Although one can have the desire to achieve something, it doesn’t mean that they are able to take the first step. Or if they do, they might not be able to keep going, and this is going to mean that they will only get so far.
Now, if this only related to one area of their life it might not cause too many problems; whereas if this related to just about every area, this is not going to be the case. At the same this, it could still have a big effect on their life even if it does relate to one area. Interconnected What this emphasises is that although there are different area of one’s life; they don’t exist in a vacuum. Thus, if one area of their life is not going as they would like it to it can have an impact on every other area. For example, if one is unable to experience intimacy, it can make it harder for them to show up in other areas of their life. Their need to share their life with others is then not going to be something that they can simply put to one side. Part Of Life One way of looking at this would be to say that experiencing inner conflict is part of life, and that it is not possible for one to completely remove it. As a result of this, it will be important for one to accept what is taking place within them. Through having this outlook they will no longer try to remove it and this can then allow them to carry on with their life. The resistance within them can then begin to subside and their life will then be a lot easier than it was. Another Perspective If one was to talk to someone about what is taking place within them, they could say that they understand what they are going through. And even though they experience conflict, they just push through it. Through hearing this, one could come to believe that they need to take the same approach. Along with this, they could end up feeling as though they are not as strong as other people, or that they have something they themselves don’t have. Evidence During this time, the other person could talk about how they wouldn’t be where they are today is they had allowed their inner conflict to stop them. This could be someone who is extremely successful or they might just have been able to achieve something that one wants to achieve. Based on this, it could be said that one should pay attention to what they have to say, and through doing this, their life will change. There is then a one-approach-fits-all and that is all there is to it. A Closer Look However, if one has tried to push through their inner conflict and this hasn’t worked, then it is clear that this is not the right approach for them to take. The only thing this will do is cause them to use a lot of energy and then to end up where they started. Instead of taking action, it might be better for one to take the time to reflect on what is taking place within them. This will give them the opportunity to take a step back and to see why they are experiencing inner conflict. Self-Esteem At first, they may find that their mind is blank and that nothing comes up, and this is likely to mean that they will need to be patient. Alternatively, one may find that a number of limiting beliefs begin to appear. One may believe that they don’t deserve to have what they want and/or that they haven’t got what is takes, for instance. It will then be necessary for them to question these beliefs and to create ones that are more empowering. A Breakthrough As this takes place, one may find that the conflict within them starts to disappear and that it is possible for them to take action. It will then be only a matter of time before they start to achieve their goals. Yet there is also the chance that this won’t have much of an effect on their life, and that they will need to go deeper. What this means is that one will need to get in touch with what is taking place in their body. Inner Child When one is able to tune into what is taking place in their body, they may start to find that another part of them is holding them back. This could be their inner child, and this part of them could be in a lot of pain. What this comes down to is that although one is physically an adult, it doesn’t mean that they feel like one. And how the child they once were can live within them and have a big impact on their adult life. Inner Conflict For example, if something traumatic took place during their younger years and this experience wasn’t processed, the pain within them is unlikely to just disappear. Instead, part of them can end up being stuck at this age. And if one’s early years where a time when they were abused and/or neglected, they can have many different parts within them. Due to this, it is not going to be much of a surprise if one is experiencing inner conflict. Awareness One is then not going to have one self, they will have many different selves, and this is can be why they are unable to stick to one thing. The different parts within them can end up cancelling each other out and until this changes, their life is unlikely to change. It will then be imperative for one to heal and then to integrate these parts so that they can become a whole human being. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
0 Comments
Nowadays, it could be said that someone is far more likely to see a therapist than in the past, and this is partly because it is seen as being more acceptable than it once was. This has meant that people are less likely to suffer in silence.
