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After getting to the stage where they can see that they are not in a good way, someone can look for a way to change their life. There is a chance that they have been this way for quite some time.
Either way, they will have taken a big step by becoming aware of what is going as if this hasn’t taken place, they would have continued to go down the same path. At first, they could end up looking for a book or they could search online for information. Another Option Then again, they could simply look online for a video that goes into what they are going through. Once this has taken place, they could look for another video that will describe what they can do to move forward. This could be the end of it, or they could continue to watch numerous videos and learn about different solutions. Sooner or later, they could try one or a number of approaches. One Outcome For example, if they experience a fair amount of anxiety and fear, this could be something that starts to subside. If this is what takes place, it might not be long until they are able to carry on with their life. But, if what they are doing doesn’t last for very long or simply doesn’t work, they could look for another option or try another that they have already learned. At this point, the thought of reaching out to another person might not enter their mind. An Island This could be how they are in most areas of their life, with them having the tendency to try to do everything by themselves. If it was put forward to them that it would be a good idea for them to reach out for support, this could go over their head. They could end up saying that they don’t need anyone’s help and that they can do it by themselves, for instance. There is even the chance that they will experience a sense of pride for being this way. Going Round In circles If they were to reach out for support, their life may change a lot sooner. After all, they are an interdependent human being who needs others; they are not supposed to try to do everything by themselves. Needing help from others doesn’t mean that they are weak or incapable; it is simply part of being human. So, as they are unable to accept this, it is naturally going to make their life far harder than it needs to be. Stepping Back If they are able to step back from how they are and see how they try to do so much by themselves, they could wonder why they are this way. They could see that they have been this way for a very long time. If they were to imagine a scenario where they do reach out and express their needs, they could end up feeling anxious and deeply ashamed. It will then be as though something bad is going to happen and they are doing something wrong. The Truth Ultimately, this is something that should feel comfortable, not something that feels uncomfortable. Along with this, reaching out and expressing their needs should be a normal part of their life. As this is not the case, it is likely to show that there was a time when their needs were rarely met. This could show that their early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they were often neglected. Way Back So, practically from the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. Not having a caregiver who was responsive, dependable and consistent would have deeply wounded them. They would have been deprived of a lot of the nutrients that they needed in order to grow and develop in the right way. Moreover, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with their needs and themselves Out of Balance To survive what happened, their brain would have automatically repressed the pain they were in and they would have been forced to create a false self. This would have meant that they disconnected from themselves and their true self would have gone into hiding. Their need to hide their needs from others and even themselves at times will be a reflection of their false self. To this part to them, revealing their needs will be seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned; something that did take place many, many years ago. Awareness For them to let go of their false self and reconnect to themselves and realise, at the core of their being, that there is nothing inherently wrong with their needs or themselves, they may need to work through a lot of deep wounds. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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At the height of the pandemic, it wasn’t possible for a lot of people to live as they usually would. This was a time when so many people had to isolate themselves from others and were only able to go out for the basics and perhaps to work, that’s if they were a key worker, for instance.
As time passed, most of the restrictions were lifted and life more or less went back to normal. What played a part in this was a vaccine that was initially positioned as something that would stop people from contracting the virus. Another Experience However, there are still countries that have not gone back to normal and this means that a lot of restrictions are still in place. A country like this can then be very similar to how another country was a little while ago. For those who live in a country like this, they can wonder if what they are going through will ever end. It can be as though they are stuck in a nightmare with no end in sight. A Temporary Situation For those countries that have more or less gone back to normal, what was going on before might not receive a great deal of attention but that doesn’t mean that it will have been completely cast aside. The media and other sources are still likely to mention it from time to time. Along with this, they can often hear about at least one other threat that is seen as being just as, if not more, destructive than the last one. Therefore, it might