When one spends time with the people they are close to, they could generally have a positive effect on them; what this can show is that they are not interested in undermining them. Even so, this is not to say that one won’t be able to speak up if they have something to say that is not positive.
A Good Reason But in this case, one is not going to have the need to cause harm; they will want to make someone’s life better. For example, one might notice something about them (or their life) that they are not aware of and, through telling them about it, it can end up improving their life. Now, one could just overlook what they are aware of and not tell them anything, but this could cause them a number of problems as time passes. In the short-term, it might stop the other person from having to feel bad, yet in the long-term; they could end up paying the price. Intention Ultimately, one is going to have the desire to assist the other person, and sometimes this is going to cause pain. As the saying goes: ‘the truth hurts, but it will set you free’. So as one generally comes across as someone who cares about them, there will be no reason for the other person to take it personally. After all, if one didn’t care about them there would be no reason for them to bring these kinds of things up. Two Ways This is due to the fact that putting another person down is not the only way to undermine them; it can also take place through telling them what they want to hear. When the former takes place, it won’t be hard to work out what is taking place. Yet, when it comes to the latter, it is not going to be as easy to see what is going on. One could have someone in their life who only has good things to say to them, and this can cause them to believe that they have their best interests at heart. Another Way This is going to cause them to have a position impression of them, and they will believe that this is someone who wants them to succeed in life. But if one was to take a step back, they might start to see this is someone who holds them back by making them feel good. The other person might do everything they can to make themselves feel good, and through telling people what they want to hear (or what they think they want to hear) it can allow them to achieve this outcome. What this is going to show is that they are not putting ones needs first; they are putting their own needs first. Another Factor In addition to this, this is could show that they have a strong need to please other people, and this is going to make it hard for them to express their truth. If they were to do this, they could believe that it would cause them to be rejected and/or abandoned. Therefore, if they were able to deal with what is taking place within them, it would allow them to express their truth. So if they needed to say something that one of their friends or family members might not want to hear, they wouldn’t hesitate to do so. A Big Difference However, when one has the tendency to put other people down, they are not going to worry about what will happen. If what they say has a negative effect on someone, it is likely to have a positive effect on them. One could find that there are moments when what they say causes someone to retract and moments when they end up fighting back. If they do end up retracting, one could feel good about themselves, but if they end up hitting back, this could also give them a rush of energy. All Areas And no matter where they are, one could feel the need to have a go at someone. If this doesn’t take place, it could show that one doesn’t feel safe enough to put someone down; in this case, they could do it behind their back. So regardless of whether one is with their friends, family, or their partner (if they have one) there will generally be no reason for them to change their behaviour. Consequently, the people in their life are going to suffer in one way or another through being in their presence. Justified If one was asked why they behave in this way, they could make out that what they are doing is normal. This could then be a time when they will talk about a number of other people who behave in the same way. Or, they could say that the people in their life are not very bright, for instance, and that they are trying to help them. It is then not going to be possible for them to see that they are behaving in a destructive manner. A Closer Look If one feels better after they have put someone down, it can show that they find it difficult to feel good about themselves. Said another way, the other way one can feel good is to put another person down. What this shows is that one feel less-than others or they feel more-than others; there is no middle ground. In order for them to change their behaviour, they will need to be able to feel good without putting anyone down. In The Beginning When they were younger, they might not have received the kind of care that they need to develop in the right way. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s This would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self and to feel good about themselves. Putting people down in their adult life can then be seen as a way for them to indirectly get their own back on the people who harmed them. Awareness When one heals what is taking place within them, it will allow them to embrace their inherent value, and this will stop them from having the need to harm others. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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If one wants to find out if another person values themselves, they could take the time to see how well they are doing in life. This could then be a time when one could see how they are doing in their career, for instance, and if they are doing well, it can show that they are in touch with their value.
