human beings, are just passive observers of what is happening and have very little control over what will happen, or that certain things are destined to happen, what if this is not the case? What if humanity as a whole has co-created what is and what will happen in the future? This would mean that as opposed to being passive observers of reality, human beings are collectively creating their experience on this planet. This would also mean that human beings are not actually being victimised by anything “out there”, although it can seem this way on the surface; they are being victimised by their own creations. Going Deeper What can make it hard for someone to accept this is that their ego-mind creates the impression that they are just a passive observer of their reality. There will then be what is taking place in their inner world and what is taking place in the outer world, and these two worlds will be seen as separate. In reality, their outer world is mirroring back what is taking place inside their inner world. Their outer world is not just mirroring back what is taking place in their conscious mind though; it is also mirroring back what is taking place in their unconscious mind. A Different World What is taking place within them is also feeding into the collective consciousness, which is made up of what is taking place for everyone else on the planet. Together, this inner material defines what does and doesn’t happen on this planet. On one level, there are their thoughts, beliefs and expectations and, on another level, there are their feelings and emotions. Someone’s thoughts can direct their feelings but their feelings are where their creative power truly lies. A New Story With this in mind, if humanity wants to create a future that is not filled with drama and unnecessary suffering, it will be essential for as many people as possible to be discerning when it comes to what they focus on and expect. Placing their attention on what they want, not what they don’t want will be vital. Another part of this will be the inner work that needs to be done. This will partly relate to healing emotional wounds, wounds that will primarily go back to someone’s younger years so that they are able to “raise” their own consciousness.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although someone will be an individual, with their own needs and feelings, when they are around others they could have the tendency to lose touch with these inner aspects. As a result of this, they will act more like an extension of others.
Instead of expressing who they are, then, their true self, they will end up becoming someone else. This may mean that they will typically play the same role when they are around others. One Experience When they are around others, they could be easy-going, cheerful and only too happy to take care of their needs. If they are this way, it is not going to be a surprise if they have a lot of friends. One will have a lot to give and they won’t expect much in return, making them the ideal person to have around. To those who like being the centre of attention, one will be the perfect person to have around. Together Alone However, regardless of how many friends one has, or even if they are in a relationship, they are unlikely to feel deeply connected to any of these people. Being with others will stop them from being all alone but it won’t be possible for them to experience a deeper connection. In order for them to have this experience, they will need to be in touch with themselves and to reveal who they are when they are in another person’s company. When this takes place, they will be able to feel seen and heard. The Only Way As things stand, one might need to be by themselves to be connected to their needs and feelings. They are then going to be alone but at least they will be in touch with themselves. This could be how they have been for as long as they can remember and they could struggle to understand why they are like this. They could be desperate to reveal who they are around others and no longer hide. One Big Act Playing a role when they are around others won’t allow them to receive the nutrients that they need to feel alive. They will receive a fair amount of acceptance and approval but this won’t do much for them. It will just momentarily take the edge off the loneliness that they feel, only for this sense of loneliness to return when they are by themselves. Also, the acceptance and approval that they do receive won’t be for who they truly are; it will just be for the role that they play. No choice At this point in time, one could believe that they have no control over what is going on and just have to put up with how things are. If this is the case, they are likely to believe that their life will only change if other people change. What is going on “out there” will need to shift or else their life will always be the same. If they have this outlook, they will be nothing more than a powerless victim and they will just have to tolerate what is going on. It Feels Comfortable While it may seem as though one has no control over what is taking place, this is not so. Behaving in this way is not serving them but, at a deeper level, this is going to be what feels safe. Until they feel safe enough to reveal who they are around others, their life is unlikely to change. The big question is: why would they only feel safe when they are hiding? A Deeper Look What this is likely to show is that they were only “loved” during their childhood years when they did what their caregivers wanted. If they didn’t do what they wanted, they probably emotionally pulled away from them and perhaps abandoned them. At this stage of their life, as they were emotionally dependent on their caregivers, they needed them to survive. Without their love and presence, they would have emotionally suffered. No Choice During this time, one was left with two options: either they lost touch with themselves and pleased their caregivers or they stayed connected to themselves and ended up being isolated. Due to how underdeveloped they were, they would have generally been forced to choose the former. When they were loved, it wouldn’t have been real love; it would have been based on them playing a role. And, no matter how much effort they put into being who their caregivers wanted, there would have been times when they were left. The Past Is Present What took place will be well and truly over but their body will carry the emotional pain that they experienced all those years ago and their mind will carry the meaning that was made. Thanks to this, revealing who they are around others and asserting themselves, will be seen as something that will cause them to be unloved, isolated from others and for their life to come to an end. For their life to change, they will need to question what they believe and to work through their emotional pain. By doing this, they will gradually feel safe enough to express who they are around others and, consequently, to feel connected to them. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If a woman is in a relationship with a man who is enmeshed with his mother, she can be incredibly frustrated and fed up. Perhaps she has been with the man for a number of months.
