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It is likely that just about everyone on this planet enjoys receiving love and affection. Along with this, just as many people are likely to enjoy expressing love and affection.
When this takes place, someone can give another person their full attention. Thus, this can also be a time when they will touch them, maintain eye contact, say supportive things and hug them, amongst other things. A Nourishing Time While one person is behaving in this way, the other could be behaving in a very similar way. One way of looking at it would be to say that these two people will be fully in the moment, which will allow both of them feel seen and heard. This is going to be something that someone can experience when they are with a friend, family member or with their partner, that’s assuming they are in an intimate relationship. Naturally, their partner is likely to be more affectionate than anyone else in their life, and one is likely to be far more affectionate with them than they are with anyone else. Interdependent However, while one will enjoy being on the receiving end of affection, it doesn’t mean that they will be dependent on the affection that their partner gives them. Through being in touch with the loving part of themselves, they will be able to experience love when they are not around them. One is then not going to feel empty on the inside and only experience love when they are with their partner. Being able to source love from the inside is also going to stop them from expecting too much from them. An Exchange If one wasn’t in touch with the love that was within them, it might be normal for other people to feel drained after they have spent time with them. So instead of looking forward to spending time with them again, these people might feel the need to avoid them for a little while. But, as they are in touch with their inner love, they will be able to give as well as receive. This is bound to have a positive effect on their relationship, as their partner won’t feel suffocated by them. Freedom Due to what is taking place within them, there will be no need for them to try to control their partner either. This is because they won’t perceive their partner as having something that they desperately need. Whether they are with them or away doing something else, they will still be able to tap into the love that is within them. And as they don’t desperately need their love, there is going to be no reason for them to put up with bad behaviour. A Different Reality Although experiencing life in this way is going to be the ideal, not everyone is going to be able to relate to this. Consequently, someone like this is likely to be completely dependent on the love that others provide. For some reason, they are not going to be in touch with the love that is within them, and this is likely to mean that they know what it is like to feel empty. To keep this feeling away, they will need to receive constant love and affection from others. Two Stages If they are in an intimate relationship, the other person may have appreciated being needed at the beginning. But, as time has passed, they may find that it is too much for them to handle. In addition to how much attention one wants from them, they may even try to control their life. The fear that one has of losing them could cause their partner to feel trapped and as though they can’t have their own life. Infidelity And, even if their partner is attentive and spends a lot of time with them, it doesn’t mean that one won’t end up straying. No matter how much love that their partner gives them, it probably won’t be enough to fill the hole that is inside of them. Having another person on the go, or even a hundred more people, won’t have much of an effect on them. Alternatively, one could be in a dysfunctional relationship, yet their fear of being alone could stop them from walking away. What’s going on? Even though someone like this will be out of touch with the love that is inside them, they could believe that there is no love within them. What this is likely to show is that they are carrying a lot of emotional pain and, until this pain is dealt with, they will continue to feel empty. The big question is why are they out of touch with the love that is inside of them? The reason why they are experiencing life in this way ca be the result of what took place during their early years. Way Back Throughout their early years, they may have been neglected. The love that they needed during this incredibly important time in their life wouldn’t have been provided on a regular basis, if at all. And as what they needed wasn’t provided, it would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way. This would have affected their brain and body, and it would have most likely loaded their system up with emotional pain. Awareness Fortunately, what took place doesn’t have to define their life forever, that’s if one reaches out for the right support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Relationships: Can Someone End Up Being Dependent On Others If Their Adult Self Is Undeveloped?24/5/2019
If someone was to end up feeling upset, they may find that another part of them is there to soothe this part of them. Or, if they were to feel a bit deflated and low on motivation, another part of them may offer them support and encouragement.
