True Self: Can Someone Believe That They Have To Hide Their True Self In Order To Be Loved?22/4/2021
If someone was to go for a drive, they would be able to go wherever they wanted. So, if they wanted to go left, they could go left, and, if they wanted to go right, they could go right.
Quite simply, they would have the ability to go wherever suited them and to adapt if it wasn’t possible for them to drive through a certain route. By being in this car, then, they would experience a sense of freedom. Back To the Self In the same way, the ideal will be for one to feel comfortable enough in their own being to be able to freely express themselves. This will mean that they will have a good connection with their true self and allow this part of them to define how they behave. By being this way, they will experience a sense of inner freedom. They won’t have the need to please others and to do what they want; they will have the need to live a life that is in alignment with who they are. A Choice This will stop them from behaving in the same way all of the time and denying certain parts of themselves. Still, this is not to say they won’t understand the importance of playing a role at certain times, such as when they are at work, for instance. Even so, they will be connected to all of their feelings and be able to utilise the information that is provided by them. Thus, there can be times when will go with the flow and times when they will be very assertive. A Whole Human Being One will then play different roles throughout each day but they won’t be too identified with the roles that they play. This will make it easier for them to handle whatever takes place in their life. If they felt the need to always play a certain role, they would be like someone to tries to use a screwdriver or even a hammer to fix every problem. At times, of course, a role will work (as will a screwdriver or hammer) but there will be times when it won’t. A Radically Different Experience Living in this way is not going to allow someone to freely express themselves and to feel free. In a way, it will be as though they are wearing an invisible straight jacket. Considering this, if someone experiences life in this way, it is going to be normal for them to always play a role or a few roles. But, through being completely identified with this role, they won’t be able to realise what is going on. A Stage They might not act for a living, but their life will be an act nonetheless. Most likely, it will be a part that they have been playing for most of their life, which is why they are unable to recognise that this is the case. This could mean that they generally come across as easy-going and create the impression that nothing bothers them. Additionally, they might not have been able to get very far in life. The False Self If they were in tune with their true self, they would be primarily driven by what is taking place in their body as this is where their true essence will be found. Instead of this, they are likely to live on the surface of themselves and their main need will be to please others. Living in this way may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval but it won’t allow them to truly feel alive. Consequently, they can find that they often feel frustrated, helpless and depressed. Breaking Out If they were to get to the point where they have had enough, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to let go of their act and to express their true self. Just thinking about doing this could cause them to feel very uncomfortable. Freely expressing themselves could be seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and unloved. This shows that something isn’t right as being true to themselves should be what feels comfortable and they should feel loved for doing so. Back In Time What this may illustrate is that, during their early years, they were only “loved” when they acted how their caregiver/s wanted them to act. It was then not possible for them to be in tune with their true self and to express this part of them; they had to lose touch with certain parts of themselves. To survive and to make sure that they were not rejected by them, they would have had to play along. The outcome of this was that they ended up be being alienated from their true self and developed a false self. Going Deeper At the same time, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that they were only loved when they acted in a certain way. This is not love; if they were truly loved, their essence would have been accepted and they would have been encouraged to express themselves. Ergo, while behaving how their caregiver/s wanted would have been a way for them to avoid being rejected; they would have still been rejected. The message they received was that there was something inherently wrong with who they are and to be accepted, and thereby, survive, they had to be someone else. Awareness The role that they play as an adult will hold them back but it would have allowed them to handle their early environment. To move forward, they will need to know that they can express themselves and still survive and be loved. If one can relate to this challenge, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When it comes to how someone behaves, it can primarily be the result of what is taking place in their body or what is taking place inside their head. In order words, it can be a reflection of their true self or their false self.
