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When an area of land has been fenced off, it is likely to show that it is private property. As a result of this, someone is going to need permission in order to walk on the land; that is, of course, unless they own it or know the person who does.
If someone was to ignore this and used the land anyway, they will have ignored the boundary that had been created. This could be just a one-off, or not something that they do very often. A Big Difference Even if they have done this before, it doesn’t mean that they won’t respect other people’s boundaries. They could generally do what they can to make sure that they don’t walk over others. If this is the case, it is likely to show that one has a clear sense of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. This will give them the ability to realise if they are trying to walk over someone else or if someone else is trying to walk over them. Empathy Ultimately, being this way will make it easier for them to put themselves in another person’s shoes. As if they were to simply walk over someone, they would soon end up feeling guilty about it. They would know that they have violated another person’s personal pace, and this would soon cause them to change their behaviour. Though being this way, it is likely to be normal for someone to feel safe in their presence. Intimacy Unless someone feels uncomfortable with opening up, there will be no reason for them to hold back. They will know that one is going to allow them to express themselves and is not going to talk over them or judge them. What this can then mean is that their relationships are going to be very fulfilling, with this having a positive effect on their wellbeing. And through having good boundaries themselves, they will also feel safe enough to share their inner world with the right people. The Right Upbringing When one experiences life in this way, it could show that this is how they have been for most of their life. Perhaps their early years were a time when their boundaries were generally respected, thereby allowing them to develop in the right way. They would then have been brought up by people who had good boundaries themselves, which is why they were able to develop boundaries. Then again, they may have had to develop boundaries in their later years. A Different Reality On the other hand, when someone has the tendency to walk on other people’s property, they could also be this way in their day-to-day life. Walking on land that isn’t theirs or violating someone’s personal space is going to be the norm. Their modus operandi could be: I will do what I want, when I want, and I don’t care what the consequences are. One is then not going to have a clear idea of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. A Lack of Empathy What is also likely to play a part here is that they might find it hard to empathise with others. Through being cut-off from their own feelings, it is going to be a lot easier for them to behave in this manner. So, when they are violating other people’s personal space, they won’t feel bad, and, after this has taken place, they probably won’t feel bad either. Or, if they do feel bad, they could rationalise what they have done. Revenge Due to how they behave, they could be used to being treated badly by others, and this can cause them to experience a lot of anger and even rage. Treating other people badly and doing whatever they want can be seen as a way for them to get their own back. It won’t matter that most of the people they harm haven’t done anything to them, as they could put everyone in the same box. One might believe that the world is out to get them, while being completely oblivious to the part that they play in their own downfall. Attack or Be Attacked Deep down, one might believe that walking over others is the only way for them to stop other people form walking over them. One is then not behaving in this way just for the sake of it; it is a matter of survival. If they were to no longer behave in this way, they might end up feeling extremely vulnerable and exposed. The impression that they give off is that they are strong, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion A Wounded Child One is going to be boundaryless and, until they feel safe in their own body, their behaviour is unlikely to change. What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were brought up by at least one person who walked over them. This may have meant that they were abused and/or neglected, and this would have been incredibly traumatising. The people, who were supposed to love and protect them, would have been the ones who violated them. Awareness Deep within them can be a wounded a child, a child that wants to feel safe, loved, protected, and heard. This can be hard to believe; especially if one has been walked over by someone like this. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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What is clear is that when someone has boundaries, their life is going to be a lot better than it would be if they didn’t have them. The reason for this is that one has their own needs and feelings.