not be long until a number of the restrictions that were put in place before and lifted, return. Very Different Now, it wouldn’t be right to say that this is the only time that certain measures have been put in place that undermines people’s freedom. Take terrorism, for instance, this led to different laws being created and more security cameras being put in place, among other things. This meant that some of the things that could be done before could no longer be done and depending on where someone is, their every move can be watched and recorded. It could then be said that what each event does is chip away at what someone can do. A Mixed Response For some people, it doesn’t really matter what is going on; their main priority is to feel safe. For someone like this, they will trust those at the top, so to speak, to do the right thing and they are seldom going to question what they do. For others, it might also not matter what is going on; but their priority won’t be to feel safe. For someone like this, they are not going to simply trust that those at the top, so to speak, will do the right thing and they will question what they do. A Clear Stance Someone like this could say that it is not right that their freedoms are being taken away and that their fellow human beings need to push back. Furthermore, they could say that if they and their fellow citizens allow this to happen, there will always be one crisis after another. According to this view, the people at the top, then, will see how easy it is to take away people's rights and will continue to go down the same path. This, of course, will show that they believe that what has, what is and what will happen in the future is not random and is planned. One Conclusion If someone who trusts their government was to hear this, they could label this person as being a “conspiracy therapist.” In their eyes, this person won’t be of sound mind and, thus, will have views that are irrational. Yet, if someone doesn’t trust their government, they could label the person above as being a “sheep.” They could believe that someone like this is not of sound mind, which is why they blindly accept just about whatever they are told. Stepping Back If these two types of people were put to one side, along with what is going on ‘out there’, it will create the opportunity to look at what is going on differently. What if a large part of humanity feels comfortable living a life where they don’t have a great deal of freedom? For one type of person, the one that was mentioned above, this could be seen as being an accurate assessment, but, for another type, the one that was also mentioned above, this could be seen as being inaccurate. After all, the second type is resisting what is going on. It’s hidden However, even if someone consciously resists what is going on, it doesn’t mean that they are against what is going on at a deeper level. Ergo, those who are against what is going on are not necessarily going to be radically different to those who don’t. Deep down, at an unconscious level, irrespective of how they behave, someone can feel comfortable being treated like a child, as opposed to a sovereign human being. Being in a position where someone else has power over them and tells them how to live their life is then going to feel comfortable. A Continuation One way of looking at this would be to say that although they will look like an adult, they will still carry a child inside them. This child will give them the need for an external source to look after and protect them. What this could show is that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when their caregiver/s and/or other adults abused their power. Then again, it might not be this black and white. A Natural outcome Either way, if a large part of humanity is made up of people who have this need, it is not going much of a surprise that the world is the way that it is. On one level, there will be those who look for this and those who resist this. And, on another level, what is taking place within each person’s consciousness will feed into the collective consciousness and co-create a reality where there are people who are there to look after them. These people will provide them with the stability that they are either consciously or unconsciously looking for but it will come at a great price. The Mirror What this illustrates is that what is going ‘out there’ is not random and someone is not purely a passive observer of their reality. Nonetheless, their extroverted mind, along with their eyes, will create the impression that they have no effect on what is going on ‘out there’. Naturally, without this understanding, it is to be expected that a large part of humanity will see themselves as a being controlled by an external source. In reality, what is going on around them will shed light on what is going on within them. Final Thoughts The key, then, will be for an individual to look into how they truly feel about being free and to work through any issues that arise. By doing this, they will gradually be taking away their energy from a reality where there are people ‘out there’ who are happy to control them and feeding it into a very different reality. This can be a time when they will be working through wounds that relate to their adult years, childhood years, their birth, time in their mother’s womb and even from other lives that they have had. To do this, they may require external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Entitlement: Can Developmental Trauma Stop Someone From Developing A Healthy Sense Of Entitlement?21/6/2022
What could stand out, that’s if someone was to step back and reflect on their life, is that they give a lot but they don’t receive much back. After this, they could find that they don’t believe that they deserve to have what they need and want.