Therefore, in order for one to express their true self, they will need to be in touch with their body. At this point, one could wonder why their true self is found in their body, not their head. Going Deeper The reason for this is that their feelings and most of their needs will be found in this area of their being, not their head. So, while their mind will have a part to play when it comes to expressing who they are, it alone won’t be where their true essence is located. What this further illustrates is that their body is not just something that supports their head; it is the part of their being that will provide them with guidance and wisdom. By following the guidance that is inside them, they will be able to live a life that is worth living. A Different Experience Thus, if someone is not in touch with their body, they won’t be in touch with their true self. As they won’t have access to the guidance that is inside them, they will have to rely on their mind to guide them. This part of them will look towards others for guidance and it will give them the urge to do what will please others. Living in this way will allow them to gain approval but it probably won’t set their heart on fire. Unaware However, although one will be living on the surface of themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. This could show that living in this way is normal, which prevents them from being able to see what is going on. One can then often feel frustrated and even miserable, yet they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. Ultimately, it won’t occur to them that they are estranged from themselves and that this is why they are experiencing life in this way. The Foundations Were Laid This can mean that they disconnected from their body very early on and their mind has forgotten about what it was like to be connected to their body. To this part of them, there is not going to be anything wrong with how they experience life. As for why they disconnected from their body, this can show that they often felt overwhelmed during this stage of their life. Through being traumatised and not feeling safe enough to inhabit their body, they would have automatically separated from themselves. A Defence Living up top would have meant that their focus was primarily on what was going on around them as opposed to what was going on inside them. Tuning into their caregivers needs would have caused them to neglect themselves but this would have been a way for them to survive. Over time, doing what other people wanted would have come to feel comfortable, and they would no longer be aware of most of their needs and feelings. Their view of themselves would have most likely been, and continue to be, a consequence of what allowed them to be approved of and “loved” as a child. Resistance Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but the pain that they experienced all those years ago will still be held inside their body. Unconsciously, then, they are likely to have the need to avoid this part of their being. This will be where their treasure will be found. As their life is unlikely to be very fulfilling, part of them will want to find this treasure, but a stronger part of them won’t want to face the pain that goes with it. A House Of Cards Even so, sooner or later, something could happen externally that will cause their false self to come crashing down. For example, they could lose their job, experience a breakup or lose a loved one. The mental construct that they had in place and allowed them to “keep it all together” will have fallen apart. With this out of the way or hanging by a thread, they will have been reacquainted with the pain that has been held inside them for however many years. A Big Shift After this has taken place, they, along with others, could struggle to understand what has happened. Before they may have come across as strong and confident but now they could be emotionally unstable and very fearful. Their false self will have allowed them to act like an adult and now this has crumbled, they will be in touch with how they really feel and this can mean that they will feel like a scared and powerless child. Thanks to what they went through as a child and as this pain has stayed inside them, they will have stayed in an emotionally undeveloped state. An Important Point The way for them to emotionally grow up and to feel like a powerful adult won’t be for them to “change their thoughts”; it will be for them to process their emotional pain. If this pain had been thought into existence, it would be different. Yet, as this pain will be coming from their emotional wounds, it will be oozing out of their emotional body. If one was to try to remove this pain by thinking differently, it is unlikely to work, and, even if it does, they will just be engaging in another form of repression – a type of repression that is often unknowingly encouraged by mental health professionals. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Having needs is simply part of the human experience and is not something that is bad or wrong. However, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet feels comfortable with their needs.
When someone doesn’t feel comfortable with them, their life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. This could be something that they are consciously aware of or it could be something that it just outside of their awareness. Hidden If this is not something that they are aware of, it won’t be possible for them to do anything about what is going on. What is likely to be normal is for them to act needless. They can create the impression that they don’t have needs and this could be something that they even tell themselves. Consequently, they can spend a lot of time being there for others and very little time being there for themselves. Self-Neglect There can then be a lot of people in their life who provide them with a lot of positive feedback and appreciate what they do, along with those that take advantage of them. From the outside, it will be as though one is doing the “right” thing and is even a model human being. In reality, one will be ignoring most, if not all, of their needs and this will mean that they have abandoned themselves. Through living in this way, they may find that they experience a fair amount of frustration and are often depressed. Running On Empty But, as they are not aware of the fact that they are denying their own needs, they might not be able to join the dots, so to speak, and to work out why they feel this way. Their frustration will be there to let them know what something isn’t right. As for being depressed, this can be a consequence of them not allowing themselves to experience their own anger; anger that will be there to notify them that they are continually compromising themselves. Also, being there for others whilst neglecting themselves is going to stop them from receiving what they need to receive to truly thrive. A Helpless Place There can be times when they feel totally powerless and as though they have no control over their life; it could be as if someone or something “out there” is in control. If they were to spend time with another person who is able to get their needs met, they could believe that they have something that they themselves don’t have. Now, if one was able to take a step back from their experience and to imagine what it would be like for them to get their needs met, they could experience a sense of relief and feel good. After a while, though, this could change. It’s clear What they could find is that revealing their needs causes them to feel very uncomfortable. They could feel deeply ashamed and guilty and fear that they will be rejected and abandoned. Also, simply connecting to their needs could cause them to feel heavy and trapped. What is going on might not make any sense to their conscious mind as this part of them will have forgotten all about why they don’t have a