Then again, she may have been with him for a number of years. Either way, she is likely to have a strong need for this area of her life to change, and this could be seen as something that is dependent on the man changing his behaviour. It’s in His Hands If she is in this position, she will naturally have a strong need for her partner to change. Once this takes place, she will be able to feel better and she will be in a relationship with a man who is available. However, if he is in denial about the fact that he is too caught up with his mother, this is not something that will take place at this point in time. Of course, first, he will need to face up to what is going on. Breaking Point Due to how long he has been this way, though, she might not be able to put up with what is going on for much longer. To say she will be in a desperate position could be an understatement. As opposed to being in a relationship that is having a positive effect on her, she will be in one that is greatly undermining her. Consequently, she may soon arrive at the point where she is ready to cut her ties with him and walk away. One Assessment When she thinks about how he has behaved and continues to behave, she could believe that he just needs to grow up. He will look like a man; the issue is that he won’t act like one. From the outside, thanks to how he often behaves, he may create the impression that he is very mature. The reason for this is that by being there for his mother, he will appear to be very responsible and selfless. Behind The Scenes There will be this side and, then, there is going to be a very different side of him that shows up in his relationship. He can typically be passive, lacking the ability to stand up for himself. This will play a big part in why he is unable to implement boundaries with his mother and to live his own life. Along with this, he can generally express his anger in a very passive way. One Conclusion Based on how he behaves, it is clear that he does need to grow up; to act like the man that he is, not the boy that he once was. He will be an individual and he won’t need his mother anymore, so it will be essential for him to draw the line. He is now free to express himself directly and make it clear when he doesn’t want to do something. He doesn’t need to swallow his words and for his anger and frustration to come out sideways, via passive-aggressive behaviour and by being depressed. Another Conclusion Another way of looking at this would be to say that although he does need to grow up, this is not something that will take place through force. It is unlikely to just be a case of him changing his behaviour. If he was to become aware of what is going on and wanted to change, purely relying on his willpower probably wouldn’t get him very far. He might be able to make a few changes but before long, he is likely to revert to how he was before. A Closer Look When it comes to why he is the way that he is, it is likely to be the result of what took place during his early years and the impact that this had on him. As his mother probably used him to meet her adult and unmet childhood needs, he wouldn’t have received what he needed to grow and develop. He had to be there for her, hence why he is still there for her now, and if he wasn’t, he would have most likely been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned. Even so, he would have still been physically abandoned and his true self was certainly abandoned, which means that he was emotionally abandoned. Deep Work Now that he is an adult, he will be in a developmentally stunted state and he will carry a lot of pain. His emotional self will need to grow in order for him to grow, and solely changing what is taking place at a mental level and altering his behaviour won’t allow this to take place. The pain that he experienced as a boy and had to repress will need to be faced and worked through. He is likely to have many, many layers of pain inside his body and it is likely to take a while for him to work through it. Awareness This could be something that he will do for the rest of his life but that doesn’t mean that he won’t change as the days, weeks, months and years pass. The main point is that emotional growth takes time. If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the same way a fence protects a garden, boundaries protect a human being. Not only will they stop someone from taking on responsibilities that are not theirs but they will also stop them from being mistreated.