And as mental and emotional problems are just as important as physical problems, this can only be a good thing. Even so, this is not to say that getting assistance for what is taking place within is as easy as getting assistance for what is taking place at a physical level. Confusion When it comes to having a physical problem, there is a strong chance that one will go and see their doctor. This is the obvious thing to do and there is no reason for one to spend too much time thinking about it. On the other hand, one can take a lot of time thinking about how they can find someone who can assist them. But if this is not the case, they can simply end up going to see their doctor. Two Options During this time, there is also the chance that one will end up being put on some kind of medication. This can be seen as the easiest option, and one might feel as though they don’t have much choice. Alternatively, one might talk about what they are going through and then end up being referred to a therapist. The therapist they are referred to could be someone who understands what they are going through, or this could be a more one-size-fits-all approach. The Answer What this comes down to is that there are certain therapies or techniques that are often seen as being better than others. As a result of this, it can be normal for one to be told that a certain therapy will allow them to move forward, for instance. Through being told this, one can then come to believe that they are on the right track and that they will soon be able to experience life differently. It could be said that this is exactly what one would want to hear if their life is not going as they would like it to go. Another Route Yet even though there are plenty of people who go this route, there are plenty of people that don’t. Instead, they can end up looking for a therapist themselves, and this could cause them to go online. One could be in a position where they know exactly what they need, or they may just want someone to assist them. It may only be a matter of time before they find someone who they believe can assist them. Today’s World One of the good things about today’s world is that one can work with someone online, and this means that it no longer matters where they live on this planet. That’s as long as they have an internet connection. So if they can’t find someone to assist them in their area, for instance, they can look for someone is another country. In this sense, there is no reason why one shouldn’t be able to find someone to assist them. The Next Step After they have had their first appointment, they may find that they start to feel different. One could then come to the conclusion that they are working with the right person, and they might then look forward to their next appointment. As to how many they have can all depend on what is taking place for them and how they respond. Thus, after a few appointments one could be on their way, or they might need a number of them. The Challenge For example, if one has just experienced a breakup and they are not in a good place, they might need to work with someone for a number of months. Yet if they are low on confidence, they might not need a lot of support. Along with this, if one’s early years were abusive it might be a matter of years, not months, before they are able to stand on their own two feet. This can be a time where one will be finding themselves for the first time as opposed to getting back in touch with themselves. Another Outcome However, although one might experience progress after their first appointment or after a number of them, they may also find that nothing has really changed. Or if they do change during this time, they may find that they only get so far. One could then begin to wonder if they are doing something wrong, and their therapist may also see if they are holding themselves back. There is then the chance that they fear moving for forward. A Different Approach This can then show that one is experiencing inner conflict and this is then why they can’t move forward. It will then be important for them to look into why this is and to work through it. On the other hand, this could be a sign that one needs to try something else, and it is then not going to be because one is holding themselves back. Perhaps one is working with a therapist that is focused on their behaviour and/or what is taking place in their mind, when they really need to be working with someone that focuses on what is taking place in their body. The Wrong Approach What this shows is that there is no such thing as a one-approach-fits-all and that one will need to find the right approach in order to move forward. Without this understanding, it can be easy for them to blame themselves for what is taking place. It is then similar to one using a hammer to try and cut a tree down and then feeling as though there is something wrong with them when it doesn’t work. In reality, they just need to use the right tool for the job.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
No matter how old someone is, there is a strong chance that they have experienced loss at one point or another. In fact, this could be something they have experienced on a number of occasions.
What this shows is that it is not necessary for one to reach a certain age before they lose someone that they are close to. For example, one may be in a position where one of their parents passed on when they were very young. Deep Pain At the time, this is something that is likely to have caused them a lot of pain, and there is also the chance that it still does. The person they loved was taken away from them far too soon and so this is to be expected. Along with this, it would have made them realise that there are no guarantees when it comes to how long someone is going to be around. And through going through this experience, it may mean that their outlook is different to most people their age. Another Experience Yet if this is not something that they can relate to, they may have lost a family member or someone they were close to in their adult life. This may then have meant that this caused them to think about how the people around them are not going to last forever. That’s if this relates to a family member who was older than them, and if they were around the same age, it may have made them think about their own mortality, for instance. This is not to say that one will only suffer when they lose a fellow human being, as this is not going to be the case. Pets What can be just as painful is when one ends up losing a pet, and what this surely comes down to is the kind of connection that can be formed with an animal. They can be in one’s life for less time then another human being, but the impact they have can’t be denied. One may find that they feel closer to animals than human beings, and this is going to mean that it is going to be normal for them to experience a lot of pain when they lose a pet. If they didn’t have this kind of connection, it might not be something that has such a big effect on them. Avoidance However, while loss is part of life, it doesn’t mean that the other side of loss is also part of life. This side relates to the grieving process and what one does to allow themselves to gradually embrace life once again. Instead of this taking place, it can be normal for one to run away from how they feel and to carry on as normal. This is something that can cause one to be seen as being strong and as though they have it all together. Good Is Bad and Bad Is Good What this shows is how backwards the world is when it comes to emotional pain, and how there often is a lack of understanding when it comes to how to face it. In reality, it takes far more strength for one to face their pain than it does for them to run away from it. What can lead to the outlook that one is strong, if they act as though they are not in pain, is because it can appear as though there are only two options. Either one avoids how they feel or they end up getting caught up in it. Life Is Short And as it is human nature to seek pleasure and to avoid pain, there can be no reason for one to face how they feel. The people around them can also have the tendency to avoid how they feel and so one is not going to believe that what they are doing is not healthy. After all, life is short and so one can come to the conclusion that there is no need for them to experience pain. They may also believe that the person who has passed on wouldn’t want them to be sad, for instance. Unavoidable