healthy relationship with their needs. Way Back What this can illustrate is that their needs were rarely, if ever, met, during their early years, which would have caused them to develop an unhealthy relationship with them. This may have been a time when they were often abused and/or neglected. After being frustrated by their attempts to have their needs met, they would have ended up disconnecting from them. Furthermore, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with their needs and that, to survive, they had to ignore them. A Brutal Experience Not having their needs met would have been very painful, yet, trying to fulfil their needs would have caused them to experience even more pain. Disconnecting from their needs would have automatically taken place, with this being a way for them to defend against the pain that they would have experienced if they had embraced them. The needs that they had, needed to be met so that they could grow and develop and so, not getting them met would have caused them to be developmentally stunted. Their caregivers, thanks to their own issues, would have most likely seen their needs as a burden and this would have been the message that one (their child) would have internalised. The Truth It is through having these needs met that one would have been able to grow into an interdependent adult. As this didn’t take place, then, they will have two ways of operating; either acting needless (being counter-dependent) or, and perhaps this seldom happens, being extremely needy (being dependent). Ultimately, the needs that they had at this stage of their life were not bad; they were just part of being a dependent child. Therefore, the guilt and shame that they experience in relation to their needs, is merely a reflection of how their caregivers responded to them and is not a sign that their needs are inherently bad. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer. This is likely to be a time when one will be questioning the meaning that was made at this stage of their life, the meaning that has defined how they see themselves, and grieving unmet childhood needs.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, there are a lot of people who spend a fair amount of their time looking into what appears to be taking place behind the scenes. Thanks to modern-day technology, there is no shortage of information when it comes to this topic.
The only thing that someone like this will need is a Smartphone as this device will allow them to connect to an endless amount of information. Social media sites and video sharing platforms will provide them with everything that they need. Part of Them Someone could even literally live and breathe this stuff, with this being something that will consume their mind from morning until night. If this is the case, they could see themselves as someone who is “awake”. Unlike the “sheep” that solely pay attention to the mainstream media and have been indoctrinated by the education system, they will know what is going on in the world. If they are this way, it is not going to be a surprise if they have a superiority complex. Another Part Now, irrespective of whether someone does spend most of their time viewing this material and has a superiority complex, they could do what they can to “wake” other people up. In a way, it could be as though they are in a battle between “good” and “evil”. For good to be triumphant, they will need to carry on with their mission of waking as many people up as possible. However, due to how plugged in some people are, they are likely to find that this is not an easy task. The Solution If they were asked about why they want to “wake” people up, they could say that this is the only way that the world will change. Once a certain amount of people are aware of what is going on, the game will be up. This makes complete sense as if someone is not aware of what is going on; they will continue it go along with a “hidden plan”. This will be a plan that they will need to agree to, at least unconsciously, in order for it to materialise. Karmic Law It has been said that this is how the people behind the scenes can cause harm without having to face the consequences of their actions. By influencing people in both indirect and direct ways, and thus, “manufacturing consent”, it is not possible for “the elites” to be held accountable for their actions. Some people can then feel victimised and controlled by a government or another entity, but they will have unknowingly brought about the circumstances that they find themselves in. But without his understanding, it is to be expected that what is going on “out there” will be seen as the problem. A Key Point What this illustrates is how important self–awareness is, as, without this, someone is not going to be aware of the impact that their actions are having. If they are caught up in what the media says is taking place and they experience a lot of fear as a result, it is going to be a lot harder for them to be in their centre and to think rationally. It can then be normal for them to consent to things that they probably wouldn’t consent to if they were internally centred. For example, if they are in a very unstable place, they might happily give away their freedom if an external source promises to make everything ok. Sustaining an unwanted Reality Taking all this into account, the more people that are aware of what the elites are doing and their need to gain consent to avoid getting into trouble, the sooner the world will change. The trouble is that although being aware of what is going on is important, it can also do more harm than good. What this comes down to is that if someone is looking into what appears to be going on and they are in a place of resistance, they are going to be feeding into the very reality that they are against. This is due to the fact that what is resisted is what will both persist and grow. Law of Resonance If one was just an observer of reality and what was taking place inside them had no effect on what it was taking place outside them, being against something would be the right approach. But, as they are a co-creator of their reality, it means that the best way for them to change the world is to be the very thing that they want to experience more of. According to quantum physics, everyone and everything on this planet is made up of vibrating energy. Therefore, the only reason that the elites “out there” can exist is that a large part of the population is vibrating at a certain frequency. The Mirror As appealing as it may be, then, to focus on and fight what is going on ‘out there”, what is going on “out there” is a reflection of what is taking place within the collective consciousness. The challenge here is that fighting what is going on externally is far more appealing to the ego-mind than going within. If someone was to take a step back from what is going on externally and went within themselves, to see what it is that they need to resolve, they could soon experience a lot of pain. Whereas focusing on the external world can make someone feel alive, self-righteous and allow them to receive approval. Final Thoughts Considering this, if someone “wakes” another person up and this person ends up being focused on what the elites are doing and is in a place of resistance, they may as well still be “asleep”. To use an analogy: It will be as though they have found a new weapon in a game, yet they will still be playing the same game. When one uses their creative energy to co-create a different world, it is likely to do far more for them and the planet as a whole.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Personal Power: Does Someone Need To Face Their Darkness If They Want Embrace Their Personal Power?18/4/2021
In general, there are feelings that are seen as “good” and feelings that are seen as being “bad”. As a result of this, it can be normal for someone to deny certain feelings and to embrace others.