Unlike walls, they will allow one to let the right people in and experience deeper connections with those who are healthy and trustworthy. Also, one will feel safe enough to express who they are, their true self, and make it clear when they don’t want to do something. Totally Essential If someone doesn’t have strong boundaries, then, their life is going to be far harder than it needs to be. It can be normal for them to take on what doesn’t belong to them and to feel exhausted. Further, they can agree to do things that they would rather not do, having the tendency to experience resentment as a result. Who they are, in all likelihood, is unlikely to see the light of day either. Used By not being able to protect themselves, it won’t matter if the people in their life actually want to take advantage of them, as this will take place anyway. If they themselves were to speak about what is going on for them, some of these people could be surprised. Still, there might be others who wouldn’t change even if one was to make it clear that they are being walked over. The main issue, however, will be that one doesn’t stand up for themselves. The Norm If one was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Thanks to this, they might not believe that they have a choice, with them simply having to tolerate what is going on. But even if they don’t have this outlook, unless their behaviour changes, they will continue to wear themselves down. “Negative” feelings will continue to build inside them and they will continue to live a life that is anything but fulfilling. Going Deeper If they were to imagine standing their ground and saying no or making it clear that something is not their responsibility, for instance, they could end up experiencing fear and anxiety. As opposed to doing something that is right, it will be as though they are doing something that is wrong. This could be seen as a clear sign that they need to continue to behave in the same way and, if they don't, something bad will happen to them. This is not going to serve them; it will just make their life worse. Breaking Free Most likely, they will be desperate to embrace their true self and for this part of them to direct their life. Expressing who they are and making it clear when something isn’t right for them should be what feels comfortable and safe. As this is not the case, it will show that something isn’t right. If they were to go deeper into how they feel, when they imagine listening to themselves and acting as a separate individual, they could find that they fear being left. A Closer Look To understand why someone would have this experience, it will be necessary to take a deeper look into what may have taken place during their early years and the impact that this had on them. At this stage of their life, they might not have been able to freely express themselves. If they did, one or both of their parents may have ended up abandoning them. Therefore, if they expressed themselves, they would have ended up being left or sent to their room. Extreme Pain At a stage of their life when they were emotionally dependent, being left would have caused them to suffer greatly. They wouldn’t have been developed enough to handle this pain and would have ended up being overwhelmed by it. The only option available to them would have been to disconnect from their feelings. Over time, this would have created an inner divide, causing them to live on the surface of themselves. The Message What their caregiver/s would have indirectly told them was that if they acted like a nonentity and behaved how they wanted them to behave, they wouldn’t be left. But, if they acted as an individual, they would be left and forced to face the pain of being abandoned. When they experienced this pain, it probably would have felt like they were going to die, and as their intellect was underdeveloped, it may have felt as though it was an everlasting experience too. Naturally, then, pleasing their caregiver/s would have been seen as the only way for them to be connected to others and to avoid death. The past is present Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but the associations that were formed at this stage of their life will still be defining how they behave. Unconsciously, they will be projecting their early caregiver/s onto the people who they come into contact with as an adult. Once again, they will need to do what these people want; if they don’t, they will believe that they will be left and their life will come to an end. The truth is that what took place is now over and they survived. Awareness What one will be doing their best to avoid is not being left by others; it will be coming into contact with the pain that they experienced when they were left – what they fear has already happened. The pain that they had to repress at this stage of their life is held in their body and they will need to work through it. If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Someone’s emotional self will allow them to feel connected to life and others, and to feel supported. Clearly, then, this part of them will serve a very different purpose to their mental self.