One Direction One may find that this is someone who works for other people, or they might be self-employed. But regardless of the route they have taken, it will have been possible for them to get ahead. There is the chance that plenty of people know who they are, or they might not be very well known; it could be said that this is likely to depend on what it is that they do. For example, if they build houses, it is highly unlikely that they will be noticed wherever they go. The Fuel How this person feels about themselves will then have been what propelled them forward and allowed them to get to where they are today. Therefore, if this wasn’t the case, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to experience life in this way. Their life would have stayed the way it was, or it might have ended up getting even worse. It would then have been normal for them to go through the motions and to live a life that wasn’t very fulfilling. It’s Clear What this shows is that while it can be easy to see if someone is successful, it can also be easy to see if they are not. So when someone isn’t successful, they can come across as though they are not very happy. When they are not at work, they could spend a lot of time doing things to make themselves feel better. Yet, when someone is successful, they are not going to need to run away from their life. Going In the Right Direction Along with this, there are going to be people who have just started to work towards their goals. From the outside, it might not look as though they have achieved much, but it might be only a matter of time before they have. And once again, this is going to show that they value themselves enough to go after what it is that they want to achieve. After all, it’s not as if everything they want will be handed to them on a plate. One Option It is clear to see how much better someone’s life will be when they value themselves; they will have a life that is worth living, or they will be able to create one. This is then something that is completely black and white. But while it may seem as though this is how it always works, there are times when it doesn’t work this way. What this means is that someone can end up becoming extremely successful even though they don’t value themselves. How is This Possible? When this takes place, it is likely to show that one has disconnected from what is taking place within them. So even though they feel worthless at a deeper level, they may find that they rarely feel worthless. In order to feel good about themselves, they will have ended up creating a false-self. But while it will stop them from feeling low all the time, it might have caused them to have an inflated sense of themselves. Plenty of Options If they do come into contact with how they truly feel, they could end up hitting rock bottom, and they may stay this way for a little while. They may also have a number of different ways to change how they feel. One could end up drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or they could end up throwing themselves into their work. There are all kinds of ways for someone to run away from themselves in today’s world. The Energy But even if they do disconnect from how they feel, the pain that is within them will drive them forward. One is going to believe that they will be able to change how they feel through achieving things. The trouble is that no matter what they achieve in the external world, it won’t change how they feel about themselves; the only thing it is going to do is to cover it up. This is also going to stop one from being able to be a human being; they will have to be a human doing. A Machine Their value is going to be based on what they do and not on who they are, and this is why they won’t be able to let go and to relax. Taking action and achieving things will be a way for them to feel better about themselves. And as they feel worthless, it is not going to be much of a surprise if their relationships are not very fulfilling. They will be wearing a mask, and this is going to stop them from being able to experience intimacy. A Real Connection The only way this will change is if one lets go of their false-self and embraces their true needs and feelings. Still, if one was reveal themselves, they are likely to believe that it would cause other people to reject and abandon them. It is then not as simple as one just opening up and being themselves; they will need to let go of the pain that is within them. As this takes place, they will gradually begin to embrace their inherent value. Awareness When one feels worthless, it can be the result of what took place when they were younger; with this being a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Their whole being would then have been permeated with toxic shame. If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to think about their parents, they may find that they start to feel good. What this can then show is that they have a good relationship with them, and this could be how it has always been.
Now, this is not to say that they have never had any arguments with them; what it means is that they won’t allow anything to pull them apart. Therefore, if something does happen between, they will find a way to resolve it. Part of Life One way of looking at this would be to say that it is part of life for one to experience conflict with their parents from time to time. At times, this may mean that they will disagree on something fairly trivial, and, at others, it may relate to something that is far more serious. If, on the other hand, one was simply an extension of their parents, there would be no reason for them to experience conflict. But as they have their own needs and feelings, it is not going to be possible for them to agree on everything. How it should Be And as one’s parents are able to realise that they are not an extension of them, it could be said that they will be behaving in the right way. These people will have brought them into the world, but they won’t see them as being their property So while there may be moments when they don’t want one to do something, they will realise that it is not up to them to decide how one lives their life. What this could show is that one’s parents were also treated in the same way by their parents. Another Experience Or, if this was not how they were treated, it will show that they were able to take a step back and to see how it should be done. If they were unable to do this, they would have ended up treating their child in the same way as they were. This may have meant that their child would still be in their life, or it might have caused their child to keep their distance. But even if their child was in their life, it doesn’t mean that they would have a healthy relationship with them. Ready to Listen As they are able to work through the moments when they experience conflict, it will show that their parents are willing it listen to them. Thus, even though one is going to be younger than they are, they will still treat them like an adult. If this wasn’t the case and their parents were not willing to listen to what they have to say, it wouldn’t be possible for them to work through anything. Their relationship would be one-sided, and one would have to ignore their own needs and feelings. Back to Reality When one’s parents listen to what they have to say, their life is going to be lot easier than it would be if they didn’t listen. Through working through each issue that arises, it is also likely to bring them closer together. One will then be able to count on their parents to be there for them when they need to be supported. However, while this is going to be how some people experience life, there are going to be others who don’t. A Dream If they were to experience life in this way, it might only take place when they are dreaming. What this is going to show is that their