To go one step further, they could view themselves as a “good” person who only experiences “good” feelings. For example, they could see themselves as someone who is always happy, friendly and accepting of others. Both Ways Along with this, most of the people in their life could also have a very similar view of them. If one was to experience “bad” feelings and their behaviour was to change, these people are likely to be very surprised. Some of these people could think that one is in a very bad place and they might hope that they soon go back to how they were before. Some of them might even prefer to keep their distance for a while. Living in Denial Now, regardless of whether one is in this position or just does what they can to avoid “bad” feelings, these feelings won’t have completely disappeared. They will no longer be aware of them but that doesn’t mean that they will no longer be part of their consciousness. The feelings that they don’t allow themselves to acknowledge and deny as soon as they enter their conscious awareness will be held in another part of their being. Their unconscious mind/body will contain both the feelings and the parts of themselves that they have rejected. Living on the Surface To avoid this other part of their being, they will need to stay out of their body and to live in their head. If they were to connect to their body, they might soon come into contact with inner material that they would rather avoid. To stop this inner material from entering their conscious mind, there is likely to be numerous defences that have automatically been put in place. Furthermore, their body (their muscles and fascia) may have contracted in certain places, thereby stopping what is held below from rising up. Severely Depleted As the years go by, they are likely to find that it gets harder and harder for them to carry on living in this way. Firstly, the more “bad” feelings and parts of themselves that they have pushed out of their awareness, the more energy they will need to keep all this stuff at bay. Secondly, as what they have stored deep inside their being will be made up of their own life force, the more of it they push down the less of it they will have and yet the more energy they will need to keep it down. Ultimately, then, without realising it, one is fighting a battle that they simply can’t win. The Truth Therefore, although one can view certain feelings as “good” and certain feelings as “bad”, they are all made up of the same stuff at their core. Considering this, if one stops themselves from embracing all of their feelings by disconnecting from their “bad” ones, they are going to lose touch with a lot of their energy. Also, by losing touch with their so-called “bad” feelings, they are not going to be able to truly experience the “good” ones. What this comes down to is that they exist on a spectrum, and, by losing one side, the other side is also lost. A Struggle The “good” feelings that they do experience are then going to be forced and largely dependent on external means, such as food and alcohol, for instance. Not having access to their emotional fuel will also mean that they will be reliant on the power of their mind – will power. Another outcome of having all this material locked in their body is that it can lead to physical problems. This energy won’t be able to come up and out, so it will undermine their body from the inside. Emotional Containment It would be easy to say that feelings such as hate and rage need to be denied as they only cause harm and destruction. However, these feelings will only lead to that outcome if one is controlled by them and does something destructive. The key will be for someone to be able to be with how they feel and to view what is taking place inside them as information. From here, they will be able to look into why they are experiencing a certain feeling and what they need to do. Emotional Transmutation For example, if someone was to experience hate, it could show that there is someone in their life who is harming them in some way. By paying attention to this feeling, along with the feelings that go with it, they may see that they need to stand up to this person and/or to cut their ties with them. In addition to this, they may find that there is a lot of softer pain under this hate and that they need to grieve what has happened and to forgive themselves and the other person. By processing this experience as opposed to denying it, there will be no need for them to close their heart and to shut down. An Old Wound If how they feel doesn’t relate to what is currently taking place in their life, it could show that they are reconnected to something that happened many, many years ago. What took place will be over, but the pain that they experienced would have stayed in their body. Or, even if how they feel does appear to relate to what is going on, it could still be a replay of an old scenario. This can show that they have unconsciously re-created an old experience so that they can become aware of what they need to resolve in order to become more whole and complete. Awareness Taking all this into account, if one wants to be connected to their personal power and to have access to all their life force, not just a small part of it, it will be essential for them to embrace their “darkness”. If they don't do this, they will be greatly weakened and a lop-sided human being. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has the need to please others, it can stop them from being able to live a life that is in alignment with their true-self. Through being this way, their priority will be to do what other people want and what they think they want.