Due to this, it is not going to matter how much they give, as it won’t change how they feel. Upon realising this, they could wonder why they are this way and if their life will ever change. Missing Out There is the chance that they have been this way for as long as they can remember, causing them to believe that they were simply born this way. Unlike others, then, they will be missing something that is very important; feeling worthy. Also, in addition to what they do, there can be times when they don’t even bother going after what they desire. Through not having a felt sense of deserving, they won’t feel as though they deserve to take the first step, let alone actually have something. For Example They may have often wanted to talk to someone who they were attracted to, either sexually or something about them interested them, and not made the move. This may have been a time when they experienced a number of ‘negative’ thoughts. So, a voice might have said that the other person wouldn’t want to speak to them and/or that they would be rejected, for instance. These opportunities would then have slipped through their fingers and they would have deprived themselves in the process. A Way of Life Other than being deprived in this way, this is likely to be the theme of their life. When it comes to their basic needs, such as having somewhere to live, food on the table and clothing to wear, they could be fine. But, when it comes to their ‘higher’ needs, they can rarely if ever receive what they need to be running on full. In other words, they can often feel emotionally empty through not experiencing a great deal of intimacy or being able to receive the resources that they need to truly thrive. An Important Point However, although they won’t be living a life that is deeply fulfilling, what they can keep in mind is that they are now aware of what is going on. They could have continued to be oblivious to what was going on. Consequently, the years would have passed them by and their life wouldn’t have changed. Therefore, while being aware of what is going on won’t have transformed their life, it will allow them to do what will. A Closer Look If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it can show that their early years were anything but nurturing. This may have been a time when they didn’t receive the love that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. Practically from the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have greatly traumatised them. Two things This is likely to have been a time when they felt hopeless, helpless, ashamed and guilty, and experienced a fair amount of fear and terror. As they were powerless and totally dependent, the only option was for their brain to automatically repress how they felt. Without the right nutrients, they wouldn’t have been able to experience an emotional birth. This is why they will lack a felt self of worth and deserving and, thereby, won’t have a healthy sense of entitlement. Out of balance This should have been a time in their life when they received what they needed and were then able to grow into an adult who was able to both give and receive. As this didn’t take place, they will have one part in place but not the other. If they had developed a healthy sense of entitlement, they would have an inner magnet that would pull toward them what they needed and wanted. Furthermore, they would be able to take that important first step and not give up, even if they get knocked back and are told ‘no’. The Truth This means that they are not inherently missing anything; they simply missed out on what would allow them to feel different. For them to know, at the core of their being, that they are worthy and deserving of having what they need and want, there will be a number of things that they will need to do. It will be essential for them to look into and question what they believe when it comes to their own worth and, second, they will need to work through their emotional wounds. This is something that will take patience, persistence and courage. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although a man may have the desire to be in a loving relationship, it doesn’t mean that he will believe that this is possible. The reason for this is that he might have had this desire for quite some time and not been able to make much progress.
He could look back on his life and see that he has been with a number of women who were not very loving. If he has been with at least one woman who was like this, this would have been a time when he wasn’t treated well. A Hopeless Place Thanks to this, he might believe that this area of his life will never change and that he will just have to tolerate what is going on. It will then be a case of him being with a woman who doesn’t value him or being single. Neither of these options is truly going to appeal to him and, most likely, he will end up taking things further with a woman before long. This could be something that takes place after he has partly forgotten about what took place before. The Same Story Yet, just like before, he could end up with a woman who is very similar to the women who he has been with previously. This can be a time when he will end up feeling worthless and unlovable. In all likelihood, he can believe that he feels this way solely due to how he is being treated and that, if he was treated differently, he would feel different. This can be seen as a natural conclusion. The Solution The way for him to feel valuable and lovable will then be for him to be with a woman who treats him well. At this point, he could believe that he is simply unlucky and that the only way that this area of his life will improve, is if his luck changes. As a result of what he has been through, he is likely to be desperate for his luck to change so that he can finally be in a loving relationship. If he was to come across a man who is in a loving relationship, he could experience a fair amount of anger and jealousy. Stepping Back If it was put forward to him that he is not helpless or unlucky and that he is playing part in what is taking place in this area of his life, he could find this hard to accept. He could say that this is not true as he wants to be in a loving relationship and doesn’t want to be treated badly. This will be the case on one level, but at another, deeper level, there is a strong chance that this is not the case. At a deeper level, he is likely to feel comfortable being treated badly and be emotionally attached feeling worthless and unlovable. Totally Crazy After hearing this, he could say that this is utterly ridiculous or something similar, and say that this is simply not possible. If so, what he will need to think about is that he has both a conscious and an unconscious mind. When it comes to what is taking place in this other, hidden part of him, it will be full of the wounds that he experienced during his formative years, among other things. With this in mind, in order for him to understand why his life is the way that it is, it will be a good idea for him to explore what took place during his early years. Way Back At this stage of his life, he may have been brought up by a mother who was unable to truly love and be there him. So, he may have often been left by her and when she was physically available, she might have rarely been emotionally available. This would have deprived him of a lot of the nutrients that he needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. But, as he was powerless and totally dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. The Outcome This is likely to have been a time when he routinely felt worthless, unwanted, unlovable, rejected, abandoned and hopeless and helpless. By being egocentric at this stage, he would have naturally personalised what took place. To handle the pain he was in and to survive, his brain would have automatically repressed how he felt and he would have gone into a shut down, collapsed, disconnected and frozen state. And, along with influencing how he would see himself, these experiences would have played a part in how he would see women; the particular would then have become the general. Repetition Compulsion Clearly, what took place will be over but a big part of him will still be trying to fulfil his unmet developmental needs. This will show that part of him doesn’t realise that this stage of his life is over or that the women he is drawn to are not his mother. Without being aware of it, he will have been unconsciously recreating the experiences that he had with his mother, or experiences that are very similar, in the hope that he will finally receive what he missed out on. But, as the women he will be drawn to will be very similar, not to mention this stage will be over, this won’t happen, and this is why he will also feel the same. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Human Touch: Can Developmental Trauma Cause Someone To Have A Strong Need For Human Touch?18/6/2022
If someone has a strong need for human contact, it can seem as if they would be aware of it. However, even if they do, this could still be something that they are typically unaware of.