parents are not always going to be able to listen to what they have to say to them. So when it comes to something that they don’t agree on, it might be a challenge for them to resolve it. If they are able to move forward, it may mean that one has had to ignore their own needs and feelings. Out of Balance One is then going to focus on their parents needs and to neglect themselves in the process. At a deeper level, their parents might not understand that one is an individual; as far as they are concerned, one could be seen as an extension of them. Their true-self is seldom going to see the light of day when they are in their presence, and one could feel as though their support is conditional. When this is something that only takes place from time to time, they might be able to put up with it. A Big Problem But when one is in a position where they were abused by their parents and these people are not willing to acknowledge what took place, it is going to be a lot harder for them to carry on as normal. This may be something that they think about whenever they see their parents. Yet even though their parents didn’t treat them well during their early years, they could act as though one is making it all up. It can then be as if they are speaking to a brick wall, and one might even have moments when they wonder if they are. Denial If one has only spoken to them a few times about it, they may believe that they will soon change. Or one might have tried to get through to them on so many occasions, that it will be clear that they are not going to change. One can then come to see that they either face what happened and limit the time they spend around their parents (or cut them out of their life completely), or they deny what happened and continue to spend time with their parents. If they go with the first option, their life is likely to improve, but if they go with the second option, their life could get a lot worse. Awareness There will be the effect this will have on their mental and emotional health, and what it will do to their relationships. As a result of what happened to them when they were younger, they might feel worthless, but this is not the truth. Ultimately, one is valuable, and this is why it is vital for them to listen to their own needs and feelings. If one is finding it hard to stand their ground, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While the ideal will be for one to end up with someone who they get on with, it doesn’t mean that this is what takes place. Instead, one could have the tendency to end up with people who are not right for them.
A One-Off If this was something that one had only experienced once, it might be a lot easier for them to handle. One could say that they were just unlucky, and that the next person they meet will be different. This could mean that one will want to take their time before they begin a new relationship, or they could be on the lookout for someone else. If they were to take their time, it could show that this is something that had a big effect on them. Another Experience Having said that, it could just show that one wants to focus on another area of their life for the time being. If, on the other hand, one starts to look for someone else, it could show that they want to change how they feel. Starting a new relationship could then be seen as a way for them to feel better about themselves, for instance. Or, one could just get a sense that now is the time to find someone to be with. A New Beginning Now, regardless of whether one was to take a break or not, they could find that their next relationship is nothing like their previous one. It would then have been a one-off and there will be nothing for them to worry about. One way of looking at this would be to say that one just ended up with someone who wasn’t right for them. And now, for whatever reason, they have been able to attract someone who is. The Same Story However, while this might take place, one could also end up in a similar position to the one they were in before. In the beginning, it might seem as though they are with someone who is completely different. But as time begins to pass, it could be only too clear that they with someone who isn’t right for them. There is also the chance that it could be far worse, and one could be with someone who is abusive. The Same Experience One could then end the relationship and end up with someone who is just the same. As a result of this, this will end up being something that is no longer a one-off; it will be a way of life. This area of their life is going to be the same as it is for people who have the tendency to attract people who are not right for them. If one is used to attracting people who are abusive, it might be a lot harder for them to handle what is taking place. No Better Off For one thing, they are going to be with someone who physically harms them and/or puts them down. Being with these kinds of people is going to wear them down, and this is going to make it harder for them handle other areas of their life. At the same time, if one ends up with people who are not right for them, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to overlook this area of their life. As far as they are concerned, this could be seen as being as bad as it can get, and they could experience a lot of frustration. One Approach If one was to talk to their friends about what they have been going through, they might tell them that they need to stay positive. And, through keeping their head up, so to speak, it will allow them to change their life. One could take this on board and do what they can to make sure they don’t allow themselves to have negative thoughts. Through doing this, they may find that this area of their life begins to change. A Distraction Being positive will have allowed them to change their circumstances, and it could then be said that they their friends gave them great advice. Or if this wasn’t what their friends said to them, it might have been what they heard online. Alternatively, one could find that being positive doesn’t do anything to their life; the only thing it does is make it easier for them to tolerate what is taking place. Therefore, their life is the same, but there is less resistance. Digging In It might then be a good idea for one to put the positive thinking to one and side and to take a look into what is taking place within them. On one hand, they end up with a different person each time but, on the other, they are the one who shows up each time. What this shows is that this is not a random process; if anything, it is by design. However, when one is not aware of how what is taking place within them is affecting their life, they can believe that they just happen to end up with people like this. Going Deeper When it comes to the kind of person that one is attracted to (and attracts), it is often the result of what took place when they were younger. The kind of experiences they had during this time can define what feels comfortable. For example, if their caregivers were abusive during this time, this can end up being what feels safe. It is then not going to matter how much time passes, as what is taking place within them will be the same. Awareness When it comes to moving forward, there is going to be what is taking place in their mind and what is going on in their body. Up top, it will relate to their thoughts and beliefs, and, down below, it will relate to their feelings and sensations. There is also the chance that their body is carrying trauma. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Success: Is It a Good Idea For Someone To Ask Themselves Why They Want To Achieve Something?7/5/2017
While there are some people who are happy to go through the motions in life, there are others who take life by the horns, so to speak. What this shows is that not everyone has the same level of motivation.