So, while one is an interdependent human being who needs other people, that doesn’t mean that they will always want to do what other people are doing. This is going to apply to the people they are close to, as well as to the people they don’t know very well. Drawing the Line Naturally, there are going to be moments when they are interested in doing what one of their friends or family members want them to do. For example, one could be asked if they would like to go out for the day, and this could be something that they are only too happy to do. At other times, one might have other things going on, or they just might not want to do something. Here, one will pay attention to what is taking place within them and let the other person know that they can’t make it. The Outcome Through behaving in this way, it might cause one to displease the other person or, it might not bother them. Yet, even if it does have a negative effect on them, it doesn’t mean that one will have done something wrong. Ultimately, they will have listened to their own needs, and this is in their best interest. It is not their responsibility to please other people; if it was, there would be no reason for them to have boundaries. An Empty Shell In this case, one would be nothing more than an extension of other people, and so their purpose on this earth would be to fulfil other people’s needs. Saying yes, not no, would be the only thing they would need to say. However, as one does have their own needs and feelings, it proves that they are not on this planet to please other people. Now, this is not to say that one will only think about their own needs and ignore other people’s needs. Give And Take Life is, after all, about be there for ourselves and being there for others; if one only focused on their own needs, they would have a pretty empty and lonely existence. Still, it can be easy for someone to believe that one only thinks about themselves when they pay attention to their own needs. What this could show is that they have the tendency to focus on other people’s needs, or that fulfilling their needs is just a normal part of their life. And through taking care of their own needs, they might not even be aware of what it would be like to neglect them. Protection Therefore, when one has the ability to say no, it is going to stop them from being walked over. And as one is inherently vulnerable, it is going to be vital for them to look after themselves. If one doesn’t have this ability, it won’t matter if someone wants to walk over them or not. What this comes down to is that if one doesn’t let another person know that they don’t want to do something, there will be no need for this person to change their behaviour. A Clear Message By speaking up and standing their ground, one will be letting someone know when they don’t want to do something. And if this is someone who has no interest in walking over others, they will be pleased that one has made this clear. But while having boundaries is the ideal, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet has them. When one doesn’t have them, there is a strong chance that they have always experienced life in this way. The Norm One could believe that they don’t have a say when it comes to how other people treat them, and that they have to please them. Their needs are then going to be put to one side and their priority will be to fulfil other people’s needs. It could then seem as though one is a selfless human being and that they are doing the right thing, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. If they were to take a closer look, they would see that one is neglecting themselves. Two Parts One is then not simply a selfless human being; they are someone who is too concerned with other people’s needs and feelings. In addition to this, one could have people in their life who are abusive. This is likely to mean that one is used to feeling angry, frustrated and as though they have no control over their life. Thus, it is going to be a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. The Main Difference If one was to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they are likely to find that behaving in this way is what feels safe. It might be hard for them to understand why this is; especially as this is causing them to suffer. Then again, one might be only too aware of why this is what feels safe. What one may find is that their early years were a time when they were walked over by their caregiver’s. In The Beginning During this time, their caregiver/s wouldn’t have been able to accept the fact that they had their own needs and feelings. It wouldn’t have mattered if one wanted to do something, as they wouldn’t have had a choice. One would then have learnt that it wasn’t safe for them to listen to their own needs and feelings – if they did, it would have caused them to experience even more pain. Time has then passed but what took place is still defining their life. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it may be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Cause Someone To Project Their Issues Onto Other People?2/9/2017
While every human being has an inner world and an outer world, it doesn’t mean these two worlds are completely separate. What is taking place internally will have an effect on what is going on externally and vice versa.
A Lens It is then not possible for someone to simply observe what is taking place around them, as what is taking place within them will have an effect on what they see. They will have an inner filter that influences how they experience life. This filter will be what defines how they interpret what they see and, in turn, this will affect how they respond to what happens. One might remember a time in their life when something annoyed them but it didn’t annoy one of their friends, and this could show that their friend interpreted it different. Disempowered If someone believes that their mind is not playing a part in how they experience life, it might be hard for them to accept this. Now, they could resist what they hear and carry on as normal, but this is not going to allow them to feel like an empowered human being. Instead, they will continue to see themselves as a victim, and it can then be as if the world is made up of victims and perpetrators. Along with this, there can be the people out there who rescue others. Empowerment On the other hand, when one understands that their mind is playing a part in how they experience life, they will already accept this. Through being this way, one is likely to feel empowered. This doesn’t mean that they will never feel like a victim; what it means is that they won’t have a victim mentality. It will be an experience that comes and then it will soon pass, and this will allow them to move forward. A Garden When it comes to what is taking place externally, this is going to have an effect on what takes place within them. Their thoughts and feelings are then going to be heavily influenced by their environment. This doesn’t mean that one needs to live in the perfect environment in order to have positive thoughts and feelings and to achieve their goals, though. The reason for this is that even though one only has so much control when it comes to what happens externally, the same can’t be said when it comes to what takes place within them. In The Driver’s Seat Having said that, if one’s mind is out of control, it can seem as though it is easier to control what it kiang place externally. Therefore, if one is unable to detach from what is taking place within them as opposed to getting caught up in it, they can do everything they can to control their environment and everyone in it. So, when one has a good relationship with their inner world and they are able to observe what is taking place within them, they won’t need to act like a control freak. Consequently, it will be a lot easier for them to handle the challenges of life and to stay on track. No Where to Hide Through being this way, one may also realise that what is taking place within them wont just disappear