What this means, then, is that this need will generally be outside of their conscious awareness. But, while this will be so, it doesn’t mean that this need will just lie dormant and won’t have an effect on them. Deprived Not being aware of this need and being able to fulfil it can cause them to often feel drained, frustrated, empty and even depressed. But, as they will be missing out on something that is important, this is to be expected. Yet, as they won’t be aware of what is actually going on, there will be no reason for them to join the dots, so speak. As a result of this, they can believe that how they feel is due to something else altogether. One Outcome One thing that can take place, by being this way, is that they can have a strong sex drive. What this will show is that their need for human touch has become sexualised. They can then believe that they just have a high sex drive and that’s all there is to it. When they do have sex, though, they may have a strong need for physical affection and their need to actually have sex might not be as important. Nourished Naturally, when they do share their body with another person, this will probably allow them to experience a lot of human contact. In addition to the hugging that may take place, there can be all the caressing that may occur. So, for their body, it will be as if they have been out in the cold and then they will be in the warm, if only for a short while. After this has taken place, they are likely to feel alive and more whole and complete. A Release If they do notice that they feel different, they could simply believe that this is due to them having had sex. In reality, this will only be a small part of why they are now in a different place internally. What took place will have allowed them to let go of a lot of the tension that will have partly built up through them being deprived of human contact. Before long, they are likely to return to how they felt before; that is unless, of course, they have sex again before this happens. Drawing the Line If they have only had casual encounters for most of their life and, perhaps, have never been in a relationship or one that was very serious, there could come a point in time when they have had enough of living in this way. Assuming that this happens, they could feel a strong need to have more. They might even see, at this point, that they have been hiding their need for human contact not only from others but from themselves and that they want to be in a loving relationship. To be with someone they can be affectionate and fulfil a number of different needs with as opposed to simply their sexual needs. Confusion Now that they have become aware of what is going on, they could struggle to understand why they are this way. Furthermore, they might see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. What this will illustrate is that their conscious mind doesn’t have access to the information that would shed light on why they are this way. Most likely, their brain will have blocked out this information in order to protect them from pain and allow them to keep it together. Going Deep When it comes to why they have typically been disconnected from at least one important need for most of their life, it can be a consequence of what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were deprived of the nutrients that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. From the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it may have largely been misattuned care. This would have meant that their need to be held and caressed would have rarely been met. A brutal time As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to change their parent or parent’s behaviour or to find a parent who could love them. The only thing that was able to take place was for their brain to automatically repress both their needs and the pain that they experienced by not getting their needs met. Along with this, they could have gone into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. They would have lost touch with their true self and been forced to develop a false self that would allow them to adapt to and survive a barren environment. A Natural Consequence Considering what they went through as an infant, toddler and perhaps throughout their childhood years, it will be no mystery as to why they ended up this way. Thus, there is nothing inherently wrong with them and their needs are not bad either. If they hadn’t had the ability to adapt to what was going on, they most likely wouldn’t be alive. But, what served them during this stage of their life will now be causing them to suffer unnecessarily. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Even if someone feels emotionally empty, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of it. The reason for this is that this could just be normal, which is why it won’t be something that stands out.