It is then going to be normal for them to be focused on what is going on externally and to rarely be in touch with what is taking place internally. In fact, they might not be in touch with their own needs. Self-Neglect Of course, they might be aware of when they need to eat and sleep but that could be about as far as it will go. Then again, they could often overlook these needs and only eat and sleep when they have got the all-clear from others. If they live in this way, it could mean that they have no inner world; the outer world will be both their focus and point of reference. So, instead of acting like a separate being, they are going to act like an extension of others. One Experience Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that the average person will realise that they are a people pleaser. The reason for this is that they may have achieved a certain level of “success” and appear to be someone who has made it. The feedback that they receive from others may also allow them to create the impression that they are strong and have it all together. Consequently, they can be someone who doesn’t fit the usual “people pleaser” model. Another Experience If someone does fit this model, it can mean that they are not very “successful” and they can come across as very easy-going. They can do just about everything that they can to be there for others. This approach can allow them to receive a fair amount of approval and thus, to be seen as a “good” person. It might not be uncommon for people to say that they are a “selfless” human being. A Build-Up Even so, no matter how much ego love they receive from others – with this love being approval, acceptance and attention – it won’t make up for the fact that they have abandoned themselves. Underneath the pleasant exterior that they often present is likely to be a lot of “negative” feelings. Deep down, they can carry a lot of anger, rage, resentment, and hate. Still, as their need for approval is so strong, it is unlikely that they will seldom allow themselves to acknowledge these feelings, let alone express them. Washed Out What they may find is that every now and then, they get to a point where they can no longer behave in the same way. This can be a time when they will feel completely exhausted and haven’t got the energy to do anything. It is likely that this experience will just seem to come out of nowhere, and this is because they will be too out of touch with themselves to see the signs. Their needs will largely be ignored, so it is to be expected that they will regularly burn out as a result of spending so much time running empty. Resistance However, as their need to please others is so strong, they might not allow themselves to fully see this experience through. As soon as they start to feel better, it might not be long until they return to how they were before. The energy source that they use to do this is likely to be a product of their mind – will power. The energy that would be provided by their body won’t be available to them, due to the poor connection that they have with this part of them. The Same Old Story There could come a point in time when it is simply not possible for them to carry on in the same way. After neglecting themselves for so many years, their body will have said that enough is enough. This part of them will now be in the driver’s seat and it won’t allow anyone else to take over. Yet, before one gets to this point, they could get to the point where they know that something needs to change. Drawing the Line If they were to reach out for support, they could be told that they need to change their thoughts and behaviour. Through the cognitive behavioural therapy approach, they will be able to experience life differently. Now, after taking this route, they could find that their life gradually changes; at the same time, they may find that it doesn’t work. They could find it hard to tune into themselves and feel unsafe when they behave differently. Going Deeper What this can illustrate is that their need to please others is a symptom of something else that needs to be looked into and resolved. If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it may show that it wasn’t safe for them to be in touch with or to express themselves during their early years. This may have been a stage of their life when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. They wouldn’t have felt safe to be in their body and to just be and being super focused on their external world, being hypervigilant, would have been a way for them to experience a sense of control and to try to prevent the unpreventable. The Past Is Present Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but a big part of them will still be living in that environment. To be more precise, their nervous system will have adapted to their early environment and it will still be wired for surviving, not thriving and for protection, not connection. Therefore, while it can be easy to see people-pleasing as something that is fairly trivial or as a sign that one is “weak”; it can be a reflection of something very serious. The trouble is that as today’s world is very mind-centric, the nervous system is largely overlooked and it is often believed that it is “all about the mind”. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In order for a car to move, it will need to have a power source; without this, it will simply stay in the same place. If it does move, it will only be because it is being pushed by someone or something that has power.