It might then sound as though they have multiple personalities and are not an integrated human being. Even so, this will show that the different parts within them are working together – like one big happy family. Inner Parents So, when one part of them is not in a good way, another part of them will be there for this part of them. One part of them will be like a child and the other part of them will be like a parent. Whether the child part of them needs motherly lovely or fatherly support will all depend on how this part feels. Yet, no matter what the child/emotional part of them needs, the adult part of them will on hand to give it to them. Interdependent Through being this way, they won’t always need other people to be there for them when they have an inner dip. If what they are going through is too much for them to handle, they will most likely reach out. Being this way will mean that they will put less pressure on others, and this is bound to have a positive effect on their relationships. The people in their life are unlikely to be overwhelmed by their needs and to see them as needy. An Individual Their friends and even their partner, if they have one, are not always going to be by their side, so being able to be there for themselves in this way is going to be highly beneficial. For example, if something doesn’t go well at work and this affects them, their adult self will be there. This part of them will give them whatever support that they need, and it may only be a matter of time before they are in good place again. One way of looking at this would be to say that one will be working with themselves, allowing them to be their own best friend. Early Years If one was to take a step back and to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it as though it has always been this way. It may even seem as though they were born this way. Nonetheless, the reason their life is this way is likely to be due to how they were brought up. They were then not simply born this way; they are this way because they received the right care. The Ideal Scenario Undoubtedly, when someone experiences life in this way they are going to be very resourceful. They will have a good connection with inner strength and love, or their inner masculine and inner feminine. If they are not seen as ‘successful’, it might not be long until they are seen as being this way. Unfortunately, not everyone on this planet experiences life in this way, and this is likely to mean that their life is a lot harder. A Different Experience When someone like this feels upset, another part of them probably won’t be there to sooth them. Or, if they feel deflated and low on motivation, another part of them probably won’t be there to offer them support or encouragement either. Unlike the person above, another part of them is not going to be there to look after the child/emotional part of them that is not in a good way. The only way that they will be able to get back on their feet, so to speak, will be to reach out to others. Dependent Another option would be for them to eat or drink something, which might not serve them in the long-run. The people in their life can then serve as surrogate parents, with them providing the mothering and fathering that they can’t give to themselves. Being round these people is going to feel good, but it is likely to be a challenge for them to enjoy their own company. And, if they are in a relationship, this person could also be more like their parent than their equal. Self-Neglect As they are unable to handle the pain that is within them, it could normal for them to do what they can to please others. But, while behaving in this way will most likely cause them to ignore their true-self, it will stop them from having to handle their inner world by themselves. Still, this doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of the fact that they see other people as parental figures as this is likely to be something that is taking place unconsciously. Either way, until they develop the ability to mother and father themselves, it will be difficult for them to express who they are and to act like an individual. In The Beginning Their early years are unlikely to have been very nurturing; this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. This could mean that the emotional part of their being is not in a good way. What took place will be in the past, but the pain that they experienced will still be held in their body. With so much pain in their body, it is no wonder than something fairly insignificant can have a big effect on how they feel. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although each person on this planet is an individual who has their own needs, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone embodies. Thus, there are going to be people who act like an individual, while there will be others who won’t.
If someone does, they are going to be aware of their needs and they are going to do what they can to fulfil them. One is then not just going to look like an individual; they will act like one. In Balance Through paying attention to their own needs and doing what they can to meet them, it will enable them to truly be there for others. They are then not going to be selfish, overlooking other people’s needs. By being there for themselves in this way, they will have the energy that they need to extend themselves to others. If, on the other hand, this didn’t take place, it wouldn’t be possible for them to truly be there for others. An Important Point What this comes down to is that if they were to neglect their own needs but still did what they could to be there for others, they would haven’t as much energy. So regardless of whether it relates to their personal relationships or to their career, for instance, they would rarely be running on full power. And, if they are not running on full power, they are not going to be able to function at their best. Ultimately, one would be neglecting themselves and this is not going to serve them in anyway. Authentic Connections As they are comfortable with their own needs and expressing them, they will be revealing their true-self. Ego, when it comes to their close relationships, one is not going to hide who they are. Being able to express who they are will allow them to feel free and their relationships are likely to be nourishing, too. But, even though this may be the norm, their life would be very different if their inner world was different. Two Components There are likely to be at least two reasons as to why they are able to experience life in this way, with the first being that they value themselves and second being that it feels safe. By valuing themselves they will realise that their needs are important and, by feeling safe in their own body, they will feel comfortable enough to reveal and to go about meeting their needs. Perhaps this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember; if so, there will be no reason for them to be aware of why they are able to behave in this way. This is then similar to how there can be no reason for someone to understand how a car engine works, if they have never had car problems. Another Reality If someone is unable to act like an