if they disconnect from it. If they were to do this, what they have lost touch with will end up being mirrored back to them. This comes down to the fact that when one doesn’t deal with something, they will end up coming into contact with people who express what they have repressed. Or, they can believe that someone has a certain issue even when this isn’t the case. Boundaries When one has the ability to see when they are projecting their issues onto someone else, it can show that they know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Though being this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to own what is taking place within them and to deal with it. What this will also show is that one has a good level of self-awareness, as this will be what allows them to keep track of what is going on within them. There will be what is going on in their mind (thoughts and beliefs) and what is going on in their body (feelings and sensations). Another Scenario If one lacks self-awareness and they are not aware of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end, it is going to be a challenge for them to see when they are projecting their issues onto others. They can be completely focused on what is taking place around them, and what is taking place within them will then be overlooked. Some of the people who they come into contact with will press their buttons, but they won’t be able to see why this is. It will then be down to these people to change, as one will believe that they have it all together. It Takes Work It could be said that it is human nature to focus on what is taking place externally and to ignore what is taking place internally. After all, human beings are born with eyes; it doesn’t take any effort to see what is taking place externally. Yet, when it comes to turning into what is taking place internally, this is generally something that takes a lot of effort. This is an ability that one will have to develop themselves, as it is highly unlikely that anyone else will force them to develop it. In The Beginning In most countries around the world, self-awareness is not part of the education system. The same could be said about boundaries - if one hasn’t developed them they could stay this way for the rest of life. When one doesn’t have boundaries, it is likely to show that they were abused and/or neglected during their younger years. One is then going to look like an adult, but they won’t have individuated. Awareness If one finds it hard to connect with what is taking place within them and they have the tendency to project their issues onto others, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one was to have a conversion with a friend or a family member, for instance, there will be what they say and what the other person says. What this comes down to is that one will talk and they will listen.
Two Parts This doesn’t mean that they will speak for a certain amount of time and then they will listen for the same amount of time, as it is unlikely to work this way. Being able to talk will please them, and being able to listen will please the other person. There is also the chance that one will enjoy listening to what the other person has to say and vice versa. If they are close friends, both of them will enjoy using their mouth and their ears. A Deep Appreciation When one speaks, and the other person listens, it is going to show that they care about what they have to say. One is then going to feel as though what they have to say is important and that they are appreciated. Therefore, when one listens to the other person, they are also going to be sending out the same message. One is going to be treating their friend in the right way, and this is going to have a positive effect on their relationship. The Small Things Taking the time to listen doesn’t take a lot of effort, but it is something that plays a big part in being able to have a fulfilling relationship with someone. This is why it is often said that it is not the big things that make the difference in a relationship; it is the small things. If one is close to someone, they are likely to find that this is because of all of the small things that have taken place. Each thing will have built on top of the other, and as time has passed, this would have created a strong connection between them. Two Parts Ultimately, behaving in this way will allow them to fulfil certain needs, and it will allow them to meet some of the needs that other people have. For one thing, they are going to have the need to be heard. This need will be met when someone listens to them, and they will fulfil another persons need to be heard when they listen to what they have to say. After all, one is not an independent human being; they are an interdependent human being. Boundaries As one behaves in this way, it is likely to show that they know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. The reason for this is that they are not going to have the tendency to talk over other people. One will be able to stay in their space (body) and to see that other people are not an extension of them; that they have their own needs and feelings. And as they behave in this way, it is likely to mean that they won’t have inclination to walk over others either. One Step Too Far If they did talk over someone, they might soon realise what has taken place, and this could cause them to take a step back. This could take place if they are passionate about something, for instance. But as they have the ability to see when this takes place, it is going to be a lot easier for them to do something about it. Whereas if this was something they were not even aware of, they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Another Experience When one does behave in this way and they are not aware of it, it is likely to have a negative effect on their life. But even if they do have moments when they realise that they are doing something that is having a negative effect, it doesn’t mean that they will completely change their behaviour. For example, they could stop what they are doing, and then do the same thing shortly after. Either way, it is going to be normal for them to talk a lot, and the people they spend time with are not going to be able say a lot. Out of Balance One is then not someone who doesn’t talk enough; they are someone who talks too much. Though being this way, they are likely to be drawn to people who don’t talk very much, and this is going to suit them. Looking at this from a spiritual perspective, one has a throat charka that is spinning to fast, and the people in their life who don’t talk enough have one is that is spinning too slow. This is then why they find it hard to listen to other people. The Consequences When one talks over someone or doesn’t let them speak, the other person can feel as though they are being walked over. They can feel as though one doesn’t care about what they have to say, and that they don’t respect them. And while there will be people who will put up with this kind of behaviour, there are going to be others who won’t. Their behaviour could have caused a number of people to walk away from their life. A Deeper Look Even though one walks over others, it doesn’t mean that their life has always been this way; there may have been a time in their life when they were walked over. Perhaps this is what took place when they were younger. Through being treated in this way, it would have stopped them from being able to develop boundaries. This is then why they don’t know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Awareness At a deeper level, one is likely to believe that if they don’t behave in this way, it will cause other people to walk over them. There may even be people in their life who don’t allow them to express themselves. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
There are a number of things that will make it easier for one to live a fulfilling life, and having boundaries is one them. It will then be possible for one to be able to stand up for themselves and to be around the right people.