In the same way, for a man to move and to take action he will also need to have a power source. If he doesn’t have this, it will be normal for him to sit around and to find it hard to take action. Confusion Now, if a man is in this position, he might find it hard to understand why it is so difficult for him to take life by the horns, so to speak, and to get things moving. Like a car that won’t move, it could seem as though he has his break on. He won’t be able to see it or know how to find it, but it will be holding him back. Consequently, he could spend a fair amount of time criticising himself and this could be something that other people often do too. Self-Abuse He could often tell himself that he is weak, incapable, is not man enough and/or that he needs to grow a pair, for instance. As opposed to working with himself, then, he will often be in a battle with himself. What he says could be strengthened by the things that some of his friends and even family come out with. They could say that he lacks courage, needs to stand his ground, and that he needs to “man up”, for instance. A Different Experience Alternatively, although a man may have been able to step back and reflect on what is going on, there is also the chance that he hasn’t got to this point. As a result of this, how he experiences life can just be seen as how life is and how he behaves can be seen as a reflection of his personality. Due to this, he will just have to tolerate what is going on and to continue to live a miserable life. Still, this is not to say that he won’t spend a fair amount of time feeling frustrated, angry and helpless. A Bleak Existence If he has a job, it is unlikely that he will do something that sets his heart on fire; this could just be something that “pays the bills”. He could routinely be walked over whilst he is at work and simply put up with it. When it comes to his personal relationships, he could be used to being controlled and having others direct his life. A number of family members may find it hard to let him live his own life and could make out that they know what is best for him. What’s going on? From the outside, it can seem as though he is missing something; it could even be said that he has “low testosterone” with this being seen as the reason why he is the way that he is. According to this viewpoint, the answer to his problems will be to elevate his testosterone. Once this has been sorted out, he will have a power source that allows him to truly embrace life. Nonetheless, his testosterone levels might be fine and, even if they are not, they could just be a symptom of something else, something far deeper. An Important Point If he is often hard on himself, it will be clear that this power source has not completely disappeared; part of it will be used to tear him down. Like an autoimmune disease, he will be undermined by this part of him. The big question is: what is it that is powering this power source? One way to look at this power source would be to say that it is being fuelled by his aggression/fight instinct. The Missing Piece This part of him has been heavily watered down, hence why it is primarily being expressed through his inner critic and why he lacks oomph. What this can illustrate is that he has disconnected from this part of him. It can seem strange as to why he would have done this but there was probably a time when it wasn’t safe for him to be connected to it. To understand why this was, it will be necessary to take a closer look into what happened during his early years. Back In Time At this stage of his life, he may have had a father who was physically abusive and a mother who was too scared to do anything or who was just as destructive. He wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away; the only option was for him to freeze up, to play dead, and to disconnect from his body. Disconnecting from his body would have allowed him to lose touch with what was going on and the pain that he was in, yet it wouldn’t have brought it to an end. Losing touch with his body, in addition to not feeling safe enough to exist or to express himself, would have also caused him to split-off his aggression. One Goal If he had listened to his aggression and expressed how he was feeling, it is likely that he would have suffered even more. Losing touch with his body and, in the process, his inner fire would have been something that automatically took place. His need to survive was the only thing that mattered; what wasn’t on his mind was how this would affect him further down the line. Another part of this is that he is likely to carry a lot of rage, anger and hate deep in his body. Awareness Taking all this into account, as passive as he is this is not a true reflection of who he is. Nevertheless, for him to get out of this frozen state and to wake up or to activate his true-self, he will need to resolve his trauma and heal his emotional wounds. If a man can relate to this, and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It has been said that planet earth is the plane of duality and this can be noticed by the fact that there are usually two parts to everything. For example, there is hot and cold, up and down, and fast and slow.
There is also “good” and “bad” in the world, and, just as these two things exist in the outer world, they also exist in someone’s inner world. This means that in addition to the “bad” that is outside them, they will also have “bad” inside them. Part of Life Therefore, although someone can create the impression that they are perfect or that they only possess positive energy, for instance, this will be an illusion. They, like everyone else on this planet, will have “bad” inside them. Likewise, if someone creates the impression that they are worthless and are no good, this will be an illusion too. They will be out of touch with their “good” but it will still be inside them. A Closer Look Now, when it comes to what one believes is “bad” and what they are likely to have disowned, it can relate to what makes them feel uncomfortable and what society tells them is “bad”. Feelings such as shame, hate and rage and traits that are seen as being unacceptable can then exist just outside of their awareness. In other words, these feelings, as well as others, will be held in their unconscious mind/body and their unacceptable traits will be repressed. Denying these parts of themselves will allow them to function and to fit in. Totally Estranged As these unacceptable parts of themselves have been pushed out of their conscious awareness, it means that they won’t be aware of them. Or, if they do come into contact with them, it won’t be long until they return to how they were before. Nonetheless, just because they have disowned these unacceptable parts of themselves, it doesn’t mean that these parts won’t have an effect on their life. In one way or another, these parts will leave their mark on their life. One Outcome For one thing, not being in touch with their “negative” feelings can make it hard for them to connect to their “positive” feelings. Ultimately, it is not possible for one to pick and choose what feelings they experience; they either have all of them or they have none of them. To get around this, they can end up being reliant on external sources, such as food or drink, to experience certain feelings. Another part of this is that not being connected to their feelings can mean that they will live on the surface of themselves, in their head. The Mirror When it comes to the traits that they have disconnected from, it can be normal for them to come into contact with people who possess them. But, as they won’t be able to acknowledge, let alone accept, the parts of themselves that are perceived as being bad, they probably won’t see the connection. How these people behave can really press their