individual and comes across as though they are merely an extension of others, it is going to be normal for them to ignore their own needs. At times, they may realise that this is taking place, while at others, they might not. What this will illustrate is that ignoring their own needs can be something that just happens, taking away the need for them to even think about it. Their needs are typically going to be overlooked, with them being more concerned with meeting other people’s needs. Self-Neglect Still, other people could often describe them as someone who is selfless and easy going, for instance. One will them be neglecting themselves, yet here will be plenty of people who will believe that they are doing the right thing. In a way, one will be like an object that allows themselves to be taken advantage of by others. Their true-self is rarely, if ever, going to see the light of day, meaning that it will probably be more or less impossible for them to experience true fulfilment. Hidden Nevertheless, thanks to how they come across, other people might believe that they are truly happy. This could be something that one also believes; if they do, it can show that they are completely out of touch with their true essence. On one level, they will be fine, but on another level, they will be anything but fine. However, if they were to get in touch with their own needs, they might end up experiencing a lot of discomfort. A Closer Look Tuning into their needs and then expressing them is not going to be something that feels comfortable. If it did, there would be no need for them to hide their needs from themselves, let alone others. To make sure that they don’t experience too much inner discomfort, it will be vital for them to keep their true needs at bay. Deep within their being, they could believe that they would be abandoned if they revealed their needs. Not a Problem One way of looking at this would be to say that they are an adult now, so even if they were abandoned, it wouldn’t matter. With this in mind, the thoughts and feelings that arise when they reveal their needs are going to be irrational. The pain that comes up is just going to be in their mind and they will need to learn how to manage their thoughts. It could be this black and white, or there could be far more to it. A Deeper Look The reason why they don’t feel safe enough to reveal their needs could be due to the fact that they are carrying trauma. Maybe, they experienced a fair amount of neglect during their early years. If they were left throughout this stage of their life, they would have felt as though their life was going to come to an end on a regular basis. The only thing that they would have been able to do to handle this pain would have been to disconnect from it. Hell on Earth At this stage of their life, they desperately needed their caregivers to be there for them. For whatever reason, their caregivers didn’t provide consistent care; the type of care that they needed to develop in the right way. Disconnecting from their body would have made allowed them to survive this traumatic time in their life and it would have estranged them from the very thing that might cause their caregivers to leave them - their needs. The years will have passed but the pain that they experienced as a baby and/or child will still be within them. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone is carrying a lot of emotional pain, they may do just about everything that they can to keep it at bay. This could take place by taking things, doing things, and focusing on things.
What this will typically do is stop them from having to come into contact with what is taking place in their body. Clearly, then, they are not going to feel strong enough to face this pain; if they did, there would be no reason for them to run away from it. Inner Conflict Their inner world is not going to be a place of peace and harmony; it will be a place of unrest and disharmony. So, although there may be things in the external world that are an issue, their biggest issue is likely to be what is going on within them. The trouble is that regardless of where they go on this planet, they are not going to be able to get away from themselves. Just as their physical shadow will always be there, so will their inner pain. Their Priority A lot of their time, energy and financial resources are going to be directed towards their need to avoid themselves. If this wasn’t the case, they would be able to do what they could to make sure that their life is more fulfilling, not just less painful. Deep down, they may believe that if they were to face their pain it would wipe them out, which is why they need to avoid it at all costs. Irrespective of whether this would or wouldn’t happen, avoiding this pain is not going to do them any favours. No one is their own island If they were unable to lift a table, for instance, they would probably ask someone to help them. Yet, for whatever reason, they haven’t asked another person to help them handle their emotional pain. One reason for this is that they could be carrying a lot of shame, and this will most likely give them a strong need to hide their pain and themselves. With all this going on, it’s not going to be a surprise for them to behave in this way. External Support But while they may have the need to keep what they are going through to themselves due to the shame that is within them, it doesn’t mean that this shame is not deceiving them. The fact is that this shame is causing them to have an inaccurate view of themselves and others. There are people in the world who will be able to offer their understanding and to be there for them. Someone like this will be able to provide their presence to enable them to face what they haven’t been able to face by themselves. The Right Support This process is very similar to what takes place when a loving parent is there for their child who is upset. As their child is unable to handle their own emotions, their parent will hold the space for them. What this attunement will do is allow their child’s brain to develop it in the right way, thereby allowing them to gradually develop the ability to handle their own emotions. Sadly, this type of care isn’t always provided, and this could not only be the reason why one is unable to handle their emotions, it could also be why they are in so much pain. Final Thoughts Perhaps, the care that they needed to be able to develop in the right way at this stage of their life wasn’t provided, preventing their brain from developing in the right way and loading them up with emotional pain in the process. A good therapist or a healer will be able to offer the support that they need to face and then to work through their inner wounds. This, of course, is not going to happen overnight. There is likely to be many layers of pain within them and, the more layers their work through, the stronger their being will become.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone who had a painful childhood was to talk about what took place to another person, they may end up being told that they need to forgive their parents. This could be something that they come out with more or less straight away or it may have taken a while.
