If one was to go into a new environment, they might be only too happy to talk to everyone they meet. This could mean that one is learning how to dance, or perhaps they have gone back into education.
As a result of this, it might not be long until they know everyone there, and this is going to make it easier for them to feel at ease. However, even if one isn’t in a new environment, it doesn’t mean that their behaviour will change. A Way of Life If one is in a position where they work with other people, this could be how they are when they are at work. Now, they might spend more time talking to certain people, but they are still going to reach out to everyone who crosses their path. Yet if this doesn’t take place, it could be a sign that someone is not willing to talk to them, or perhaps one just doesn’t get on with them. It could be said that this is just part of life, as it is not going to be possible for one to get on with everyone. Time Goes By And once one has been learning how to dance for little while or on a course for the same amount of time, they could still behave in the same way. What will be different is that one will know more about these people. There will be some people who they feel closer to and others who they only say a few words to. If one is on a course, for instance, they may find that certain people are not as friendly as they were in the beginning. Different Cliques When they first started it might have been one group of people who didn’t know each other, but now it could be as if there are a number of different groups. In addition to the different groups, there could be people who are on their own, or they might only spend time with one person. It is then similar to how someone can get in touch with people when they want something, but go silent when they don’t want anything. This is going to be something that one will need to accept and adapt to. Another Response If one was to have this experience and they took it personally, it would end up having a negative effect on them. Instead of being able to see that this is just what happens, they will believe that they are doing something wrong. Ultimately, their needs will have changed, and that’s partly why they are no longer as friendly as they were in the beginning. But if this is something that has a big effect on how they feel, it might be a good idea for them to look into why this is. Self-Reflection During this time, one can take the time to tune into how they feel in their body and what thoughts are going through their mind. For example, one could find that they feel angry and, as they dig deeper, they feel rejected. Alternatively, they could find that they feel down and, if they are able to go deeper, they could feel worthless. This doesn’t mean that one will feel either rejected or worthless, as there could be a number of different feelings; what it means is that one feeling can end up consuming them. The Reason What is taking place within them might be how they felt as a child, and this is going to stop them from being able to maintain their centre. How they felt as a child might have stayed in their body. One’s physical appearance will have changed, but what is taking place within them will have stayed the same. It will then be important for them to heal the pain that is within them, and this can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Another Scenario There are going to be others who are friendly in the beginning, and then their behaviour will change as time goes by. This is not to say that it will slightly alter, but that it will dramatically change. When someone meets them for the first time, they could say they are outgoing, or at the very least, they could describe them as being approachable. And this could be how they come across for a number of weeks or even months. A Big Difference The people around them are going to have an idea of what they are like in their mind and, out of nowhere, they are going to change. This could mean that they will come across as aloof, or they might only talk to a few people. What this is likely to show is that being friendly is not part of their nature; it is just how they behave when they are a new environment. So once they have found their feet, so to speak, they have no reason to behave in the same way. On Edge If they were to tune into what is taking place within them when they are in a new environment, they could find that they feel uncomfortable. In fact, they could be consumed by anxiety. Endearing themselves to others is what will allow them to regulate what is taking place within them. So although it might appear as though they are friendly, this is just a way for them to settle themselves down. Awareness But while this will allow them to sooth themselves, it is going to cause them to push a lot of people away. If being friendly was who they are as opposed to an act, it would open a lot of doors for them. Nevertheless, if one is not interested in people or if they are simply caught up in their own life, this is not going to concern them. If they are interested in changing their behaviour, they might need to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If one doesn’t want to do something, they may find that they are able to stand their ground, and this could be what takes place on most occasions. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they have good boundaries.