However, while this may be the case, they could still be aware of the effects of being this way. When it comes to the effects, they could be only too aware of them. Disconnected But, as they are not aware of what is going on at a deeper level, they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. They are then going to suffer in a myriad of different ways, yet the information that they need that would shed light on what is going on will be out of their reach. As this is what is normal, it could show that they have been this way for most of their life. Therefore, in order for them to ‘wake up’, it might take something that is fairly significant to allow them to see clearly. A Closer Look When it comes to their day-to-day life, they can often experience an inner restlessness and find it hard to just be. They are then going to spend a lot of time feeling needy and they will seldom feel satisfied. At times, they might struggle to understand what it is that they need, while at others, this could be something that is clear. Either way, they are going to spend a lot of time craving something. For example So, they might spend a lot of time eating and if they don’t smoke, they might vape or often be chewing or sucking something. When they are not working, they could spend a lot of time shopping. Due to how restless they are likely to be and how hard it is for them to sit still, they could often feel tired and even exhausted. But, what is going on inside them will push them forward, perhaps until they can no longer continue to live in this way. Another Area If they are not in a relationship, they could spend a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to be in one. When their imagination runs wild, they can feel at ease and feel deeply satisfied. This could show that they have been in at least one relationship or this could just be how they believe they will feel. Then again, they could currently be in a relationship and not feel this way but believe that it will be different with someone else; perhaps someone in particular. The Other side If they ever do slow down and allow themselves to just be, they could end up feeling very low and even depressed. To use an analogy, it can be as though they are a blow up toy that has been deflated. Still, it is not that they will have been inflated before; it is that they won’t have allowed themselves to surrender to how they really feel. If something significant does take place and they no longer have the energy or the desire to be practically always on the go, they could wonder why they are this way. What’s going on? What could soon stand out, that’s if they were to look for answers online, for instance, is that they don’t feel whole and complete at an emotional level and have been searching for something that will finally allow them to feel different. They will have believed, for so long, that something ‘out there’ will allow this to take place. Yet, after trying to unconsciously fill the hole within them with all kinds of things and people; it will be clear that this doesn’t work. At this point, it might seem as though there is no way for them to change how they feel and that they will be this way forever. The Big Question What they could soon wonder is why they feel this way. There is a strong chance that they feel this way due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were largely deprived of the nutrients that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. They would then have had a physical birth but they wouldn’t have had an emotional birth. The Outcome During this stage of their life, they may have often been neglected. As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. Their only option would have been for their brain to automatically repress their needs and the pain that they experienced through not getting them met, and for them to go into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. The years would then have continued to pass but their unmet developmental needs and the pain that they experienced won’t have disappeared and they will have stayed in an undeveloped state. Calling Out For all this time, then, the child that they once were will be calling out for someone to fulfil the needs that were not met all those years ago. Or to be more accurate, the child parts inside them will be as there is likely to be more than one part and some of these parts could relate to when they were a toddler and an infant. These parts of them will have caused them to unconsciously project the parent or parents that they had onto both others and things and then to believe that these people and things would allow them to finally receive what they missed out on. This part of them won’t realise that this stage of their life is over as it won’t be able to see clearly or have a sense of time. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone ends up having therapy, it could be due to a number of reasons. For example, they could find that they suffer from anxiety, often feel depressed and/or find it hard to experience intimacy.