Even so, it is not going to be possible for one to simply run away from how they feel; it will end up having an effect on their life. Sooner or later, certain symptoms will start to arise and one won’t be able to avoid them. And once this happens it doesn’t mean that they will realise what is taking place, as they could be seen as being caused by something else. The pain within them will then continue to have an impact on their life. Another Occurrence When someone passes on one can have a similar view of then once they are no longer here, or they can end up seeing them in a completely different light. If the former takes place, it could be said that one is able to face reality. However, when the latter takes place, it could be said that something is stopping one from being able to face how things were. In this instance, one could make out that the other person was perfect. Personal Relationship Along with this, they could say that they had a strong connection and that they were really close to them. Their family and friends could then find it hard to understand why they have this outlook. These could people could be only too aware of what the other person was really like, and they may know what one didn’t have a strong connection with them and that they weren’t particularly close to them. A Closer Look What this can show is that one feels guilty now that they have passed on and as a way to avoid how they feel, they have idealised the other person and the relationship they had with them. Yet even though this doesn’t match up with reality, it allows them to regulate how they feel. It is then not so much about making the other person look good as it is about making themselves feel good. If they were to get in touch with how they feel at a deeper level, they may find that they also feel ashamed, amongst other things. Memories When they get in touch with these feelings different memories may start to appear, and these could relate to moments that they want to forget. Perhaps there were times when one didn’t treat the other person very well. Or they may have been so consumed by their own life that they did get time to see them towards the end of their life. They may have fallen out with them right at the end and not had the chance to resolve what happened. Awareness Yet regardless of what took place, it is going to be in one’s best interest to face how they feel. Through doing this, it will enable one to work through the pain that is within them and to be a whole human being. If this doesn’t take place, one can end up living on the surface of themselves and the pain within them can lead to a number of different symptoms. This is a process that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When it comes to being successful, it is often said that one shouldn’t take no for an answer and that they should keep going. As if they were to give up after they experience negative response, they are not going to get very far.
It is then going to be in their best interest to be persistent and not to let anything stand in their way. Through having this approach, it may only be a matter of time before they start to make progress. Resilience What this will also do is to allow them to gradually develop their mental and emotional strength. They may then get to a point where it no longer bothers them when someone says that they can’t do something, or when they are not given the answer they are looking for. It will then be a lot easier for them to take action when they need to, as they won’t be focused on what kind of response they will get. Ultimately, one is not going to allow other peoples responses to define their life. Focus One way of looking at this would be to say that they will be primarily concerned about their own needs. This could then show that they have a strong with connection to what is taking place within them and that they are not willing to overlook their own purpose. But while this is clearly the right way to be when it comes to making progress in life, it is not going to always the best approach to take. One area where it won’t be appropriate for one to be this way is when it comes to their relationships. Human Beings When it comes to other people, one could realise that they can’t make them do things, and that they have to accept that there will be moments when they won’t say yes. However, one could believe that this is to be expected; especially as they have their own feelings and needs. So although one might get annoyed when this happens or feel let down, they won’t act as though the other person has done anything wrong. Through being this way, there is a strong chance that the people in their life have the same outlook. Boundaries What this will show is that one will know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. If they tried to force someone to do something, they would know what this would mean that they are violating their boundaries. And through using their ability to empathise, they would see that this would be the wrong thing for them to do. During this time, they may start to get angry, and this is because they would be imagining what it would be like if someone tried to do this to them. A Choice Therefore, when one asks someone if they want to do something and they agree, it is likely to be due to the fact that they want to do it. In the same way, if someone is friends with them it is also going to be because they want to be. It could be said that this is how life should be and that people shouldn’t be in a position where they do things or are friends with people for any other reason. Yet there are going to be plenty of people who don’t experience life in this way. A Challenge One could find that they often end up coming into contact with people who don’t take no for answer, and this can then be something that causes them a lot of problems. At times they might stand their ground, but at others time they might simply go along with what someone else wants. Or this could always be how their life is and it will then be normal for them to feel like a door mat. One can believe that they have no control over their life and that other people are out to cause them harm. Examples On one side, one could be used to going out when they don’t want to or helping someone when they haven’t got time. And on the other side, they could end up having sex when they don’t want to or doing something with their partner that they don’t want to do. Having said that, one might find that they can relate to all these examples and a number of others may also come to mind. This is then going to be something that they can’t simply overlook and the sooner their life changes the better. The Perpetrator When someone can’t take no for an answer, it is going to be clear that they don’t know where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end. Thus, it is to be expected that they won’t be able to see that other people are not an extension of them. Their needs are then going to take precedence and the needs of others are going to be irrelevant. It might then be accurate to say that they find it hard to empathise with others, or that they are unable to do so. A Deeper Look The reason one is like this can be due to what took place during their early years, and this may have been a time when they were walked over. Through being brought up by someone who lacked boundaries, it would have stopped one from being able to develop them. One would then have believed that they had two choices: either they allow people to walk over them or they walk over others. They would then have disconnected from their feelings and end up identifying with their perpetrator. Control And while this causes them to treat others in a way that is similar to how they were treated, it gives them a sense of control. One is then not going to change their behaviour until they can see that there is another option. Awareness It will then be important for them to work through the pain that is within them and to finally develop boundaries. This will improve their life and it will stop them from harming other people. On the other hand, if one is used to coming into contact with people who won’t accept no for an answer, it could also show that they lack boundaries. In this case, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there can be moments when one is in a position where they do know what is best, there are also going to be moments when this is not the case. It could be said that this is simply part of being human.