This part of them will give them the ability to think, plan, reflect and understand how they feel. Therefore, both of these aspects play an important role in their ability to live a life that is worth living. The Ideal With this in mind, when both of these aspects are in a good way, one will be able to operate as a whole human being. They will have access to the resources that are inside them and to handle life. When one is not in this position, their life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. This can mean that they will often be overwhelmed by their feelings or they will be out of touch with how they feel. One Experience If they are often overwhelmed by them, this part of their being is likely to be seen as a problem. They will be like a small raft in the ocean that is tossed all over the place by the waves. In their case, they will be tossed all over the place by their emotional waves. As opposed to feeling like a strong and capable adult, they are likely to feel like a powerless and dependent child. One Outcome Due to being this way, they can be drawn to people who come across as strong and having it all together. They could practically give themselves over to these people, unconsciously seeing them as parental figures. They are then likely to lose themselves around these people but these people will provide them with the stability that they lack. Lacking an internal sense of strength, they will need others to provide them with the strength that they lack. Another Experience On the other hand, if they are often out of touch with how they feel, they can typically feel as though they are missing something. The support and substance that their emotional self would provide them with will be missing, so this is to be expected. Being thrown around by their emotional waves won’t be something that they generally experience but they won’t be any better off. What can be their biggest issue is feeling empty, numb, and ungrounded. One Outcome By being this way, they can be drawn to people who are emotionally unstable. From the outside, it will appear as though they are radically different to these people; in reality, these people are likely to reflect how they feel deep down. If they were to get in touch with how they feel, they could be just as unstable as the people they are drawn to. One will typically have the lid on their feelings, whilst some of the people in their life won’t. A Closer Look Now, regardless of whether one is generally all at sea emotionally or is out of touch with how they feel, they are not going to feel supported. One way of looking at the difference between someone who is generally all at sea and someone who isn’t would be to say that the formers ability to repress how they feel is not very effective whilst the latter’s ability to repress how they feel is very effective. But, beyond this, they are both not in a good way emotionally. This part of someone’s being should be there to give them the support and nourishment that they need; it shouldn’t be a source of pain. What going on? When it comes to why someone’s emotional self is not serving them, it can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met and they may have been physically harmed. Instead of having experience after experience of having their developmental needs met, which would have allowed them to develop emotionally, they would have been deprived of the nutrients that they needed time and time again. Along with this, each time this took place they would have been deeply wounded. Loaded With Pain Many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but they will be carrying the pain that they experienced all those years ago. Unless this pain is dealt with, they won’t be able to access the strength that is inside them. Their emotional self will continue to be a part of their being that undermines them and they won’t be able to be in their power. They will look like an adult but they will feel like an abandoned child. The way out is through As the pain inside them will relate to how they felt as a child, it won’t be possible for them to think this pain away. The only thing that changing their thoughts will do is repress this pain. If their thoughts were causing these feelings, then it would be possible for them to think this pain away. What this comes down to is that while one’s thoughts can define how one feels, they can also trigger feelings that are held inside their body. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Critical Thinking: Is A Large Part Of Humanity’s Mental Health Being Destroyed By The Media?14/9/2021
For a lot of people, paying attention to the mainstream media is a normal part of life. Throughout their day, they will look towards this source of information to tell them about what is taking place in the world.
Providing they have a Smartphone, someone like this can do this no matter where they are or what they are doing. Thanks to the contagion, they may find that they have a greater need than before to find out about what is going on. Pulled In If this is so, they are going to spend more time than they did before paying attention to this source of information. Along with this, there are likely to be others who didn’t pay much attention to this source that now do. So, while a lot of businesses have suffered during this time, some of the businesses that sell information about what is going on in the world are likely to have benefitted. What this shows is that “fear sells.” The Great Driver However, although fear will play a part in why someone would spend a lot of time looking towards this source, it doesn’t mean that this source will put their mind at rest. Instead, by consuming so much of this information, they can be in a very bad way mentally and emotionally. Yet, as their mind will have a diet filled with fear, chaos, drama and impending doom, how could they be any other way? Therefore, they will have an idea about what is going on, but it will come at a great cost to their well-being. Caught Up Yet, as behaving in this way can just be what is normal, they might not be able to join the dots, so to speak. And, to go back one step, they might not even be aware of how stressed they are. If this is so, there will be no reason for them to limit the amount of time that they spend consuming information from this source. For their life to change, they