Protection One is then not just going to be able to spend time around the right people; they will be able to keep the wrong people out of their life. Therefore, when one can stand their ground, it will allow them to take care of a number of different needs. There will be no reason for them to spend time around people who will put their life under threat. And through being able to keep these people at bay, one will be able to spend time with people who will have a positive effect on their wellbeing. True-Self Not only this, there will be no need for one to always wear a mask; they will be able to express who they are. Through having boundaries, one will feel safe enough to be themselves. One will feel safe in their own body, and this is what will enable them to pay attention to their own needs and feelings. They will be physically separate from others and they will have their own life. Another Part When one experiences life in this way, it is also likely to show that they value themselves. Their needs and feelings are going to be important, and this is then another reason why they are able to listen to what is taking place within them. And through having an empowering self-image, they would end up feeling uncomfortable if they were to spend time with people who treat them badly. There would be no need for them to tolerate this kind of behaviour. Positive Feedback The feedback that the people in their life give them will validate how they see themselves. What one believes about themselves is then being mirrored back to them by the people who they are close to. This might be how one’s life has been for as long as they can remember, or there may have been a time when it was different. During this time, one may have had people around them who treated them badly. A New Beginning They may then have been a point in their life when they said that enough was enough, and this would have caused them to gradually change their behaviour. This is not to say that they did it all by themselves, but they would have taken the first step. Part of them would have been uncomfortable with what was taking place, and this part would then have pushed them forward. The parts of them that were not on board with this part would have gradually changed. Many Different Parts What this comes down to is that even though it might sound accurate to say that a healthy human being only has one voice within them, this is not the case. If anything, a healthy human being is someone who is able to acknowledge each part of their inner world and each of these parts will work together. This doesn’t mean that each part can’t be changed, as it might be necessary to heal certain parts. Yet, When these parts are fighting each other and one is not aware of what is going on, it can cause them to suffer. The Observer In order for one to realise that there are different aspects within them, they will need to be able to observe what is taking place. If one gets caught up with what is going on within them, they won’t be able to change their life. If one was in a position where they were unable to stand their ground and to pay attention to their needs and feelings, it is likely to show they were able to detach from the part or the parts that felt comfortable with being treated badly. On the other hand, if one is still experiencing life in this way, it is likely to show that they haven’t been able to do so. Inner Conflict Consequently, one is not going to have the ability to step back from what is taking place and to observe their inner world. What is taking place within them will be defining their life and they will be nothing more than a slave. Still, if one was able to take a step back and to observe what is taking place, they may find that part of them feels as though they deserve to be treated badly. If they were to stay with this process, they could find that they hate themselves. A Parasite Perhaps this part has been there for most of their life, and it will then be normal for one to have identified with it. How this part feels and the words that are produced by it will then be seen as being the truth. If one was to get in touch with what took place when they younger, they may find that this was when they first started to experience life in this way. It is then not that they are worthless; it is that the people around them treated them in this way. Introjection Through being abused and/or neglected, one would have come to believe that they are inherently worthless. It would have been better if they didn’t take it personally, but this would have been a way for them to survive. If, on the other hand, they were to see that their caregiver was the one with the problem, it would have been too much for them to handle. This would have caused them to feel completely powerless; whereas through believing that they were the one with the problem, it would have caused them to believe that they could do something about it. Awareness But as one wasn’t the reason why their caregiver was abusive in the first place, there wouldn’t have been anything that they could do to change their behaviour. Regardless of how they were treated, it doesn’t have anything to do with them. Nevertheless, if one is carrying trauma and has negative beliefs, it is going to stop them from being able to embrace their inherent value. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one is in a position where other people have the tendency to walk over them, it is going to be a challenge for them to be themselves. They are likely to spend a lot of time on edge, as this will make it easier them to predict what will happen next.