Separate And as one is not an extension of other people, there is going to be no reason for them to simply go along with what they want. If they were to do this, it would cause them to overlook their own needs and feelings. So, through being able to say ‘no’ when they don’t want to do something, it will allow them to pay attention to what is taking place within them. Therefore, one is not going to be in a position where they are used to being compromised by others. Two Parts Along with this, there is a strong chance that one will generally be able to say ‘yes’ at the right moments. But the only reason they will be able to do this is because they can say ‘no’ when they need to. Having the ability to draw the line is then what allows them to really mean it when they say yes. If they only had the ability to say yes, it would be clear that this doesn’t actually mean anything. Approval This would show that they are more concerned with pleasing others than they are with pleasing themselves. When one can use both words, it will show that they don’t have the need to please others. And through being this way, it is going to stop them from wasting a lot of time and energy. If one is asked if they would like to do something, they will be able to take the time to think it through (that’s if they need to). Protection When someone tries to take advantage of them, they will be able to stand up for themselves. Yet, even someone else is unable to take no for an answer, one will have the strength to walk away. At a deeper level, this is also likely to show that one values themselves, and this is why they don’t feel comfortable being taken advantage of. And what will give them the strength to behave in this way will be the connection they have with their aggression. A Whole Human Being This doesn’t mean that one will come across as aggressive; what it means is that they will have embraced this side of their nature. After all, it exists to ensure their survival, and it could be said that it will enable them to thrive. Through having this connection, there will be no need for them to come across as aggressive. Nevertheless if they were to come across in this way, it could be a sign that it is necessary for them to be this way. Looking Back If one was to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that this is how it has been for as long as they can remember. What this could show is that their boundaries were respect when they were younger. This would have set them up develop a good connection with what is taking place within them, and to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground. Through experiencing life in this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling existence. Another Experience When one finds it hard to stand their ground and to say no at the right time, it is naturally going to make their life harder than it needs to be. Not only will they waste a lot of time and energy, but they could also be used to being walked over. If they don’t do what someone else wants, it might cause them to experience inner conflict. On one side, they will have the need to stand their ground, but on the other side, this could cause them to feel guilty. Point of Focus Putting their needs first is not going to be something that feels comfortable; it will be something that feels uncomfortable. One way of looking at this would be to say that one feels responsible for how other people feel. The most important thing will be for them to make sure that they don’t upset other people, and this is going to cause them to neglect themselves. One is not going to see themselves as an individual; they will see themselves as an extension of others. Confusion As one has their own life to lead and they are not responsible for others, it can be hard to understand why they would feel bad for putting their own needs first. However, if they were to take the time to think about what happened when they were younger, it might soon make sense. This may have been a time when they had to take care of their caregivers needs, and this would have caused them to feel ashamed of their own needs. As a result of this, what would have felt comfortable was being there for others. Awareness What took place is then in the past, but what happened all those years ago is still defining their life. One is going to need to question what they believe, and they might be carrying emotional baggage that needs to be dealt with. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. And when they feel comfortable with their needs, they will no longer need to ignore them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are people in the world who have a close connection with their parents, there are others who don’t. And if one is close to their parents, it might be hard for them to understand why someone wouldn’t experience life in the same way.
This could mean that one lives in the same street as they do, or they might live in the same area. But even if they don’t live this close, they could still find time to see them on a regular basis. One Step Further Along with this, one might even go on holiday with them from time to time, and other family members could also join them. One is then an adult, but they are still going to appreciate being around the people who brought them up. Still, this is not to say that they will always get on with each other, but even if they do fall out, they might soon put it behind them. This will show that they are able to talk openly about things, and to deal with the conflict that arises in a mature manner. A Mature Relationship Therefore, even though one is going to be their child, their parents are not going to treat them like one. They will treat them in the same way that they would treat other human beings. One is then going to feel as though they are respected and appreciated by their parents. So if they were to end up in a position where they needed help, there is going to be no reason for them not to reach out to their parents. One Left On the other hand, one might only have one parent left, and this could mean that they are even closer to them. They may be only too happy to take them to different places, and to make sure that they always have what they need. Yet, if they are now with someone else, they might not need to do a lot for them. And even if one doesn’t have a good connection with their new partner, they could still be happy that they have fond someone to be with. Looking Back When one experiences life in this way as an adult, it is likely to show that they were treated in the right way as a child. The early experiences one had with their parent/s as a child is then what laid the foundations for them to get on with them as an adult. Or, if one didn’t get on with them when they were younger, there is the chance that this changed as time went by. Perhaps their parents were really strict and this was too much for them to handle. Appreciation As time passed, one has come to appreciate how they were brought up, and to see that they had their best interests at heart. Alternatively, their parents might have settled down as they got older and it will then have been easier for them to handle. But if they were abused when they were younger and they now get on with their parent/s, it could show that they have been able to work through what took place. There parent/s would then have acknowledged what took place and this would have brought them together. Other Factors Nonetheless, this is not to say that this is the only thing that would have taken place. In addition to this, this is likely to have been a time when one had to work through the pain that was within them. Their parent/s may have also had to deal with what caused them to abuse their child, and this probably meant that they were also abused when they were younger. The main thing is that this has now come to an end, and