One Experience If one is in a position where they are not too bothered about achieving things, it can mean that they are not very successful, at least in the material sense. They could have a job that is fairly fulfilling, or they could do something that they can’t stand. If they enjoy what they are doing, it will make it a lot easier for them to enjoy their life. But if they are doing something that they don’t enjoy, it doesn’t mean that they will do anything about it. Feedback There can be people who say that one has no drive whatsoever, and they might try to encourage them to do more with their life. This could mean that these people will ask them if there is anything they want to achieve, or they could try to find out why they are this way. Along with these people, there could be others who have done this in the past and no longer feel the need to go any further. This is then what one is like and there is nothing they can do about it. Another Experience However, when one is in a position where they have the desire to achieve things, it can mean that they are relatively successful. Or if this is not the case, there is the chance that their life won’t be this way for much longer. One can then have a career that is fulfilling, or they can have the desire to have a career that is fulfilling. So, regardless of how one currently experiences life, they are not going to want to sit around. The Right Way to Live When it comes to how they are perceived by others, there are likely to be plenty of people who admire them. One can be seen as someone who has achieved a lot in life, or they could be seen as someone who soon will. Along with this, there could be people who wonder why they are so driven; in their eyes, it could be as if one is possessed by their need to achieve. But as being successful is often seen as the purpose of life, there can be no reason for one to take a step back and to look into why they want to achieve something. The Meaning In today’s world, whether someone is seen as successful or not typically depends on what they have achieved in their career. What also plays a part is how much money they have and the kind of car they drive, among other things. Yet, even though one can have all these things, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are happy; it can simply mean that they have the right image. Deep down, they can be extremely unhappy. Trapped On the outside, one can look as though they have it altogether, but on the inside, they can experience a lot of pressure. One could believe that unless they are able to maintain the life that they have created, they would end up being cast aside by other people. Their value is then not going to be based on who they are as a person; it will be based on what they achieve. One is then going to be stuck on a treadmill that they get off, and it is going to be a challenge for them to enjoy what they achieve. Another Consequence Through putting so much effort into achieving things, they might not have any close relationships. But if they do have people in their life, these people might not know who they are; they could simply know the role that they play. As a result of this, there is a strong chance that one will spend time with people who are also playing a role. So even though they will be around others, it is not going to be possible for them to truly connect to anyone. A Deeper Look It could be said that this is how one will experience life when they are trying to run away from themselves. What this shows is how important it is for one to take the time to think about why they want to achieve something. If one has the desire to achieve something, and they do what they can to achieve it, they could soon find that it hasn’t worked out how they expected. Therefore, through looking into why they want to achieve something, it can save them a lot of time and pain. At The Root If one was to look into why they want to achieve something, they could find that it is because they feel worthless. So through doing well externally, it will be seen as a way for them to change how they feel. But no matter what they achieve, they could find that it doesn’t change how they feel about themselves. Thus, in order for them to avoid what is taking place within them, they will need to constantly achieve things. Disconnected One is then going to be driven by their need to please other people, and this is going to stop them from being able to listen to themselves. Their true needs are going to end up being ignored. What this can show is that their younger’s were a time when they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed. This would then have set them up feel worthless and as though they are not good enough. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to get in touch with the pain that is within them and to let it go.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one wanted to start a new relationship, they might think about where they can find someone to be with. Alternatively, they could simply join an online dating site and see what happens there.