Through being anxious, it will be a lot harder for other people to catch them off guard. Even so, this is not going to stop them from being walked over; it will simply mean that they won’t be as surprised when it does happen. Harder to Handle Therefore, this will be a way for them to minimize the pain that they will experience when someone takes advantage of them. If they were able to forget about all this and to relax, it is not going to be long until something happens. What takes place will catch them off guard and it is then going to have a much bigger effect on them. So, in order for them to feel safer, it will be vital for them to make sure that they don’t allow themselves to settle down. A Drain When this takes place, one is going to spend a lot of time and energy worrying about what other people will do to them. This is naturally going to stop them from being able to use these important resources in a more productive manner. But if one believes that there is nothing they can do about what is taking place, it is going to be normal for this to take place. Their so-called high needs will be neglected and in their place will be the need to survive. One Area When it comes to their personal relationships, they might be used to spending time with people who physically abuse them. Or, one could be surrounded by people who are not interested in their needs and feelings. Their true-self is not going to be able to see the light of day, and they will be playing a role that these people want them to play. It could be said that these people are not interested in who they really are; they are only interested in meeting their own needs. Different One could believe that while these people can do what they want, they have to put up with how other people treat them. It can be as if one is nothing more than an extension of others and that they don’t have their own self. Through being this way, the only way their life will change is if other people do, and this is likely to cause one to feel powerless. What does or doesn’t happen to them is not going to be in their hands. Self-Image This is likely to stop one from being able to feel good about themselves, and it could end having an effect on every area of their life. One is then not someone who has control over their life; they are someone who has to put up with what life throws at them. Ultimately, one is going to be a victim and the people who walk over them are going to be the perpetrators. There is also the chance that one will come into contact with people who will agree with them. The Same Experience One could find that these people also experience life in the same way and that they are angry about how they are treated. They could say that they are good and that the people who cause them harm are bad. Spending time with these people is not going to change one’s circumstances, but what it will do is validate what they are going through. This will give them a momentary relief and then they will soon be having the same experiences. Absolute It could then be said that this is going to be something that is black and white, with there being no reason to take a deeper look. If one was held accountable for how other people treat them, this would then be an example of ‘victim blaming’. However, this is not about pointing the finger and causing one to feel bad, it is about looking into why one is experiencing life in this way. As even though they are walked over by different people, they are the ones who show up each time. The Common Denominator It is then going to be in their best interest to reflect on their own behaviour and to look into what is taking place within them. A more direct approach might be for them to imagine what it would be like for them to stand their ground. If they were to do this, they may find that they end up experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety. What this can then show is that even though being walked over has a negative effect on their life it is what feels safe at a deeper level. A Closer Look There is the chance that their early years were a time when they were walked over by their caregiver/s. But as the years have passed, it would have caused them to disconnect from the reason why they are unable to stand their ground. As a result of this, it is to be expected that they would have seen themselves as victim; instead of being able to see that how people treat them in their adult years is no different to how they were treated whilst they were growing up. The years have passed but what took place when they were younger is still defining their life. Awareness If one was abused during their early years, there is the chance that they are carrying trauma. In order for them to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When one can stand their ground, it is going to be a lot easier for them to handle life. The reason for this is that they will know that they have the ability to say no when they need to, and to walk away from a situation that isn’t good for them.