If, on the other hand, one was perfect, then there would be no reason for them to have moments when they don’t know what is best. Therefore, there will be no need for one to feel bad when this happens. Certain Areas Still, this is not to say that one won’t have a certain area where they generally know what they are talking about. This could relate to their profession, and when someone asks for their advice, there is a strong chance that they will have something valuable to share. Even so, they could still emphasis that this is still their opinion and that it can’t be taken as the complete truth. Through having this approach, it can allow the other person to ask other people what they think. A Number of Areas Having said that, one may have a good understanding of a number of different areas, and this could mean that they have a lot to share. One is then not going to be limited to one area and this may allow them to stand out in a number of different environments. But just like in the example above, they could still stay grounded and not let what they know to go to their head, so to speak. So not only will the people they come into contact with appreciate what they have to say, they will also appreciate how they present themselves. Advice And while they may give unsolicited advice from time to time, it may primarily be something that takes place when they are asked for it. What this can then show is that one has good boundaries and that they don’t try to walk over others. As a result of this, it can stop their relationships from being out of balance, and this is partly due to the fact that they won’t act like they are a teacher. The people around them are then at their level as opposed to being their students. Intention When they live their life in this way, it can show that one enjoys learning and that they don’t learn about things in order to elevate themselves above other people. They might believe that knowing certain things give them an edge, but this is not going to be the same. It could then be said that one is highly curious, and that they love to learn about things whilst there are on this planet. They will then be only too happy to listen to what other people have to say. Two Sides One could believe that they are not only a teacher, but that they are also a student. It is then not going to be all about what they have to share, and they will realise that the people they come into contact with will have plenty to share with them. Yet even though this can sound like the ideal way to be, it is not going to be how everyone experiences life. Instead, one can believe that they always know what is best for other people. Omniscient It then might not matter what is taking place or what someone is going through, as they will have the right answers/s. In addition, it could be irrelevant as to what the other person knows or what they have been through, for instance. One is then going to be in a superior position and just about everyone else is going to be below them. Other people are then going to wonder how it is possible for someone to be so deluded. On A Pedestal There could also be people around them who believe that they do know everything, and this could then cause them to look up to them. When this takes place, it might not matter what one comes out with as they will simply believe it. Through having these people around, one will have a steady stream of support, and this will help to validate what they believe about themselves. What this is likely to show is that these people lack self-belief and this then causes them to idealise others. A Facade It would then be easy to say that one is the complete opposite and this is why these kinds of people are in their life. However, although one comes across as though they are above other people, this is likely to be a way for them to avoid how they really feel. Thus, while these people will be in touch with what is taking place within them, one will be completely alienated from their inner world. And as a way to feel to better about themselves, they have created a false-self. Healthy Shame Through doing this, one will not only be out of touch the toxic shame that is within them, they will also have lost touch with their healthy shame. This then sets them to believe that they are more-than human, and it will then normal for them to believe that they always know what’s best. There may have been a time in their life where they were made to feel completely worthless, and this could have been during their early years. They then disconnected from their true-self and created a false-self in order to handle what took place. Awareness Unless one is willing to face what is taking place within then, there is not much chance of them changing. As far as they are concerned, it is likely to be other people who need to change. If they do want to change, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. During this time, they will be able to get in touch with their true-self and to let go of the false-self that they have used to protect themselves.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
In today’s world, people are often so caught up in their day-to-day lives that they don’t have time to think about their life. As a result of this, it can set them up to go in a direction that doesn’t match up with their true needs.
