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When someone is in a relationship, the ideal will be for them to be in touch with who they are and to express their true-self. By being this way, being close to another person will have changed them, but it won’t have caused them to abandon themselves.
Therefore, when they are around the people who they are close to, it won’t be as though they have become someone else entirely. These people may notice a few differences if they are perceptive, yet that could be about as far as it will go. A Healthy Position As they are in tune with who they are, they will be able to act as an individual as opposed to an extension of their partner. This will mean that they themselves won’t always agree with everything their partner says and that there will be conflict from time to time. In the eyes of some people, this could be seen as a bad thing. The reason for this is that someone like this could be in a relationship where they never argue and they rarely, if ever, have any disagreements. A Defence What this is likely to show is that one or both of them have a fear of conflict, which is why there appears to be harmony in their relationship. Ergo, what is going on is likely to be nothing more than a facade. Under the image that they present to others and how they see things is likely to be a lot of baggage. There can be a lot of anger and resentment, and before long, some of this material could end up breaking through and causing a lot of problems. Another Part When there is conflict, the key will be for one to open up to their partner in a respectful manner. Not to blame or to point the finger at them, but to simply express what is on their mind. Although this won’t always be comfortable, it will be an important part of what allows one to stay connected to who they are and to maintain their individuality. Expressing themselves will also make it easier for them to stay connected to the relationship and for it to grow and develop. Two Parts As they are connected to their needs and feelings and express who they are, it will show that they value and respect themselves. What it will also show is that behaving in this way feels safe. It is through having these two components in place that they will be able to ‘be themselves’ in a relationship. Maybe, these two components have more or less always been in place. Another Reality While being this way can be seen as the ideal as it will allow someone to actually show up in a relationship, there are going to be plenty of people who don’t experience life in this way. When someone is in this position, what can be normal is for them to lose themselves when they are in a relationship. As a result of this, they will end up disconnecting from their needs and feelings and they won’t express who they are. They will be physically separate from their partner but that will be about as far as it will go. A Natural Process This doesn’t mean that they will say to themselves, ‘right, now that I’m with someone, I will lose myself and become someone else.’ No, this is likely to be something that takes place unconsciously and thus, without them even realising what is taking place. Doing what their partner wants and what they think they want will be their priority, along with going along with whatever they say. Undoubtedly, they will have a well-developed ability to tune into their partner's reality and to merge with them. Out of sight This is something that can take place without their partner even being aware of what is going on. It would be easy to say that this must show that their partner is not very perceptive, but what it can also show is how good one is at deceiving others. They can do this by making out that they are fine with what is going on and how things are progressing. The information inside them, their true needs and feelings, will be hidden from their partner and themselves. What’s going on? If this is indeed how someone behaves at the beginning and during a relationship, it is likely to come down to the fact that this is simply what feels safe. Losing themselves is going to cause them problems but, at a deeper level, it will be seen as what they have to do in order to survive. This could be hard to believe, especially if it is seen through the eyes of a fully grown adult. What this may illustrate is that their early years were very traumatic and even though many years will have passed, they won’t have truly moved on from that stage of their life. A Closer Look Perhaps this was a time in their life when they were abused and neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Due to this, it wouldn’t have been safe enough for them to be in their body and as a consequence, to be connected to their needs and feelings. Instead, they would have had to disconnect from their body and to live in their head. Not only would being in their body be too painful, but being in their head would have enabled them to be hyper-aware of what was going on around them and to tune into their caregivers needs; both of these things would have been a way for them to minimize the pain that they experienced. Awareness The love, care and nurturance that they needed to be able to develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided. They would have been traumatised into living in a disembodied state and their energetic boundaries wouldn’t have formed. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If a man was to think about what his interactions have been like with women over the years, he could come into contact with a number of memories that he would rather forget about forever. This doesn’t mean that every moment he has shared with a woman will have been unpleasant.