Drawing the Line Therefore, if they were asked to do something that wasn’t in their best interest, there will be no reason for them to go along with it. Speaking up can be something that just takes place naturally, without them needing to think about it. And if they were to walk away, it could take place after they have thought about what would be the best thing for them to do. Or, they may have spoken up and found that nothing has happened. Taking Action So, regardless of what approach one takes, it will show that they are not willing to simply sit around and to go along with what the other person wants. Instead, this will be a time when they are aware of their own needs and feelings. What is taking place within them will play a big part in how they behave, and it could be said that this will be the ideal. After all, it is not always going to be possible for other people to know what is or what isn’t right for them. Two Sides On one side, there will be the people who will try to walk over them and on the other side; there will be people who are not interested in doing so. However, if one didn’t have the ability to stand their ground, someone could walk over them even if that’s not their intention. What this shows is how important it is for one to let other people know if something isn’t right for them. Through being able to do this, it will stop the people who value them from causing them problems. Protection When one has boundaries, it will allow them to express their true-self, and this is going to stop them from having to play a role. Now, there may be moments when this takes place, but it won’t be something they are accustomed to. One is not only going to be in touch with their needs and feelings, they will also feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. And as they feel comfortable doing so, it will be normal for them to behave in this way. Drama Free Naturally, this is going to save them a lot of drama, and this will allow them to use their time and energy in more productive ways. As soon as a problem arises, they will be able to do something about it, or if it this doesn’t take place, it might not be long until it is dealt with. As a result of this, their relationship are going to be far more fulfilling that they would be if this wasn’t the case. The people they are close to are going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Two Ways There is then going to be how they behave and how the people around them respond to them. Through being around people who are not interested in walking over them, it will give them the support that they need to continue to behave in the same way. Thus, in the same way that one will be nourished by the food they eat, they will be nourished by the people they spend time with. This comes down to the fact that one is an independent human being. A Different Reality But while there are going to be plenty of people on this planet who experience life in this way, there are going to be others who don’t. Consequently, they are going to be used to being walked over by others. If they were to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that it has been this way for as long as they can remember. It is then now how they are experiencing life; it is just how life is. A Victim One could believe that other people are out to cause them harm, and that there is nothing that they can do about it. It is then not going to be much of a surprise if one feels completely powerless. This could cause them to avoid others when they can, and this may mean that they spend a lot of time by themselves. But when they spend time with others, they are going to be used to feeling like a door mat. All Areas When they are at work, there is going to be how their colleagues treat them, and this could be a time when they are not given the respect they feel they deserve. Along with this, there will be how their friends and family treat them, and they might treat them ever worse. And if they are in an intimate relationship, they could be with someone who takes advantage of them. Being with this person is going to wear them down, and they might think about what it would be like for them to be with someone who appreciates them. A Deeper Look Even though one can see themselves as a victim, it doesn’t mean that this is the complete truth. What is clear is that in each situation they have where they are walked over there is a perpetrator and a victim. Yet, even though the person who walks over them is different, they are the person who shows up each time. So as they are the common denominator, it shows that they are not simply an observer of what is taking place. The Cause If one was to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that this is what feels comfortable. The only way their life is going to change is if this is something that no longer feels comfortable. And the reason being walked over can feel comfortable can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. The Outcome Through being treated in this way, they would have come to feel worthless, and it would have caused them to disconnect from their aggression. So not only will one feel as though they deserve to be walked over, they will also be out of touch with the energy that they need to stand their ground. If, on the other hand, one valued themselves and they were in touch with their aggression, there would be no reason for them to behave in this way. They would realise that something isn’t right and they would action. Awareness There is the chance that one is carrying trauma, and this will need to be dealt with in order for them to have boundaries. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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When one spends time around the people who they are close to, they may find that they are able to be themselves. What this is going to show is that they won’t have to put on an act.