Now, regardless of what is going on for them, this could be something that has troubled them for as long as they can remember. Their life could now be so unbearable that they have been forced to reach out for support. It’s Crystal Clear So, if they struggle with depression or this is their main concern, it will be clear why they have reached out for support. They are likely to have a strong need to feel lighter, have more energy and feel better about themselves. Assuming that they have reached out to a cognitive behavioural therapist, this can be a time when they will be taking a closer look at what is taking place in their mind and how they behave. Their thoughts can be seen as solely defining how they feel, so changing their thinking patterns, along with their behaviour, will be essential. Gradual progress As time passes, they may find that they start to feel better and a number of areas of their life could change as well. To be specific, they can feel stronger and more supported, whole and resilient. As a result of this, they can come to the conclusion that changing what was taking place in their mind has allowed them to move forward. It will then have been all about their thoughts and behaviour. Another Level However, what if there is more to this whole process than meets the eye? If they were to stop having therapy, they may find that it is not long until they end up going back to how they were before, or close to it. What this would show is that simply having a relationship with the therapist had a positive impact on them and as this relationship has come to an end, some of the impact will have naturally worn off. To say that this is all there is to it, though, would overlook something significant. Two Levels Before this is discussed, what needs to be taken into consideration is that while there was what they consciously needed and wanted before therapy, there was also what they unconsciously needed and wanted. What this comes down to is that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind. When it relates to the latter, there will be needs and wants that were outside of their conscious awareness. Still, these would have played a part in why they reached out for support. A Deeper Look One way of looking at this would be to say that although they are now an adult, the child that they once were lives inside them. Or to be more accurate, many child parts live inside them. These parts will still be looking to fulfil the needs that were met during their developmental years. It won’t matter that many, many years have passed, as the emotional part of them has no sense of time. The Connection With this in mind, when they started having therapy, part of them would have unconsciously seen the therapist as their mother and/or father or perhaps another family member who was around during their formative years. By engaging in what is called transference, part of them would have believed that they would finally receive what was not provided all those years ago. Now that they are having therapy, unless it has come to an end, this part can feel nourished and with that, will be the impact this continues to have on their mental and emotional wellbeing. And, as they feel nourished in a way that they were not nourished as a child, it is to be expected that their life will have improved. It’s Automatic This may have meant that they were deeply deprived during their early years but it might not have been that severe. Nonetheless, as this is something that takes place outside of their conscious awareness, there is going to be no reason for them to realise that there is another factor when it comes to why they feel different. What it will show is how effective their brain is at deceiving them and it will do this to stop them from experiencing pain. If they were to come into contact with all their unmet developmental needs in one go and the pain that goes with them, it would probably be too much for them to handle and they would die. One Step at a Time If they were to commit to working through their baggage, they would probably soon come to see what is going on. That is, of course, unless the therapist they are working with talks about transference and repetition compulsion - another defence against pain - and how these defences can stop them from being able to truly move forward if they are not made conscious. Becoming aware of what is going on will allow them to gradually face their unmet development needs and the pain that goes with them. From there, they will be able to work through this pain.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Whether someone has just started to work on their wounds or has been doing so for a little while, they are going to want their life to change. As to why they are engaging in this work, it could show that they were deeply deprived during their early years.
If so, this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis. They might have suffered long before this, though, as their birth and time in their mother’s womb might have been deeply traumatic. One Intention When it comes to what they are doing to change their life and move forward, they could be working with a therapist and/or be part of a healing group. Along with this, and if they are not working with anyone else, they could be doing work on themselves. For example, they might not value themselves or feel as though they are enough. Therefore, they will want to develop a felt sense of worth and to know deep, down, that they are enough. External Support If they are working with a therapist, they might be pleased with the work that has been taking place. They might be able to see that based on how they were in the beginning, they are making progress. As for how often they work with them, this could take place every week or every few weeks. This could be something that will take place for a number of months if not years and, after a while, they could end up working with someone else. One Direction If it was put forward to them that even though they say they want to move forward, there are other parts of them that don’t, they could dismiss what has been said. They could say that they want to move forward and that they are not interested in living a miserable existence. However, although this will be true on one level, it doesn’t mean that it will be true on another, deeper level. At a deeper level, they can have a number of different parts that want something else entirely. A Closer Look If feeling of value is a challenge for them, then they are likely to carry a part that not only feels worthless but also doesn’t believe that they deserve to have their needs and wants to be met. Thus, as this part of them won’t expect much and its expectations will be so low, it is not going to take a lot for them to feel satisfied. They can then make a small amount of progress over a long period of time and be more than happy with what is going on. In fact, simply having someone there (the therapist) who listens to what they have to say and respects them can have a massive impact on them. Transference Without realising it, they are likely to project one or both of their parents onto the therapist and this will allow them to temporarily fulfil certain unmet developmental needs. By doing this, part of them will be able to receive what it missed out on all those years ago and feel loved, valued and supported. This will then play a part in why they are able to feel better about themselves whilst having therapy. If this is brought up and acknowledged, they will be able to work through these unmet needs. Drifting Along The months and even years could continue to pass and they might continue to make progress with one or a number of different therapists, but their life might not end up being transformed by any means. And, if they were to stop working with someone, they could soon experience a dip in how they feel. This will partly be the result of a relationship coming to an end and partly, as has been mentioned, due to the impact that transference was having on them. If they were to see that they haven’t made much progress, they could feel incredibly frustrated and hopeless and helpless. A Natural Outcome Ultimately, if 20 per cent of them wants to change their life, 80 per cent of them won’t want to. Unknowingly, then, they will have only felt comfortable making a small amount of progress and they may have even unconsciously chosen certain therapists and techniques that would only allow them to make minimal progress. Another part of this is that if their early years were very traumatic, they won’t have developed a felt sense of safety and security. Not having this in place is likely to mean that they are unlikely to feel safe enough to grow and expand, which is what will happen if they are able to transform their life and regularly fulfil their needs and wants. Awareness Now, this is not a time for them to lay into themselves as they won’t have consciously chosen to go in this direction. If this does happen, they can take a step back and observe their inner critic. What it is time for is for them to objectively look over what has been taking place and to see if they need to make a few different decisions. Becoming aware of what is going on will have been painful but at least it will stop them from continuing to go down the same path.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
After having worked with a therapist for a number of weeks or months, someone could find that they start to feel better. Thanks to this, a few areas of their life could also start to improve.