There could also be moments when one goes out in the evening to different places, and there might be a number of social clubs that they go to. It could be said that there are a number of ways to meet people in today’s world. The Next Step Once they have found someone who they get on with, they could take the time to get to know them. What this is going to show is that one is not going to rush into this; they will want to see if they are right for them. Or this could be a time when one will go with how they feel, and it is then not going to matter too much about if they are a good match for them. Their thinking brain will be offline, and their emotional brain will have taken over. After This Phase Through getting to know them, one might be only too happy to take things further. It will be clear that the other person is right for them, and there is going to be no reason for them to hold back. However, if one is being controlled by how they feel, they are not going to need to take the time to think things through before they take the next step. Or if they do think about it, it might simply be a way to rationalise how they feel. In A Relationship As time begins to pass, one could find that everything is going as they expected it to go. The way their partner behaved when they met them could be how they have continued to behave; it is then not going to be as if they have turned into someone else. This can cause one to believe that they made the right decision, and the people around them could comment on how happy they are. But if a challenge does arise, both of them might be only too happy to work through it. Another Outcome Although the above scenario could be seen as the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is what always takes place. Instead, one could find that this ends up being an area of their life that causes them a lot of pain. This could be because the other person ends up becoming someone else and no longer treats them in the same way. Conversely, the other person could treat them well, but one could feel as though something is missing. Let Down Being in a relationship would then have been seen as something that would completely transform their life, but it hasn’t worked out this way. There is then what they expected to happen, and what has actually happened. This could mean that one will stay with the other person and put up with what is taking place, or they could look for someone else. If they take the first option, they life is unlikely to improve; in fact, it could get a lot worse. The Same Story Yet, even if they take the second option, it might not get any better. In the beginning, they could find that it is just as good as it was and, as time passes, it could be just as bad as it was. One could then decide to take a step back and to look into why they are experiencing life in this way, or they could go through the whole process once again. If they want to change their life, it might be best for them to take a step back. The Big Question What one could ask themselves is why they want to be in a relationship, as this will give them the chance to look into if they are coming from the right place. For example, if one was to find that they are not happy and this is why they want to be in a relationship, they are going to expect a lot from someone. Or, one could find that they feel as though something is missing, and this can mean that they want someone else to complete them. Once again, this is going to cause them to expect a lot. The Priority It could then be said that it is not that one wants to be in a relationship; what they really want is to feel different. If they were to change how they feel, they might no longer have such a strong need to be with someone, and they are likely to be attracted to someone who is completely different. One would feel happy or they would feel like a whole human being, and it would be a lot easier for them to enjoy life. And as they are not as needy, they would be ready to have a relationship. Give and Take When one is completely consumed by their own needs, it is going to be a lot harder for them to be there for the other person. It might then be more accurate to say that one wants someone to take care of them; they will be the child and the other will be the parent. So, if one wants another person to make them happy, it will be a good idea for them to look into what they can do to change this. And if they feel as though they are not complete, they can also look into why this is. Awareness What this could show is that they didn’t receive the kind of care that they needed during their younger years, and this is why they feel as though something is missing. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected. In order for one to move forward, the assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one lived in the middle of nowhere and there was no one else in sight, they might not need to think about anyone else. The only thing they would need to think about is their own needs, and their life would be based around fulfilling these needs.