they have all been able to move forward. Another Experience When one doesn’t have a close connection to their parents, they might wonder what it would be like to experience life in his way. If they were to think about the people who brought them up, it could fill them with pain. There will then be what happened when they were younger, and there will be what happens now that they are an adult. What this can show is that not only were they treated badly when they were a child, but that these people continue to behave in the same way. Conflict One can then be in a position where part of them wants to cut them out of their life and another part of them wants to keep them in their life. What can also make this even harder is that they could have people around them who don’t understand what they are going through. In their eyes, one should just move on from what happened and do what they can to get on with them. This could show that these people can’t relate to what one is going through, or it could be a sign that they are not willing to face up to what they went through as a child. Undermined When one spends time with their parent/s, they could end up being verbally abused by them, amongst other things. And if one was to stand their ground and to say that what they are doing is not acceptable, it might not have an effect on them. It will then be clear that they are not willing to change their behaviour, and this is can show that they lack empathy. One is then going to feel bad in their presence and they will feel bad when their time together comes to an end. A Big Decision If their parent/s were willing to see how destructive their behaviour is, there would be no reason for one to cut them out of their life. But as this is not the case, this might be the only way for them to feel better about themselves. Along with the impact that they have on how they feel, they could also make it harder for them to function in other areas of their life. Their performance at work could suffer, and it could have a negative effect on their personal relationships. Awareness Ultimately, this is decision that one will need to make for themselves; is not something that someone else can decide for them. And even if one was to do this, it doesn’t mean that their parent/s would be able to understand. They could act as though they haven’t done anything wrong, or they could say that they will change in order to pull them in. And out of desperation, one could end up going along with it. During this time, it might be a good idea for one to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to work through what comes up and to be supported.
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If one wanted to find out what someone is like, they could take the time to get to know them. And, after they have spent a certain amount of time in their presence, they might feel as though they have a good understanding of them.
Time could then pass and one might not be too surprised by how they behave, or they could find that another side of them begins to appear. What this could show is that they feel more at ease around them, and this is why this is taking place. Opening Up During this time, the other person might show that they are not as tough as they make out, for instance. Thus, they are going to show that they have a sensitive side, and this could cause one to warm to them even more. Or, one could find that even though they come across as confident, this could be nothing more than an illusion. Behind the act that they put on is going to be someone who finds it hard to believe in themselves. Another Outcome At the same time, one could have a radically different experience, and this means that they could end up being repelled by the other person. What this could come down to is that they have started to come across as abusive. They will have changed from someone who had a positive effect on their life, to someone who is having a negative effect on their life. It might then be in their best interest to cut their ties and to walk away. The Direct Route What this shows is how it is not always possible for find out what someone is like by getting to know them directly. This comes down to the fact that it is easy for someone to put on an act and to pretend they are someone else. If one ends up in a position like this, it can be normal for them to see themselves as a victim. Therefore, one just happened to cross paths with this person and there was nothing that they could have done. A Random Process Yet while it might appear this way, it doesn’t mean that this is the complete truth. When it comes to the people who one attracts (and is attracted to), it is typically due to what is taking place within them. However, if one is out of touch with what is taking place within them, they are not going to be able to realise this. The information that they need, in order to understand what is taking place, is not going to be available. Another Approach So, if one wants to meet people who are healthy, it will be vital for them to deal with their own baggage. Now, this is a process and so it won’t happen overnight, but it will be worth it in the long run. This is not to say that one will need to avoid people while they are doing this; what it comes down to is that they will be taking responsibility for what shows up and dealing with it. And through doing this, it will allow them to attract people who are healthy. Another Option But when it comes to finding out what someone is like, one can also find out about the people they like to spend time with. This is likely to be their friends and their partner, if they have one. These people are going to reveal a lot about them, and this is because they are in their life for a reason. If someone didn’t have anything in common with these people, they wouldn’t be in their life. One Experience When someone comes across in a positive manner and the people in their life are the same, it could be said that this will be a good sign. Not only will they come across as someone who values themselves, they will also be surrounded by people who are the same. Still, one will need to make sure that they do value themselves and that this is not just an act. As there is the chance that they have an inflated sense of self, and the people in their life could be the same. Another Experience On the other hand, someone could come across as though they have it all together, but they could be surrounded by people who clearly have issues. One could then find it hard to believe why someone like this would spend time with people who are not going anywhere with their life. Along with this, someone could do a lot for their friends and their friends might not return the favour. This is going to show that their relationships are generally one-sided, and they are going to be more like a parent than a friend. What’s going on? What this is likely to illustrate is that how this person comes across doesn’t match up with what is taking place within them. At a deeper level, they might feel worthless, and this is why they spend time with people like this. And as they feel this way, it is going to stop them from being able to embrace their needs. They will try to get their needs met indirectly by being there for them, and this could mean that they have the tendency to rescue others. Awareness When someone experiences life in this way, it will be important for them to realise that they are not worthless. Once this takes place and they feel comfortable with their needs, they will no longer need to have one-sided relationships. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. And if one is drawn to the wrong kind of people, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that it is a reflection of who they are. And as their life is this way, it is going to how that they are in touch with their needs and feelings.