Furthermore, one could be told that what they went through is all in the past and now they need to put it behind them. And that if they don’t do this, it will stop them from being able to live a good life. A Heavy Weight Thus, in the same way that an anchor will stop a ship from moving forward, their attachment to the past will do the same thing. The sooner they are able to see this, the sooner they will be able to let go of what took place all those years ago. Forgiving their parents for what happened is going to be essential if they want to let go of the pain that they are in and to experience inner peace. This could be something that takes place directly or they could write a letter and send it to them. Positive Feedback Once this has taken place, they may find that they start to feel better. Also, the person who told them to do this, along with a number of other people, could say that they did the right thing. The days and weeks could go by and their life could continue to improve, with it being clear that they made the right decision. Then again, what they may find is that they have simply pushed down their true feelings and are living in denial. A Different Approach Although forgiveness was put forward as the solution to what they were going through, it doesn’t mean it is the right solution. One way of looking at it would be to say that it doesn’t matter whether they forgive their parents or not; what matters is that they heal their inner wounds. A number of years may have passed since they were a child, but the pain that they experienced during this time is still going to be held in their body. And, unless they work through this pain, it is likely to be more or less impossible for them to move on. Crying Out A big part of them – their inner child – is going to be in a lot of pain, and this part of them will want to be acknowledged and to express all of the pain that it has carried for so long. Unsurprisingly, they are not going to resolve this pain by simply forgiving their parents. If their emotional pain was solely caused by the thoughts in their head, this approach might work. Yet, as emotional pain is held in their body, changing their thoughts is not going to get to the root of what they are experiencing. Final Thoughts By healing their inner wounds, they may start to experience compassion towards their parents. If so, they won’t need to force themselves to forgive them; it will be a by-product of healing themselves. They may also gradually come to see their parents are just flawed human beings, not as gods. This would show that they are seeing them through adult eyes, as opposed to the eyes of their wounded inner child. If someone is in a lot of pain, and they want to heal their winner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While it would be easy to say that some people have needs and others are needless, everyone has needs. However, although some people are open about their needs, there are others who try to cover them up.
This is one of the reasons why it can appear as though not everyone has needs. As for the people who are incredibly needy, this can be a sign that they are carrying a lot of unmet childhood needs. One Experience If someone is open about their needs, it is likely to show that they feel comfortable with them. They are then not going to believe that there is anything wrong with their needs and they are going to feel safe enough to reveal them. This doesn’t mean that they won’t meet any of their own needs; what it means is that they won’t buy into the illusion that they are an independent human being. There will be the needs that they can meet by themselves and the needs that they can’t. Interdependent One can then give themselves the approval and acceptance that they need and take the action that they need to take to move forward in their career, amongst other things. What they are not going to be able to do is to meet their need for companionship by themselves, for instance. So, thanks to the connection that they have with their own needs, they will be able to reach out for others when they need to. And as they don’t feel as though there is anything wrong with them, there will be no reason for them to feel bad if another person is unable to be there for them. Part of Life They are likely to realise that it is not always going to be possible for another person in particular to be there for them or for people in general to always be there. Even so, this won’t stop them from reaching out. Still, this is no different to how they are not always going to be able to be there for another person in particular or people in general. After all, other people are not their parents and one is not anyone else’s parent either. Being this way will stop them from putting a lot of pressure onto others and there will be less pressure on them from the people in their life who realise it. Self-Expression Ultimately, being connected to their needs, valuing them, and feeling safe enough to fulfil them will be what allows them to express who they are. This is what will enable them to lead a live that is fulfilling as opposed to simply going through the motions. The purpose of their life won’t be to please others; it will be to do what they can to make sure their life is in alignment with who they actually are. And as they are an individual, it will mean that they will have their own purpose, along with their purpose being part of an even greater purpose. Another Experience When it comes to someone who typically keeps their needs to themselves, it is likely to show that they don’t feel comfortable with them. They are