Yet, if it isn’t this black and white, it could mean that they have a dog that they have to look after. But even if they have a dog, this is not going to be something that will consume their life. Nature In addition to what they have to do for their dog, there can be what they have to do to the land around them. If they take care of the land, it can allow them to grow the kind of food that they need in order to survive. This is then going to mean that they will have a few things to focus on and, when they are not focusing on these things, they can think about themselves. This is going to be radically different to how it would be if one spent time around others. Reaching Out When one spends time around someone, it is going to be important for them to make sure they are not caught up with their own needs. One is then not going to be consumed with what is taking place within them; they will be aware of what is going on for the other person. Through extending themselves in this way, it allows them to bridge the gap that exists between them. As a result of this, it will allow one to connect to the other person and to put themselves to one side. Attention This is going to cause one to come across as though they are interested in what the other person has to say. Thus, not only will one’s body be there; their presence will also be there. And as they are able to tune into what the other person is going through, it is going to be a lot easier for them to know what they need. Through being aware of the signals that the other person is giving out, one will know how to respond. Another Approach But even if one is not aware of what someone needs, it doesn’t mean that they won’t know what to do. The only thing that one will need to do is to ask them what it is that they can do for them. What matters is that one is able to notice that someone isn’t right and, from here, something can be done about it. It is then going to be clear to the other person that one cares about them. Both Ways When one behaves in this way and the person they are with also behaves in the same way, it can allow them to have a strong connection. And, it won’t matter if one is spending time with a friend, a family member, or their partner, for instance, as it is always going to be important for them to be this way. One could find that if they were to behave in this way around someone they don’t know they could soon end up with a new friend. The other person could see that one is interested in their needs, and this could draw them in. Always a Way When one is in a relationship with someone who has empathy, it is going to be a lot easier for them to work through any challenges that arise. Firstly, both of them will have the ability to see when something isn’t right. Through putting themselves in the other person’s shoes, they will be able to get an idea of what the other is going though. From here, they will be able to apologise, or change their behaviour in some way. In Balance What this is going to show that is that one has the ability to give and they have the ability to receive. And as one is an interdependent human being, this is going to make it a lot easier for them to thrive. It is through one being there for others that other people will be there for them. There may have been a time when one was there for others but they didn’t return the favour, and this could have shown that one didn’t value themselves, amongst other things. Another Experience But even though it is important to have empathy, it doesn’t mean that everyone has it, or that everyone has the same amount. So, if one lacks empathy, their experience on this earth is going to be extremely different. When one is focused on their own needs and they are not interested in what is going on for other people, they could believe that other people exist to meet their needs. It is then going to be as if these people are an extension of them. Take and Take This is likely to mean that they won’t have any friends, or if they do, they can be surrounded by people who are also out of balance. These people could have the tendency to focus on other people’s needs, and they could believe that their needs are not important. One is then going to take what they can, and these people will just put up with it. It could seem as though one doesn’t have the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes. One Option So if one is in a relationship, for instance, and their partner had a problem, they are not going to be able to be there for them. One could end up telling them to ‘get over’ it or to ‘move on’. This can then cause their partner to feel invalidated and as though one doesn’t care about them. If there is a problem in their relationship, it is highly unlikely that it will get any better; in fact, it could end up getting even worse. Awareness If one is caught up with their own needs and finds it hard to empathise with others, it will be vital for them to work on this, that’s if they feel the need to. And if one is used to attracting people who are self-centred, it is going to be necessary for them to look into why they put up with these people. As if they valued themselves, they might no longer be drawn to (or attract) these kinds of people. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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If one was to read a paper or to watch TV, there is the chance that certain things will draw them in. When it comes to a paper, they may look through the back pages before they look through the front pages, or they might not even look through the front.
Their primary interest will be what is happening in the sporting world, or this will be their only interest. On the other hand, if they were to watch TV, they might browse through a few channels or they could just watch the same channel all the time. Two Parts Once again, one can be interested in a number of different things, or they might only be interested in watching films or sports, for instance. What this shows is that there is what is available and what one is interested in. So if one is not interested in something, it won’t matter if it is available; their attention is going to be directed elsewhere. However, even if they were interested in everything, it still wouldn’t be possible for them to pay attention to it all. Another Aspect In the same way, there are going to be things that cause them concern and things that don’t. If one was to think about something that concerns them, it might relate to something that is taking place in their own country. Alternatively, it could relate to something that is taking place on the other side of the planet. This could be something that they think about from time to time, or it could be something that consumes them. A Number of Things This could be their main interest and they might not be as interested in the other things that are taking place in the world. Or if they are, these things might not receive the same amount of attention. At the same time, one could have a number of things that they are concerned about, and it might be hard for them to stay up to date with what is taking place around them. But regardless of what does concern them, it is not going to be possible for them to be cornered about everything. Charity One might give money to a charity that exists to help a cause that concerns them, and this might be something that takes place on a regular basis. They might only be able to support one charity, or there could be a few that they support. Yet even if they do support a few charities, there can still be a number others that they would like to help. But due to the fact that they don’t have an unlimited supply of money, they are only going to be able do so much. Familiar Faces In the same way that one will be drawn to certain causes and overlook others, they are also going to be drawn to people in their day-to-day life. And this means that the people who they are drawn to are going to be the ones who receive their attention. The closer one is to someone, the more attention they are likely to give them. If one is in a relationship, for instance, they may give this person far more attention than anyone else. A Strong Connection There is also a strong chance that one is more cornered about these people than