buttons and they can judge them, but it won’t occur to them why this is. Instead, these people can be seen as being the problem or as having serious issues. Another Part And, even though one will have lost touch with these traits, it doesn’t mean that they won’t still behave in ways that are a reflection of them. For example, they could be uncomfortable with being selfish and although they deny this part of them, they can still act in ways that are selfish. Thanks to the defences that their ego-mind has in place, they won’t be able to recognise when this takes place. If they were to acknowledge this, it could go against the idealised false-self that they have in place. Greatly Weakened Keeping these parts of themselves out of their conscious awareness is going to take a lot of energy. Additionally, each part of themselves that they have repressed will also be made up of energy. These parts will be made up of “negative” energy but, at the core, they will be made up of energy that is neutral. Thus, if a lot of their energy is being used to keep their darkness at bay and a lot of their life force has taken on a “negative” expression, the less energy they will have with which to create a fulfilling life. Standing in the Middle For this to change, it will be necessary for them to accept that they have both “good” and “bad” inside them. To do this, they will need to surrender to what is actually taking place inside them and to be with it. At this point, they could fear what they will encounter if they were to do this and worry about what other people would think of them if they were to admit to having certain “negative” feelings and traits. By being with themselves and facing what comes up, making peace with each part, not only will they be helping themselves; they will also be helping the world. Making a Real Difference The reason for this is that when someone can accept that they are made up of both “good” and “bad” elements and they start to acknowledge the parts of themselves that are not pleasant, they won’t need to project these parts into others. Facing and resolving their own darkness will then allow them to truly be the change that they want to see in the world. The alternative is for them to be oblivious to their own darkness, to then project it into others and to try to change the world. In reality, they will just be trying to change their own shadow and will most likely do more harm than good. Awareness To engage in this process, one may need to reach out for external support. A therapist or healer will provide them with the support that they need to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves. Like scaffolding on a building, they will allow one to develop their own presence until they are strong enough to hold the space for themselves. At this stage, they will have the ability to acknowledge the parts of themselves that are not currently an expression of “love and light” without beating themselves up.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Human beings have many needs and one need, a need that is a key part of what will allow them to live a fulfilling existence, is their need to express themselves. This need will include being able to behave how they want to behave, to say what they want to say and to be creative.
Each of these things will allow them to express their true-self, and, the more aligned their external world is to this part of them the happier they are likely to be. This doesn’t mean that it will be possible for someone to always express their true-self, but, naturally, there is a difference between being able to express it and being unable to do so. A Different Experience However, although this is a very important need, someone can be in a position where they find it difficult to express themselves. What could be normal is for them to do what they can to please others. As a result of this, in general, what they say and do is not going to be coming from their true-self. It will be more accurate to say that a lot of what they say and do will be coming from their false-self. Unstable This part of them will have been built on top of their true-self and this creation won’t reflect their true needs or feelings. While their true-self will be a reflection of what it is that they need and what is going on for them, their false-self will be a reflection of what other people need and what is going on for them. Consequently, this creation is not going to have firm foundations, it will be the equivalent of a building that has been built on sand. This part of them will also be reliant on the sustenance of others and won’t be able to source anything from within. The Norm Nonetheless, even though this is what will typically take place, they might not be fully aware of what is going on. What this can illustrate is that they have been in this way for most of their life. If they do get frustrated and even angry from time to time, this won’t be enough to make them do something about their life. Still, as time goes by and more “negative” emotions build up, they could end up taking a step back and looking into what they can do to change their life. Trapped From the outside, they will probably appear to be as free as anyone else; they will have a body and a voice. This will allow them to go where they want to go and to express themselves. Nonetheless, they won’t feel free on the inside; it will be as though they are wearing an invisible straight-jacket. Unlike how it would be if they were wearing this type of jacket, they will be able to move their body and to walk wherever they want, yet this won’t really matter. Confusion At this point, it could be said that it is strange that someone has the freedom to express themselves but they are unable to do so. In a way, it will be like one has a car that they don’t want to drive. What they need in order to get from where they are to where want to be will be in front of them but they won’t be able to take the next step. If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it could show that what took place during their early years had a big effect on them. Back In Time At this stage of their life, they may have been abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. What this would have done is traumatised them and stopped them from developing a felt sense of safety and security, among other things. Being in their body, connected to their true-self and thus, expressing themselves, wouldn’t have felt safe. What would have felt safe was being focused on their caregiver/s and doing what they wanted, along with what they think they wanted. An Adaption How they behave as an adult, as frustrating as it is, will be what allowed them to survive very early on. If they did express themselves, they may have been physically harmed or abandoned. Deep down, this is what they believe will happen if they were to express themselves. Additionally, their nervous system is likely to carry most, if not all, of the charge that they experienced all those years ago. Totally Ineffective Taking this into account, it is unlikely that simply changing their thoughts and behaviour will allow them to break free from their “straight-jacket”. What this approach may do, that’s if it works, is allow them to disconnect from what is actually going on for them. So, as trivial as being a “people pleaser” may appear to be, it can be anything but trivial and a sign that something far deeper needs to be looked at and resolved. The trouble is that if one lives in a society that is mind-centric, the rest of their being can end up being overlooked. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Feeling heavy, low and deflated could be an inner experience that a man is accustomed to. For as far back as he can remember, he may have had the tendency to experience life in this way.