It is then through being in touch with what is taking place within them, that they are able to live life in this way. When one experiences life in this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling existence. On The Right Track Now, this is not to say that their life will be perfect; what it means is that they won’t be pretending to be someone else. There could be parts of their life that are going well, and others that are not. But regardless of this, they won’t be in a position where the people around them don’t know who they are, and neither will their life be defined by the need to please others. They will be able to be themselves around others, and what they do is life is generally going to be the result of what matters to them. Part of Life This could be how one has experienced life for as a long as they can remember; there is then no reason for them to think about how different their life could be. If they were to do so, it could be because they have come across someone who doesn’t experience life in the same way as they do. During this time, they might wonder why this person has the need to please others. They could tell them that they don’t need to do this and that their life would be far better if they put themselves first. Two Responses Upon hearing this, the other person could agree with them, and it might only be a matter of time before they begin to change their behaviour. At the same time, this might be as far as it will go. Or, the other person could disagree with them and say that other people’s needs are more important than their own needs. Therefore, even though this person is neglecting themselves, it is not going to be enough for them to change their behaviour. Self-Harm What this comes down to is that not only can someone be harmed by others, they can also harm themselves. It is then not that one is being victimised by others; it is that they are victimising themselves. When one experiences life in this way, it can show that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs, and this then sets them up to focus on other people’s needs. And unless this changes, they will continue to ignore what is taking place within them. A Way of Life They might find it hard to remember when their life was different, and this could cause one to believe that this is just how life is. So, as other people’s needs are more important than their own needs, they will continue to focus on their needs. There is also the chance that one is not even aware of what is taking place within them, and it will then be normal for them to behave in this way. One will be nothing more than an extension of others. A Shell If they do something, it is going to be the result of what other people want them to do (or what they think they want them to do). So while a professional actor will play a role and then go back to how they were before; one is going to be this way for most of their life. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will always come across in the same way, as how they come cross can all depend on who they are with. This is likely to be something that takes place automatically. Pain Yet although experiencing life in this way is going to be what feels comfortable, it is naturally going to cause them to suffer. Ultimately, one is not on this planet to please other people; if they were, they wouldn’t have their own needs and feelings. In order for one to experience life differently, they might just need to become aware of what is taking place in their mind and to change their behaviour. This is then something that is all in their mind, and their life will change if they push themselves. Protection However, it might not be this simply, and this could mean that they will need to take a different approach. What one could find is that even though their true-self is covered up, they don’t feel safe enough to change their behaviour. If they were to do so, they could end up being overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. It could then seem as though their life is about to come to an end if they don’t put on an act. Going Deeper What this can show is that one is carrying trauma; thus, what is taking place in their mind is just a reflection of what is taking place in their body. As a result this, one is not going to be able to deal with what is taking place though focusing on their mind and changing their behaviour. And the reason why one is carrying trauma can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregivers. Awareness During this time it wouldn’t have been possible for them to be themselves; they would have had to put on an act. This wouldn’t have been a choice; it would have been matter of life or death. If one can relate to this, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to heal the trauma that is within their body and, as this takes place, they will gradually be able to embrace their true-self.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to look into what is takes to be successful, they may hear that they need to be motivated. As if they don’t have this, it will be a challenge for them to consistently take action.