will need to step back from what is going on and to see how destructive it is to their wellbeing. The Impact If they were able to do this, they may see that they are finding it hard to focus and sleep. This can be because they are so caught up in what appears to be happening and what they have been told will happen in the future, along with their minds interpretation of what will happen. They could find that they are often fearful and anxious and both their mind and heart is often racing. As a result of this, it won’t be possible for them to function at their best and their health could end up deteriorating over time, too. No Other Option At this point, it could be said that, due to what is going on, how else could someone be? What is clear is that a lot is going on in the world right now and that a lot of people are suffering. Consequently, someone could believe that they need to be alert and they have no right to be at peace. On one level, this can sound rational but, on another level, it can sound totally irrational. No Help Whatsoever Being aware of what is going on could be seen as important, but if their mental and emotional health suffers, is it really worth it? By being in a bad way, they won’t be able to truly be there for themselves or others. Moreover, what if what they are being told by this source is not the complete truth? If this is the case, and perhaps they are even being lied to, they will be allowing themselves to be undermined by information that is not even accurate. A New Reality When it comes to allowing themselves to be at peace, both themselves and others will benefit from them being this way. Being at peace and centred will most likely allow them to make better decisions and to be of greater service to others. Another part of this is that if that by not buying into what the media tells them is going on, they won’t be feeding into this reality. They will be feeding into a reality that is very different to what this source says is going on. A Co-creator What this comes down to is that they, along with their fellow human beings, are not merely passive observers of reality. This is the impression that their ego-mind will give them but it’s an illusion. This means that what is taking place inside them has an effect on what is going on “out there”. In each moment of their life, then, what is taking place in both their conscious and unconscious mind is shaping their reality and playing a part in what takes place on the planet as a whole. Final Thoughts What this illustrates is how important it is for someone to be aware of what they are focusing on as they, along with their fellow human beings, are playing a part in what does or doesn’t happen on this planet. It can seem as though certain figures are in control of what happens but the only way that their plans can come into fruition is if a large part of the population is consciously and unconsciously feeding into their vision. Without this creative energy, they wouldn’t have the fuel that they need to be able to materialise their plans. To go even deeper, these kinds of people – the elites - can also be seen as a reflection of what is going on for humanity as a whole and thus, as the consciousness of the planet changes, so will what takes place on the planet.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone wanted to gain an understanding of what it is like when another person deprives themselves, they will simply need to pay attention to a man who is overly focused on his mother. By doing this, they will probably find out what it is like when someone stops themselves from receiving what they need to survive, let alone to thrive.
However, although this will be taking place, it doeasn't mean that he will be aware of it. Instead, he could simply see himself as being selfless, meaning that he will create the impression that he doesn’t have needs, or only has a few basic needs. Self-Neglect If so, there will be no reason for him to change his behaviour, even though he is behaving in a way that is not serving him. Due to how focused on his mother, he won’t be able to see that most of his needs are being overlooked. Also, the feedback that would shed light on what is going on is likely to be pushed out of his awareness. This will relate to the thoughts, feelings and sensations that will be there to inform him that he is not listening to himself. A Recipe for Disaster Sooner or later, he is likely to pay the price for not paying attention to all of his needs. Still, it could take many, many years until something takes place that will prevent him from behaving in this way. For example, he could end up having a breakdown and no longer be able to be there for his mother. Until this takes place, there can be no reason for him to change course and to pay attention to himself. A Build-Up By being this way, he could often end up feeling very low and depressed. When he is this way, he could end up consuming something or engaging in some kind of activity to change how he feels. This will just push his true feelings further down and allow him to artificially change his inner state. As time goes by, and more pain accumulates inside him, it can be harder for him to do this. Day-To-Day Life When it comes to the needs that he ignores, he might rarely get enough sleep, his diet might not be very good, he might not exercise, and he might seldom relax and recharge. As for his emotional needs, thanks to how focused he is on his mother; these could more or less always be ignored. To say that he will be running on empty is likely to be an understatement. He is likely to rely on the power of his mind, his willpower to keep him going. In Denial It can seem strange as to why he is unable to see what is going on and does his best to avoid reality. Cleary, behaving in this way is harming him and he needs to start taking care of his needs. If he was to take a step back and to reflect on what is going on, perhaps after having a breakdown or getting into a relationship, he may find that he believes that behaving in this way is the only way for him to survive. Therefore, if he was to draw the line with his mother and truly be there for himself, his life would come to an end. A Purpose So, although he will have come across as selfless, being there for his mother will be a way for him to keep his true feelings at bay and to ensure his own