they are about anyone else. One is going to have an emotional connection with them, so this is to be expected. Therefore, if someone they know is going through a tough time, they are going to do what they can to help them. Yet, if they were to hear about someone who is going through a time, they might not feel the need to do anything. Another Experience Neverthless, if one was to find out about someone in the public eye who is going through a tough time, they could respond differently. Thus, even though one doesn’t know this person, they can act as though they do. What this comes down to is that as they have seen this person so much on TV and on the internet, for instance, it will have caused them to feel connected to them. The relationship is going to be one-sided, but it can be as if this isn’t the case. For Example If one was to hear about someone in the public eye who has mental and emotional problems, they could talk about how cornered they are to their friends. And if this person uses social media, they could leave them a positive comment. But if they were to find out about someone who has mental and emotional problems where they work, it might not have an effect on them. It can then be as if one has switched of their ability to be compassionate. Selective Compassion This doesn’t mean that this will have an effect on how one sees themselves though, as they could still see themselves as someone who is compassionate. If one was to judge their behaviour, they are likely to be nothing more than a hypocrite. No matter how evolved someone is, there are bound to be moments when they don’t show compassion. Now, this is not to say that one can’t become more compassionate as time goes by; what it comes down to is that there are going to be moments when this part of them is out of action. Awareness If one was concerned about everything they were exposed to, they would probably end up feeling completely overwhelmed. It would clear how bad certain things are and there would be very little that they could do. This would stop them from being able to function, and this is not going to make the world a better place. The only thing one can do is to play their part; after all, they are not here to save the world.
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Regardless of whether one is in a relationship or not, they may find that they don’t feel needy. What this can show is that one has a strong centre, and this is why they are able to function.
One Experience Therefore, if one is not in a relationship, they are not going to be in a position where they can’t focus on their life. Now, this is not to say that they won’t have the desire to be with someone; what it means is that this is not something that will consume them. This can be the same as one having the need to go on holiday, but once again, it might not take over their life. Through being this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to make the most of their time on this earth. Other Areas What this can also show is that one has a life that is worth living; with their being a number of areas in their life that bring them fulfilment. When it comes to their career, this could be something that they are committed to. It is then something that truly matters, and this is going to be why it will have a positive effect to their life. In addition to this, one could have a number of close friends, and these people are going to have a big effect on them. Hobbies Yet, even if they are not working, it doesn’t mean that one will just sit around doing nothing. There could be a number of things that they like to do when they have free time. During this time, they might like to engage in some kind of exercise and/or to spend time in nature. Along with this, they might like to develop their mind by reading books on different subjects. Another Experience If, on the other hand, one had just started seeing someone, they may find that they spend time thinking about the person in their life. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they won’t be able to behave as in the same way as they usually do. One might notice that their mood has been elevated, but that might be as far as it will go. Ultimately, even though one area of their life has changed, they are still going to need to show up in other areas of their life. Distracted If one allowed themselves to be fixated on the person they are with, it wouldn’t be possible for them to handle life. Their performance at work would suffer and, if they were with their friends/family, their attention would be somewhere else. One would then see that even though they feel better through having this person in their life, it has had a negative effect on the rest of their life. It will be as if they have gained one thing, but lost a lot of other things. Sense of Self So through being able to show up in other areas of their life when they are in a relationship, it is going to allow them to be themselves when they are with their partner. This doesn’t mean that they will act in the same way as they did when they first met them, as they may have changed slightly; what it means is that they won’t have completely changed. One will be in touch with who they are and there will be no reason for them to be someone else. Said another way, one will feel comfortable in their own skin and this will stop them from losing themselves. The Ideal And if one wants the relationship to last, it could be said that this will be the best way for them to behave. This comes down to the fact that this is who the other person was drawn to in the first place. If they were to change, it would be the same as one buying a car that ends up changing into a bike. The reason one brought car is because they need one; if they needed a bike, they would have bought one. Back To Reality However, although there are going to be people who can maintain their sense of self when they are in a relationship, there are going to be others who are unable to do so. When this happens, it is not going to be possible for them to maintain their centre. But even if they are not in a relationship, they could still find that they are unable to function. Or if they can function, they could find that as soon as they start getting close to someone, it’s as if they fall apart. One Focus One can then come across in one way when they meet someone and after a little while, they can end up turning into someone else. This can cause one to do what they can to please the other person, and to put far too much effort into the relationship. The other person can begin to wonder what is going on, but that doesn’t mean that they will open up about this. Instead, they could begin to pull away and, as they do this, one could come on even stronger. To The Surface It might only be a matter of time before the relationship comes to an end, and this could cause them to experience even more pain. Either way, one is going to feel extremely needy, and it can seem as though they need to be with the other person in order to be able to handle life. One could end up feeling possessed by what is taking place within them, and this is going to stop them form being able to think clearly. Their thinking brain will be offline and their emotional brain will have taken over. A Closer Look If one was able to handle life before they met the other person, it can be hard for them to understand why they feel this way. But even if one is used to feeling this way, it can still be hard for them to understand what is going on. What this can show is that during their younger years, their needs were rarely, if ever, met, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way. This is why they don’t feel like a whole human being. Awareness The pain they experienced all those years ago has come to the surface, and this will cause one to feel like a dependent child. When this pain is dealt with, it will allow one to feel whole and complete. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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If one was to think about what is was like for them when they were a child, one thing that might come to mind is how the people around them told them what to do. Along with this, they will probably remember that these people did a lot for them.