Not only that, there is a strong chance that everything won’t go to plan, and this means that they will have to pick themselves up when they get knocked down. They will then need the inner strength to get back up, and they will need the drive to keep going. Talent and Hard Work It is often said that it doesn’t matter how talented someone is; what matters is if they are willing to put the work in. Thus, if someone is incredibly gifted, they are unlikely to get very far if they don’t do anything. Yet, if someone is not particularly good at anything but they are willing to put the work in, there is no limit to what they can achieve. What this shows is how important it is to be motivated. A Number of Examples If one was to think about the people in their own life, they may find that there are a few people who have the intelligence to go far, but what they don’t have is the drive to do so. At the same time, they may know a few people who are doing really well even though they are not all that intelligent. In this case, it could be said that some of the people they are know are wasting what they have been given; whilst the others are making the most of what they have. Or it might be more accurate to say that they are pushing themselves beyond their limitations. Getting the Fire Started So, if one doesn’t feel very motivated and they want this to change, they could look online for information. This could then be a time when they will be told that they need to get in touch with their pain. As their life is not the way they want it to be, this is likely to cause them to experience pain. Through facing the pain that is within them, it might give them the energy that they need to keep going. Taking Control What this will do is allow them to use the pain that is within them to improve their life; it could be said that this will be the conscious approach. When one runs away from the pain that is within them, their life is likely to get worse. The energy that is within them will be wasted, and it could be sad that one will be behaving in an unconscious manner. Their life is likely to get even worse, and this will give them an even bigger reason to run away from themselves. Other Elements In addition to this, one could hear about how important it is for them to spend time around the right people. This is because if they spend time around people who are not motivated, it is likely to rub off on them. Therefore, if they spend time around people who are driven, it will be a lot easier for them to move forward. One could also hear about how they will need to eat the right food and to make sure that they get enough sleep, among other things. Another Experience However, while there are people who want to experience life differently, there are going to be others who already experience life in this way. There is then going to be no reason for them to look for advice on how to be motivated. What they could find is that other people often ask them how they are able to keep going. This could be a time when one will say that they just enjoy what they are doing, and this is what keeps them moving. From The Beginning If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have always been this way. Alternatively, they may find that there was a point in their life when everything changed, and they have been this way ever since. But even though they are driven, they might still be able to take a step back from time to time and to enjoy what they have achieved. One will then have the ability to do and the ability to just be; they are a human being not a human doing, after all. A Machine On the other hand, one may find it incredibly difficult to relax, or if they do, they need to take something in order to settle themselves down. So once they have achieved something, they could soon go onto the next thing. It might then be more accurate to say that one will be more like a human doing than a human being. Their need to achieve will have taken over their whole being, and they won’t be able to appreciate what they achieve. A Deeper Look There are likely to be plenty of people who look up to them, and they can be seen as an example of how someone should be. But even though they can be seen as having it all together, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. What this comes down to is that if one was to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that they feel worthless. So as way to avoid how they feel in their body, they do everything they can to achieve things. Self-Worth Their value is going to be based on what they do and not on who they are, and this is why it is not possible for them to take their foot off the gas, so to speak. If they were to slow down, they might soon come into contact with how they feel. One can then take action and feel as though they have control over their life, or they can face what is taking place within them and feel completely powerless. When one experiences life in this way, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. Early Years This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have caused them to experience toxic shame. One would then have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them. It would then have been a case of facing how they feel, or disconnecting from what was taking place within them and creating a false-self in the process. And due to how painful it is to face toxic shame, it is not going to be much of a surprise for them to have taken the second option. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to deal with the trauma that is within them.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When someone doesn’t feel good about themselves, there are number things that can take place. One of the things they can do is to embrace how they feel, and to allow what is taking place within them to define their life.