survival. Moreover, the defences that he had in place, that stopped him from being able to face reality, will have been there to protect him. Neglecting himself isn’t serving him but, at a deeper level, this is seen as the only option that he has if he wants to survive. He then appears to have two options: he neglects himself and survives, or he puts his needs first and his life comes to an end. A Closer Look As he is a grown man, it can seem strange as to why he would believe that he needs to be there for his mother and to neglect himself in order to survive. What this is likely to show is that his mother used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs during his early years. Most of his needs would have been overlooked and he would have been forced to be there for her. If he didn’t do this, he would have probably been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned, and this probably still took place. The Same behaviour Many years will have passed since this stage of his life but he will still be behaving in the same way. It won’t matter that he is now a man as he will be in an emotionally underdeveloped state and will be carrying a lot of pain. Another part of this is that his early experiences would have caused him to believe that his needs and his self are bad. For his life to change, he will need to work through his emotional pain and trauma and to question what he believes, so that he can realise, at the core of his being, that he can put his needs first and both survive and thrive. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It can be hard for someone on the outside to understand why a man would be so focused on his mother. He can spend most of his life doing things for her and even if he isn’t, he can be thinking about what he can do for her.
By being this way, naturally, he is going to severely neglect himself and his own life. Most of his time and energy will be directed towards his mother, so he is not going to have a lot of either of these things for himself. A Strange Scenario However, although living in this way is not going to be serving him, he can be oblivious to the fact that he is living in the wrong way. If he was to hear this, he could end up dismissing what has been said. Therefore, as opposed to being grateful for the feedback, he could end up getting defensive and criticise the other person. What is clear for another person to see will then be something that he is unable to see. Self-Protection At this point, it would be easy to say that he is simply choosing to be in denial and doesn’t want to face reality. Nonetheless, it is probably more accurate to say that he simply unaware of what s going on and is not choosing to be this way. The defences that he has in place will prevent him from being able to see clearly and, until these fall, this won’t change. What these defences will do is stop him from coming into contact with painful inner material. Two Parts Taking this into account, while being there for his mother will have a negative effect on him, at a deeper level it will be seen as something that is serving him. Until what is taking place at a deeper level changes, there will be no reason for him to change his behaviour. If he was able to go deep inside himself, he is likely to find that he fears being abandoned by his mother if he doesn’t focus on her. This will be seen as something that will cause his life to come to an end. The Real Reason What this means is that even though he can create the impression that he is selfless and cares about his mother, there is not the complete truth. In reality, being there for her will be seen as the only way for him to survive. It can seem strange as to why a grown man would believe that he needs his mother in order to survive. Now that he is an adult, he shouldn’t be this way; he should be able to stand on his own two feet. A Closer Look What this is likely to illustrate is that although he looks like a man, he is emotionally underdeveloped. He will then look like a man but, deep down, he will feel like an unloved and neglected boy. To understand why he feels this way, it will be necessary to take a look at what probably took place during his early years. This is likely to have been a time when he didn’t receive the love that he needed to be able to grow and develop. Back In Time At this stage of his life, his mother probably used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. If he expressed his needs, he is likely to have been punished, disapproved of and/or abandoned. And this is likely to have taken place anyway, which means that he wouldn’t have had a mother who was predictable and consistent and, thus, provided him with the care that he needed. To survive, he had to lose touch with his own needs and to focus on his mothers needs. A Deep Traumatic Time He would have been mistreated and regularly abandoned, causing him to greatly suffer. When he was left, it would have felt as though he was going to die and, to handle the pain he was in, he would have had to disconnect from himself. He wouldn’t have been developed enough to handle his feelings and no one would have been there to soothe him, so he had no other option. When his mother was around, he would have done his best to keep her around, and doing what he could to please her would have been how he did this. The Same Scenario Many, many years will have passed since he was powerless and totally dependent on his mother for his survival but, deep down, he will still feel and see life in the same way. Like then, he will do his best to avoid being left by his mother. Still, what he fears has already taken place and not only this, he survived what took place. What this means is that what he fears is coming into contact with the pain that he experienced and repressed all those years ago. Moving Forward For his life to change, one of the things that he will need to do is to get in touch with this pain and to work through it. This will be a time when he is embracing his unmet childhood needs and crying out the pain of not having them met. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Have A Lot Of Unmet Childhood Needs To Grieve?8/9/2021
Based on how a man, who is entangled with his mother, behaves, it can be as if he is his mother’s parent. So, regardless of whether or not he is actually a parent, he will certainly act like one.