No, what it means that is that a lot of the moments that he has shared with a woman won’t have been very uplifting. In other words, there will have been more negative experiences than positive experiences. One Area When it comes to his love life, assuming he is straight, he may have been with a number of women who treated him very badly. They may have been verbally as well as physically abusive. If he hasn’t been with physically abusive women but has been with verbally abusive women, this would have still have caused him to suffer. Being with a woman like this may very well have sucked the life out of him and left him feeling like an empty vessel. Hidden However, although being with a woman like this would have greatly undermined him, it doesn’t mean that he spoke to anyone about what was going on. This could be because he didn’t have anyone in his life or it could be because he felt too ashamed to open up to anyone. But, even if he didn’t have anyone around, it doesn’t mean that this was the real reason why he didn’t reach out for support. As with the second reason, he could have felt too ashamed to tell anyone. Two Factors What may have played a part here is the conditioning that a man is supposed to be strong at all times and to not to be vulnerable. Therefore, if he had opened up, he may have believed that he would be seen as weak and even ostracised. Also, men are often seen as the aggressors and women as the victims, which can prevent a man from receiving the support that he needs. Instead of being supported and shown compassion, what he is going through can be dismissed and he can end up being criticised. Another Area If he hasn’t had any relationships, he might still have had trouble at work. Perhaps he has had a least one female manager who has treated him badly and made his job far harder than it needed to be. Then again, he may have worked for a number of female managers that are like this. But, if he hasn’t, he may have had a number of female colleagues that were. Right Now In addition to what has happened in the past, he may have a job right now where the same scenario is being played out. He may have a female manager or there could be a few female colleagues who are unpleasant, but the outcome will be the same. At this point in time, he could be at the stage where he is no longer willing to carry on living in this way and wants his life to change. He will then have been knocked down but he will still be in the ring. A Closer Look If he has typically tolerated what has taken place and has found it hard to stand his ground, it is likely to show that he has a weak connection to his masculine aspect. This part of him would supply him with the strength and courage that he needs to protect himself. Further, a big part of him can believe that he deserves to be treated badly, hence why he has put up with this type of behaviour. What this can show is that he doesn’t have a good connection with his feminine aspect, as this part would supply him with the self-worth and self-love that would enable him to treat himself with respect and to feel uncomfortable with being treated badly. Going Deeper Taking this into account, it could show that he had an abusive mother and that his father was emotionally or physically unavailable. This would have meant that his mother was unable to provide him with the love, nurturance and care that he needed to develop a strong sense of self. His father, on the other hand, wouldn’t have given him the support and guidance that he needed to be able to develop into a strong and capable man. In their own way, both of his caregivers would have played a part. An Inner Model How his mother behaved during this time, along with the other women who were around, would have defined how he would perceive all women. Moreover, how his mother treated him would have had heavily influenced how he expected other women to treat him. Another part of how these expectations were created is how his mother treated his father and other men. Through being a man and identifying with his father, his value would have partly been influenced by how much value his father appeared to have. Awareness What this illustrates is that not only is it important for a parent to treat their child with love and care, they also need to treat their partner in the same way. If one part is missing, the other part won’t be as effective as it could be. So, if a man can relate to this, and he is ready to heal his inner wounds, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Boundaries: Do Some Peoples Childhoods Condition Them Up To Be Caught Up In Other People’s Lives?14/10/2020
It could be said that when someone is in balance, they will be there for themselves and they will be there for others. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they will neglect their own life when they are there for others, though.
In general, they could find time to be there for others without putting their own life to one side. Of course, there will be times when this isn’t possible and they have to put something on hold. Part of Life For example, if one is busy doing something and they were to receive a call from a friend or a family member who has been taken into hospital, they may need to go and see them straight away. They won’t be able to carry in with what they are doing but they will want to see them. This will be radically different to how it would be if they were endlessly caught up in what was taking place in their friends and family’s lives. Even if they were able to carry on as normal, their mind would be consumed by what is going on for someone else; making it hard for them to focus on what they are doing and to fully show up. A Different Scenario When someone experiences life in this way, and they are out of balance, it will be normal for them to neglect their own life. They can spend their time being there for others and, if they are not doing something for another person, they can be thinking about what is going on for them and what they can do for them. Through being so caught up in other people’s lives, they might not have much going on in their own life. In fact, they could be so caught up in another person’s life, that they might not even have a life. Another Part of Them One is then going to have their own life and their own needs and feelings, but it will be as though they are nothing more than an extension of others. Their ability to tune into the needs and feelings of others could be far better than their ability to tune into their own needs and feelings. Tuning into what is going on for another could just take place, without them even realising that they are doing it. As a result of this, it is not going to occur to them that they have lost touch with themselves and merged with another person. An Analogy It will be as though one will have their own plant but, instead of regularly watering their own plant, they will primarily water other people’s plants. Their plant won’t be dead but it won’t be in a good way either. Some of the plants that they water might do so well that they produce