Along with this, their relationships can reflect who they were as opposed to who they are, and they may even have people in their life who undermine them. Even so, if one keeps their head down, so to speak, they are not going to do anything about what is happening. Frustration Having said that, this is not to say that this is not to say that there won’t be moments when they end up feeling fed up. When this happens, they could wonder why their life is the way it is, and they may even feel like a victim. But this pain could soon disappear and one could then end up carrying on with their life. And the reason it could disappear is because one may engage in some kind of escape, and this means that they will disconnect from how they feel. Disconnected Through taking this approach, it can mean that they won’t have to experience too much pain, and this can be seen as a ‘good’ thing. The downside to this is that one is unlikely to be in touch with their true needs. So no matter how much pain this allows them to avoid, their life is likely to continue to get worse. It is going to be a case of short-term gain long-term pain, and it will only be a matter of time before what they have denied starts to come to the surface. External Feedback There is always the chance that one will have people around them who encourage them to take a step back. Yet even if this was to occur, one could say that they are ‘too busy’, or they could simply overlook what they say. It is then not going to have an effect on them and one may as well be surrounded by people who are the same. In fact, there is a strong chance that one will have plenty of people around them who are also running away from themselves. Different Factors One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason one would experience life in this way is because they are likely to live in an extroverted society. It is then generally going to be about what is taking place externally and what is taking place internally can then be overlooked. Their time in the education system may have revolved around paying attention to what other people had to say. Therefore, if one does have the ability to take a step back, it can be due to what took place when they were not at school. Self-Reflection In this case, it can be a sign one is more introverted, and looking at what is taking place within them can then be a normal part of their life. Perhaps one spent a lot of time by themselves as a child, or they may have just been born this way, for instance. As an adult, they might spend a lot of time each day thinking about how each part of their life is going. Along with this, there could be certain encounters that they have that make them step back from what is taking place around them. Clarity Through being this way, it will give them the opportunity to see if they need to make any changes. This is not to say that one will end up criticising themselves for what they did or didn’t do, as this is not going to be the reason they do it. It will be similar to one having a house built and then flying over it in a helicopter, and how this will give them the chance to see if everything is going to plan. If it is, the builders can carry on as they are, and if it isn’t, they will need to change course. Feedback Ultimately, what they learn through doing this will assist the people who are doing the work, and this will be a lot better than to simply ignore what is taking place. Now, this is not to say that this will stop the builders from making mistakes; what it will do is them to a minimum. In the same way, when one reflects on their own life it will be easier for them to realise when they are going off-track, or to see if they are behaving as they would like to. And once they have done this, they will be able to take the appropriate action. Round in Circles However, while one can look over what has taken place and learn from it, they can also end up getting caught up in it. When this happens, this can be another way for one to punish themselves. It could then be said that this will go from being a conscious process to being an unconscious process. One is then no longer reflecting on what has taken place; they are completely consumed by it. Rumination This can then set one to feel depressed, and they could end up believing that their life is far worse than it actually is. Their well-being is then going to be effected and it could be a challenge for them to take action. And while this could be something that takes place from time to time, it could also be a way of life. It could then be said that that it will be in one’s best interest to gain control of their mind as opposed to their mind controlling them. Awareness This might be a simple as one becoming aware of when their mind wonders and then bringing themselves back into the present moment, or they may need to reach out for external support. Through working with a therapist, for instance, it may give allow them to understand themselves better and to develop their mental and emotional strength.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
While there are some people who are able to experience intimacy, there are others who are unable to do so. As a result of this, it could be said that that their relationships are going to be extremely different.