likely to believe that there is something wrong with them and not feel safe enough to reveal them. Naturally, this won’t mean that all of their needs will go unmet as there are going to be a number of needs that they can meet themselves. And although this may also mean that they won’t have many friends, let alone be in an intimate relationship, this might not be the case. Two Options If they don’t spend much time around others apart from when they are at work, that’s if they have a job, they may do what they can to push their own needs out of their awareness. Becoming aware of their needs could be too painful, which is why they may have a number of ways to push them down and to distract themselves. Yet, if they do have friends and are even in an intimate relationship, they may still be out of touch with their needs when they are around these people. During this time, they could act as though they are an extension of others; creating the impression that they don’t have needs and are only too happy to do what these people want. A Bleak Existence Neglecting themselves in this way is unlikely to lead to a very fulfilling existence. The reality is that they are not here to act as though they are an extension of others; they are here to embrace their true essence and to act like an individual. Nonetheless, unless they are able to embrace their own needs and to express them, their life is unlikely to change. Instead, they will continue to live a life that doesn’t reflect who they are. A Deeper Look The reason why one doesn’t have a good relationship with their own needs can be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. Shortly after they were born or a number of years later, they may have been told in one way or another that their needs were bad. Through receiving this message on a daily basis, they would have gradually disconnected from their needs. Furthermore, this would have caused them to lose touch with their feelings too as their feelings are an expression of their needs. Out of Touch Not only would they have lost touch with their needs and feelings, they would have also lost touch with their body. This is the part of their being where their needs and feelings will be found. Getting back in touch with this part of them is unlikely to be something that will take place overnight, due to the pain that is likely to be held in their body. This pain will need to be worked through. Awareness If someone can see that they don’t have a good connection with their needs, and they want this to change, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. There is nothing wrong with their needs and it is safe for them to express them, but in order for them to realise this, they will need to heal their inner wounds. This will take patience and persistence.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the latest ad campaign by Calvin Klein, so-called celebrities are talking about how they speak their truth in their Calvin’s. A number of the people in the video say “I speak my truth in my Calvin’s.”
Now, if someone hadn’t heard of Calvin Klein underwear before, they might feel the need to get their hands on some. Not only might one of their favourite celebrity/s have been featured in the ad, but this underwear could seem to be extremely powerful. A Special Suit So, in the same way that a super hero will become someone else when they put on their special suit; wearing this underwear will also give them something that they don’t already have. What could also play a part here is that they could be out of touch with their own inner power. The way for them to change this is then going to be for them to wear the right underwear. If they do feel the need to buy this branded underwear, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of why this is. A Key Part Seeing their favourite celebrity/s will have no doubt had an effect on this decision, but it is unlikely to be the only thing. The loud music, along with the semi-naked bodies, will have also helped. These two things will have got their rational brain out the way, so that the emotional part of them – the part that drives their behaviour - can be influenced. After all, the last thing that this company wants is for someone to scrutinize what they are watching; that might stop them from buying the underwear. Already On Board At the same time, someone may already be wearing their Calvin’s when they saw the ad. Seeing these celebrities wearing the same underwear as them could have a positive effect on their mood and self-image. These people will be idolised by millions and appear to have it all, which means that they are tapping into all that. Ultimately, their view of themselves will be reinforced after seeing this advert. The Same Old Story What Calvin Klein has done with this advert is no different to what other companies have been doing been for decades with their adverts. These companies realise that the only way they are going to sell their products is if they portray them in the right way, and this is why they rely on the power of association. And let’s face it, if the whole ‘I speak my truth’ stuff was put to one side, what would be left? What would be left are items of clothing that have been made from cotton, nylon and lace – nothing special. The Truth Wearing this underwear is not going to allow someone to speak their truth any more than wearing branded trainers will allow them to run faster. At the same time, it can help them if they believe that it will. Yet, even if this does happen, it will simply show that they are giving their power away to something else. As a result of