As a result of this, he will spend a lot of time and energy doing things for his mother and focusing on her. Due to how he behaves, he will create the impression that he is a selfless human being. It’s Automatic In reality, he will be ignoring most of his needs and feelings, and this is why he will be able to behave in this way. Instead of being in tune with himself and others, he will primarily be in tune with others and his mother, in particular. Still, this is not to say that this is something that he is consciously aware of as it is likely to take place just outside of his awareness. This will show that he has a strong need to avoid how he feels and to be there for his mother. Self-Harm But, even though he is not aware of what is going on, it doesn’t mean that he won’t pay a price for behaving in this way. He is likely to spend a lot of time running on empty and, sooner or later, he could end up hitting rock bottom. He will be neglecting himself, so it is to be expected that he won’t be able to behave this way forever. It could take years before he gets to the point where he can’t continue, though, and this may appear to come out of nowhere. Both Ways Along with him not being aware of the fact that he is out of balance, it is unlikely that his mother will be aware of this either. She could simply expect him to be there for her and it might not even occur to her that he is not responsible for her. Therefore, it is highly unlikely that she will ever encourage him to focus on his life and to spend less time doing things for her. She will be using him and this is not going to change any time soon. Waking Up If he was to get to the point where he can’t continue, he simply won’t be able to be there for his mother. This can be a time when he is totally exhausted and finds it hard to do even the basics. Another thing that could allow him to see clearly is that he could end up getting into a relationship. If this was to happen, it might stop him from needing to have a breakdown but that doesn’t mean that it will be easy for him to draw the line with his mother. Resistance Initially, he could deny that he is too focused on his mother and accuse his partner of being the one who has the issue. As time passes, however, he could gradually come to accept that he is living in the wrong way. He could then come to see that he needs to start focusing on his own life and spend less time focusing on his mother’s life. Even so, this can be a time when he will be filled with guilt and shame, and experience fear and anxiety. Compelled On one level, he will want to change his life but, on another level, he will feel the pull to behave in the same way. Behaving, in the same way, will allow him to feel more settled yet it won’t allow him to live a life that is worth living. If he was able to stop himself from behaving in the same way and was to be with how he feels, he could end up coming into contact with a deep sense of loss. Once again, this can give him the need to be there for his mother. A Deeper Look As his mother most likely used him during his early years to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs, it would have meant that most of his needs would have been overlooked. He wouldn’t have been able to do anything about this, he simply had to adapt to what was going on. Not having most of his needs met would have stopped him from receiving the nutrients that he needed to be able to grow and develop and it would have caused him to experience a lot of pain. So, if his mother wasn’t truly her for him, this stage of his life would have been filled with endless losses. Two Reasons Many, many years will have passed since this stage of his life but this pain will have stayed locked in his body. By being there for his mother, he will typically be able to keep this pain at bay. Also, the child part of him will still be looking for the love that it missed out on all those years ago. Behaving in the same way, so pleasing his mother will be seen as a way to finally receive this love. It’s Over Nonetheless, as she was unable to provide this love at that stage of his life, it is highly unlikely that she will be able to do so at this stage of his life. And, even if she could, it is too late now. These unmet childhood needs will need to be faced and grieved so that he can let go of this stage of his life. This won’t happen overnight as there can be many child parts inside him that are still looking for what wasn’t provided all those years ago. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Free Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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