fruit, yet there certainly won’t ever be any fruit on their plant. However, in a lot of cases, the plants that they do water will probably just receive enough water to survive. Rescuing Others What this comes down to is that the support that they give to most people can just sustain the dramas that are taking place in their life. The people who they focus on can indirectly send out the message that they can’t take care of themselves and need to be saved. Thus, even if one does help them, it might not be long until there is another fire that needs to be put out, so to speak. It won’t matter how old the people are who they focus on as one will be more like a parental figure than their equal. An Exhausting Existence Rarely taking care of their own needs and focusing on the needs of others is naturally going to take a lot out of them. The approval that they receive from others might take the edge of some of their pain, at least for a while. Nonetheless, as the years go by and living in this way starts to take its toll, they could get to the point where they simply can’t carry on like this anymore. When they get to this stage, they might come to the conclusion that they need to focus on their own life and to let other people take responsibility for their own life. A Painful Time This will be the healthy thing for them to do; nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that this is something that will feel comfortable. Just the thought of focusing on themselves could fill them with guilt. Before they get to this point, it could take them a while to connect to their own needs. Considering that they will have spent so long focusing on other people’s needs, this is to be expected. Pulling Back Another thing they may find, as they start to refocus their attention, is that they experience a sense of loss. To no longer be so focused on others could cause them to feel as though they are losing themselves. Being there for others, then, will have provided them with an identity and without this identity, they won’t know who they are; at the same time, this could also show that they haven’t developed a sense of self. Their ego-mind will want them to carry on living in the same way as to this part of them, what is familiar is what is safe; to this part of them, it won’t matter that living in this way is not serving them. A Deeper Look The big question is: why would someone be this way? What this may illustrate is that their early years were a time when their developmental needs were rarely, if ever, met and they had to take care of their caregiver/s needs instead. Perhaps one of their caregivers was deeply troubled and completely incapable of being there for their child. Perhaps this caregiver was also used by their caregiver/s to fulfil their own needs. Role Reversal One would have needed to have their needs met so that they could develop in the right way but this wouldn’t have taken place. To handle this extremely challenging time of their life, one would have had to play the role of the caregiver. What they would have developed during this time is their ability to tune into another person’s world and to know what their needs and feelings are. This wouldn’t have been something that they consciously chose to do, it would have just happened. Awareness Being able to do this as a child would have made it easier for them to handle a very challenging time and minimised the amount of pain that they experienced; it was a very helpful ability. Now that they are an adult, they will need to learn when to use this ability and when to bring their attention back into their own body. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
For some people, feeling safe is a normal part of life and something that they take for granted. This doesn’t mean that there won’t have been moments in their life when they have felt unsafe.
Throughout their life, there may have been numerous moments when this was the case, yet a moment like this may have soon passed. Thankfully, they will have soon been able to return to how they were before. The Ideal Through having a sense of safety, someone like this will be able to inhabit their body and, thus, to connect to their own needs and feelings. Moreover, they will feel safe enough to express who they are. It is then not going to be an issue for them to assert themselves; allowing them to say yes and no at the right times. Moving forward in life and making progress will be something that is just part of their life. A Very Different Life For others, feeling safe won’t be a normal part of their life and something that they take for granted. If there have been moments when they have felt safe, they could be few and far between. In fact, these moments may be so rare that it is a challenge for them to connect to what it was like for them to have this experience. And, even if they were to remember a moment like this, it could be an unwelcome reminder of how challenging their life is. One Big Challenge Through not having a sense of safety, someone like this will probably find it hard to inhabit their body. Consequently, it will most likely be difficult for them to connect to their needs and feelings. Instead of expressing who they are and asserting themselves, they may typically do what other people want and what they think they want. Ergo, even if they are able to move forward in life and they appear to be ‘successful’, the life that they lead won’t be in alignment with who they truly are or bring them deep fulfilment. A Different Experience Now, although someone could live a relatively normal life even though they don’t feel safe and even be ‘successful’, they could lead a life that is radically different. Due to what is going on for them, they could prefer to spend a fair amount of time by themselves. They are then going to have minimal contact with others and could be seen as anything but ‘successful’. Unlike the previous scenario, they won’t be a high-functioning individual who doesn’t feel safe. Trying To survive This may illustrate that as they feel so unsafe, they are unable to keep it together, so to speak, by pleasing others. In general, they will feel so unsafe that the primary way for them to handle what they are going through will be to keep their distance from others and to isolate themselves. They are unlikely to be in a warzone but it will be as though their life is under threat. Trying to manage the high arousal that they are experiencing is going to take a lot of their time and energy, leaving very little left with which to create a fulfilling existence. A Miserable Life Even if someone doesn’t isolate themselves and can just about keep it together, they are still likely to have moments when they feel empty and depressed. They won’t have a good connection with their own body and their life won’t match up with who they are, so why would they feel any different? However, if they are not aware of what is going on internally and why their life is this way, they could simply see themselves as a victim. It is then not that their life is the way that it is because