When it comes to the former, someone will be used to being with people who they can share every part of themselves with. This could be what is normal and how their life has been for as long as they can remember. The Other Side However, when it comes to the latter, someone will be used to holding parts of themselves back when they are around others. And just like the person above, this could also be what is normal and how their life has always been. It would be easy to assume that they are always single, but this is not necessarily going to be the case. Instead, they could have relationships with others where they only share certain parts of themselves. At A Distance In this case, one is likely to share their mind and their body, but that will be as far as it will go. Their heart and what is taking place at an emotional will then be put to one side, and they are not going to allow anyone to get too close to them. Even so, they could believe that this is how a relationship should be, and the people around them could also have a similar outlook. This is partly because the people one surrounds themselves with are likely to experience life in the same way. Invisible There is then going to be no reason for these people to say that one fears intimacy and this can cause one to carry on behaving in the same way. Whereas if they did experience life differently, they might be able to see what is taking place and give one the support that they need to change their life. Having said that, some of the people may act as though they don’t fear intimacy, and one can then end up being criticised by them. One can then end up feeling ashamed and some of the people around them can end up believing that they are superior. Unaware What this is likely to show is that they are out of touch with their own fear of intimacy, and this is why they experience a strong reaction when they come into contact with someone who has the same fear. The part of themselves that they hare disowned is then what they judge in others. For example, they could have relationships with others but they might keep them at a distance, or they could see people behind their back. On the surface it can then look as though they are comfortable with intimacy and yet this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. Casual Encounters However, if one doesn’t have relationships where they only share certain parts of themselves, it could mean that they only share their body with them. When this takes place, one could be used to spending only a night with someone. Or if this doesn’t happen, they might have someone like this in their life that they see on a regular basis. In fact, they might have a number of people like this in their life, and this could be something that has taken place for a number of years. An Important Need Yet even though experiencing life in this way is going to be what feels comfortable, it is not going to be possible for them to remove their need to get closer to others. Therefore, keeping people at a distance will stop them from experiencing pain on one hand, and it will cause them to experience pain on the other. There is a strong chance that one will only change when they can no longer bear the pain of keeping people at a distance. They can then be willing to put up with the pain that they will experience by getting close to them. Reaching Out The next step might then be for them to look for information on how they can let go of their fear of intimacy. This could be a time where one is told that they simply need to change their behaviour and to push through the pain that arises. Through doing this, they will then be able to finally experience deeper connections with others. There is the chance that this approach may work and one will then able to gradually move forward in life. Another Outcome Alternatively, one could find that this just causes them to be overwhelmed, and they could end up coming into contact with people who are not very open. This can then mean that one will end up feeling traumatised and it could set them up to believe that they can’t change their life. It can then be important for one to deal with the trauma that is within them as opposed to simply changing their behaviour. Also, the pain in one’s body may stop them from being able to open up, and this can then mean that it won’t matter how they behave as they won’t be able to receive. A Deeper Look One way of looking at thus would be to say that the approach one needs to take can all depend on why they fear intimacy. If, for example, it is due to what has happened in their adult years or the result of what place after their formative years, it might be enough for them to focus on their mind and to change their behaviour. Yet if it relates to what happened during their formative years, they may need to focus on their body. This is because they may have experienced developmental trauma, and it will then be pointless for them focus purely on their mind and to change their behaviour. Awareness They will be carrying a lot of trauma in their body, and until this is dealt with, it is going to be a challenge for them to open up. Keeping people at a distance will then be a matter of survival and not something they can just let go of. If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, they may need to reach out for the support of a therapist. During this time, they will probably need to engage in some kind of bodywork.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one is attracted to someone in the real world, it can be due to a number of different factors. On one hand, how they look could play a part, and on the other hand, it could be the result of how one feels in their presence.
There is also the chance that how one feels in the other persons presence will be influenced by how they look. What this shows is that there is unlikely to be just one thing and that a number of different factors can be involved. Online However, when it comes to internet dating, it could be said that one will primarily rely on their sight. Therefore, it can be important for someone to look right, and if they don’t, one could soon move onto someone else. Once they find someone who fits their physical requirements, they could end up sending them a message. Or if someone messages them and they look right, they could be only too happy to reply. Another Factor But if this is not the case, one may also be interested on what they have to say about themselves. In fact, they could say that their appearance doesn’t matter, and that what they are like as a person is what matters. Even so, one will need to trust what the person has written, and they won’t know what they are like in person. For example, one could look over someone’s profile and like what they hear, but this could all change if they were to actually meet them. The Other Way Also, if one was to meet someone even though they were not attracted to them, they could find that they have a connection with them in the real world. Yet it could be said that this is something that is unlikely to take place, unless they allow a friend to choose someone for them, for instance. The reason something like can happen is that one’s type is not always their type, and what it can also come down to is that it is relatively easy for people to lie about themselves online. This can take place when someone presents themselves in a way that doesn’t match up with who they are and when they edit their images. The Same Old Story If one finds that they have the tendency to end up with people who are not right for them, then it could be a sign that they need to let go of the type of person they are attracted to. As even though this type of person can cause them to experience a strong reaction, it doesn’t mean that this is a good thing. What it can show is that they remind one of how someone used to treat them in the past, and this could relate to someone who was abusive. Thus, it has an effect on them because it’s familiar, but at the same time, it is dysfunctional. Reflection Ergo, if one experiences a strong attraction to someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a positive sign. What it can mean is that one needs to take a step and to reflect on what is taking place. As if they were to allow their emotions to take control, they could soon find that they are with someone who is going to cause them problems (that’s if they haven’t already). When this happens, they could end up going from feeling elated to feeling trapped and/or depressed. The Other Side And while there is going to be the impression that other people are having on them, there is also going to be the impression that they are having on others. Naturally, one is going to want to portray themselves as best as they can. In order to do this, they will need to make sure that they have good pictures on display and a good write up. It might also be a good idea for them to be clear about the kind of person they