For example, they might have found it hard to take action before but now it is a lot easier for them to take the first step. It could then be said that the work that they are doing is allowing them to become stronger. The Focus This could show that they had trouble feeling supported and lacked self-belief before. If so, before they started having therapy, this will have been something that they wanted to change. They will then be able to look back on how they were before and see that they are making a lot of progress. When it comes to what takes place when they are having a therapy session, this could be a time when they are looking into what they believe and the thoughts that typically run through their head. One Focus In this case, what is going on up top, so to speak, will be the area of focus and transforming what happens there will the priority. This could mean that they are working with a cognitive behavioural therapist, for instance. Along with the work that is done in this environment, they could also be encouraged to take certain steps in their day-to-day life. This will then be a way for them to integrate what they do in a session and to make even more progress. The Next Step After a while, they could get to the point where they no longer feel the need to be assisted in this way. They will feel radically different to how they felt before and they will have made a number of changes too, so this is to be expected. The days and weeks could pass and their life could continue to go in the same direction, or, there could come a point, when they no longer feel as supported and a lot of doubt starts to creep in. If this is what takes place, they could begin to wonder what is going on, in addition to feeling deeply hopeless and helpless. Confusion It will be as if they had access to a power supply and now that the therapy has come to an end, this supply has gradually dried up. Naturally, as they feel so different, they are going to want to know what is going on. What this can show is that a big part of what allowed them to feel different was that they were engaging in transference. So, without realising, it, they will have projected one or a number of people onto the therapist that they were working with. A Powerful In all likelihood, they unconsciously saw this person as their mother and/or father or another family member who was around during their early years. By doing this, they were able to feel how they would have felt around this person many, many years ago. Or, perhaps to be more precise, how they wanted to feel when they were around this parent or family member. This may have been a stage of their life when certain needs were rarely if ever met. Under The Radar These unmet childhood needs won’t have simply disappeared; they will have ended up automatically being repressed by their brain. The pain that they would have experienced through being deprived will have also been repressed. When they started to work with the therapist, this part of them, through seeing another authority figure as their parent or parents or someone else, will have believed that these needs were finally being met. This would have allowed them to feel supported and to believe in themselves, among other things. A Short-Term Solution Once they stopped working with this therapist, they would no longer have someone in their life who they unconsciously saw in this way and thus, the feelings that they were able to experience as a result of momentarily fulfilling their unmet childhood needs will have stopped being produced. Now that they don’t feel supported and experience doubt, they will be in touch with how they felt originally. What this illustrates is that there was what one was aware of when they were having therapy and what they were not aware of; needs that they were consciously aware of and needs that were outside of their conscious awareness. This shows that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind – this part of their consciousness is just the tip of the iceberg. Awareness Ultimately, transference is not bad; it is simply something that will allow someone to become aware of the wounds that they need to resolve. The key, of course, is for someone to become aware of what is going on. With awareness, they will be able to do something about what is going on and move forward; without it, they will continue to unconsciously look towards a therapist, or another person to complete them. They will then be a dependent, as opposed to an interdependent, human being.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If the average person was asked to explain why the world is the way that it is, they could say that it is because of the people at the top. So, when it comes to the reason why so many people are struggling to survive and so many resources are in the hands of the few, for example, this will be why.