they don’t have a felt sense of safety, or a felt sense of their own value; it is because other people are controlling them and holding them back. Projection If it wasn’t for other people, then, they would be able to behave how they want and to move forward. A lot of their energy can be directed towards certain people, with them being seen as perpetrators. In reality, one will be co-creating this reality, and this means that they won’t just be a powerless victim. Nevertheless, for them to realise this, they will need to take a step back and to go deep within themselves. A Deeper Look Irrespective of what position someone is in, there is going to be a reason why they don’t have a felt sense of safety. What this may illustrate is that their early years were a time when they were deeply traumatised. During this period of their life, they may have been abused and neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. The love, care and nurturance that they needed to be able to develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided, causing them to feel extremely unsafe and insecure. The Original Penetrators If they do believe that certain people are holding them back or would harm or undermine them if they behaved differently, it can show that they are a projecting their early caregiver’/s onto them. Also, as they carry the trauma of being violated and have a victim consciousness, they can attract people who are the same but who have become perpetrators to avoid their own pain. With this in mind, one can project parts of themselves into people and they can come into contact with people who are very similar to their caregiver/s. To change their reality, they will need to heal their trauma. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
After getting to the point where they can no longer carry on living in the same way, one can end up looking for answers. Perhaps something significant has recently taken place, pushing them over the point of no return in the process.
Or maybe, what has been going on hasn’t really changed; it’s just that it has caused them to take a step back. Either way, they will now be in a position where enough is enough and they will want their life to change. A Big Effect This may show that their relationships are not very fulfilling or that their career is not going as they want it to go. What is taking place in one area of their life could be having an impact on every area of their life. It is then not going to be possible for them to compartmentalise this part of their life and to fully focus on other things. As a result, other areas of their life will have slowly deteriorated, making their life even worse. All Areas On the other hand, just about every area of their life could be causing them problems. One is then not going to need one area of their life to affect another area in order for it to bring this area of their life down. If they were to look back on how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it has been this way for many, many years. To experience life in this way for just one more day could be seen as being far too long. An Urgent Need Considering what is going on for them, it could be said that it is not going to be a surprise that they have a strong need for their life to change. The first thing that they could do is to look online for answers. Due to how much they want to change their life, they could end up trying the first thing that promises to help them. If they do this, they could still find that it takes a little while for their life to change. Held Back What they will need to keep in mind is that while it is a good thing that they want to change their life, having this need can also make it harder for them to move forward. The reason for this is that they will be coming from a place of resistance and this resistance can hold them back. This comes down to the fact that what is resisted is what will persist and grow. So, through having the need to change and to move forward, one can inadvertently feed into the very reality that they want to let go off. Two Levels If they were to hear this, their mind could end up dismissing what has been said; seeing it as irrational. As far as this part of them is concerned, doing something about what is going on will be the only option. However, as one is not merely an observer of their reality and where they are at both mentally and emotionally is also playing a part in how they experience life, what they do is just one part of the equation. In other words, if one is doing all the right things but they are experiencing a lot of resistance, they will be working against themselves. For Example Another way for one to understand this is to do their best not to think about a red car. By doing this, they will see that even though they don’t want to think of something, they are still thinking about it. What this illustrates is that their mind doesn’t understand negation and neither does the universe. Therefore, if one is putting a lot of their attention towards what they won’t want, it won’t matter that they want to change their life, as they will still be feeding into their current reality. A Different Approach The key will be for them to do what they can to accept where they are, not to resist what is currently taking place. This will stop them from feeding into this reality and allow them to use this energy to create more of what they do want. Undoubtedly, this is easier said than done; if this was easy, there would be no need for them to change their life to begin with. They would simply accept what is going and do what they could to create a life that is in alignment with who they are. One Option This is one of the reasons why meditation is beneficial, as when one is meditating, they will be able to detach from what is going on and to remove any resistance that they may have. Through bringing this way of being into their day-to-day life, they won’t feed as much energy into what they don’t want. Another part of this will be for one to trust that what they are going through will soon pass and that the answers they are looking for will appear at the right time. Taking their foot of the gas in this way will allow them to embrace their feminine aspect and to work with the universe, as opposed to trying to do everything by force, through their masculine ego-mind. Awareness The irony here is that although their ego-mind will be resisting what is taking place, this part of them will also be comfortable with what is currently taking place. To this part of them, what is familiar is what is safe. This is one of the ways that one can be deceived by their ego-mind and end up maintaining the prison that they have created in the process.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Intimacy: Can It Take A Relationship For Someone To Realise They Are Emotionally Disconnected?10/10/2020
Now that someone is in a relationship, it could be crystal clear that it is hard for them to connect to how they feel. Up until this point, it might not have even occurred to them that this was the case.