Disempowered When this takes place, one is going to spend a lot of time feeling worthless; this is going to be what is normal for them. And as they spend so much time feeling so low, it could also mean that one will be used to feeling depressed. Their life is then not going to be seen as something for them to enjoy, it will be something they have to endure. This is not to say that every part of them is willing to accept what is taking place, though. The Main Part There could be moments when they think about experiencing life differently, and they might even take action. But due to how they feel about themselves, this might not get them very far. The part of them that feels worthless is going to stop them from being able to keep going. This is then going to be a phase that soon passes, and they will end up exactly where they were before. In The Future There is always the chance that this will all change if they keep going and don’t allow how they feel to define their life. The part of them that is not willing to experience life in this way will get stronger and this can allow them to gradually change their circumstances. It might take a number of months or even years until they are able to keep the ball moving, so to speak. The next step will then be for them to find a way to change how they feel about themselves. Another Approach At the same time, one can end up disconnecting from what is taking place within them, and this is going to have an effect on how they see themselves. So, instead of one feeling as though they are less-than others; they can end up seeing themselves as being more-than others. One is then no longer down in the dumps, they have been elevated high into the sky. Thus, instead of having an inferiority complex, they can have a superiority complex. Healthy Shame This doesn’t mean that one will have set out to be better than others; what it comes down to is that this is just what takes place. When one feels worthless, they are likely to be overwhelmed with shame; whereas when they see themselves as being better than others, they can be completely disconnected from their shame. The ideal with be for them to be able to experience shame but not to be overwhelmed by it, as this is part of having a conscience. When one experiences too much shame, it will naturally lead to problems. Out of Control The emotion that is meant to help them will have taken over, and this is going to make it more or less impossible for them to feel good about themselves. Yet, if one has disconnected from this part of themselves, this is not going to be the case. But while they will have risen above how they feel about themselves, it can cause them to push other people away. Other people can find it hard to relate to them, and they can see them as being deluded. Another Outcome If someone is drawn to them, it could be a sign that they are also out of touch with their own shame, and this is why they have a connection. Or, someone could feel worthless, and this will be what pulls them in. Still, no matter how someone comes across, they are going to feel the same way about themselves at a deeper level. If one is around someone who is out of touch with how they feel, it will validate how they see themselves, but if they are around someone who isn’t, it will give them someone to project their own issues onto. One Way One way for one to disconnect from how they feel is to get into self-development, and there are a number of approaches that they can take. Positive thinking and affirmations are two things that can allow this to occur. By filling their mind with positive thoughts, it can gradually allow them to lose touch with how they really feel about themselves. But as it is unlikely to deal with how they feel at a deeper level, they will need to continually do this. Goals Along with this, one can change how they feel through turning themselves into a human doing. Through achieving things, one will be able to feel good about themselves, but they won’t be able to take their foot of the gas. If they were to take a break from trying to achieve things, how they feel about themselves could soon rise to the surface. Their value will be seen as being based on what they do, as opposed to who they are. Avoidance What this shows is how self-development can be another way for one to avoid themselves. One can then believe that they are making progress, but this can be nothing more than an illusion. If anything, it could be said that they have simply created another layer on top of the baggage that they are already carrying. So, in order for them to embrace their inherent value, it will be important for them to let go of what doesn’t belong to them. Awareness When it comes to why they feel worthless, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregivers. This would then have caused them to experience trauma and, until this is dealt with, it is not going to matter what they add to their mind or what they achieve externally. If one wants to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are people on this planet who want other people to do well, there are others who don’t. Along with this, it could be said that there are people who couldn’t care less how well other people do.
This could be a sign that they are caught up with their own life and don’t really think about what others are doing. Now, if they were to come into contact with someone who isn’t doing well in life they might offer their support, but that could be as far as it will go. Another Experience Yet when one does want other people to do well in life, they could spend a lot of time supporting others. There could indicate that one is in a position where they spend most of their life behaving in this way. What this could mean is that one is a teacher, or perhaps they care for people. Being there for others is not going to be something that merely interests them; it is going to be something that really matters. Not the Same However, when one doesn’t want other people to do well, they could go out of their way to make life difficult for them. As to how they do this can all depend on what their position is in society. For example, if one is not a manger of a company, they could make life difficult for their co-workers. This could be a way for them to make sure that these people don’t do any better than they do. Conflict Through being this way, these people are unlikely to respond in a positive way to them. It will be clear that one doesn’t want them to do well, and there is a strong chance that they would be only too happy if one was to work somewhere else. And, if one continues to behave in this way, they may find that they need to find somewhere else to work. This is all going to depend on how the people above them deal with what is taking place. Another Area When it comes to what they are like around there friends, there is then chance that their behaviour is no different. These people could say that one is abusive, and that they don’t care about how they make others feel. The people one spends time with are going to feel bad in their presence, and they will feel bad once they have walked away. At the same time, one could find that they have pushed everyone away. Worn Down One is then going to have people in their life who tolerate their abusive behaviour, or they will have lonely existence. If there are people in their life, it will allow them to cause damage; whereas if there is no one around, it will stop them from being able to cause as much harm. When someone acts in this way all the time, other people will see what they are like. Conversely, if they lay on the charm and only reveal this side of their nature as time passes, it will be a lot harder for people to realise. Black and White Based on this, it is typically going to be possible to see if someone wants to keep other people down or not. Or, if this is not something that is clear at the beginning, it will soon become clear as time goes by. Even so, there are going to be people who will see that is going on, and this will stop them from being taken for