Consequently, he may typically see life as something that has to be endured, not enjoyed. In general, getting out of bed could be a challenge, getting through the day could be another challenge and, once he goes to bed at night, he might often question if he wants to wake up the next day. A Miserable Existence Now, this could mean that he has a job that “pays the bills” but does very little else. If so, as soon as he gets there, he could be thinking about the end of the day and, to go one step further, he could think about the end of the week. Not only could he do something that doesn’t nourish him, he could also work with a number of people who walk over him. Instead of being a fellow human being, these people could treat him as though he is nothing more than a doormat. Personal Life When it comes to his relationships, he could have a number of friends who treat him in a very similar way. These people could treat him as though he has no value and could act more like controlling parents than his equal. His primary need when he around others could be to do what he can to please them. As a result of this, it will be normal for him to act like an extension of others as opposed to a separate being that has his own needs. An Analogy What is clear is that he will be like a leaf in the wind that is tossed from here to there, having absolutely no control over where it goes. When this leaf is on the ground, it will be walked on. Unlike the leaf, when he is walked on he won’t stay down and he won’t fall apart either. For him, this will be a regular occurrence and not just something that happens and then that’s the end of his time on this planet. No Fight When he thinks about what his life is like, he could feel frustrated and helpless, yet that could be about as far as it will go. However, if he does get angry, it might not be long until he soon sinks down and ends up in an emotionally collapsed state. This will be a time when his parasympathetic nervous system is active and he will have shut down. Additionally, he will passive, have very little energy and his body could have more or less seized up. Something Is Missing One way of looking at this would be to say that he needs to start standing his ground and asserting himself. If he doesn’t do this, he will feel even worse and his life will get even worse. This is something that should naturally take place, in the same way, that he instinctively gets something to eat when he is hungry or drinks when he is thirsty. The fact that this is not automatically taking place shows that something isn’t right. A Deeper Look What this can show is that he has split-off or lost touch with, his aggression/fight instinct due to what took place during his early years. This means that he won’t have access to the part of him that would allow him to truly express himself and to stand his ground. He will then look like a whole human being but he won’t be operating as one. To use an analogy, he will be like a car that has a flat battery and like this car; the only way that he will really move is if he is pushed. What happened? During his early years, he may have been physically and verbally abused by his father on a regular basis. Very early on, he wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away, the only thing that he could do was to freeze up and disconnect from himself This wouldn’t have stopped what was taking place but it would have stopped him from being aware of what was going on. Being out of touch with his body would have gradually become part of his everyday life and this would also include being out of touch with his aggression/fight instinct. A Nonentity What he went through perhaps thousands of times would have taught him that it wasn’t safe for him to be in his body and to exist. Furthermore, he would have been taught that it wasn’t safe for him to express himself. His own father and maybe his mother too, irrespective of whether it was intentional, would have conditioned him to tolerate being mistreated. His inability to assert himself as an adult is causing him problems, but, as a child, this is what allowed him to survive in an environment that was extremely dysfunctional. Awareness What took place will be “in the past” but his brain and body will still carry the impact of what took place. His nervous system is likely to be loaded up with trauma and until this part of him settles down, he probably won’t be able to be in his body or to express himself. If a man can relate to this, and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Free Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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