Or, if they were aware that this was a challenge for them, it might not have stood out in the same way. As a result of this, this might not have been something that absorbed too much of their attention. A Different Experience As they were not in a relationship at this point, they might not have needed to be in tune with their feelings. When it came to their job and spending time with their friends, for instance, they might have needed to be any other way. Thus, their way of being wouldn’t have caused them any difficulties or given them the need to change themselves. So, even if they did think ahead at the beginning of the relationship, there wouldn’t have been a reason for them to be concerned about how they are. Ready to Go At the start of the relationship, they may have believed that they were ready to go down this path. However, as time passed, their belief in their own readiness may have started to diminish. Alternatively, they may have just wondered what was going on; finding it hard to understand why they are this way. Either way, this area of their life is going to be far harder than it needs to be. Held Back When it comes to their partner, they could have a strong mental and physical connection with them, but the other part of their being, their heart, won’t be fully on board. This doesn’t mean that they won’t feel anything towards them; it is likely to mean that this part of them won’t always be online, so to speak. Moreover, they may find that it is often easier for them to feel things for their partner when they are not in their company. Being this way might not have caused too many problems earlier on, but as time passed, this may have started to have a negative effect on the relationship. Inner Blocks For one thing, not having a good connection with themselves will prevent them from fully being in the relationship. What this will do is make it hard for the relationship to progress. Further, not having a strong emotional connection to their partner could create uncertainty in them too and this could cause them to hold back. The part of them that would lock them in, their heart, will rarely be there to guide and support them. Conflict There is then going to be the impact that their behaviour has on their partner. Their partner could believe that one is not really into them and question if the relationship will last. The reason for this is that they won’t be receiving the emotional feedback that they need. One is then not going to need to do anything wrong or bad, as they will indirectly be sending out a strong message. A State Of Confusion After thinking about what is going on and their inability to stay connected to how they feel, they may often be angry and confused. They can be angry about what is going on and confused about why they are this way. It could go even further, though, and one could start to criticise themselves and end up feeling very low. If this takes place, it will be important for them to reflect on the fact that they are not consciously choosing to be this way. Protection Although being this way is causing them, and their partner, problems, it is likely to be what feels safe. In other words, being in tune with their emotional self, and expressing how they feel, will be seen as a threat to their very survival. This may illustrate that something traumatic has happened in their adult life or it could go back to what happened during their earlier years. If it goes back to their early years, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected. Divided To handle the pain that they were in, they would have had to disconnect from their emotional self. Losing touch with this part of them would have also meant that they lost touch with their body. One would have gone from being connected to themselves, to living on the surface of themselves. Now that they are an adult, their body will be in frozen, seized up state, which will prevent them from being able to operate as a whole human being. Moving Forward With this in mind, there are going to be a number of things that they will need to do to change their life. They will need to look into and change what they believe will happen if they were to connect to their feelings and if they were to express them. Another important part of this process will be for them to work through the pain that is held in their body, so that they can become a more integrated human being. By working through this pain, it will make it easier for them to handle how they feel and to stay connected to their body. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Even though someone will have a head and a body, it doesn’t mean that they will be in touch with both parts of their being. Instead, they could be connected to what is taking place in their head and very rarely be connected to what is taking place in their body.