Therefore, it would be accurate to say that one didn’t need to think for themselves during this time. And even if they did need to do things, there would have been a lot of things that they didn’t need to do. The Next Phase After this had taken place for a number of years, there is a strong chance that something similar happened when they went to school. This would have been an environment where they were told what to think. However, it would have been down to them to learn more about what they were being told. If they didn’t take in what they were being taught, it would have caused them to experience problems. The Ideal They would have ended up being behind the other students, and this would have stopped them from getting good grades. Their teachers would then have ended up looking into why they were not doing well. In addition to this, their parents would also have got involved and asked them about what is going on. If one didn’t do well at school, they might be able to relate to this, or it might have been slightly different. Overlooked Instead, one might not have been given the kind of support that they needed, and their parents might not have cared. This would then have been a time when they were let down by the people who were supposed to be there for them. One could believe that their time at school was a waste of time; they might wonder if they actually learnt anything. But if this was a time when they did well, they may have received a lot of positive feedback. The Next Stage Either way, once their time in the education system came to an end, they may have ended up getting a job. One may then have been told what to do, but they would be expected to do even more than they were doing before. If one was to stop thinking about the past and to bring themselves back into the present moment, there is the chance that this is what their life is like now. Alternatively, one might still be in education and it might only be a matter of time before they have a full time job. All Areas But regardless of whether one is a student or not, there will be what they are told to do by the society they live in. One could also be in a relationship where they are told what to do and their partner might do a lot for them, and their parents could still try to tell them how to live their life and do things for them. When it comes to what is taking place in the world, the mainstream media are there to inform them. There is then no reason for them to think about what is taking place around them, as it has all been done for them. A Time and A Place Now, there is no denying how important it is for one to learn things from others; if this didn’t take place, it would be a lot harder for them to function. There are also going to be moments when they will need other people to do things for them. Yet, when one isn’t given the chance to develop the ability to think for themselves, it can set them up to depend on other people. The same thing can also arise when other people always do things for them. Undeveloped So instead of having the ability to think for themselves and to take action when they need to, they can wait for other people to do it for them. One is then not an individual; they are nothing more than an extension of other people. Their ability to come to their own conclusions and to take action can be severely affected, and one can be used to waiting for things to happen in their life. The power to change their life is not going to be seen as something that exists within them; it will be seen as being in the hands of other people. Waiting Around One is then not going to get very far in life, or they will have been able to elevate themselves through being told what to do and having other people do things for then. When it comes to the former, one is not going to be seen as successful, but when it comes to the latter, they can be seen as being a big success. But even if one is a big success, they are unlikely to live a life that is truly fulfilling. One will have simply jumped through the hoops that have been laid out, and they will be completely estranged from their true-self. Initiative When one has the ability to think for themselves and to take action, it will be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling life. They will be in tune with what is taking place within them and this will be what pushes them forward. So instead of seeing themselves as an extension of others, they will have a strong sense of who they are. This doesn’t mean that they will always do the right thing; what it means is that they won’t wait around for someone else to change their life. Awareness If one finds it hard to take the initiative, it will be important for them to develop a strong connection with what is taking place within them. Through doing this, it will give them information that they need in order to take action.
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Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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