are looking for. Pictures Now, this is not to say that one will need to have a photo shoot done, as this might be going a bit far. Not only that, this is likely to mean that they would end up looking different to how they look in their day-to-day life. This might then allow them to receive a lot of attention, but it might also cause them to deceive others without realising it. One could take a few pictures themselves or they could get a friend to do it. The Type of Image The kind of pictures that they take can all depend on what they are looking for, and this means that this is not something that is set in stone. Having said that, if one is looking for a relationship they are likely to need different images to what they would need if they were looking for something casual. When it comes to the former, it is not going to be necessary for one to have pictures where they are partly dressed. As if they were to do this, it could send out the wrong message, and it might then be even harder for them to attract the right person. Two Reasons If one was to upload pictures where they are not wearing much or images where their head is missing and other people can only see their body, it can cause other people to believe that they are not looking for a relationship. And as they are looking at a screen and don’t know what they are like as a person, it can already be a challenge for people to see that they are a human being without one making it even worse by objectifying their body. One could then say that other people should be able to realise that they are not an object, or that they should be able to control themselves. This is then similar to one walking through a rough neighbourhood at night and getting attacked, and then complaining about it. Reality In an ideal world one might be able to objectify themselves and not attract the ‘wrong’ kind of attention, but this is generally not how the world works. While one might not want to wait until they are with someone until they show their body, it might be in their best interest to. What can also create conflict here is if one has a high need for approval, as this can make it even harder for them to no longer objectify their body. In this case, their body can be seen as something they can use to change how they feel about themselves. Awareness If one can relate to this and they want to be able to accept themselves without needing other people approval, they may need to work with a therapist. Through doing this, they may also end up attracting someone who is better for them.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When one is in a relationship, they are likely to have less time to spend with their friends. This is because when they are with someone, they are going to spend a lot of their time with them.
And as they are going to be an important part of their life, it could be said that this is to be expected. Therefore, even though their friends might not be too pleased with what is taking place, they could realise that the same thing would happen if they were with someone. The Same Position Having said that, there is a strong chance that some of their friends are with someone, and so they may find it easier to accept what is taking place. These people could think about how it is not possible for their friend to see them as much as they did in the past. But if one does have a friend who is not willing to see how their life has changed, there is not going to be anything they can do about it. As a result of this, it could cause their relationship to break down. Unavoidable However, as the purpose of their life is not to please other people, they are not going to have anything to worry about. What this could show is that this is someone only thinks about themselves. It could be in one’s best interest to no longer have this person in their life, as they are unable to think about their needs. If they were to put themselves in one’s position, they might be able to see things differently. A Different Role Yet even though one will have less time for their friends, it doesn’t mean that this is due to the fact that they don’t value them like they used to. Ultimately, one’s partner is not going to fulfil the same needs as their friends do. For example, there could be things that they enjoy doing that their partner doesn’t, and this means that certain needs will be met when they are with their friends. Being in a relationship is then going to be a way for them to fulfil the parts of themselves that they wouldn’t fulfil with their friends. Acceptance When one spends time with their friends, it should be something that their partner is happy with. If this is not the case, it could be a sign that they wanted to do something with their partner as opposed to not wanting them to see their friend, or that they have friends who are not healthy. This will then show that they are able to see that their partner has their own life to lead, and that they can’t tell them what they can or can’t do in life. Along with this, they are also likely to spend time seeing their friends. Less Pressure If, on the other hand, one stopped seeing their friends, they would portably expect too much from their partner. In the beginning their partner might enjoy the attention, but as time passes, it might soon start to bother them. Therefore, by having other people in their life, they won’t need to look towards their partner to fulfil every need. And when their partner has other people in their life who they are close to, one won’t feel weighed down either. One Focus When one is in a relationship and they find time to spend time with friends, it could be said that this is the ideal scenario. Even so, one can end up ignoring their friends in the beginning, and this could be because they are caught up with the other person. But as time passes, this could soon change and one will then find time for their friends again. Or they could stay this way, and if they were to see their friends, it could be something that takes place when they are out with their partner, for instance. A Breakup There is also the chance that one will only find time for their friends again if their relationship comes to an end. At this point, their friends could be only too happy to hear from then, or they might have moved on with their life. What this emphasises is how friendships need to be nurtured, and if they are ignored, they can soon die off. If one ignores their friends when they are in a relationship, they are not going to be sending out a good message to them. A Different Experience However, even if one was to spend less time with their friends in the beginning and this started to change as time went by, they may find that their partner tries to stop them. This is something that may have taken place when they first got together. It can be a lot easier for one to overlook this when they are in the early stages, but as time passes this might not be the case. In the beginning one could believe that this shows how much they like them, and then as the relationships progresses, they could have another outlook. Control On one hand, they could try to stop them from seeing their friends through using their charm, for instance, and on the other hand, they could do this through abusing them in some way. Still, the approach that they take could depend on a number of different factors, and this will show that they will do anything to keep them close to them. One could resist what is taking place and tell their partner that they can’t stop them from seeing their friends, or they might go along with what they want them to do. If they do stand their ground, their partner may soon change, or this could end up being the beginning of the end. Sense of Self What is likely to define how one responds is whether they have a strong sense of self; if they do, they are likely to assert their boundaries. They will feel comfortable in their own skin and so they won’t put up with someone telling them how to live their life. Alternatively, when one doesn’t have a strong sense of themselves, it can be a lot easier for other people to manipulate them. Doing what other people want can be what feels comfortable and listening to their own needs and feelings can be what feels uncomfortable. Awareness What generally defines whether someone has a strong sense of self or not is what their early years were like. If these years were a time when one was abused and/or neglected, it can set them up to tolerate people who treat them in the same way. This doesn’t mean that one is therefore powerless, as they can develop a strong sense of self through working with a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
When a relationship gets to a point where it is no longer working, each person is likely to feel different to how they felt in the beginning. When they spend time in each others company, they could be thinking about how long it will be until their time together will come to an end.