Still, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this, as experiencing life in this way could be what is normal. Therefore, primarily living in their head will be what they are accustomed to, thereby preventing them from having the need to do anything about it. From The Outside If another person was to describe them, they could say that they are not very emotional. It is then not going to matter if they are aware of the fact that one doesn’t have a good connection with their body as there will be signs that one is ‘different’. Along with this, one could be fairly slim and even look malnourished. When it comes to their energy, they might have a lot going up top but they might not have a lot of energy in general. A Busy Mind And as they have a lot of energy up top, they might spend a lot of time thinking and trying to work things out. The downside to all this mental activity is that they might be used to feeling anxious. But, as they typically live on the surface of themselves and are seldom connected to their body, this is to be expected. Ultimately, they won’t have strong foundations and this will result in an inner instability. Another Planet Not having a strong connection to their body is also going to make it hard for them to be present. If their awareness is not in their head, it could be somewhere else entirely. Taking this into account, if they are not intellectual and even if they are, they could see themselves as someone who is spiritual. Visiting different realms will stop them from having to be in this world. Alone Further, having a weak connection to their body can mean that they are used to feeling alone and disconnected from everyone and everything. Being around others might take the edge of their painful inner experience but it might not do much else. The part of them that would allow them to be connected, their body, will be out of their reach. Their head, with its ideas, thoughts and views, won’t be the part of them that will allow them to feel connected to others and the world. A Common Occurrence Due to this disconnection, they might be used to experiencing anger, frustration and a sense of being powerless. It is unlikely that their life will be very fulfilling and they probably won’t feel as though they have much influence over what happens to them. This is because not only will their body allow them to feel connected, it will also be where their power is found. Without this connection, then, it won’t be a surprise if they often feel depressed and insignificant. What’s going on? As they are not actually separate from their body, it can seem strange as to how they could be out of touch with this part of them. Their body is connected to their head; it’s not as though this part has been physically severed. Yet, while this is clearly the case, it doesn’t mean that one can simply reconnect to their body. What this may illustrate is that there was a time in their life when they experienced a lot of trauma, which caused them to disconnect from their body. A Matter of Survival Perhaps this was something that took place during the beginning of their life. At this stage of their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. The only way for them to handle what was taking place, and this wouldn’t have been something that they consciously chose to do, would have been to literally leave their body. Their body would still have been connected to their head, of course, but their awareness will have been pulled out of this part of them. A Slow Procedure Now that they are an adult, they will need to gradually develop a connection with their body. Hoverer, this is not something that they will be able to do through force and using their will power. An important part of this process will be for them to let go of the baggage that their body is carrying. This won’t be pain that they can think away, change or behave their way out of; the doing energy of their ego-mind is not what is needed here. An Analogy There will be the trauma that is held in their emotional body and physical body, and this pain will prevent them from being able to get back in their body. One way to get an idea of this would be to imagine that a room is full of stuff; it won’t be possible to go in there. By emptying this stuff out, though, it will be possible to go in there and to stay in there. Naturally, this is something that will take patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to whether or not someone is in a good place mentally and emotionally, how motivated they are is often taken into account. Therefore, if someone is highly motivated, they can be seen as being in a good way.