Not only is one going to be in touch with their needs and feeelings, they are also going to feel safe enough to pay attention to what is taking place within them. Ultimately, one is going to feel comfortable in their own skin. Standing Their Ground Through being this way, there is going to be no reason for them to allow over people to walk over them. If another person tried to take advantage of them, they would soon feel the need to draw the line. During this time, they could tell someone that their behaviour is not acceptable, or they could simply walk away. And when it comes to how they behave, it can all depend on what is taking place. At The Bottom Along with the connection that one has with what is taking place within them is going to be how they feel about themselves. Deep down, one is going to value themselves, and this is what will allow them to behave in this way. One will feel as though their needs are important, and they will believe that they deserve to be treated well by others. In addition to how they feel about themselves, there will be the energy within them that allows them to protect themselves. Power Through being in touch with their aggression, it will give them the strength to stand up for themselves. This is not to say that they will end up losing control, as what is taking place within them is likely to be hidden. Their aggression is going to be contained, and this will allow them to utilise how they feel without losing themselves. One is then going to be behaving in a conscious manner, and the fuel that is with them will keep them safe. Give and Take So when they are with a friend, for instance, they won’t have the need to please them; if they do something, it is generally going to be because they want to do it. The people in their life are going to be there for a reason. It is often said that one can’t choose their family, but they can choose their friends, and this shows that one only needs to spend time with people who they want to spend time with. And if one is in a relationship, there is going to be no reason for them to be with someone who treats them badly. The Best Scenario When one experiences life in this way, it is going to make it a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling life. The people around them will have a positive effect on them, and one is likely to have the same effect on the people in their life. This could be how one’s life has been for as long as they can remember, or their life might not have been this way for very long. If this is what they are used to, it could mean that their needs were generally met during their early years, and if their life hasn’t been this way for long, it can be a sign that they had a less-than nurturing childhood. A Big Difference On the other hand, one might not be able to relate to this experience, and this is going to mean that they will spend a lot of time being walked over. One might be aware of what is taking place within them, or they might be completely disconnected from it. But even if they are aware of what is taking place within them, it is not going to have much of an effect on their life. Their life is going to be defined other people’s needs and feelings. One Purpose Gong along with what other people want (or what they think they want) is going to be what is normal, and this is naturally going to cause them to suffer. Their need to please others is going to stop them from being able to please themselves. This may mean that they will go out when they don’t want to, and it could result in them being harmed in some way. One might realise that they need to stop focusing on other people’s needs. What’s going on? On one level, this is going to be what feels comfortable; if this wasn’t the case, there would be no need for them to behave in this way. Yet, if one was to take a look into why this feels comfortable, they may find that it’s due to how they feel about themselves. At a deeper level, one could find that they feel worthless, and they could be disconnected from their aggression. It is then going to be the same as someone having all the tools they need to do a job, but all these tools are going to be out of power. A Closer Look What this can show is that their early years were a time when their needs were rarely, if ever, met. This may mean that they were abused and/or neglected by their caregivers. Through having these experiences, it could have set them up to feel worthless and to disconnect from their aggression. And in order to survive, they would have had to focus on their caregivers needs. Awareness It is then going to be vital for one to realise their inherent value and to embrace their aggression. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If one doesn’t want to do something, they may find that they are able to stand their ground, and this could be what takes place on most occasions. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they have good boundaries.
Separate And as one is not an extension of other people, there is going to be no reason for them to simply go along with what they want. If they were to do this, it would cause them to overlook their own needs and feelings. So, through being able to say ‘no’ when they don’t want to do something, it will allow them to pay attention to what is taking place within them. Therefore, one is not going to be in a position where they are used to being compromised by others. Two Parts Along with this, there is a strong chance that one will generally be able to say ‘yes’ at the right moments. But the only reason they will be able to do this is because they can say ‘no’ when they need to. Having the ability to draw the line is then what allows them to really mean it when they say yes. If they only had the ability to say yes, it would be clear that this doesn’t actually mean anything. Approval This would show that they are more concerned with pleasing others than they are with pleasing themselves. When one can use both words, it will show that they don’t have the need to please others. And through being this way, it is going to stop them from wasting a lot of time and energy. If one is asked if they would like to do something, they will be able to take the time to think it through (that’s if they need to). Protection When someone tries to take advantage of them, they will be able to stand up for themselves. Yet, even someone else is unable to take no for an answer, one will have the strength to walk away. At a deeper level, this is also likely to show that one values themselves, and this is why they don’t feel comfortable being taken advantage of. And what will give them the strength to behave in this way will be the connection they have with their aggression. A Whole Human Being This doesn’t mean that one will come across as aggressive; what it means is that they will have embraced this side of their nature. After all, it exists to ensure their survival, and it could be said that it will enable them to thrive. Through having this connection, there will be no need for them to come across as aggressive. Nevertheless if they were to come across in this way, it could be a sign that it is necessary for them to be this way. Looking Back If one was to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that this is how it has been for as long as they can remember. What this could show is that their boundaries were respect when they were younger. This would have set them up develop a good connection with what is taking place within them, and to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground. Through experiencing life in this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling existence. Another Experience When one finds it hard to stand their ground and to say no at the right time, it is naturally going to make their life harder than it needs to be. Not only will they waste a lot of time and energy, but they could also be used to being walked over. If they don’t do what someone else wants, it might cause them to experience inner conflict. On one side, they will have the need to stand their ground, but on the other side, this could cause them to feel guilty. Point of Focus Putting their needs first is not going to be something that feels comfortable; it will be something that feels uncomfortable. One way of looking at this would be to say that one feels responsible for how other people feel. The most important thing will be for them to make sure that they don’t upset other people, and this is going to cause them to neglect themselves. One is not going to see themselves as an individual; they will see themselves as an extension of others. Confusion As one has their own life to lead and they are not responsible for others, it can be hard to understand why they would feel bad for putting their own needs first. However, if they were to take the time to think about what happened when they were younger, it might soon make sense. This may have been a time when they had to take care of their caregivers needs, and this would have caused them to feel ashamed of their own needs. As a result of this, what would have felt comfortable was being there for others. Awareness What took place is then in the past, but what happened all those years ago is still defining their life. One is going to need to question what they believe, and they might be carrying emotional baggage that needs to be dealt with. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. And when they feel comfortable with their needs, they will no longer need to ignore them.