However, during this time they may not have a lot of time to think, and this is because they could spend a lot of time arguing. Their emotions will then be running high and so they may find it hard to think clearly. Blame What each person is going through could be seen as a result of what the other person has done and/or what they are doing. In this case, the only way things will change is if the other person changes. But if they both believe that the other person is in the wrong, it is highly likely that very little will change. There is then the chance that they are more concerned with being right than making any kind of progress. It Goes On Yet even though they find it hard to be in each other’s company, it doesn’t mean that one person will end the relationship. Instead, they could continue to spend time together, and what this could show is that they have moments when they get on. Or what it will show is that neither one of them is willing to do something about what is taking place. Their mental and emotional health is then likely to suffer through what is taking place. A Negative Impact Thus, it could be a challenge for them to focus when they are at work, and this could make it even harder for them to overlook their relationship. If they were in a position where they could put their relationship to one side and focus, this wouldn’t be the case. It might then be a lot easier for them to pretend that everything is fine, and there may be no reason for other people to suspect that something isn’t right. What is taking place can then be swept under the carpet, so to speak. A Triangle Having said that, one of them may have a number of people who they open up to about what is taking place. When this happens, they could talk about what the other person is doing and how they have changed. One may be encouraged to talk to their partner about what is taking place, or they may tell them to walk away. At the same time, one may find that the people around them also criticise their partner, and this could make one believe that they are simply bystanders in what is happening. Two Outcomes If one is told to talk to their partner, it could be said that one will be getting the guidance that they need. The same could also be said if one is told that they need to listen to themselves. Yet if these people end up saying that the other person is the problem and one is simply a victim, then they are not going to be assisting them. This could play a part in one believing that they have no control and that the other person is the only one who can do anything about what is taking place. Well-Being Ultimately, this is going to have a negative effect on their life, and the sooner their time together comes to an end the better their life is likely to be. If one was to step back, they would be able to see that this relationship is not adding anything to their life. This could be a sign that they are still holding onto how it used to be, and this is stopping them from being able to face reality. It is then not that someone else is harming then; it is that they are harming themselves. Drama But if one was to get the point where they can longer put up with the relationship, it doesn’t mean that this will be a smooth transition. Once it comes to an end, the other person could end up trying to tarnish their image, for instance. Or one could end up getting back together with the other person and the same dynamic could play out all over again. And if they have children, this is going to cause them to suffer in one way or another. The Signs Even though this is where one may find themselves, it is clearly not something that took place overnight. There would have been things that annoyed them long before they started to hate the other person. Yet as they didn’t do anything about what was taking place, it caused them to build-up and to become something far worse. Or perhaps they did speak out about what was taking place and nothing happened. The Conscious Approach Alternatively, one could have taken the time to pay attention to how they feel and to allow their feelings to influence their behaviour. And if they did this and it didn’t have an effect, then it would be up to them to end the relationship. While doing this may cause them to feel uncomfortable, what it will do is stop them from experiencing a lot of problems down the line. It is then similar to fixing a leak before it ends up ruining the whole house. Boundaries In order to do this it will be important for one to have strong boundaries, as this will allow them to feel safe in their body. Through being this way, they will be able to listen to what is taking place within them and to express this part of themselves. Awareness If one is with someone they no longer want to be with and they are finding it hard to speak their truth or if they have been in this position in the past, they may need to work with a therapist. Through having their assistance, it will allow them to gradually develop boundaries.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/ |
Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
To book your 15-Minute Introductory Consultation, click here.
Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
|