this, they are allowing something ‘out there’ to define whether or not they feel powerful. A Strange Scenario In a way, it is ironic that a designer brand is encouraging people to speak their truth and to be real. Brands like these often prey upon people who don’t know who they are and are out of touch with their own worth. Often, people like this are going to try to buy what they have lost touch with within themselves. Wearing branded items is then going to be a way for them to feel valuable, desirable, lovable and/or confident, amongst other things. The Phrase For someone to speak their truth, they are going to need to have a good connection with their body and to feel safe in their body. This is, of course, assuming that this is the kind of truth that is being spoken about here. When someone speaks their truth, they are not going to be talking about whether something is objectively truth or not; they will be talking about what is true for them. This relates to their needs and feelings, and how they want to live their own life. The Solution If someone has a good connection with their body and feels safe in it, speaking their truth is unlikely to be a challenge. But if they don’t, it is highly unlikely that this will change by wearing branded underwear. If someone doesn’t have a good connection with their body or if they do but they don’t feel safe there, it probably shows that they are carrying trauma. Naturally, this trauma is not going to be resolved by buying branded underwear. Final Thoughts Spending money on things out there to try to change what is taking place on the inside is not going to solve anything. If this money was spent on dealing with what is taking place internally, it would allow someone to truly change their life. So, if someone can tell that they are carrying trauma or thinks that they might be, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
The other day I came across a quote that went into how someone’s past needs to be left in the past; if it isn’t, it will destroy their future. The final point was that they need to live for today, not to be caught up in what happened yesterday.
One way of looking at this quote would be to say that it is sage advice. Clearly, if someone is caught up in what has happened to them it is not going to be possible for them to live in the now. A Wasted Life They are then going to allow what has happened to define their life, losing their present point of power in the process. After all, ‘now’ is the only moment in their life where they can do anything. With this in mind, it is going to be essential for them to leave what happened in the past, in the past. If they don’t do this, they will not only lose the power that they have to shape their life, they will have even more things in their past that will consume their attention. An Analogy It will be as if one is carrying around a heavy weight, and this weight will be taking a lot of their attention and energy. Once this weight is put down, their life will no longer be the same. In the same way, if someone leaves their past behind, it will allow them to embrace the present moment and to have more energy. Putting a rock down might be easier; nonetheless, the outcome will be very similar. Will Power This can then be a time when they will need to make sure that they don’t get caught up it their thoughts, to do what they can to be in the now, and to forgive themselves. What is going on up top, in their mind, will be the issue. So, through putting in the effort, they will soon be able to leave their past behind. The trouble is that while this approach may work, it might just cause someone to experience a lot of frustration. Going Deeper What this comes down to is that the past doesn’t always just exist in someone’s mind; it can also exist in their body. When it comes to the mind, it is about thoughts and beliefs and, when it comes to the body, it is about feelings and trauma. Therefore, although thoughts and beliefs can just be changed, this is not the case when it comes to feelings and trauma. Force might work when it comes to the mind, but this approach is unlikely to work when it comes to the body. One Big Lie If someone has come to believe that it is ‘all in their mind’, it might not even occur to them that the past might also exist in their body. Let’s say that they are carrying emotional pain, and they only focus on their mind, they are unlikely to get very far. What will probably happen is that they will simply push what has come up back into their body, thereby causing their mind to be even more disconnected from their emotional body. A battle will be going on within them, and it might not be long until this stuff comes right back up to the surface, and when it does, it might end up overwhelming them. Through it, not over it If they are unable to push this stuff down, it could cause them to feel incapable and to blame themselves. In reality, they are not incapable and there is no need for them to blame themselves. The main issue will be that they are trying to do something that can’t be done, due to believing something that isn’t true. Instead of playing around with their mind, they will need to work through what is being held in their body - to surrender to how they feel. Final Thoughts If someone can relate to this, and they want to ‘leave the past behind’, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Like most defence mechanisms that can be utilised, denial can make it easier for someone to function on this planet. By denying something, it can stop them from having to feel bad about themselves, allowing them to avoid pain.