a ride. This kind of behaviour will stand out, and they will know what their true intentions are. Another Approach But just because someone wants to control others, it doesn’t mean that they will do this directly or that they will come across as being manipulative. This is something that can take place in a more subtle way. In this case, someone could act as though they care about other people, and this could cause them to come across as being genuine. There can then be no reason for other people to suspect that something isn’t right. False Compassion This is someone who could be drawn to people who are not doing well in life, and they could tell these people that what they are going through is not their fault. Thus, they are simply a victim, and there is nothing they can do to change their circumstances. These people can then come to believe that they care about them, and that they are there to make their life easier. In reality, they are not interest in assisting these people; they simply want to keep them disempowered and dependent. Stuck As while there may have been moments when these people were unable to do anything about what happened to them, it doesn’t mean that they have no control over their life. But in order for them to change their circumstances, they will need to realise that they are not a victim. The person who appears to be there to make their life easier is then the person who is holding them back. Through being able to hold another person down, it allows them to control their life. Further Up Not only is this something that takes place in people’s personal relationships, it is also something that takes place in the political realm. When this happens, a political figure (or party) will say that the reason one race or gender, for instance, is not doing well is due to external factors. There is then nothing they can do to change what is taking place, and this is going to cause them to feel powerless. And as they feel this way, they can end up directing their rage towards the people who are supposedly keeping them down. Conclusion It can then seem as though these people in power want to assist them, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. If they truly wanted to empower them, they would tell that they are not simply an observer of their reality. When someone realises that they do have an effect on their environment, it is going to be a lot harder to control them, and this will give them the chance to create a life that is worth living. The people in power don’t want their fellow human beings to be empowered; they are only interested in maintaining their own power structure.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one spends time with other people, they may find that they are able to be themselves. This means that there is going to be no reason for them to put on an act and to pretend they are someone else.
Therefore, if they have something on their mind, they will be able to speak up. And if they do keep something to themselves, it is going to be the exception as opposed to the rule. The Right Thing During the moments when this takes place, it could be a sign that it isn’t right for them to talk about something. This could mean that they are with a friend who is in a bad way, and so they might prefer to hold back. What this will show is that they have the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes, and to tune into what is taking place for them. If they were not interested in what the other person was going through and only focused on their own needs, it would have a negative effect on the relationship. Self-Absorbed This would cause one to be seen as being self-centred, and there will be a lot of people who are repelled by them. One is then in tune with what is going on for them, but they are completely out of touch with what is going on for others. If a relationship was only about taking, there would be no reason for them to change their behaviour. One would then be an example of how someone should behave, and other people could learn a lot from them. An Example However, even though one is going to be out of balance, it doesn’t mean that other people can’t learn anything from them. Through observing their behaviour, someone can see how destructive it would be for them to behave in this way. Now, this is not to say that one wouldn’t have any one around them if they behave in this way, as they may have a few people around them. But these are likely to be people who don’t value themselves; if they did, they wouldn’t tolerate this kind of behaviour. True-Self So when one can be themselves around others, it is going to show that they feel safe enough to do so. This will be what allows them to pay attention to their needs and feelings. As a result of this, one is going to be seen for who they are, and this is going to have a positive effect on them. The approval and acceptance they receive from the people in their life will actually mean something. Sense of Self And as they are able to behave in this way around others, there is as strong chance that they are able to appreciate their own company. One is then not going to feel disconnected, or as though they have been abandoned. It will then be clear where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. And through having a clear sense of who they are, they will be able to stand their ground when they need to. Another Experience On the other hand, one could find that they are unable to be themselves when they are around others. During this time, they could end up putting on an act, and this could happen even when they are around someone for the first time. Thus, one is going to be out of touch with their needs and feelings, and their priority will be to fulfil other people’s needs and feelings. It is then highly unlikely that other people will have the tendency to say they are self-centred. Emotional Regulation As they put other people first, it is going to cause them to neglect themselves, but what it can do is stop them from having to experience anxiety. If they were to change their behaviour, they could soon end up feeling uncomfortable. At the same time, even if they do what other people want (or what they think they want), they could still have moments when they experience discomfort. So in order for them to settle themselves down, it will be vital for them to please other people. The Reason Based on this, the main reason one focuses on other people’s needs is to stop themselves from being overwhelmed by how they feel. If they were to longer feel this way, there would be no reason for them to behave as they do. One thing one could do is to look into why they experience anxiety when they don’t please others. Another thing that could take place is that one could come to believe that they have anxiety problems. A Closer Look When one believes that they have anxiety problems, they could look for a way to remove their anxiety. But if they were to take a deeper look into why they feel this way, they may find that their anxiety is not the problem. If they were to get in touch with what is taking place in their body, they may find that they fear being abandoned. So when they feel as though they could be abandoned, they experience anxiety. What Going On? And along with the fear of being abandoned, one could find that they also have moments when they feel abandoned. The reason they are experiencing life in this way can be due to what took place when they are younger. This may have been a time when they were neglected by their caregiver’s, and this would have caused them to experience trauma. How they felt all those years ago has then stayed trapped in their body. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to get in touch with what is taking place within them and to let it go.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one is going through a challenging time, it could be because they are having trouble at work. Perhaps someone they work with is making their job harder than it needs to be, or the company they work for could be downsizing.