Someone like this can relentlessly move towards their goals, finding it hard to just sit still and to just be. Relaxing and just being could be seen as a complete waste of time; time that they could be using to move forward. External Feedback There could be numerous people in their life who shower them with approval and tell them how much they admire them. Along with these kinds of people, there could be a number of people in their life who are the same. But, even if they didn’t have many people in their life who give them approval, society as a whole is likely to validate them. For example, there will be adverts and numerous books that support this way of experiencing life. All the Trappings of Success Thank to how hard they work, they may have all the things that are typically associated with success. They may have a flashy car, a big house, holidays abroad, a load of money in the bank and expensive clothes. Then again, it might not be this black and white, but they could still be doing very well. It might not matter how much they achieve, though, as they could struggle to enjoy anything. A Clear Sign Now, how they behave could show that they value themselves and are committed to living a life that is worth living. Perhaps there was a time when they were not really motivated and, after working on themselves, this all changed. They are then going to be an example of how someone will behave when they are in a good place internally. There is also the chance that there is more to how they behave than meets the eye. A Different Fuel Source One might not be highly motivated because they are in a good place and simply value themselves; they could be highly motivated because they want to be affirmed by others and don’t value themselves. They could have a storing need to be validated by men or women or both. This may illustrate that they didn’t receive the positive feedback that they needed during their early years in order to develop a strong sense of self. Still, now that they are an adult, they might not even be aware of what is motivating them. Disconnected If they were asked to explain why they are highly motivated, they could say that this is just how they are. Also, they could say that they want to live a good life and without motivation, this wouldn’t happen. This will show that they are not aware of what is taking place at a deeper level. Ultimately, the energy within them and their behaviour will serve a defence that stops them from coming into contact with the pain that is held in their body. An Endless Battle The trouble is that as they carry the pain of not being affirmed as a child, it won’t matter how much approval they receive from others. All this approval can do is allow them to suppress how they truly feel. This is why they will need to stay motivated and to continually achieve things or else how they truly feel will end up breaking into their conscious mind. So, whether one realises it or not, they are going to be trying to receive what they were unable to receive as a child. A Human Doing If they do find it hard to just be and to relax, it will be clear as to why this is. Not only could this cause them to come into contact with their true feelings, it could also result in them feeling worthless As they didn’t receive the affirmation what they needed as a child, it would have prevented them from developing a felt sense of self-worth and self-love. For them to truly just be, they would need to be in touch with their own value and to have developed a felt sense of self-love. Settling Down Considering this, if they were to get in touch with their own pain and to work through it, they would probably find that they lose some of their motivation. Through dealing with their own inner wounds and developing a felt sense of self-worth and self-love, they will no longer need other people to affirm them. They will be able to affirm themselves and, when they do want to achieve something, it will no longer be coming from the wounded part of them. This can mean that they won’t work as hard but this doesn’t mean that they won’t do as well as they did before; in fact, they might even do better Taking Their hands of the Reins The reason for this is that they will be coming from a completely different place internally and their reality will mirror this back. They will value themselves and feel comfortable in their own skin, which will allow things to happen without them needing to do as much as they did before. In other words, as they won’t have the same level of attachment and will use less will power, it will allow the universe to play its part. This will mean that their ego-mind will no longer need to do as much as it did before. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to heal their inner wounds, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has come to see that they were mistreated during their early years, they could have the need to talk to their parents about what took place. There could be a number of things that they want from them.
For one thing, they might want to know why their parents treated them in the way that they did. This could be a question that consumes a lot of their time, with them trying to work out why they were treated this way. Another Part Along with this, a big part of them might want their parents to apologise for what took place. In fact, this could be more than something that they just want; they could have an incredibly strong need for them to do this. This could be seen as something that will allow them to move on from what took place and to put the past behind them. The sooner they are able to open up to their parents, then, the sooner their life will change. The Ideal Scenario Now, they could reach out to their parents, talk about what is going on for them and find them to be very remorseful and supportive. It could even appear as though their parents have wanted to talk to them about this for a while. They are then going to do all that they can to assist them in what they are going through and, if it is needed, they might even go with them to therapy. Thanks to their parent’s ability to take responsibility for happened and the love that they have for their adult child, they will be able to undo some of the damage that was done. A Tough Time This can be a time when one will talk about what happened, how they felt and how what took place has impacted their life. It will then be clear to them that what happened had a massive impact on their adult child. Their parents can end up feeling extreme guilt and shame, and feel as though they have failed their child. This could also be a time when they will come to see that they were also abused as a child and thus, went from being a victim to being a perpetrator. A Time of Healing Through having their parents acknowledge what was done, it is likely to have a very powerful impact on them. Of course, it won’t change what actually happened but it will give the wounded part of them the validation that it needs and allow it to be seen and heard. This is likely to be a very emotional time, with there being a lot of tears and important words spoken. The outcome of this process is that one’s inner and outer world will improve and their relationship with their parents will also improve. A Different Experience Sadly, this is not something that will happen to everyone who was abused by their