With this in mind, if it wasn’t for these people or the different families that have been around for hundreds of years according to some, then, the world would be very different. Not only would each individual have their basic needs met at the very least, but the world would be far more harmonious and peaceful. One Solution Thus, to put an end to what is going on and for the world to change, there will be one thing that needs to take place; the people at the top will need to be dealt with. Until that happens, the average person will be totally powerless and will have to accept just about whatever happens. Another way of looking at this would be to say that those at the top will be the perpetrators and those at the bottom, so to speak, will be victims. Ultimately, there will be a massive power imbalance; a power imbalance that has a lot in common with a parent-child relationship. A Bleak Existence Merely thinking about this could cause the average person to feel totally hopeless and helpless. What could come to mind is that their only option is to accept how the world is and/or to do what they can to “wake” people up. By waking people up, they can believe that they will be able to put an end to what is going on. So, once enough people wake up, it will be possible to directly deal with those who are in control and for these people to face the consequences of their actions. The Evidence Is There If they were told that it is not this black and white and that those at the top don’t have all the power, they could end up dismissing this. They could say that this doesn’t reflect reality, and that one only needs to look at how many people are struggling to survive right now while the elites are continuing to thrive, to see how powerless so many people are. This will be what is going on and what will prove that those at the top have far more power than the average person. The average person will be like a sheep that is at the whim of the sheep dog when it comes to how they live their life. Stepping Back If at this point, it was also put forward that they, along with their fellow human beings, are not just observers of reality and that they are also co-creators of it, this could also be dismissed. This is likely to show that they are strongly identified with their mind; the part of them, along with their eyes, that will create the impression that they are passively observing what is going on ‘out there’. By being this way, they, along with their fellow citizens who are ‘at the bottom’, will have very little if any control over their life or what takes place on the earth and what does take place will be a consequence of what the elites are doing. This view, the view that they are powerless, is also likely to be supported by the society that they live in. An illusion Still, what if they, along with their fellow citizens who are ‘at the bottom’, are not powerless victims and are actually helping to sustain the very reality that is enslaving them? If one is strongly identified with their minds sense of separation and believes that they are simply observing reality, then, of course, they won’t be able to accept this. But, if they were to realise that their own consciousness, along with everyone else’s, has an impact on their life and what takes place on the earth as a whole, it would be very different. This will mean that what is taking place inside them, so their thoughts, emotions, feelings and beliefs, is not just held inside them and that’s the end of it, it is actively shaping their external reality. An Analogy One way for one to understand this would be for them to imagine that the world they live in is a house that they don’t like. It will then seem as though this house just exists and there is nothing that they can do about it. In reality, they, along with their fellow citizens, will be holding this house up without knowing it. If their own consciousness was to radically change, along with the consciousness of many others, this house would end up falling down. The Big Deception There will be a number of things that will make it hard for them, and their fellow citizens, to see this. As has already been said, there will be their extroverted mind, along with their eyes, that sees itself as a powerless observer of reality and they will live in a society that is a manifestation of this viewpoint, something that can be seen as a manifestation of ego-consciousness. Also, they will have a brain that represses pain and once it has been repressed, their conscious mind will forget all about it. This pain won’t just lie dormant in their unconscious mind, though, it will play a part in what they do and don’t experience and it will feed into the collective consciousness and, thus, have an impact on what happens on the planet as a whole. The Law of Resonance What this illustrates is that while their mind will deceive them and the society that they live in will tell them, in one way or another, that they are a powerless victim, this is not the truth. Beyond the physical form that they take, they are made of vibrating energy. This means that what is taking place inside them is literally co-creating their life and together, with their fellow human beings, they are co-creating what takes place on the planet. On one level, then, everything is solid and their mind will back this up, but, on another level, it isn’t. Final Thoughts Considering this, the only reason that the ‘elites’ have so much control is that so many people have unknowingly given it to them. By forgetting who they are and how powerful they are, it has led to the creation of a world where the few rule the many. Thanks to the current reality that a large part of humanity has largely manifested unconsciously, the elites do have a lot of control, but, as soon as enough people ‘wake up’ and decide to create a different reality, this will change. A big part of what allows the ‘elite’ to stay in control, then, is for them to maintain the illusion that they have absolute control and that the average person is powerless.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Free Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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