As a result of this, one might spend a lot of time worrying about if they are going to lose their job. This could be something that will only affect them, or it could be far worse if they have a family. A Close Relationship Alternatively, one could be in a relationship that is not going very well; the other person might have just had an affair, for instance. The person they love has then let them down, and they might not know what to do. At the same time, it might not be this severe, and one could be with someone who they are no longer attracted to. Part of them might want to break up with them, but another part might want to carry on as normal. Another Area On the other hand, what is taking place within them could be what is causing them to suffer. This could show that one spends a lot of time feeling down, and it could then be a challenge for them to do anything with their life. It could be hard enough for them to get out of bed, let alone for them to actually go out into the world. One could find that they have only just started to feel this way, or it might be how they have been for as long as they can remember. A Gradual Decline If they haven’t experienced life in this way for very long, they may find that their life is gradually getting worse. Instead of going out and spending time with friends, they might prefer to stay in. And while there may have been plenty of things that they enjoyed doing in the past; they might not feel like doing anything anymore. One then has the same name, but they are not the same person. A Different Problem There is also the chance that one is not depressed, or if they are, it is not something they experience all the time. One could find that they suffer from anxiety, and this is going to make it harder for them to handle their everyday life. This could be something that they experience more or less all the time, or it might arise during certain situations. If they were to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it is a fairly recent occurrence. The Contrast Due to this, one might be able to remember how much easier their life used to be. One could think about something in their life that they used to do without even thinking about it and, if they were to do this now, they could end up feeling overwhelmed. For example, they might have enjoyed spending time with others, but this could be something that they now avoid. This will cause them to miss out, but it will also stop them from having to lose control. No Where to Run However, if one experiences anxiety more or less all the time, it might not matter where they are. Therefore, one could feel this way when they are at work and when they are around their friends. One could then find that the only time they don’t experience anxiety is when they are asleep. Yet even if they are asleep, they could find that this is something that has an effect on the kind of dreams that they have. Part of Life If one has been this way for as long as they can remember, they are not going to be able to think about how their life used to be. As far as they are concerned, this could be just how life is. It is then not something that they can change, it is something they have to put up with. What this could then mean is that someone like this is less likely to reach out for support than someone who hasn’t always experienced life in this way. Reaching Out But with that aside, if one was to look into what they can do to change their life, they might go to see their doctor. This could be a time when they are offered some kind of medication, or they might end up being referred to a behavioural therapist, for instance. If they go on medication, they are not going to have the chance to look into why they are experiencing anxiety. And, if they have behavioural therapy, they are likely on focus on what is taking place in their mind. On The Surface One is then not going take the time to gain a deeper understanding of themselves, or they won’t look into what is taking place in their body. Taking drugs can be seen as another form of repression, and focusing purely on the mind can be seen as another way for one to avoid how they feel. Now, this is not to say that there is not a time and a place for someone to go on medication or that it is wrong to focus on the mind. What it comes down to is that this is not always going to be the best approach, and the answers are not always going to be found in the mind. Going Deeper The body is where emotional pain is carried, and so it is not much of a surprise that the mind is given most of the attention in today’s world. By staying on the surface, there is no reason for one to embrace how they feel in their body If one was to get in touch with what is taking place in their body, they may find that there is a reason why they experience anxiety. They may find that they have a fear of being harmed, and this is why they are on edge from time to time (or all the time.) Why is this? What this illustrates is that anxiety is not always the main problem; it can simply be what is taking place on the surface. Anger is the same in this regard, as it can allow someone to avoid other feelings. If one does have a fear of being harmed, it could be the result of what took place when they were younger. This could have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. Awareness So, although time has passed, the trauma they experienced all those years ago is still in their body. In order to change their life, it is going to be vital for them to deal with what is taking place in their body. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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