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If one doesn’t want to do something, they might listen to what is taking place with them and speak up. However, there is also the chance that they will ignore what is taking place within them and simply go along with what someone else wants.
A Different Experience When it relates to the former, one is going to have a good connection with what is taking place within them. In addition to this, they will also feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place there. Yet, when it comes to the latter, they might not even be aware of what is taking place within them. But even if they are aware, they are not going to feel safe enough to pay attention to what is going on there. Point of Focus When one is in touch with themselves and they feel safe enough to listen to the information that is within them, they are not going to be completely focused on what is taking place externally. One will be able to pay attention to their inner world and their outer world. On the other hand, when one doesn’t feel safe enough to listen to the information that is within them, they can end up being completely consumed by what is taking place externally. It can then be normal for them to only pay attention to what is taking place in their outer world. Disconnected What is clear is that they are the only person who will know what is right for them; the people around them are not going to know. Even so, this is not to say that other people will always realise this. There are plenty of people in the world who are only too happy to tell other people what to do. Therefore, when one goes along with what other people want, they are going to miss out on the guidance that is within them. Enmeshed When this happens, one will be behaving as though they are simply an extension of other people. Their actions will be the result for what other people want them to do, or what they think they want them to do. This is likely to be what feels comfortable and so there will be no reason for them to change their behaviour. But if they were able to get in touch with how they feel, they might soon come into contact with a lot of pain. An Act If the people around them were to find out about how they feel, they could be in for a shock. This is because one could come across as happy and easy going, and this is going stop how they feel from coming to the surface when they are around others. Or, if they were to get worked up and to express how they really feel, they could end up feeling bad. Through feeling this way, they will soon go back to how they were before, and it might be little while before they lose it again. A Number of Outcomes When one has the tendency to do what other people want, there may be moments when this doesn’t cause them to be walked over. Yet, as this is likely to be something that rarely takes place, it might not matter. The moments when they have been taken advantage of are going to be the moments that fill their mind. This may mean that there have been times when they have been physically harmed and/or they may have been verbally abused on a number of occasions. Right Now If one was to think about what their life is like at this point in time, they may find that they are in a relationship with someone who walks over them. Along with this, they might work with people who also behave in the same way. It might not stop there though, as one could find that their family treat them in the same way. One is then going to be surrounded by people who don’t respect their boundaries, and this is going to make it hard for them to feel good about themselves. A Victim One way of looking at this would be to say that one has gradually be worn down by the people in their life, and this is why they are unable to say no and to stand their ground. Based on this, the only way their life is going to change is if the people in their life start to respect their boundaries. Another way of looking at this would be you say that they already felt worthless, and this is why they ended up coming into contact with these kinds of people. What will also support this outlook is if they are treated badly by their family. Where it All Began What took place when they were younger may have set them up to feel comfortable with being walked over. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have caused them to feel worthless. And through being treated in this way, it may have caused them to disconnect from their aggression. So not only will they feel as though they deserve to be walked over; they won’t have the energy they need to do anything about it. Awareness In order for one to change their life, they will need to get in touch with their inherent value and to embrace their aggression. Once this has taken place, they won’t feel comfortable being walked over and, if someone tries to do so, they will have the strength that they need to do something about it. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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