parents. One reason for this is that their parents might no longer be alive, which will mean that this option is no longer available. Another reason why the above won’t take place is that both of their parents could deny what they were abusive. Due to this, it won’t matter what one says to them as their parents simply won’t be able to acknowledge what took place. Gaslighting At this point, one could end up doubting themselves and question if they are making it all up. If this takes place, it can be a continuation of what happened when they were younger; with this also being a time when their reality was disregarded and they were not truly seen or heard. One or both of their parents would have lacked the ability to see them as an individual and to connect to them, and this may show that they had, and still have, a narcissistic personality disorder. They might have settled down as time has passed, but they will still be in a bad way. Emotional Collapse If one is carrying a lot of toxic shame and is therefore shame-based, being invalidated can play into their view of themselves as being worthless and bad. The fact that their parents won’t acknowledge what took place won’t be seen as a consequence of their own inability to face reality; instead, it will validate the negative view that they have of themselves. The truth is that what they experienced wasn’t their fault and they didn’t deserve to be treated badly. How their parents are responding is simply a reflection of their level of emotional development or their level of consciousness. Avoidance If their parents were to acknowledge what took place, they might end up experiencing a lot of emotional pain. This could be a time when they will also come into contact with pain that goes right back to their early years. To keep this pain at bay and out of their conscious awareness, they have to live on the surface of themselves. They are then not going to use defence mechanisms such as denial and repression from time to time, denial and repression will be part of the false-self that they have in place. Totally Undeveloped The fact that they live on the surface of themselves will show that they don’t have a healthy relationship with their emotional self or their body. If their early years were not very nurturing, it would have meant that they didn’t receive the care that they needed to develop in the right way. Their intellect could be developed, but the emotional part of them will be way behind. And, not only will this inner disconnection and lack of emotional development make it hard for them to empathise and to show compassion, it will also make it harder for them to face reality; they will be stuck in their head and this part of them can make anything up. Awareness Having this understanding in place is unlikely to allow one to simply let go of their need to have their parents validate what they went through, yet it can settle their mind down. The key will be for them to work through their wounds. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer. Someone like this will be able to provide them with the validation that they need and to give them the support that they need to work through their inner wounds.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
As the ego-mind creates the illusion of separation, someone can believe that they are separate from everyone and everything. Through having identified with this part of them, they will be nothing more than an observer of their reality.
There will then be what is going on around them and what is going own within them, and while what is going on around them will affect them, what is taking place inside them won’t affect their outer world. By having this outlook, it is not going to be a surprise if they often feel like a victim. Complete Certainty They may often have moments when something ‘bad’ happens and shortly after this, they could say that they knew this would happen. If they see themselves as a victim, occurrences such as these are likely to strengthen the view that they have of themselves. Due to how often the above has taken place, they could even believe that they have the ability to predict the future. The trouble is that thanks to how they perceive reality, they won’t be able to see that they are playing a part in how they are experiencing life. A Few Examples When it comes to what they expect from life, most of these expectations could be negative. They may have some, if not all, of the following expectations:
Two Levels Although one might consciously be aware of some of these as well as others, there can be others that they are not aware of. When it comes to the latter, these will be expectations that are held in their unconscious mind. However, even though they won’t enter their conscious mind, they will still influence their life. Ultimately, what is taking place in their unconscious mind has a far greater impact on their life than what is taking place in their conscious mind. Incredible Power Yet, regardless of whether one is aware of an expectation or not, they will believe that it will take place. What this illustrates is how much of an effect their beliefs are having on their reality. Their beliefs will be what are causing them to experience life in a certain way; they will be the roots that sustain their reality. Therefore, if these roots were severed and new trees were planted (new beliefs), their reality would change. This is often described as the law of correspondence; where the outer reflects the inner. In order for them to experience life differently, though, they would need to take a step back and to see what is going on. A Tough Time If they were able to take a step back and to gradually see that they are not just an observer of their reality and that their life is partly a reflection of what they expect, it might be hard for them to accept. The reason for this is that if their life is a mess, the last thing they will want to hear is that they are playing a part in what is going on. They could feel angry and enraged and/or feel totally helpless. On the plus side, as they are playing a part in what is going on, it will mean that they can do something about their life. Going Deeper One thing they may wonder at this point is why they are full of negative expectations and why they don’t expect good things to happen to them. What they expect may largely be the result of what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were typically treated badly and neglected, and therefore, not shown the love and care that they needed to develop in the right way. The experiences that they had, day after day, year after year, would have laid down an inner framework. Repeating The Past Along with this, how they were treated would have stopped them for developing a felt sense of self-love and self-worth. Without this self-love and self-worth in place, being treated badly and settling for very little in life will feel comfortable. Considering this, for them to no longer put up with what is going on, it will be essential for them to develop these two things. As these two parts of their being start to develop, what felt comfortable before will start to feel uncomfortable and their expectations will change. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online. Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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