Their view of themselves will then be protected and this will have a positive on their wellbeing. However, although this can protect their ego, it is also something that can do more harm than good. Avoidance of Reality For example, if someone has behaved in a destructive way but is unwilling to acknowledge what has taken place, it could have a negative effect on their life. If there were other people around at the time, these people may struggle to understand what is going on. These people will have been there and witnessed it with their own eyes, only to be told that what they saw didn’t happen. If these people are their friends, they might not be for much longer. Extreme Confusion The same thing can take place if someone was abused during their early years and ends up talking to their parent/s about what took place. This may be something that is still affecting their life to this say. The evidence will be there but their parent/s will tell them that what they are talking about didn’t happen. This can be especially hard if someone is not in a very bad way, and expected their parent/s to validate what they went through and to be compassionate. Out of Touch with reality In both of these, along with every any other example, it is going to be clear that it is not possible for someone to face up to what has happened. Here, it won’t be a defence mechanism that they use from time to time; it will be a defence mechanism that is constantly being used. Therefore, it might be appropriate to say that this defence mechanism has become part of their personality. And as it is now part of who they are, they are no longer aware of when they are in denial. More than one Someone like this is then going to be out of touch with reality when it comes to one part of their life. It could go even further, though, as they could generally have very little connection with reality. In addition to what they are not willing to face, there can be a number of other things that they are not willing to acknowledge. Ergo, trying to get through to someone like this is going to be a bit like trying to get blood out of a stone. Divided If they were to accept something that they have denied, they could end up being overwhelmed with pain. Denying what has taken place externally is then just going to be a way for them to prevent the pain that is in their body from coming to the surface. Ultimately, their need to avoid reality is going to be a consequence of their need to avoid themselves. Facing their inner wounds and working through them can then allow them to become a more integrated human being and to slowly face reality. Final Thoughts If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Just because super heroes are not real people, it doesn’t mean that some people don’t try to mimic them in the real world. When this takes place, someone can have the tendency to try to save/rescue others.
These are unlikely to be people who are stuck in a burning building or who are about to be crushed, for instance, but they are going to have problems. They could have emotional problems, be stuck in unfulfilling relationships or just feel a bit lost in life, amongst other things. A Strong Attraction Yet, regardless of what they are going through, someone will be drawn to them like a magnet is drawn to metal. Their life can be put to one side, that’s if they have much of a life, and their whole focus can be on another person’s life. It might not even matter if another person has asked for their help as they could literally steamroll in and give it to them anyway. This could be just one more person in their life who they are trying to fix. Selfless From the outside, it may seem as though they don’t have needs or that they always put other people’s needs before their own. In reality, someone like this probably feels ashamed of their own needs, which is why they are so consumed with other people’s needs. Not only this, they can also feel extremely incapable at a deeper level, with this being the reason why they believe that other people need to be fixed. But, due to being out of touch with this part of themselves, they project how they feel into others. An Escape Taking this into account, being there for others in this way allows them to keep their true feelings at bay. What this also means is that their true intention is not to actually assist another; it is keep them were they are or to allow them to rise slightly higher. The reason for this is that if another person was to actually get back on their feet, they would no longer be able to project how they feel into them. It is then going to be essential for them to make sure that another person continues to play the same role or else they might have to face with their own inner wounds. A Facade Someone like this can then come across as being capable and even powerful, yet this is likely to have very little in common with how they truly feel. If they actually felt capable, there would be no need for them to believe that other people need to be saved. They might see that there at times when people need help, but this is going to be radically different. Offering assistance is not the same as trying to save/rescue another; the former will empower them and allow them to stand on their own two feet, while the latter will disempower them and set them up to be dependent. Final Thoughts If someone can see that they have the inclination to try to fix others, overlooking their own needs in the process and setting others up to be dependent on them in one way or another, they may need to reach out for external support. By having this external support, it will allow them to face the pain within them that they have been trying to avoid for so long. This support is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperTeacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online. My Books...
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
Trapped Emotions
Childhood
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
Toxic Shame
Abandonment
Child Abuse
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Trapped Grief
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?
Boundaries
Inner Child
Childhood Trauma
People Pleasing
Loyalty
Trauma
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